Chapter Fourteen #3
For Vivian.
For Rayna.
For Caspian.
Because he didn’t like being a sitting duck, Ivan turned in his seat and gave them the okay to move.
“Stick together, and make sure the perimeter is clear before Elizabeth enters,” he said. “The three of you don’t let anyone out of your sights.”
The Marines were armed for bear. They were carrying guns, and each had a rifle slung over their backs. That told Elizabeth one thing.
They wanted to put holes in Devon, too.
Together, they got out, and both Elizabeth and Ivan watched as they moved silently through the woman’s yard, sticking together as they began circling the cabin.
“What is your plan?” he asked. “And don’t lie. That makes me bitchy, and spiteful. You don’t like when I’m spiteful, so just put it out there so we can skip that step, Brunhilda.”
She looked over.
“The Hunters are coming, so that should tell you everything. What I just said, I meant. I’m going hunting.”
He lifted a brow.
“In a Federal capacity?” he asked, hoping the hell not. What he wanted was for this piece of shit to bleed.
She said nothing.
“Okay. Good. I’m thrilled to hear that he’s not being brought in. I want in. I want to be there for Jet and for Caspian,” he stated.
Yeah, she didn’t say anything, but that wasn’t happening. Only, why start that fight now with Ivan? That was another hill to die on for another time.
Instead, she was to the point.
“No, he won’t be going to jail. He set this up that if he is brought in, he can say he didn’t do half of it. He will buy juries, and he’ll try to destroy my career. The last part…fuck it. I don’t care. I’ll retire tomorrow and have peace and fucking quiet for the first time in my life.”
Oh, and no one would blame her.
She wasn’t done.
“The rest…I can’t let him get the publicity he wants.
He wants to be famous, and I’m not going to allow that to happen.
He wants to talk about Daddy Dearest, and give him a legacy.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s not happening.
He’s not playing martyr or prolific killer. I’ll erase him from history.”
He said nothing, at first.
Then, he did.
Oh, and it was exactly what she didn’t want him to do, so they could skip the argument. Having Ivan be her personal security was like having another husband—without the perks.
He was up her ass more than Ethan, and that was saying a lot since Ethan tended to try to run roughshod over ‘her wellbeing’.
“Well, I’m going with you.”
That’s when she shook her head.
“No, you’re not. I’m going with The Hunters. They’re Marines and can keep me just as safe as you do. You will be staying on Ethan, Callen, Chris, and Gene. Before you start your shit, Ivan, know that I don’t need anyone watching me take out the trash.”
He knew what she was saying.
“I won’t think less of you. Hell. I want to put a bullet or ten in him because of Jet. If Caspian’s girl is dead, make that me upping that count to twenty bullets.”
She took a deep breath.
What she needed was for him to truly understand what this would do to her. Because Ivan was as close to her as her own brother, Duke, she went there.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back from this, Ivan. Once I break the law…,” she admitted. “I’ve only hunted down a person like a dog once before.”
Reaching over, he took her hand in his as she shared.
“I did it to avenge the President’s wife when she was my partner.
It was intentional, and I didn’t like how it felt.
I went out of my way to do it. Even when I took out Javier Hughes for Ethan, it wasn’t a hunt.
He tried to kill Gene, and I put him down.
When Tony Morell tried to kill me, I put him down.
I was protecting people. This is different, and I know it.
Going after Devon Slater is intentional. That changes things.”
He didn’t like the way that sounded for a plethora of reasons.
It kind of freaked him out.
“You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?” he asked. “Because I don’t like the sound of that.”
She pulled off what was left of her badge. She left the gold shield with Jet, until this was over, and all she had left was the photo ID. In it, she was smiling and looked calm.
That woman was NO longer in the building.
“This badge means something. It means following the law, and doing it by the book,” she said, touching the FBI lettering next to her photo. “I’m getting a little too quick to do it the wrong way. When this is all said and done, I may need a break.”
Yeah, he REALLY didn’t like this.
“Like a vacation?”
She shrugged.
How did she tell the people she loved that she might just be hanging it up forever? That she might be tucking tail and heading back to DC? All she knew was she hated it in Damascus, and since coming here, it had been a downward spiral.
Nothing felt real anymore.
NOTHING.
“Something like that,” she said, keeping it ambiguous and with good reason. Ethan and Gene were here in Damascus, and he wouldn’t be leaving.
His roots were here, and hers were not.
When he’d said he wanted to stay, she had not been willing to break up the family.
