Rule #26 Normal is a fallacy.
Matis
“What…the…fuck?”
My eyes open with a jolt when Julian’s angry growl disrupts the peaceful silence of my sleep. Amelia, the heavy sleeper that she is, doesn’t even budge.
Instead, I’m left to bear the brunt of my godson’s wrath-filled glare alone. His gaze is bouncing back and forth between my face and the sweet girl currently taking up the space in my arms, her face pressed against my naked chest.
So much for keeping this a secret.
I let out a sigh of annoyance as I scrub my hands over my eyes. I don’t know what time it is, but I do know Amelia and I were up until an ungodly hour doing ungodly things. It feels as if I just fell asleep.
“Give me a minute, Julian,” I groan.
“A minute?” he snaps. “Get the fuck away from my sister now.”
Amelia stirs, so I hold up a finger to my lips to silence her brother. She needs her rest. She gets cranky and easily overwhelmed when she doesn’t get enough sleep.
There’s a gnawing ball of anxiety currently growing in the pit of my stomach. This is my nightmare and has been my biggest fear since the whole thing started only a few days ago.
And yet…what’s done is done. Now he knows.
Which means it’s only a matter of time before Ronan knows.
Surrendering to my fate, I ease myself out from under Amelia. She lets out a whimpering sound as if she misses the comfort of my chest, but she stays asleep, hugging my pillow to her body.
I place my feet on the floor and prepare myself to face the angry young man still lurking in the doorway. My clothes are down in the guest bedroom, which means I will have to face him in my underwear with my stiff morning wood aching inside them.
When I stand up and turn toward Julian, his eyes glance downward only briefly before a look of disgust crosses his face.
“Get. Out,” he snarls.
I hold up my hand again to silence him. Then I wave him out, following him into the hallway and shutting her door quietly behind me.
“Let’s talk,” I say as I lead the way down the hall toward the stairs.
I hate the feel of my godson’s disappointment.
I’ve always respected Julian. When he was coming of age, learning to accept his bisexuality, he came to me for guidance.
Which…for anyone who knows Julian…is quite surprising.
He doesn’t open up to anyone, and he never puts himself in a place of vulnerability.
But this was one area where I could offer my experience and be a father figure to him. And now I’m the one being scolded.
When we reach the main level, I continue toward the stairs that lead to the guest wing of the house. He lingers at the top of the stairs.
“Let me get dressed. I’ll be right back.”
I quickly throw on my clothes, a ball of dread sitting heavy on my chest. Having been in this storm of desire with Amelia, I nearly forgot how it would look to outsiders. These past days have changed my perspective so much that I forgot just how wrong and forbidden this is.
I am almost thirty years older than her. I held her as a baby. I am her godfather.
And I hate the idea that I will have to defend what we are now, which is completely different from what we were before. She might as well be an entirely different person in my eyes.
When I reach the kitchen, where Julian is stationed with his arms crossed angrily over his chest, I put my hands up in surrender.
“How long has this been going on?” he demands.
I let out a sigh and put my hands in my pockets to remain calm. “It just happened. Two nights ago.”
His nostrils flare with anger. “Do my parents know?”
“No.”
His jaw clenches. “Are you planning on telling them?”
“No.”
“So you just fuck my sister and treat her like a dirty secret?” Pacing angrily, his feet carry him in back-and-forth circles around the kitchen. As he digs his hand into his hair, I watch him muss up the perfect slicked-back form.
“Mind your tongue, son.”
He stops and glares at me through hooded, icy blue eyes. “Don’t call me that, and don’t fucking tell me what to do. Matis, what the fuck were you thinking? This is going to kill my dad. You know that, right? You’ve known us our entire lives!” His face screws up in disgust. “Oh God, did you…”
I step forward, putting a hand up to stop him right there.
“Two days ago, Julian. This started two fucking days ago. There was never a single inappropriate thought about her before then. Don’t you dare accuse me of something so vile.
I have done nothing but love and protect both of you.
I care about this family, and you know it. ”
Throwing his hands up, he huffs. “Do you? Because you’re treating my little sister like she’s just another one of your…your…”
He stutters on his words, surely caught on something he doesn’t want to say out loud, not where Amelia is concerned. So I quickly ease his doubts.
“I love her.”
He freezes, his eyes narrowing. “What do you mean?”
