Chapter 26
Dorian
Four days slip by, and each morning I find myself drawn to my bedroom, compelled to watch Edie sleep. The first morning, she fought valiantly to stay awake, but in the end, exhaustion claimed her, leaving her defenceless and vulnerable.
Since then, I’ve fought my urge to drink her blood. Instead, like now, I lie beside her wondering how the fuck I’ll survive the indecision.
I could give in and turn her.
I could end her life permanently.
But I don’t.
Instead, I exist in a perpetual state of torture, fighting my vampirism, fighting my human emotions, struggling to make sense of what’s happening to me.
The second any feelings for Edie surface, intense pain overwhelms me, and the only thing that stops it is if I allow my monster to rise to the surface.
When that happens, all I can do is drink another human’s blood to protect Edie from harm.
Sybil knows she’s here. She assumes I’m using Edie for her blood, and if she finds out I haven’t fed off her, there’ll be consequences.
So far, Logan and Viktor have kept my inaction a secret from Sybil, despite their differing opinions on what I should do.
Logan knows I won’t kill her, so he wants me to change her.
Viktor wants me to give in to my feelings for her, to trust she’ll keep our secret, then let her go.
But I can’t give in to my feelings, and I sure as fuck won’t let her go.
“Goddamn it,” I mutter, my gaze tracking over Edie’s chest that rises and falls in an easy rhythm.
She looks so fucking peaceful, and I can’t stop myself from reaching over and tracing the delicate line of her clavicle.
She’s dressed in the cotton vest top and pyjama bottoms I provided, but despite changing, she’s refused to shower, too wary to let her guard down completely.
I understand her fear, but whether clothed or bare, she remains as vulnerable as ever.
Her pulse beats temptingly beneath her skin, and my fangs descend, aching to pierce her flesh, to quench my thirst, to surrender completely to the lure of her blood.
“What are you doing?” Edie whispers, her whole body tensing as I snap my gaze to hers.
“Watching you sleep, just like I have the past four days.”
“I’ve been here that long?” She pushes upright, her eyes widening. “Elizabeth will be frantic.”
I rise, resting my hand on Edie’s shoulder, and she flinches but doesn’t shift away from my touch.
Reaching into the pocket of my slacks, I pull out my phone.
“Call her. Put your mind at rest,” I say, passing my phone to her.
She takes it from me, but I wrap my fingers around her wrists.
“Tell her what I told Henrietta. You’re taking some time off from work, you’ve gone away somewhere.
Do what you need to do to prevent her from suspecting anything. ”
She glares at my hand wrapped around her wrist. Despite how she’d submitted to me the other night, her anger remains. I don’t blame her for it.
“Don’t worry, I’m not about to put her in danger by telling her the truth.”
I release her as she climbs off the bed. A moment later, she’s talking with Elizabeth, her voice low as she turns her back to me. After a couple of minutes, she ends the call and throws the phone onto the mattress.
“Is she okay?” I ask.
“Why the fuck do you care?”
“Is she okay, Edie?” I persist.
“She thinks I’ve lost my mind, which isn’t that far from the truth, but yes, she’s okay.”
“Do you need to get out of this room?” I ask her.
“I need to get out of this place,” she throws back, “But I already know you won’t let me leave, so what’s the point?”
“This doesn’t have to be a prison.”
“This is a prison, and you’re my jailor,” she whispers.
She starts to pace up and down, her long legs eating up the room. “At least Basilia had a window to look out of. At least she had her art to occupy her mind.”
“I don’t want to talk about Basilia.”
“Why, because it reminds you of all the shitty things you did to her?” Edie says, rounding on me. “You cheated on her. You took women back to your home and fucked them whilst she was there. How could you?”
“I’m not that man anymore. I haven't been him for a long time.”
“Because you’re a fucking vampire.”
“It’s an existence I have been forced to live.”
“And that makes what you did to her alright, does it?
“No, it doesn’t.”
I push up from the bed, approaching her. “Edie. I treated her badly. I was wrong. I can’t undo the pain and hurt I caused her. I’ve lived with the guilt for three hundred years.”
“How many other women have you imprisoned during that time?”
“None.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Reaching for her, I cup her shoulders. She shudders beneath my touch.
Anyone witnessing this would assume she’s afraid, but I know better.
I can see it in the way her lips part and her cheeks flush, how her chest heaves, and her nipples harden.
I can smell it. She doesn’t want to desire me, but she does.
We’re both fighting a losing battle, and at some point soon, one of us is going to break.
