Chapter 43 #2
He caught up and reached for her. She whirled around, stumbling backward. People scattered.
“M-m-milord?” she stammered, her brown eyes wide and fearful.
Disappointment stabbed through Richard. He was imagining he saw her everywhere. The castle, here in town.
“I-I didn’t do anything, milord. Please do not hurt us.”
It was then he saw she clutched a babe to her breast.
He reached into his belt and pulled out a gold coin, his mind no longer on the girl in front of him. “Here. Buy yourself something pretty.”
She eyed the coin, hesitating. “I-I am not a whore, milord. You be a fine looking man, but I-I have a husband, and—”
“Take it, woman. I do not wish to bed you.”
She snatched the coin, clamped it between her teeth, then tucked it into the baby’s tunic. “Th-thank you, m-milord.”
She still watched him like she expected him to grab her at any second.
Richard waved his hand. “Off with you.”
She scurried away, disappearing into the crowd. Richard sat there, staring after her for a long time. How could he have thought she was Gwen? Her hair wasn’t golden-red and silky; it was brassy and dull. Her figure wasn’t slender and curvy; it was plump and saggy.
He raised his head and looked at the castle on top of the hill. He had married her here and lost her here. Was it any wonder he thought he saw her everywhere he looked?
He turned Sirocco and rode back to his men. But he didn’t stop when he reached them. He kept going, toward Shrewsbury castle.
“Milord?” Andrew called. “Where are ye going, milord?”
“Back to the castle, Andrew.”
His men fell in quietly behind him. Richard didn’t care what they thought. He could not leave this place just yet.
Gwen knew the king would come. Since Richard had ridden away, there was no further need for delay. Edward swept into the room, a formidable presence in his deep blue surcoat and gold-embroidered mantle.
He was a king to inspire awe and admiration in the hearts of men. He was lean and tall, hard despite the temptations of fine food and drink. Gwen had oft heard him praised, even while he was being cursed, by her father’s warriors. ’Twas no wonder Richard valued his loyalty to this man so highly.
William took one look at the king and started to cry. Gwen tried to soothe him, but he buried his face in her gown, sniffling and gulping.
Edward grinned and put a hand over his heart. “Jesú, I’d say the little lad does not like me. Must be his Welsh blood coming out,” he teased.
Gwen smiled in spite of herself. What she wanted to do was weep, but she’d already cried so much that she had nothing left to give.
“Are you ready?” the king asked.
“Aye,” Gwen replied, though in truth she would never be ready.
A commotion in the passage brought Edward’s head around. Men shouted, followed by the unmistakable clashing of steel.
“God’s teeth,” Edward swore, yanking the door open.
Gwen heard him shouting, heard the answering voice.
Richard.
The battle sounds stopped. Fear closed her throat until she couldn’t utter a word. Had they killed him?
The door opened again and Edward entered, followed by Richard. Her husband’s face was dark with anger, his eyes gleaming wildly.
“You try my patience, Richard!” the king raged. “I should’ve let them carve you up.”
Richard’s gaze locked with hers. “You should not have lied to me, Ned. I have a right to see them again.”
“I will give you a few minutes, no more.” He motioned to Alys and the nurse, and the three of them slipped into the antechamber.
William held out his arms for his father. Gwen let him go. Richard held him tight and kissed him, then buried his face against the baby’s neck.
She stood there, waiting, wanting him to hold her as well. But then she realized he would not. She had betrayed him, agreed to the king’s plan, left him though she had promised never to do so again.
“You are angry with me,” she said.
“Yes… no.” He lifted his head. “I wanted to be, but I know you did it to protect me. I would have done the same to protect you and William.”
Gwen went to him and laid her hand on his sleeve. “I did not want to do it, Richard. I only want to be with you. But if something happened to you, I—”
He wrapped one strong arm around her and crushed her to him. She tilted her face up and he kissed her. Gwen savored it, knowing it was the last time she would ever taste his kiss.
