Chapter 16 Astraea
Astraea
I never would have anticipated my escape from the castle of Vesitire to be in the literal form of Nightsdeath.
So far, none of Auster’s forces had come after us. After the bloodshed in the city, it was hard for me to settle my guilt. I’d asked Nightsdeath to attack; I’d all but unleashed him like he was my weapon to wield.
If you’re not with me, you’re against me.
I sighed, my breath a thick cloud as we trudged through the snowfall just outside the tiered city. Well, I did. Nightsdeath could be mistaken for gliding with how effortlessly he walked. He wore no cloak or gloves either since he was immune to any physical feeling.
Right now, I might even have envied him for that, as the winter had grown so cold my cheeks nipped painfully, and I had to keep sniffing to prevent my nose from running despite my layers: hood, gloves, and thick boots.
I wanted out of the blood-splattered white clothing as soon as possible.
“I can hear your teeth bashing together. It’s rather irritating,” said Nightsdeath.
Casual conversation from him always made me glance at him as if by some miracle Nyte’s full mind could have awoken. The shadows, which drifted off him like thick smoke in his wake, and the ethereal brightness of his irises immediately extinguished that small spark of hope each time.
“Another mortal weakness,” I grumbled.
“So become immortal with me. I’m willing to bet Lightsdeath would defy the effects of the miserable seasons like I do.”
With that enlightenment, I stopped internally complaining about the cold.
We trekked in silence for a while longer. I hugged myself and my cloak tightly; the exertion of trudging through the snow started to ache in my legs, but I didn’t speak this to him when it would only be met with jarringly quippy remarks or temptations for me to join him in an eternal dark reign.
“This may take far longer than a week to retrieve given your slow pace, and you’re no good to me if you get ill or die.”
“Thanks for the concern. I’m not as weak as I might look right now.” My magick was slowly returning and helped to warm me at times.
“I could go alone if you told me where it is.”
I didn’t divulge the specific location to Nightsdeath, knowing he would do just that.
“Travel is more fun in company.”
He gave the most genuine quirk of a smile I’d seen on him.
“You could use the void to escape me, and I wouldn’t be able to stop you,” he said.
“I figure you’d call me back with blood and bodies until I answered.”
“A likely reaction of mine, yes. You know me too well. As I know that the way your heart bleeds for those you do not know makes controlling you easy.”
“Innocent people don’t deserve to die for no reason.”
“All mortals carry unrepented sins. Why should I need to hear them?”
“Because petty crimes don’t deserve the same punishment as those of pure evil,” I said, exasperated.
Nightsdeath hummed as if he gave it some thought.
“Your soft mortal values are quite entertaining. They also sound exhausting. No wonder you sleep so long. Can that be improved?”
That answered my question: he would never comprehend judgment and reasoning.
“You must need to sleep,” I said, hooking a brow at him. Though as I said it, I realized I hadn’t actually considered whether he was a being that needed rest.
“No, I don’t,” he said, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think he sounded disappointed or confused by that. “You’re fascinating when you sleep.”
I spluttered. “You’ve been watching me?”
“Almost every night so far. Speaking of which, this eternal red night is glorious, don’t you think?”
He walked so seamlessly with his hands in his pockets, now closing his eyes briefly, soaking in the blood moon as one would summer rays.
It was so … normal. I couldn’t prevent the smile that broke out on my face nor the quick pooling in my eyes.
I looked away before he could see it and didn’t let a single tear fall.
Whatever he did to me, whatever he unleashed on the world, he was still a piece of Nyte, and I chose to take dangerous comfort in that truth.
I said, “Honestly, I’m missing the sunshine. It’s been like eternal winter for too long.”
His brow pulled together as he internally processed my feelings, like he was trying to comprehend them.
“You miss the warmth of it or the brightness?”
“Both, I suppose. I love the night more than the day, but we all need balance. And the warmth … well it sounds very appealing right now.”
“Are you sure you’re adequately dressed for your weak mortal body?”
“Any more layers and I’d be a lot slower. Though I do wish to change into something less horrifying.”
“Amusing. You say the layers make you slower, so that means more time in the cold. Forgo the layers; the punishment of the cold might be sharper but shorter.”
I was beginning to enjoy the way Nightsdeath thought; the questions he posed I never would have considered.
