Chapter 33
thirty-three
I ask her for her family’s phone numbers.
Asking is much harder than acting on my first impulse, which is to clone her phone. I don’t. I ask, and when she gives them to me, I call her father, and then her brother, to let them know she’s with me and safe.
Her father’s calm. He thanks me for letting him know she’s safe. “Is she coming home tomorrow?” he asks.
“I don’t think so.”
“I took you for a man of your word when you said you wouldn’t try to transplant her.”
“I told you she needs space and sunlight. That’s what I’m giving her.”
He hums. “I love my daughter very much.”
“So do I,” I tell him, glad I was able to say it to Cynnie first.
“I’ll call tomorrow to see how she is.”
“I’ll be here,” I tell him.
Neither of us say goodbye. He hangs up first.
Her brother is not nearly as calm.
“You bring her back! This instant!”
“No.”
I let him yell at me for a full five minutes without saying more than yes or no. When he finally subsides into a seething silence at the other end of the phone, I simply say, “Cynnie’s safe with me. This is my number if you need to reach me.”
“I’ll call the police,” he snarls.
“Go ahead,” I say.
I don’t argue with him. I don’t say she’s a legal adult and can go where she wants, when she wants. I don’t say I have a friend on the force, well, a friend of a friend, who I can call. I don’t even say that I can probably hack in and squash any missing person report he files.
I promised myself at the start of these calls that I wasn’t going to engage with Cynnie’s family.
I’m creating her safe space. An impenetrable wall they can throw themselves against. A wall with a gate only Cynnie can unlock when she feels ready.
Walls don’t engage. They don’t fire back. They’re simply walls.
“I’ll have her declared incompetent. I’ll have her committed.”
I scoff. “You can try. I’m going to hang up now. You know how to reach me if you need to.”
I’m the one to end this call.
I wait for him to call back, but he doesn’t. I pop Manny a text so he has a head’s up in case Jun carries out on any of his threats and I need to call in some favors.
The person who calls next is Cynnie’s grandmother.
That’s a hard call. She asks to speak to Cynnie and when I refuse and reiterate that she’s with me, and safe, but doesn’t want to speak with her family right now, her grandmother cries.
She tries to guilt-trip me. It’s her birthday.
She’s an old woman. I’m making her worry. I’m keeping her from her granddaughter.
I’m a wall. I’m a wall. I’m an unbreachable wall.
I stare at the feed from my bedroom, of the woman sleeping safe in her cage-hive under my bed, surrounded by her fifty buzzies, smiling in her sleep, while I repeat the limited replies we’ve agreed on.
She’s with me. She’s safe. No, she doesn’t want to speak right now.
No, she’s not coming home tomorrow. No, she won’t respond to their calls or text messages.
No, I’m not sending pictures of her, but her social media feeds are active and they can see that she’s healthy and safe.
After the crying comes the anger. Cynnie’s grandmother has a mouth on her. She blasts me.
I’m a pervert. A monster. A rapist. Don’t I understand that Cynnie is different? (Yes, I do.) Delicate? (No, she’s not.) I’m keeping Cynnie from the family that loves her. I’m hurting her. I’m brainwashing her.
With her insults still stinging both my ears and my heart, I hang up.
I wish I could text Jack, or Logan, or Mac, or Bren for reassurance.
But they’re in Niagara Falls, celebrating Logan and Emily’s engagement.
They don’t know anything about what’s happened tonight.
They’re concentrating on something joyous, and I don’t want to interrupt their celebration.
I also don’t want Mac to think I’m in his way.
I harden my resolve to stay away from Brenna and let whatever might come of Emily’s matchmaking develop.
Instead, I text the last person in the world I ever imagined I’d turn to.
You finished beating up Lindy?
De Leon, who apparently lives with his phone welded to his hand except when he’s actually around me, since I rarely saw him use it when we were in England, immediately replies.
De Leon: Not yet. He’s got a little more punishment to bear. You didn’t mention how addictive this shit is. What a fucking rush.
I smile wryly at the phone. Yes, it is. That’s something that’s so hard to understand from the outside. Brenna tried to tell me, but I didn’t get it until I topped Cynnie.
De Leon: Why’d you message me, Max? Everything okay?
Don’t you know? I thought you had me wired to the ass-hairs.
De Leon: I turned everything off after you drove away with Escher. Like I promised I would.
Thank you for that.