Glancing back toward the stairs, I watch them to be sure Amelia is still asleep and can’t hear everything I’m about to confess. The sentiment I’m about to express is a surprise to even me.
“I mean that I love her, Julian. Not like a godfather. And I don’t know when the hell this happened, but I do know that staying away from her another second surely would have killed me, because denying ourselves was torture.”
With every word that comes out of my mouth, his furrowed brow softens until finally, he’s staring at me with more pity than condemnation.
When I’m done, he hangs his head and rubs his eyes. “Fuck.”
Giving him a minute to process all this, I move toward the espresso machine and fire it up. I can hear him behind me pacing as this news sinks in.
“Why can’t anyone in this fucking family just have a normal relationship?” he groans.
I laugh as the machine whirrs loudly. “Normal is a fallacy, Julian. You of all people should know that.”
“It’s not funny, Matis. My dad is going to kill you when he finds out.”
My hand freezes before banging the used espresso grounds into the trash can. “I know that,” I mutter quietly. “That’s why we’re not telling him.”
“So, what? You’re just going to wait until he’s gone before you two go public?”
Wincing, I shoot him a harsh glare. “Of course not. Listen, this just started. We don’t know what it is or how long it will last.”
“You just said you love her.”
“I do love her,” I argue. “But I understand that I might not be the best person for Amelia. I don’t know what kind of partner I can be. She deserves better. I know that.”
“Don’t I get a say?” Her soft voice carries from around the corner as she climbs down the stairs in her too-big T-shirt. Her pretty blond hair is matted and sticking up in the back, reminding me of what we did last night.
My chest releases a heavy breath when I see her, realizing that the reality of our situation is hitting a lot sooner than either of us expected. She hardly even notices her brother standing in the room. Instead, her aqua-blue orbs are laser focused on me, waiting for me to answer her question.
My shoulders soften with pity. “Of course, mon trésor. But we talked about this.”
“I know we did. And you think you’re going to break my heart before you even give us a chance.”
“I don’t think. I know.”
She steps up close to me, her tiny frame coming up to my chin as I lift hers and level her gaze with mine.
With defiance, she replies, “If the tables were turned, is there anything I could say that would stop you from being with me? If I told you that being with me would break your heart, wouldn’t you risk it? ”
My flat-lipped expression curves in a coy smile. “In a heartbeat.”
Her mouth mirrors mine, grinning up at me. Then she reaches up and scratches her nails against the nape of my neck. “It’ll be worth it.”
With that, I lower my face, locking my lips with hers in a tender, grinning kiss.
Behind her, Julian clears his throat. “Excuse me,” he barks. “What the fuck is happening?”
Amelia hangs from my neck, deepening our kiss as she waves her brother away.
“Amelia,” he calls in a scolding tone.
“Go home, Jules,” she replies against my lips. “Go talk to your fiancée. She was the one who encouraged this in the first place.”
With that, I wrap my hands around her lower back and curve her body against mine.
I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. It’s ridiculous, really. I am a fifty-three-year-old man, not some lovestruck teenager. But that is how I feel. Like life has handed me a second chance.
My heart has learned a new rhythm, and its name is Amelia.
While kissing her, I see Julian in my periphery, and he’s still wearing an expression of frustration. Pulling away from the embrace, I stand with her by my side.
“Julian, we are asking you to keep our secret. Just for a little longer. Until we figure this all out.”
His eyes jump back and forth between our faces.
Amelia shoots him a pleading look. “I’ve covered for you, Julian. Remember the time you snuck a boy into your room, and I let him hide under my bed while Mom came upstairs to say good night?”
My brows shoot upward, but Julian remains unmoving.
“Amelia, promise me that he never hurt you. Tell me he never coerced you into anything.”
Huffing loudly, she leaves my side and shoves him out of the kitchen. My feet remain stationed in their place as she walks him to the door. I hear their muffled arguments but can’t make out what they are saying.
I know the reason she’s arguing with him out of my earshot is because she doesn’t want me to hear what I already know. That Amelia has wanted this for a very long time. A secret she keeps, I assume, because she’s embarrassed. But I find it endearing.
As I continue to make coffee for myself and Amelia, I look back on all our encounters over the past few years, seeing things differently.
The way she’d always sit next to me at dinner.
The way her eyes would find me across a crowded room.
The way she spoke about me to her family, always giving me more credit than I deserved.
I just assumed she was a devoted goddaughter. I had no idea it was the budding blossom of love.