9. Blesk
CHAPTER NINE
blesk
Sitting in a corner of The Basement Lounge, I lift my legs up and cross them on the vinyl cushion.
To not appear awkward, I pretend to read the textbook I have open in front of me.
What I’m really doing is cursing myself out…
over and over again. What an idiot. What a na?ve, easily led, dimple-faced-boy-obsessed moron I am.
I relive the last few hours’ worth of events. Including the image of Pembie and Konnor and whatever they're doing with each other—or to each other—right now.
I lift my phone, fingers hovering over the buttons. I would usually contact Erik but can’t seem to make my fingers work. My chest squeezes. Why can’t I text him? Knowing literally no one else, I finally text Elise.
Help.
Poor Elise. Day two of knowing Blesk Bellamy and nothing is ever peachy. I should warn her before things get crazy. My phone hums.
“Where are you?” Elise asks the moment I pick up and press the handset to my ear. “Your locator is showing it’s still on campus. Near the bookshop.”
I try not to sound sad when I say, “I think it’s called Th-the Basement Lounge.”
The Basement Lounge can only be accessed through an underground tunnel between the library and the bookshop, and that makes me feel safe, though I don’t know why.
A dark space that is all my own. Hidden.
Booths and couches line the room’s perimeter while standard tables are scattered throughout the middle.
The low ceiling appears to be carved from real rock, and the carpet is fire-engine red.
Busier than I'd expect for a Wednesday lunch, too.
“What did that A-hole do?” she asks breathlessly. Her voice comes in at different volumes. She’s jogging, I think.
“Nothing,” I grumble, flipping a page in my book, then another, and another, using the paper in an angry way that isn’t fair given I love paper and books. And now I feel guilty for being mean to the book.
“Lie to Elise not,” Elise pants in a Yoda voice.
I chuckle, shutting my emotional support textbook. “His girlfriend showed up and gave us a strip tease.”
“What? You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was,” I drawl.
“Oh, well, that sounds interesting. You should have called me. I have a whole jar of ones I’ve been dying to spend.”
“My apologies.” I lean back with a sigh, breathing a little easier. “How thoughtless of me.”
“I hate ones,” she says in mock anger. “They’re so obnoxious. The weakest dollar but physically bigger than the twos. Ones are bullies.”
This girl is crazy. I love it.
“They are,” I agree.
“Now, Blesk,” she says, sounding like my mother for a moment, her tone schooling. “You never told me he has a girlfriend.”
Fuck. Ugh. “Yeah, sort of.” I huff again. “He said it isn’t serious.” I smack my forehead with my palm. “I know, I know. I’m an idiot.”
“Not you are,” she pants again. A bike bell rings, and a man yells ‘look where you’re going.’ “Softy you are,” Elise finishes as if she isn’t causing a bike and pedestrian pile-up somewhere on campus. “Suck boys do.”
I chuckle. “You’re so weird.”
“I’ll be there soon. Order me something vegetarian.” She hangs up, and I leave it at my ear for a moment. Shocked.
Then I smile. Hard. I’m so glad I have Elise. I have a feeling she’s going to keep me sane—and also possibly a little insane but in the best way.
I sit for a moment in the quiet. The image of Pembie’s hand cupping Konnor’s dick through his jeans flashes behind my eyes, and I swallow it back down. He isn’t mine. He doesn’t owe me anything. I have absolutely no right to feel the ache currently sitting in the centre of my chest.
I feel it anyway.
Food might fix this.
Yep, just hungry.
I stand and approach the bar, peering into the kitchen for a server. While I wait, I recognise someone sat in another booth. Jaxon.
I am about to turn away—he isn’t my friend—when I notice the man beside him. Sandy-blond hair, and the ease of someone completely at home in any room he walks into.
Erik.
A memory of his bathroom flickers between static without warning. A zipper tearing open denim. A hand moving. I hear nothing.
I go still, warmth shifting through my chest, but also like it may stoke into flame. I may burn from the inside out. I tremble, wanting to run towards and away from him simultaneously. My feet won’t do either.