I rub my thumb over the screen, making our message-string bounce. I don’t know what to say to him. This is probably a mistake.
Yer awkward, boy.
No, I’m not. Not anymore. I’m a daddy. Daddies aren’t awkward. We’re filled with Daddyness.
And I’m strong enough to reach out when I need help.
I thumb his name. He picks up on the first ring.
“What’s wrong, Max?” he asks.
“Cynnie broke with her family. They were trying to force her into a marriage with a business associate like it’s the fifteenth fucking century. I’m shielding her until she’s ready to stand up to them. They’re slinging some shit at me. It stings.”
De Leon hums. “Where is she?”
“Sleeping in her hive.”
“Under your bed?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And you’re doing what, taking their calls or something while she sleeps?”
“Yeah. I just got off the phone with her grandmother. She called me a pervert and a monster and a rapist. She says I’m brainwashing Cynnie.”
“Cynnie was a little before you met her, right?”
“Yeah. She’s been one all her adult life.”
“Then wear those labels with pride. Be her pervert. Be her monster. That’s what she needs from you. When she’s ready, she’ll come out and slay the dragon on her own. But for right now, be her beast.”
“You think so?”
“We’re the sin-eaters, Max. You know what that is?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard the term.”
“We’re the ones who do the things that need doing.
We’re the ones who don’t turn away. We’re the ones who stand up and take the beating.
We’re the ones who get up afterwards and take it again.
You told me being a daddy was a chance at a do-over.
A chance at a win. This is it. This is your moment.
It feels like shit. It’ll leave you bruised and aching.
But you’ll still be there, standing tall, taking it.
That’s what she needs. That’s what you’ll do. ”
I’m silent for a long minute. Stunned. De Leon’s a pain in the ass, but when he delivers, fuck me, he delivers.
“Is that what you’re doing with Lindy?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’m not his daddy and I don’t think he’s a little.
If anything, from what I’ve read, I think he’s a brat.
But labels don’t matter as much as what he needs.
He needs someone to tell him he did wrong.
To punish him and set him back on the right path.
That’s what I’m doing. What he does from there is up to him. ”
I swear softly. “That seems like a lot to take on the first time you’ve topped anyone.”
De Leon chuckles. “I’ve never done easy.”
“I jumped into the deep-end with Cynnie, too.”
“And it’s worked out good. She makes you happy. I’ve seen it. And you’re being what she needs. Imagine what would be happening to her right now if you weren’t there, Maxie. Imagine how scared and alone she’d be.”
I rub my hand between my pecs. Just the thought of Cynnie standing against the collective disapproval and coercion of her family gives me heartburn.
“I’m not sure what to do next,” I admit. “They’re throwing around a lot of threats.”
“Let them. It’s fucking hard to get an adult committed.
That’s what they’re threatening, right? I read about it some.
It’s a risk of the lifestyle. Kink was considered a mental disorder not too long ago.
But it’s not anymore. I’ve listened to the two of you talk for hours.
No one’s gonna think she’s a risk to herself or others. ”
“No?”
“No. If that’s all they’ve got, let them blow smoke.
If it gets on top of you, set some limits.
Number of calls a day. Number of minutes per call.
Don’t rise to their bait. Don’t let them talk shit about you or your girl.
Be polite. Answer questions that are reasonable. Tell them to fuck off if they’re not.”
“You make it sound simple.”
“It is, Maxie. I didn’t understand until I hit Lindy for the first time.
Then it clicked. Being what your sub needs is the simplest, most instinctual thing in the world.
All you have to do is let everything else go and just be.
They need you to be one thing right then.
Be it. Easiest thing ever. You didn’t mention that when we were talking about the daddy thing. ”
He’s right. I’ve felt it. It’s being present and completely in the moment and yet above everything except this one other person who is your whole world.
It’s sweat and adrenaline and every basic, primal urge.
It’s the highest, deepest, purest thought.
It’s that constant, curling, suspended moment right before orgasm.
It’s the utter relaxation and surety and relief of the moment right after.
It’s everything, and the moment it’s over, all I want is more, more, more.
A lifetime of it, which is what I want with the woman sleeping in the cage under my bed.
“It’s hard to articulate.”
“I just managed it.”
I snort at him.
“Go climb into that cage with your girl, Maxie. It’s late. You’ve had a long couple of days. Turn off your phones. Call it a night. The dragons will be there to slay tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Thank you, man.”
“I want a better hug on Tuesday.”