“I will miss you,” she said. “I will think of you and I will remember all we have shared. I can bear it, knowing I had your love for a little while.”
“Gwen…”
She stared at his chest, at the sight of her hands splayed across his surcoat.
She would never touch him again. “Nay, let me finish. You must remarry, Richard.” Her voice broke, and she stopped until she could continue.
“You must have children and raise them to be good Englishmen, to serve their king as loyally as you do.”
“I will always love you, Gwen. I will never love another,” Richard said, his own voice near breaking.
The door opened. Edward came in, followed by Queen Eleanor. Richard felt raw panic welling up inside him.
“I am sorry, but your time is up,” Edward said.
Eleanor rushed over to Gwen. “Oh, Gwenllian, I am so sorry. I did not know until just now.”
“Thank you for your concern, Majesty,” Gwen replied. “You have always been kind to me, even when I was a hostage. I am grateful to you.”
Eleanor squeezed her hand. Gwen reached for William. Richard held him tight, unwilling to let go. “Richard, please,” she said, her eyes red-rimmed and glistening. “Do not make it harder.”
Richard caught her against him and kissed her. “I love you,” he said one last time, his throat tight.
He kissed William’s brow, then let her take him.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as their gazes held. Then she turned and walked to the door.
Richard spun around, unable to watch her walk out of his life forever. And it would be forever. He was certain if she left now he would never see her again.
He burned inside, burned in a way he’d never known was possible. Nothing held any importance to him anymore. Without her, he was nothing.
“Wait,” he said.
She stopped in the door. Edward turned.
Richard crossed the room until he stood before his king. “I give it all up. All of it. The title, the castles, the fiefs I hold for you. Give me my wife and child and I will leave England and never return.”
Edward’s jaw dropped. “I need you, Richard. Wales is unstable. And there is still Scotland and France to consider.”
“Ned, if ever you valued me, if ever I have served you faithfully and loyally, you will grant me this one last thing.”
“I cannot, Richard. You are valuable to me. I need you.”
“Edward,” the Queen said, coming over to them.
“You have dozens of warlords. You must grant Richard what he asks. If not for him, you might have been taken from me. I would not have wanted to live without you any more than he wants to live without his wife. ’Tis in your power to grant it, and you must.”
Edward’s temper drained from him in stages. His jaw softened, his features relaxed, his stance became less threatening. “Very well, my love. I cannot deny you.” He sighed heavily. “If this is what you want, Richard, then ’tis yours.”
Richard closed his eyes as relief flooded him. When he opened them again, Gwen watched him, her lip trembling, her eyes wide and brimming with tears.
Eleanor grabbed her husband’s hand and pulled him out the door.
“Are you certain, Richard?” Gwen asked. “Without your lands and title, you will have lost all you ever fought for, all your father left you.”
William held out his arms. Richard took him and pressed his lips to his son’s cheek. William clutched Richard’s surcoat in his fists. “Da,” he said, smiling.
Richard touched Gwen’s cheek, traced it with his finger. “You are all I need. We will go to Normandy first, I think. Then I will take you to Spain and mayhap Morocco. Italy too. And the Greek Isles. I have a fancy to see if your eyes really are the color of the water around Corfu.”
Her expression remained wary. “You will not mind leaving England? You will not hate me for causing you this?”
“For causing me what? For giving me love and teaching me there is more to life than honor and duty? For taking away all the blackness in my soul? For freeing me from the guilt and pain of my failures? Nay, Gwen—my life, my love—with you I have finally found what is right, finally succeeded. The rest means less than nothing to me.”
“Oh, Richard.” She threw her arms around him then and he kissed her fiercely, kissed her until she was clinging to him, kissed her until she pulled away to catch her breath.
“I am your husband and that is all I want to be.”
He entwined his fingers with hers, kissed their son, then led her from Shrewsbury castle and into the world beyond.