Chapter 29
Bonnie
I don’t remember ever being this angry. Or turned on. My head is all scrambled, and I sag against the sink.
I didn’t realize that my brain was located in my vagina.
I thought I had things figured out, only for Ethan to turn me upside down again, and now I can’t remember a single one of my carefully laid-out reasons for not being with him.
I’m completely overwhelmed by my need for him, and not just for sex. The moment I saw him walking toward me, I craved to be near him, next to him. Which was why I followed him like a little lamb. His nearness was like a magnet, and I felt helpless against his pull.
How does he read me so clearly? He was spot on about my sex life. I’ve never told any of my friends. Not even Twiggy. So, the only way he figured it out was by observing me.
It’s unnerving that he’s the one person I’ve spent the least amount of time with, but he seems to know my innermost thoughts and motives the best.
I lean further back onto the sink, my body still vibrating with need. Finish on my own? What a jackass. I haven’t touched myself since I was seventeen. That’s the last time I felt something down there when I used my own hands. Except for tonight. I almost died of pleasure watching him come apart on my tongue. I just needed a bit more…
My hand starts to stroke upward on my thigh when I hear footsteps approaching the bathroom. I spin around to the mirror and laugh out loud at my appearance. My mascara is running, and my red lipstick is messily smeared. My face is flushed, and my lids are heavy. I look like a floozy. And someone’s at the door.
Oh, shit. Grabbing a handful of nearby paper towels, I wet it under warm water and start dabbing at my eyes.
Brooke comes in, holding my purse and cell phone.
“Hey, girl,” I greet her as I dab faster at my face. I look down and see a glob of cum on my dress. I swipe at it with the speed of light.
“Bonnie, Bonnie, eating sugar…?” Brooke sing-songs, shaking her head in amusement. I’m already blushing, even before she starts sniggering.
Busted.
“Really, with Ethan! Sabrina will kill you. That’s her golden boy you’ve debauched.” She leaves my things on the counter and takes the tissue from me. “Here, let me.”
Golden boy? I can’t help but laugh. More like the dark knight who’s ruined me for other men.
“How did you know I was in here and to bring my things?”
“I had a sneaky feeling when Kevin came asking for you, looking like the kid who had his favorite lollipop taken off him. Said your boss came to talk to you about work, and you went toward the bathrooms.”
She swipes more mascara off my face before continuing, “Shortly after, Ethan came straight to Xavier, looking like he’d just snorted a line of fire and brimstone. I’d say you finally found that elixir, too babe.”
We laugh.
It’s a joke between Brooke and me, meaning she thinks Ethan is whipped.
I sure hope so. I know I am. I’m so into him, it’s embarrassing.
“Where’s Stella?” I ask.
“Probably getting into a catfight with Ryan. Those two need a mobile referee if they keep running into each other,” Brooke answers.
Brooke hands me my purse and cell phone. “Needless to say, Kevin is toast. I see that you’re not in any shape to continue your date with him.” She cocks her eyebrow at my make-up-free face and stained dress. “Will you tell him, or shall I? He’s still waiting for you.”
“Oh, would you, Brooke?” The last thing I want is to put up an act for Kevin while I’m horny as hell and covered in Ethan. “I’ll just take the elevator straight down and head out. I hope you don't mind?”
“Oh not at all, babe.”
“You’re the best.” I make to leave, but she stops me before I can.
“Hey, hold up, girl. Not so fast. So… Ethan? What’s the deal? I thought you couldn’t stand him?”
“Well, I sure can stand him now.” I laugh.
“Do you like him back, or are you just playing with him? Because, I can tell you after what I’ve seen tonight, that he likes you. A lot. Xavier had sworn it since our wedding, yapping on about the way he looks at you, but I’d kept assuring him that he was seeing things.”
“Where is he?” I ask.
“He’s left, babe. He went home right after he spoke to Xavier.”
I see. Looks like I’ll have to track him down if I want to see him again tonight.
“So?” Brooke persists.
I sigh. “I don’t know. He’s intense and overwhelming, Brooke. He’s just too much. I’m so terrified he’ll hurt me,” I admit in a small voice.
Brooke looks incredulous. “Bonnie,” she says softly. I’m not sure I like the look in her eyes. “I didn’t realize. Wow. You’re… falling for him.”
“I’m so not,” I scoff. I am .
