Chapter 3 Winter #3
The remainder of winter passed in flurries of snow and nights spent in front of the stove, the family warming themselves by the crackling flames.
Elana stayed with them as often as she could, because her brother was watching her.
He kept his eye close and his affection distant, obviously still certain that Elana was cavorting with the darkness.
Which was, of course, the truth.
While she lazed among the cushions, snuggling with the young ones and whispering with her sister, she dreamed of a dress for Nessa.
Nessa.
Each interaction with the shadow thing brought her further away from her status of monster and closer and closer to being a woman. A woman that Elana found herself not only longing for, but missing.
Which was a kind of insanity of its own, because Elana knew almost nothing about the woman.
She only longed to know more. She knew Nessa was still a monster; after all, she had seen her unhinge her jaw and swallow the darkness whole.
But Nessa’s desire for a home, and a dress of her own, somehow made her relatable.
Elana loved new dresses. Josephine longed hungrily for new dresses. Was Nessa becoming more human? Or was Elana humanizing her?
When the family trudged through the snow to the market, the entire town was abuzz with the coming celebration.
With the priestesses officially declaring the shadow monster gone for good, the whole town was ready to celebrate.
Usually the shadow festival was the only valley-wide celebration each year, so for everyone to have a reason to gather together felt special and important, and the townsfolk were treating it as such.
It would be easy to justify making a new gown.
All she had to do was tell her mother that she needed something nice to wear if she ever hoped to attract a husband.
Though this was a lie, it was one that was familiar and worn like a soft leather boot, and fit the shape of her life in a snug but only vaguely uncomfortable way.
Elana planted the lie early one morning when the sun had gathered just enough heat to begin melting the snow from the eaves, a gentle drip of water the only signal that the weather was starting to change.
If she wanted to pretend the gown was for herself, she had to give herself enough time to sew it cleverly that it might fit the swell and curve of the shadow woman’s shapely body.
“You want to use your store of silk for another new gown?” Mama’s eyebrows knit with concern. “When you had a new gown only last shadow festival?”
“Mama,” Elana started, only narrowly avoiding stomping her foot.
“Yes, I want another new gown! This whole family pressures me day after day to find a husband and settle down, and you know a new, pretty gown is more certain to attract a gentleman’s eye.
A darker color this time, perhaps, since it isn’t for the shadow festival?
” She clasped her hands together, waiting for Mama’s decision.
“I had somewhat hoped you were saving that silk to become a wedding gown,” admitted Mama, the tops of her cheeks pinking.
“But I suppose we aren’t quite there yet, are we?
” She sighed and settled into her chair, blowing steam across the top of her mug of tea.
At last she looked up at Elana. “My darling girl, it’s your silk.
You can use it for whatever you want. I only want you to be happy.
How long has it been since you’ve been happy? ”
Elana left the question hanging, pressing a kiss into her mother’s grey-streaked hair and leaving the kitchen to start sketching Nessa’s silken gown. But Mama’s question continued to exist, dangling in Elana’s mind like a haunted chandelier.
She sought her happiness in snipping and sewing, creatively lacing and layering the gown in such a way that it could be cinched tightly enough to fit Elana but also expand to accommodate Nessa’s curves.
If it failed to impress Nessa, at least Elana could still wear it herself, so her precious stores of silk would not be wasted.
And it wouldn’t, for the town announced the date of the jubilee to celebrate the disappearance of the shadow monster before the gown was completed. Elana would wear it herself, first, before gifting the gown to Nessa. It was the perfect excuse, and would assuage her mother’s concerns.
When at last she sewed on the final eyelet and threaded the dark purple ribbons through it, Josephine watched jealously from the door to Elana’s room as she scooped her arms through the silk and heaved the dress up and over her body.
“Help me tighten it, Josie,” huffed Elana, tugging the laces as tightly as she could on her own and still not finding them secure enough.
“Why on earth did you add so many layers of fabric to the dress?” Josie grunted, pressing her thumbs between Elana’s shoulder blades to get more leverage on the lacing.