Now…
She wasn’t so sure.
Was it a family if she was so miserable it was eating away at her soul? Like her job also was now?
Again, he went there.
“Don’t. Do. Anything. Stupid,” he stated. “Think about everything not once, but ten times. I know you, and you’re not impulsive. Just promise me you’ll weigh it all and use that logic that keeps you intact.”
She patted his leg with her hand, and then she focused on him.
“I may need a favor.”
Oh, Jesus.
This was getting worse.
“Don’t ask me to let you walk away,” he said. “Especially alone. I can feel that in my balls. I know you, Elizabeth Renee LaRue Leonard-Whitefox-Blackhawk.”
She sighed.
“Not the full government name,” she said.
He turned her head, so she was focused on him. That was when she said one thing.
“Okay, I won’t.”
Oh, fuck.
That said it all.
She was leaving.
When this was over, she was not going to be staying here, and that threw everything up into the air. She was the one who kept the family intact.
Elizabeth was the core.
If they lost that…
“Elizabeth.”
She squeezed their linked hands.
“Ivan, I’m tired. I’m beat down, and I’m three days beyond exhausted.
Carrying this family has damn near broken me.
While you don’t want me to ask for you to let me walk away, I have to ask you not to make me stay.
I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m tired of walking through the blood and bowels.
I’m tired of feeling cursed and not knowing what I did to have to carry this burden. ”
He stared into her eyes in the dark car. He could see her face from the lights of the cabin.
And he knew.
In that moment, Ivan saw the truth.
“You’re at rock bottom, aren’t you?”
Slowly, she nodded.
“I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be Elizabeth LaRue, once upon a time. She was damn good at what she did, but she sold her soul, and the price was heavy.”
He was quick to point something out.
“You are still her.”
Honestly, she liked to believe that.
Deep down, Elizabeth hoped that he was right, but it was going to take time.
And trust.
What she would ask of them would be monumental, but for once in the fifteen years that she’d been married and carried the Blackhawk clan on her back, she’d never asked for anything.
That was coming to an end.
“I need to find her again. So, I’m putting my faith in you, as my friend.
Please let me have space to find her. Next to Duke, you’re my brother.
I share everything with you because you’re also part of my safe space.
I trust you with my life, and you matter to me as if Charlie himself birthed you from his loins. ”
He let her talk.
“Ivan, I really feel that to the depths of my heart. We’ve walked through shit, and we came out the other side. I need you to have faith in me and give me the grace I believe I deserve to find Elizabeth LaRue again. She’s out there somewhere, and she’s lost.”
Her words touched him because he felt the same. Ivan didn’t have siblings, but he did have her. She was his sister from another mister, and he’d do anything he could for her.
Including this.
Gently, he touched her face.
“Kiddo, I do. I’d stand ten toes down with you in a trench surrounded by insurgents or serial killers. You have my loyalty, my trust, and my faith. Always.”
That helped.
Elizabeth would always do the work to get to the goal, but she needed the men in her life to give her that grace.
She’d earned it.
“Then, let me find that faith in myself again, so I can come back and be the woman everyone needs.”
He held up his hand.
“Pinkie swear it’s not goodbye forever.”
She didn’t hesitate. Instead, she held up her finger, and locked it to his.
“I swear.”
Then, he had to give her what she wanted.
“And you’ll be safe?”
She nodded.
“I’ll be safe.”
Well, then, he’d run interference for her. He’d buy her the time she needed, even if it meant four angry men trying to kick his ass or fire him.
“Then, I’ll help you.”
She hugged him.
In that moment, she needed it more than he did, and as their Kevlar bumped, he patted her back.
“Medusa, you better not forget you owe me one. The men are going to be up my ass.”
She knew.
“I mean, it’s not the worst feeling in the world,” she joked, proving she was in there.
He snorted.
“God, you’re insufferable, Crazy Train.”
“Back at you, Toadstool.”
Only, he didn’t get to say shit.
Just as he was about to, the coms clicked on, and he turned it back on from mute.
“Boss, we did the walk around. It’s clear. Unfortunately, she’s in the bedroom. I looked in the windows to see if we could find her, and it’s bad,” Raphael’s voice said over the com.
The tone said it all.
Well, fuck.
She closed her eyes.
What hadn’t she been willing to give to make this be a false alarm? Or to be there before he could kill her?
A single tear slipped down her cheek because they’d dropped the ball. The second she came into contact with them yesterday, she should have been brought in.
Despite her irritation.