Chapter Six #2
‘Right, best get back to work,’ Mark said, and walked out of the door, with more of a spring in his step.
When he was gone, she finally allowed her disappointment to show, slumping down at the kitchen table with a heavy sigh.
She was still holding the damp corgi tea towel, and now she dropped it with a soft splat that echoed her mood.
She’d never afford a place on her own now.
This was like watching paper catch on fire; in a matter of moments, her revised plans had been eaten away and turned into smoke.
So, what now? Renting? She couldn’t even afford that on her own; she’d have to find a flatshare. Living with strangers, who would be weird, or too young to understand that she didn’t want to party every night.
Nope, her only option was to stay at home with her family and help out with the shop occasionally… for ever.
Unless she was really lucky and settled with some boring bloke who liked thicc women and was generous enough to buy her a coffee.
Her stomach flipped. Hadn’t her mum done that with her dad?
Settled, only to be divorced with two kids after only a few years?
No thanks. Perhaps she could save some money and join Hannah in Australia.
But that had been Hannah’s dream, not her own.
Damn Mark. Damn Hannah. Damn her poorly paid nursing job!
‘Damn!’ She picked up the soggy tea towel and whipped it against the table. When that didn’t help, she whipped it again and again. Punctuating every crack of her whip with another, ‘Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn, DAMN!’
‘You all right, love?’ Her mum stood in the doorway looking concerned.
She threw aside the tea towel and busied herself tidying up her brother’s lunch. ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’
‘Hmmm, okay. Well, Alex seems nice. Shame he didn’t stay…’ she said, clicking the kettle on before she began to help Ellie tidy up.
Subtle, Mum, real subtle. ‘Yeah, he’s lovely.’ She refused to rise to the bait.
‘Has he got a boyfriend?’
Ellie stopped still. ‘What?’
‘Well, I just presumed he was gay,’ said her mum with a defensive shrug of her shoulders.
‘Why? Because he came home with me and that must make him gay?’ Ellie asked waspishly, already irritated that she had, as always, risen to the bait.
‘Of course not,’ snapped her mum. But Ellie knew the truth.
Her mum was tormented by her own body issues, and unfortunately that had had a knock-on effect on Ellie.
She’d been able to ignore most of it when she’d left home, had even repaired some of the damage caused by her mum’s dieting obsession.
But now she was home, it felt like death by a thousand cuts.
She grabbed her phone from the side, trying not to feel disheartened at the lack of notifications. Brutal confirmation of her one-way ticket to Delulu-loser-ville.
‘He’s just very polite and sweet. You were the one that said nothing happened between the two of you. What else was I supposed to think?’
Ellie rolled her eyes – and almost dropped her phone when it started to ring.
Her mum watched her with wide eyes and growing excitement as Ellie listened to the person on the other end of the phone.
‘Sure, why not, seven p.m. is fine,’ she said, and ended the call.
Her mum clutched the kitchen counter as if to steady herself. ‘Was that…?’
Ellie put her out of her misery. ‘Work. There’s an extra shift going.’
‘Oh.’ Her mum’s shoulders slumped. ‘But you’re doing nights next week, aren’t you? That’s not very fair.’
‘They need me,’ Ellie said with a shrug, and tried to ignore the cat’s bum her mum’s mouth was making and left the room to put on her uniform.
Ellie deeply regretted saying yes to this last-minute shift within an hour of arriving. The night was slow and boring – much like her love life. But they were short-staffed and she needed the money.
As happened quite often in A it was why she’d left. ‘Forget about everything else for a minute. What would you want, if you could have anything? How would your life look?’
She nosedived into the endless possibilities, but they only frightened her further. ‘I don’t know… More free time, a cute cat to snuggle up with at night…’ A family of my own.
‘Would you give up nursing?’
‘No.’ The answer was quick and certain, a relief. ‘But maybe fewer hours, or more reasonable hours.’
‘Move departments? Go into teaching or community nursing?’
‘Maybe…’
‘Well, that’s a start. Something for you to think about.’
‘If I had the time,’ she grumbled.
‘Make the time,’ snapped Hannah, and Ellie was surprised by the strength in her docile friend’s tone.
‘I’m serious. If you’re about to burn out, you need to take some time out and think about what you really want.
And then sort a plan, and make it work.’ x ‘Maybe…’ She hated to admit defeat, but Hannah was right.
She’d worked so hard for the goal of her own place.
But with the fate of the shop at stake, she’d given it all up in a heartbeat.
Which left her working her arse off for nothing. She needed to slow down, to rethink.
‘You need a holiday, Ellie, and I’m not saying that just because I want you to come out here and visit me.
I’m saying it because I was about to burn out myself.
Coming out here, that’s part of my plan.
I think things are going to be better for me over here.
I might even try nursing here. The pay is better, the patient ratios…
I need to look into getting my registration, but I’m feeling… hopeful.’
Ellie wiped away a tear. She hadn’t realised she was crying until she’d felt the wetness on her cheek.
Hannah seemed so confident, so certain, and she wished she could feel the same, but she didn’t.
Despite her bravado, Ellie was lost. Not quite as alone as Bob, but almost. She tried to gather her strength, but the idea of Hannah living in Australia permanently was another bitter blow.
She resolutely brightened her voice. ‘Now, tell me more about you learning to surf.’
When she got home, Ellie couldn’t face her family. She decided to go to bed, sleep and then go straight out again.
Not to work though.
She wanted to relive the fantasy of being friends with Alex King. She was like Gatsby, staring out across the void, longing for a life she could never have.
No, she would put on her glad rags and go see his play. Pretend she lived in a nicer world.
How cool would it be to have someone as interesting and gorgeous as Alex as her boyfriend? She could pretend in her mind that she was going to see her boyfriend’s play, and imagine a life where she wasn’t single, skint, and living at home in her thirties.
She only hoped Alex didn’t see her and think she was stalking him.