“There has been no one else but you. You’re the only one I’ve brought back to my—”
“Glorified coffin.” She throws her arm out, disgust crawling across her face. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“I don’t know. Does it?”
She sets her mouth in a hard line and turns her face from me. I close the distance, not caring I’m invading her space, not caring my resolve is crumbling beneath the weight of this obsession. I cradle her chin, guiding her gaze back to mine.
“I know you want me, Edie.”
She shakes her head. “I do not.”
“You want me despite everything.”
“You’re delusional.”
“You haven’t even attempted to escape.”
“Because there is no escape,” she shouts.
“You’ve slept beside me for the past four days,” I say, my fingers lowering as I gently cup her throat.
“What other choice do I have?” she whispers, her breath hitching. “Unlike you, I won’t survive without sleep.”
“When I came to Henrietta’s house the other night, you were relieved. Why?”
“I was fucking terrified.”
“That too,” I admit, “But I saw the way you looked at me. You were worried about me. Why?”
“I wasn’t,” she denies, her hands flying to my chest. Her attempt to push me away is weak, half-hearted at best.
“When I was hiding in your wardrobe, you didn’t stab me with that knife. Why didn’t you?”
“I should’ve.” Her fingers curl into my shirt, her body swaying towards me.
“And standing here now, I can smell your desire, see the lust in your eyes. Why is that?”
“Because you’ve done something to my mind. You’ve… You’ve…”
“I can’t glamour you, Edie. It’s impossible.”
“Then you’ve poisoned me or something. Your bite, it makes me…”
“I won’t lie and say my saliva doesn’t heighten your desire. It does,” I reply, taking her hand and holding it within mine. My thumb tracks a slow circle over her skin, and for the briefest of moments, she presses her eyes shut before snapping them open and pulling her hand from my hold.
“See. You have poisoned me.”
“But, the desire has to be there in the first place,” I continue. “You’re attracted to me.”
“I was. Not anymore,” she lies.
“You’re lying to yourself. You want me as much as I want you. Even now, even after everything you’ve learned.”
“No.” Edie shakes her head, fury darkening her eyes.
I exhale a breath. “I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“It’s up to you. Come with me or don’t,” I reply, striding towards the door and pulling it open. I hesitate, turning to face her. “But know this. If you run, I will chase you.”
By the time I reach the room, I want Edie to see, she’s already at my back. I unlock the door with the key only I possess and step inside. Her gasp cuts through the silence, making me spin to face her.
“What is this?” she asks, her eyes widening at the mural painted across all four walls.
“This is my home, Grayhaven. Or at least the view from the cliffs.”
“Who painted it?”
“I did. It took me almost ten years to finish. This took a lot of trial and error.”
“So you’re an artist as well as a pianist?”
I shrug. “Three-hundred years of spending my days inside has meant I’ve had to find ways to occupy my mind.”
“It’s beautiful,” she whispers, stepping into the room, her eyes trailing over every inch of the mural as she twists on her feet, taking it all in.
The light from the sun spills across the painted sky in long, trembling strokes.
Below, a deep azure ocean shifts restlessly, its waves cresting against the shore in soft white peaks.
“It reminds me of what I’ve lost,” I explain, approaching her, my gaze drifting to her profile.
She’s so fucking beautiful. Every single part of her calls to me, and I want so badly to be the man she needs. For the first time in centuries, I want to be human. Forcing my attention back to the mural, I remind myself that’s an impossibility.
“I miss the feeling of the sun on my skin. How a clear, hot day made me feel at peace. I often dream of being outside in daylight, but those dreams always turn into nightmares.”
“What happened the day you turned?” Edie asks.
I grasp her hand, tugging her to the floor with me. She doesn’t pull away, but merely drops to my side, folding her legs as she waits. I’m well aware this isn’t forgiveness, but it’s a start.
“Before I tell you my story, I want you to know I’ve only ever sired three vampires; Sybil, Logan and Viktor.”
“Only three? Why not more?” she asks.
“Because I didn’t want anyone else to be trapped by the same fate.”
She frowns. “Why them?”
“Sybil was my first. She was with me the day I was cursed.”
Edie flinches, understanding dawning. “She was one of your lovers, wasn’t she?”
“She was. I brought her back to Grayhaven that day because I was an arsehole. By that time Basilia had already withdrawn from me in every way possible.” Edie opens her mouth to speak, but I curl my fingers tightly around hers, urging her to listen.
“She had every right to. I’m not blaming her for that. ”
“You were cruel.”
“I was,” I acknowledge.
“So, what happened?”