He spots me before I can decide. His hand rises to get my attention, a smile forming immediately—warm, certain, the smile that has always meant there you are. And he slides out of the booth and crosses the room towards me.
“Hey, you.” He pulls me into a hug. He smells like home. “I tried to call you like ten times this morning. Jax and I were grabbing food. Come sit with us.”
It isn’t a question exactly.
It never is.
Jaxon stands and walks over to us, greeting me with a wide grin. “B!”
I push out from Erik. “Hi.”
“You answered to B.” Jaxon laughs, patting my back in the same fashion he might a male friend. I like that.
The bartender slides over to us on the slippery floor.
Turning toward him, Jaxon pats my back again. “This is the mini-Bellamy, Shawn.”
“Is this guy bothering you?” Shawn chuckles.
“Which one?” I joke, then my stomach flips. “I mean, no, not at all.” I realise he was joking, but apparently I can’t just laugh it off like everyone else. I have to be literal. Answer. Answer wrong, then correct myself. Which one? Konnor? Erik? Or Jax?
Shawn smiles. “Well, hello, mini-Bellamy, what can I get for you this arvo?”
“It’s Blesk,” I say, because I’m not an extension of Erik—I’m not. “And can I please get a haloumi salad and a chicken Caesar? And two…” I hesitate. “Beers?”
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
“Is that a question or do you actually want two beers?” Shawn asks with a grin.
“Yes. Little Creatures Pale Ale, please.” I pick the local boutique beer because that seems classy.
“I’ll bring them over,” Shawn says, nodding at the table behind me where Erik and Jaxon were sitting. I blink at it. The decision has been made again. I wasn’t a part of it, but that is okay. It isn’t like I was going to sit at a different table, was I? That’s so rude and weird.
We walk to the booth.
Erik touches my back to guide me into the booth seat, and my mind blasts static. He sits beside me, while Jax slides in opposite, pulls out his wallet, and starts shuffling through cards as if he’s lost or misplaced something.
Erik leans back, laying his arm over the top of the seat, and looks around the lounge, appraising the area with a satisfied nod. “This is a great spot,” he says. “Honestly. You should make this your usual hangout, Blesk. I don’t know why we don’t hang here more.”
Jaxon looks up from his cards, brows furrowing. His eyes flick to me, then back to his cards.
“So,” Erik begins, “Tell me—”
“I’m here!” Elise walks into the underground lounge like a small, determined storm, eyes darting around.
As I excuse myself, Erik moves so I can slide out and retrieve my friend. My friend. She sees me, and before I know it, I’m engulfed in her arms.
“Want me to cut him?” she whispers into my ear.
I laugh. “God, I hope you’re joking.”
“Just a little maiming?”
When we separate, she notices Erik standing by the table I left and freezes. Jaxon shuffles in the booth, making room for her. “Hey, I’m Jaxon!”
Elise looks at him wide-eyed. “Hi.” That’s it. Just hi. No rattling on about her mum or cutting people. Just Hi. The smallest of English greetings.
An awkward moment passes as Jaxon realises she isn’t going to sit beside him.
Erik stays standing. He extends his hand and smiles.
That smile—the one that makes whoever he's talking to feel like the only person in the room. “I apologise that we didn’t get to officially meet the other day. I’m Erik.
Blesk’s brother.” He shakes her hand warmly.
“I’m so glad she has you. Seriously. Blesk doesn’t make friends easily, so I appreciate it. ”
Elise blinks at him.
I watch her soften slightly.
No quips?
No running mouth?
“Afraid of boys Elise is,” I whisper to her in my best Yoda impression—like the one she’d used on me earlier.
She adjusts her glasses. “Not all boys,” she mutters back. “Just the ones that look like they’ve walked out of a Hugo Boss magazine. So, yeah, all the ones you seem to know.”
I guide her into the booth seat. Erik moves to the position next to Jaxon. So girls on one side; boys on the other, and that seems so fucking perfect—I have a friend.
My knee touches hers.
I feel nothing but ease with her. Old squeamish thoughts surface, reminding me how few people in my life I feel comfortable touching. Erik was the first after I was adopted. Which is why it’s strange to feel so comfortable with Konnor—so quickly. Almost urgently.
