Chapter Thirteen #3
“Solana!” Reyes’s voice punctured the haze, dragging her back to the terrifying present. “Breathe,” he commanded, and Solana gasped, again and again, greedily sucking in lungfuls of humid air.
From above, she heard the sound of muffled sobs and gentle shushing.
A kind of grief Solana had seen many times over.
A square of dim light illuminated her and Reyes, but beyond them, on the edge of darkness, sat two frozen muki melding into the shadows, the rapid rise and fall of their chests the only sign they were still living.
They were small and unbearably thin, jagged bones protruding through stretched skin. The one that had attacked Solana had tufts of hair sprouting from its head. They were smaller than Alina. Smaller than Solana had been when she lost her mother.
Children died all the time in the callejon.
Rationally, Solana knew that, but not once had she seen them come back as muki.
Whether the curse spared them or they were content to remain in Uku Pacha, it wasn’t clear, but facing them now, seeing their distorted bodies and grotesque features, Solana had never felt so angry.
Bile rose in her throat, but she swallowed it down. Later, she would be angry with Reyes for keeping her in the dark about this. And then she would consider what she had done, the way she had felt while doing it, how she could do it at all. What kind of gift could give her control of the dead?
For now, she untangled herself from Reyes and pushed to her feet. His hand stayed pressed against her thigh, steadying her as she turned and met the eyes of the man and woman whose children she had come to collect.
The woman met and held her gaze, fear and disgust and curiosity swirling. “What are you?” she whispered.
Solana was shaking her head, an apology on the tip of her tongue that she swallowed down. “I don’t know,” she said instead.
Reyes got to his feet and blocked her view of them. He murmured something she only half picked up, and then he was facing her again. Solana was lost in the chasm of her thoughts, in the questions and the possibilities and the terror of the unknown.
I am Solana Grey, she reminded herself. I am not a monster.
But the words rang hollow, and the anger inside of her was a rising tide she couldn’t stem.
Reyes grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs and through the house, out into the cool night that did little to soothe the fission of her soul. Nikolas and Oskar stood outside. Waiting for them, she realized. They nodded at Reyes but studiously avoided her eyes.
“Dose them again,” Reyes said, voice quiet but firm. “And bind them well.”
Then Reyes pulled her past them and back to their horse. Solana allowed herself to be dragged, her thoughts scattered to the winds, except for one.
“We can’t do this.” Solana yanked her hand out of Reyes’s and stopped in the middle of the street. He turned and glanced at the house and placed a hand in the middle of her back, guiding her with gentle but firm pressure farther away from listening ears.
“This is the right thing,” he finally responded. “They’ll be safer in the castle, and these people can heal and live again.”
It felt like she was losing her mind, like she was the only one with doubts and questions and concerns.
All those muki under the castle, all of their unresolved lives.
“Those were children, Reyes. Small, innocent lives that are trapped and suffering, and you want to leave them just like that. How long will they rot below the castle before something is done?”
“Lower your voice,” Reyes demanded. He pressed forward, forcing her to step back, and lifted an arm to brace against the horse, effectively caging her in. “This gives them hope, Solana. Something that they likely lost a long time ago. Let them have it, even if you do not.”
Solana bit her tongue so hard she tasted blood.
“This has nothing to do with me. Those children deserve peace. I can feel how badly they want it.” She placed a hand against his chest, hoping she could appeal to that small thread of concern and consideration she had seen before.
“Let me give it to them. Nobody has to know.”
There was a moment where the lines of his jaw softened and the furrow between his brow smoothed. Where she thought he might agree. She looked into his eyes, imploring, begging him to say yes.
“This is the right thing,” he repeated, the conviction in his voice slightly less than before.
“Then why does it sound like you’re trying very hard to convince yourself of it?”
He brought up a hand to wrap around hers and then, ever so gently, pried it from his chest. Nothing else was said before he turned and strode back into the house.
But Solana had seen it. The hesitation. The doubt.
She wasn’t the only one struggling with the confines of belief.
She let out a breath and tilted her head to the sky, waiting as her eyes adjusted and the stars popped into existence.
The events of the night played on a loop at the edges of her awareness.
There was power inside of her—a door had been opened, and walking through it felt like finally coming home. She only wondered where, exactly, home was.