“Another mortal weakness is catching ill; it’s sometimes fatal, even in a short time when exposed to such temperatures without adequate protection. Are you sure you still want the burden of a mortal body?”
“I’ll admit I’m reconsidering it as I observe your struggles. Until…” Nightsdeath trailed off, abandoning his next words.
“Until what?” I prompted.
He inhaled a long breath. “Rainyte’s ability to bend minds would be most advantageous.”
I didn’t think that was what he was going to say, but I shivered stiffly at the notion.
“Would you read my thoughts?”
“Of course. I’m very curious.”
“About what?”
“All the things that cross your face that you leave unspoken.”
That he noticed … did Nightsdeath have the capacity to care? No. He wanted to know my thoughts to manipulate and find advantage. Yet my soft heart wanted to believe there could be something tender in his desires.
“Nyte would never read my thoughts.”
“How can you be certain he hasn’t?”
“I trust him.”
“Another—”
“Mortal flaw,” I finished for him, casting a teasing smirk he didn’t react to. “But you’re wrong about that one. I trusted Nyte before I fell in love with him.”
“I have freed you from Auster, but you don’t trust me?”
“You freed me because you want my power. Nyte freed me because he wants me.”
“You think I don’t want you?”
Nightsdeath slipped in front of me, and I nearly collided into him. Our eyes connected, and I couldn’t deny the pull to him I felt.
“You want what we could become together,” I answered.
“As does the other half of me—Rainyte.”
I pondered that for a moment, staring into the golden eyes that were the center of my universe. Even in all his darkness.
I said, “With you—when Nyte gave over to you at times—I always trusted you didn’t want to kill me. I understand that in our darkest places we are repelled by the idea of light and hope, but at the same time we don’t want it to disappear.”
Nightsdeath erased the space between us slowly. My hood blew down with the next gust of icy wind, but he caught it, slipping it back over my head tenderly.
Could there be something to reach within Nightsdeath? Could the pain and suffering he embodied be soothed of its sharp edges?
“You’d be a fool to think yourself safe with me. That I wouldn’t kill you—truly kill you if I had the means.”
“I didn’t say you wouldn’t kill me, I said you wouldn’t want to.”
“All parts of him that loved you are gone.”
Though that squeezed like a fist in my chest, I didn’t believe that.
He captured strands of my loose hair tangling in the wind and tucked them under my hood. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I can be merciful, even for a creature as breathtaking as you.”
I’d already experienced how merciless he could be. The memories of his torture in the throne room brought back an ashy taste and a sensation of icy flame in my veins.
When we came to some civilian life, I stared longingly at several inns, but Nightsdeath didn’t seem in the mood to stop. Hours must have passed, and the cold seizing my body was becoming too much to bear.
“I need to heat up,” I said, so grumpy and pathetic from the weather. “Just for an hour at least.”
He dragged a lazy look to me, not pleased at all by the idea.
“So we must stop every few hours for you to bask by firelight? Are there any other shortcomings I should prepare for?”
I glowered at him. “I also need to eat every now and then,” I groused.
“Ahh yes, as must I. Very well, we shall stop for one hour.”
Heading toward an establishment called Starlight Haven, Nightsdeath was about to wander in without a care when I pulled him to a stop. His amber eyes flared a shade brighter on me as if it was a personal offense to do so.
“We’re still the most wanted people on the continent, with very generous sums for our capture,” I hissed under my breath.
“You see a problem with that?”
“We’ll barely get five minutes, never mind an hour, if chaos erupts when we’re spotted.”
“Or we could have peace and quiet when I kill every person who even looked to be contemplating approaching us.”
My frown deepened. Nightsdeath glanced away as if gathering patience.
“Then what do you suggest?”
That was a good question. Even if Nightsdeath had a cloak and face covering like I did, the animated darkness that was ever present around him was enough to draw fear and suspicion.
I often found myself mesmerized by the shadows snaking around him, wanting to reach out and touch them, but I had a feeling Nightsdeath would highly disapprove of my curiosity.
“We could find a merchant selling starlight matter.” As I suggested it, I wondered if a vial enchanted to change his appearance would work on him.
“No,” he said flatly; then he slipped from my fingers. Literally. It was like he could make any part of himself become pure smoke as he drifted away, boldly rounding the corner into the main room.