Chapter 51 Receive Therapy from Your Minions #2
Vex didn’t respond immediately. The silence stretched, broken only by the distant sounds of chaos from the Great Hall and my own ragged breathing.
“Physically?” she asked finally, her voice carefully neutral.
“Magically.” I grimaced. “We were at the Gilded Gallows. She saw Pip—or who we thought was Pip—and I wanted to go after him. She wanted to come with me. I—”
I couldn’t finish.
“Ah.” Just that single syllable, loaded with understanding.
“It didn’t work,” I added quickly, desperately. The shadows were climbing higher now, wrapping around my ribs. “She broke through it immediately. But I still did it. I still tried.”
“And now? How do you feel about what you did?”
I turned back to face Vex, and I knew my eyes were too bright. Knew she could see the cracks in my armor, the way I was barely holding on to my magic. The Shadow King’s essence coiled inside me like a hungry serpent, and I knew he would use this vulnerability against me.
“How do you think I feel?” My voice broke. “I betrayed her trust. I became exactly what she feared I would be.”
The shadows reached my throat. Squeezed.
No, I told them. They reluctantly retreated.
“Did you?” Vex tilted her head. “Or did you make a mistake? There’s a difference, you know.”
“Not to Arabella.”
“Have you asked her?”
I hadn’t. We’d barely spoken since returning from the Spire, both of us too busy with the preparations for the ritual, the gathering of bloodlines, the constant threats from all sides.
Or at least, that’s what I told myself. The truth was simpler and more terrifying: I was afraid of what she’d say.
“This reminds me of something,” Vex said, her voice distant. “Do you remember the first time I called you by your name? Not ‘my lord’ or ‘Dark Lord’ or any of your other titles. Just Kazimir.”
I frowned, searching my memory through the fog of emotion. “After the demon. When I was still…” I trailed off, unwilling to name the broken thing I’d been then.
Unwilling to acknowledge how close I was to becoming that broken thing again.
She nodded. “Almost fifteen years ago now. You were drowning yourself in rage. Using it as a shield against everything else you were feeling.”
The memories surfaced, sharp and jagged. The pain had been too intense then, the humiliation too complete. I’d been eighteen, betrayed by my allies, sold to a demon prince who’d seen me as nothing more than a toy to break.
And break me he had, in ways I still couldn’t fully recall.
The runes burned hotter. My vision swam.
“You brought me out of it,” I said quietly.
“I reminded you that you were still human,” Vex corrected. “That feeling pain didn’t make you weak. It made you alive.”
Alive, the voice mocked. You’re so much more than alive. You’re eternal. Powerful. Why cling to humanity when divinity awaits?
Frost formed on the tapestry, creeping down the wall. My breath misted in the air.
I’d found Skyspire not long after, guided by instincts I couldn’t explain and dreams I couldn’t remember upon waking. It had been abandoned then, a ruin of a fortress that had once belonged to a forgotten mage. I’d claimed it, rebuilt it, turned it into the seat of my power.
“Why are you bringing this up now?” I managed.
“Because I see the same thing happening again.” She stepped closer, and I had to force myself not to retreat. “You’re using anger to avoid pain. You’re so afraid of what you might have lost that you’re not even trying to find out if it’s still there.”
“That’s not—”
“Isn’t it?” She cut me off, a liberty few would dare take. “You’re the Dark Lord. You’ve conquered kingdoms, broken demons, intimidated poultry. But you can’t bring yourself to have an honest conversation with your wife?”
“What if she can’t forgive me?” The question escaped before I could stop it.
Once again, the shadows surged up my body, responding to my loss of control. They wrapped around my chest, my throat, my face—
I shoved them back with effort that left me gasping.
“What if she can?” Vex countered, her voice gentle but relentless. “What if she’s waiting for you to show her that you understand what went wrong? That you’re willing to do the work to make sure it never happens again?”
“I don’t know how.” The admission came out barely above a whisper. “I’ve never… this isn’t something I’ve had to do before.”
I’d never cared enough to try. Never let anyone close enough to hurt me like this. Never opened myself up to the kind of vulnerability that could destroy me more completely than any demon or battlefield ever had.
And now I was paying the price for that ignorance. Drowning in emotions I didn’t have the tools to process, while an ancient evil whispered encouragement in my ear, and my body tried to tear itself apart from the inside.
“I know.” Vex’s voice gentled further. “But you’re learning. That’s what matters. Remember, Kazimir, that though the heart and mind are seemingly at odds, it takes both of them to control the man you want to be—the man you have become.”
I looked up sharply, my vision clearing for a moment. What did Vex know?
Her expression was unreadable, but there was something in her eyes. Understanding. Concern. And maybe—just maybe—a hint of fear.
She knew something was wrong, beyond the obvious strain between Arabella and me.
A crash from the Great Hall interrupted us, followed by several shouts and what sounded like a table being overturned.
“I should probably—” Vex began.
“Go.” I waved her off, my hand still trembling. “Before they destroy anything irreplaceable.”
She hesitated. “Will you talk to her?”
“Yes.” The word came out clear. I meant it. I had to mean it, because the alternative was losing her. “I will.”
Vex nodded, satisfied, and turned to leave. She’d taken only a few steps when Griffin appeared in the alcove entrance, his face flushed.
“My lord!” he gasped. “The Shellfords and the Moonbays are having a duel in the main hall! With serving platters!”
“Handle it,” I said wearily.
“Also,” Griffin continued, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, “I couldn’t help but overhear some of your… conversation.”
I fixed him with a glare that should have sent him running. The shadows coiled at my feet, ready to strike.
He paled but held his ground. “It’s just that—I might have some scrolls that could help. From the Enchanted Isles. They’re about, um, relationships. And communication. And, er, other things.”
“Are you suggesting I read relationship advice scrolls,” I said flatly.
“Not advice, exactly.” His face reddened further. “More like… illustrated guides? To, um, reconnecting. Physically. And emotionally. But mostly physically.”
Vex made a strangled sound that might have been suppressed laughter.
“Get out,” I told Griffin.
“Right! Yes! Going!” He scurried away, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.
When he was gone, I turned back to Vex, who was visibly struggling to maintain her composure.
“Not a word,” I warned.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, my lord.” Her eyes danced with amusement. “Though I do wonder what sort of illustrations—”
“Vex.”
She paused. “Before I go make sure our heroes don’t kill each other, there’s one more thing we need to discuss. Some very sensitive information has come to my attention.”
I straightened, forcing the emotions back down, the shadows to retreat. Rebuilding the armor piece by piece, even though every crack still showed. “What is it?”