“Babe, it’s not the end of the world if you’re falling in love with Ethan.”
“I’m not in—can you stop saying that please? I’m not in love, okay? I just don’t hate him anymore. And listen, Brooke, no one can know. Especially Sabrina. That way, if it all blows up between him and me, we can keep things contained.”
“Bonnie, how do you not know that if it comes down to choosing, Sabrina will have your back, and so will Stella and I?”
I know my friends wish I shared with them more. I just wish I knew how to do it. Not just with them but with Ethan too. The reason we’ve even come this far at all is because Ethan somehow sees the things I don’t say. My friends unfortunately don’t have the same ability.
“Bonnie?” She prompts.
“Um, please just keep this to yourself okay, things are still quite delicate with him.”
She sighs. “Okay, I won’t say a word.”
“Thanks, Brooke.” I give her a quick hug and leave.
I take a cab straight to the jerk’s home.
There’s no point going home and stewing if the source of my angst is sitting somewhere in Connecticut, enjoying a nice, postcoital nap. If he thought he’d leave me high and dry after getting his rocks massively off, then he’s got another thing coming.
It’s just before midnight when I get there, and it’s the same voice I hear when I press the intercom outside the gates.
“Hello, Bonnie, come in. Door’s open as well, just go straight in.”
Okay. First off, does Ethan’s dad see and vet everyone coming into the estate? And two, isn’t it weird that the guy has seen me only once before and knows me by name, and I’ve yet to meet him?
Slow down, it’s only your second time here. Let’s not be jonesing for introductions yet.
I walk to the massive front doors and push them open. The lights are dim as usual, and somehow, it makes me hyper aware of the fact that I’ve stepped into Ethan’s territory.
I so love this house, with its high ceilings, and curving, glass staircase railings. It's a brilliant blend between ancient Victorian and modern.
Ethan appears, slowly descending the stairs, phone to his ear. He’s bare-chested and barefoot, only wearing a black robe and his signature white boxer briefs. My mouth goes dry. He didn’t even bother to put on clothes. His hair is damp from a recent shower.
Can we just skip the conversation and have him fuck me already?
He ends the call, throwing the phone on the nearby sofa, and as soon he reaches me, grabs me by the scruff of my neck and crashes his lips down onto mine.
Mind reader. Sweet Jesus, how could I have gone so long without his mouth on mine? I’m all over him in seconds, stroking my tongue against his. My arms wrap around his shoulders and my leg lifts, rubbing along his thigh. All too soon, he breaks the kiss.
“Hello, brat.”
“You’re an asshole, you know.”
“Is that any way to thank me for giving you your fix?” He smirks
“What do you take me for, Ethan?”
“I don’t take you for anything. I know you, Bonnie,” he says in an annoyingly soothing voice. “You like to watch men unravel for you more than you want to have sex. I gave that to you on a silver platter, and you didn’t even need to go through the hassle of polite small talk, or having to dump him the next day.”
I angrily sputter nonsense in reply.
“The only problem is, with me, you can’t just be a spectator, can you? You actually enjoy it.”
“Wow, you cracked the code, Harvard. Don’t break your hand patting yourself on the back.”
“I’ll try not to. It’s a fucking achievement since you haven’t had an orgasm in forever. Before me, that is.”
I’m stunned. This is getting creepy. “Ethan, your ego is pissing me off right now. That’s so not true.”
“Really? One orgasm, and you freaked out and decided to run. All the way to Canada.”
He chuckles at my stunned look.
I’m going to kill Jordan. I specifically begged him not to tell Ethan.
“I may be half-blind in the day, but my night vision is perfect. And I’m especially good at seeing darkness and pain. Tell me, who hurt you Bonnie?” He asks, “I swear I’ll make them pay.”
An image of Jake Tyler flashes across my eyes along with the familiar wave of searing pain in the pit of my stomach. I let it pass. This is getting too deep, too fast.
Geez what am I a movie playing before his eyes? What is it they say about when you lose one of the senses another overcompensates? It’s super real.
I push away from his arms. “I didn’t come here to talk.”
“No, you came here because you want to come on my cock,” he spits angrily.
My breath catches. I hate his crudeness, but it’s turning me on. “Ethan—“
“Otherwise, you would have gone home and sorted yourself out while thinking about what happened in that bathroom, or at the Rivoire in L.A., or the multiple times before you left for Clonmel. But you didn’t because nothing else gets you off except me. Admit it.”