I shove that thought down.
He has a girlfriend, Blesk.
“Your mum is an alumnus, right?” Erik says to Elise.
I’m shocked—he remembered? But then… that’s Erik. He can turn on the charm, draw others in. He listens. Shows an interest with ease. People love the way he notices, the way he remembers.
Elise nods. “Yes, both of my parents are.”
“Well, that gets you a free drink from me.” Erik signals the bartender, gesturing for two drinks on him.
We spend the next hour eating, discussing—and arguing—about all sorts of things.
Elise starts out shy and then morphs, right in front of us, into the confident, awesomely-weird person I’m beginning to understand she actually is.
She fires off facts about the cattle industry’s impact on the environment, cueing Jaxon to argue that our biggest drain on the environment is the mining industry, because he doesn’t seem keen on giving up his steak.
Listening to Elise rant, fast paced and passionate, is like watching daytime television. It’s dramatic and over the top, with weird deviations, and odd philosophical moments. I enjoy watching the surprise on the boys' faces.
Erik laughs and asks Elise questions. He is really trying for me, knowing I wanted to be social.
Needed friends. I’ll have to thank him for that.
He’s really listened to what I wanted, what’s important this year to me, and he’s showing me that today.
He remembers her answers and refers back to them as they speak.
He’ll know her better than me soon; I don’t have a great memory, though I was thinking about dimples and green eyes for a flash while she discussed her majors.
Erik came through. I watch him and feel the familiar warmth of it.
This is my family. This is what we look like from the outside. Easy and close.
“This really is a great spot,” Erik says again, looking around with that same satisfied expression. “Honestly. Elise, you two should study here. It’s perfect. Make it your spot.”
“The Grill’s good, too,” Jaxon adds, then stands up. “Gotta get me another brewskie.”
I lift my hand to my lips. I’m smiling. This is fun, and I don’t feel the least bit like hiding in the library. This is me becoming. Having no room to hide in, forces me to interact and accept company. This is good. And at least for a little while, I’m not thinking about Konnor.
That’s a lie.
I’m thinking about Konnor.
His dimples. Two. I could draw them.
The fantasy book.
The girl he lost.
Pembie’s breasts…
When Elise excuses herself to use the bathroom, Erik shifts in the booth and leans towards me. His voice drops. Just enough. Just for me.
His brown eyes meet mine, that smooth smile settling into place. “She seems nice.”
“She is.” I beam at him. “Thank you,” I say, my voice warm and real. “You were really nice to her.”
“She’s a sweet kid. Just…” He shrugs. “Never mind.”
“What?”
“Just be careful.”
I frown at him. “What? I thought you said she’s sweet?”
“Oh, she is.” He holds his hands up, pacifyingly, the picture of a man simply sharing a concern.
“I’m just saying be careful. She’s going to need a lot from you, and you’ve got a lot to focus on this year.
First year is a big shock.” His eyes dart between Jaxon at the bar and the restrooms, returning to me with something else inside them.
He glances at my lips. “Why haven’t you returned my calls, by the way? ”
I merely open my mouth, too shocked to speak. That was quite the pivot. Smooth, really. I almost don’t feel it happen. “I was—” I start.
“It’s fine.” He smiles and tilts his head, gazing at me with those soft, brown eyes that have held me for most of my life in a state of comfort and security and—a feeling that keeps circling but never shows itself completely.
He reaches over and squeezes my hand once, his thumb brushing my knuckles and lingering.
I don’t flinch.
“I just worry,” he adds.
Jax approaches with a new beer spilling over the rim.
He carries it over carefully, already drinking the overflow.
Erik removes his hand from mine. Elise comes back from the bathroom and slides in beside me, her knee bumping mine, and she doesn’t notice but I do.
Elise’s words tumble back, ‘do you want me to cut him,’ and I assign that comment to Erik.
The afternoon wears on. My 3 p.m. class looms, but I'm finally getting my mind off Konnor.
At least for a little while.
Then I head to class.