Elana thought up an answer on the spot. “Someday, dear sister, this body will perhaps grow a child, and my gowns will need to adjust for that growth.” It was, again, an easy lie.
Maybe not a lie. Elana didn’t think she would mind being a mother, though thinking through the process to become with child left her somewhat pale and shaken.
Regardless of whether Elana would ever bear a child of her own, it was still a lie regarding the reason for all the excess fabric.
That was all for Nessa, and her curves, and her body.
Elana had wondered at the shape of her, because it did seem that she could change it.
It did seem that she had chosen the voluptuous curves and thick thighs, the heavy breasts and generous arms. But even if she could change it, Elana would never ask her to change to fit a gown.
Nessa was perfection the way she was.
Elana’s cheeks heated. Where had that thought even come from?
“Happy now?” asked Josie, dramatically wiping her arm across her forehead as though tying Elana’s gown had made her sweat.
Happy now. When was the last time Elana had been happy?
She plastered a grin on her face and twirled before her mirror. But her eyes didn’t see herself in the gown; they saw Nessa, dark and swirling.
“I will be,” said Elana.
A week passed and the Allard family made their way into town for the jubilee.
It was held during the day, so different than the shadow festival in so many ways.
The family had no real idea what to expect, for the valley had never known another kind of celebration, at least not in anyone’s living memory.
But the ladies of the temple had everything under control. They taught the village folk a new dance, simple enough that everyone could learn, in which partners switched and whirled and every person danced with every other partner in a dizzying frenzy.
It even made Elana laugh, breathless and swaying, but before she could enjoy the dance further, her mother’s question came back to her.
When was the last time you were happy?
This wasn’t it. Elana felt like she was performing happiness for those around her instead of feeling it in her chest. Or in any other part of her for that matter.
It was fine. The celebration was fine, but that old familiar ache and longing had taken up residence inside of her again, and she longed to strip the deep purple gown into a pile on the floor and pass it to Nessa, the true person for whom it was designed.
Before she could give into the urge and flee the celebration, find herself at the well beneath the shadow of the woods and throw her clothes on the ground, the head priestess stepped up to the stage and commanded the valley’s attention.
“Welcome, everyone, to the first ever Jubilee of Light! At last, dear folk, the monster that has cursed this valley for generations is gone! The well has been open for half a year now, and no evidence of the darkness has come forth. It is safe to declare this valley free of the pestilence that has plagued us for a century. Now, let us drink, dance, and be merry, for with the lengthening of the days comes more sunlight!”
More sunlight only gave more opportunities for someone to see Elana’s shadow.
She tugged at the rustling silk of her gown, ensuring that it brushed along the earth, covering her completely.
She’d been so careful to only be seen out and about when the sun was high and her shadow clustered beneath her, beneath the skirts of her gowns.
So far, it had worked, and nobody but Nessa knew of Elana’s secret.
With Nessa was the only place she could release the fear of being caught. And if she were caught, her brother would turn her over to the priestesses in a heartbeat. The well was suddenly the only place she could be herself. Be free.
Elana’s heart pounded, all of her attention dwindling to the point of longing in her chest that drove her to the well, until she couldn’t stand it any longer.
A hand at her arm drew her attention momentarily back to the present. “Are you going to faint?” It was Michel.
Edward was there too. “Yeah, you look like you might. I only ever saw Josie faint one time but you look just like she did then, all pale and woozy.”
“Yes,” said Elana emphatically. “I think I might. Tell Mama and Papa I went home because I felt like I would faint, okay?”
“Awww,” whined Michel, “we don’t get to see you faint though?”
Elana pressed her lips together and tried not to laugh, because that would most certainly ruin the effect.
“No. Now, run along and find Mama and Papa.” She grabbed Michel’s arm, and whispered, in a rush, “Tell them they don’t need to come home for me, I’m fine.
Tell them… tell them it’s lady problems. Mama will know. ”
Michel looked at her thoughtfully, but finally nodded.
“Feel better!” said Edward over his shoulder as the twins scampered off to do her bidding, and Elana slipped from the village and ran toward home.