“You’re an arrogant bastard.”
He comes to me, standing so close that the sides of his bare feet bracket my shoes, and his chest is almost touching mine. He shrugs off his robe and rests his hands over the swell of my butt. His hardness twitches against me.
“Say it,” he whispers, nuzzling my ear.
“Fine, only you. For now. Enjoy your throne while it lasts.”
He chuckles. “While it lasts? Really? Does that mean you’re experimenting with other things? Toys, perhaps? Because I’m happy to help you rediscover your groove, babe. It’s kind of exhausting, to be honest, being the only one who does it for you. At the very least, it’ll stop you from traveling all the way from New York and crashing my house after midnight.”
He makes it sound like I cross half the country to see him; it’s just a forty-minute drive, less on my motorbike.
I put my heel on his bare foot. “You’re dangerously close to becoming lame here, Harvard.”
“Fine.” He steps back, smiling. “As always, baby, you’re welcome to stay. The only thing is, I’m tired tonight.”
“Excuse me?” He’s hard as stone!
He shrugs. “I refuse to provide a round-the-clock stud service where you get your physical and emotional fix, only to run away again Bonnie. You want my cock, and my arms around you, think long and hard about if you want me to be your boyfriend.”
“Geez! First of all, ew. Secondly, blackmail. And thirdly, as if!”
“Have it your way, baby. Pick any room, except the one I’m in. There are all kinds of food in the fridge in case you’re hungry.”
He kisses my temple and then turns back up the stairs, leaving me spluttering angrily once again.
My head is spinning. The man has the worst manners. Did he really just ask me to be his girlfriend before walking away and telling me to stay away from his room, and then suggest I eat alone? And he left me hanging after he came all over me.
My only response is the growling in my stomach.
I am hungry, too, though. I take my heels off my achy feet and wander into the pristine kitchen. I find some cheese and honey crostini in the fridge, which I munch on as I take my time looking through cupboards.
I don’t process why I feel just as comfortable snacking after midnight in Ethan’s kitchen as I would in mine but chalk it up to being too hungry and pissed off with him.
When I’m done, I go straight up into his room, strip to my underwear, and get into his bed. It’s too dark to see much, but the moment my body hits the bed, his arms drag me clear across to his side, wrapping his arm around my midriff and spooning me.
I yelp in surprise. The feeling of his big, hard body all over mine is indescribable.
“I thought I told you to find another room?” he whispers into my ear.
“This is the room I want. You’re welcome to leave, jackass.”
I feel his rumbling laughter everywhere around me. “Brat.”
I smile, enjoying being cocooned and protected, surrounded by his muscles.
“Bonnie?” he rasps.
“Hmm?”
“Tell me what happened in Clonmel.”
It all comes rushing back like a tide. Father’s rejection after ten years of us not seeing one another, my mom’s weakness, being excluded and knowing that had it not been for Twiggy, I may not have attended the funeral. Desecrating my Nan’s memory with that cult gathering. All that darkness that made me feel like an impostor.
Like I didn’t deserve to experience the happiness of my life here in New York, my job, my friends. Ethan.
Not wanting to delve into my past, I simply shake my head. “I don’t want to talk about it yet. And I don’t ever want to go back to Ireland.”
He pulls me closer into him, silent for a long time. “Agreed. You won’t go back there. But you should know Bonnie, that you’re safe and you can be yourself with me and rest assured that I want you. Badly. Every single part of you. You’re so smart and talented, your confidence is astounding and your body just… drives me crazy. I’ve never met anyone like you before.
His words make me shiver, and tears spring to my eyes. I can hear the walls crumbling. Who am I kidding? I love this man. I’ve loved him for God knows how long.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“You want me.” I reply in a small voice.
"I’m telling you I love you. My heart is yours Bonnie. Take it or leave it, but don’t play with it. Stop running."
I gasp. “Oh” Beyond that, I’m speechless.
“Yes, Oh” he mimicks, “so you know what you did three days ago with the text, and tonight with Kevin?”
“Yeah?”
“That was you running. Don’t do that. Talk to me instead. And if you ever run away again, when you return, because you will, I’ll spank you so hard that you won’t be able to sit for days.”
I gasp. “How do you know that I’ll return, though?”
“Oh, you’ll return, either by yourself or when I drag you back.”