Chapter 12 Salma #3
Marlene and Poppy, followed by Ruby, walk in. Ruby does not appear to be under the influence. She follows Marlene with her shoulders bunched up around her neck and her gaze locked down. I wonder if Marlene has told her about the divorce yet.
I avoid looking at the corner of the room where they stand.
I am standing up straight and breathing, notwithstanding Ruby being in the same room.
I will be all right. “If you are interested in scientific breakthroughs that have emerged from materials found in the rainforest, you will definitely want to visit Sophie, who has taught me a thing or two.”
I keep my radar on Marlene and Ruby. Where they are in the room and what is happening around them.
There are so many reasons for this family to be nervous.
Mixed race. Same sex. Outsiders in this tightly knit community, where most families have been together since preschool.
Drunken scene causing great embarrassment less than a month ago.
My instinct to protect the vulnerable, especially this family, is on high alert, but if there is any stigmatization or quiet exclusion, I do not notice it.
Parents are caught up in the pleasure of seeing their children presenting what they have learned.
At five minutes to the hour, families start peeling out. They have other children, dinner to prepare, and bedtime. Poppy runs up to me and hugs me.
I say, “You did a great job! You should be proud of yourself.” No matter what is happening between the adults, I never want her to absorb it.
I don’t look up from Poppy’s face until I have to.
Ruby is looking to the side as though engrossed in the GDP of the rainforest relative to stand-alone countries.
Marlene is looking back and forth between Ruby and me. My anxiety feeds on hers.
“Hi, Ruby.” My hesitation weighs down my words, and they come out, scarcely a whisper.
Ruby turns in my direction but does not meet my eyes. She does not acknowledge me. She simply puts her arm around Poppy’s shoulders and steers her toward the table where her poster board about family units is set up.
“Wait. Ruby.”
Ruby turns to me while Poppy catches up with Marlene, a few feet away, who is busy folding up Poppy’s trifold presentation. Ruby waits until Poppy is out of hearing range and then says gutturally, “Stay away from my family.”
I flush. I am mortified. Why did I think Ruby wanted to talk to me?
Because of the letters she sent to me all those years ago?
Because she landed on my desk in a drunken haze?
I feel like such an idiot. I’ve been so busy running from my history, I managed to string together a few disconnected and disparate facts into a story, a rationale.
After everyone has left the room, I walk around the room slowly, cleaning up.
Marlene walks in and says, “I wanted to check on you. You okay?” She sees my face and quickly adds, “Ruby’s walking home with Poppy, and I’m driving with her poster board.”
“Sure. Other than what an idiot I just made of myself.”
“What happened? I saw you two talk.”
“Not sure I’d call that a talk.” And then I tell her.
“Oh, Sal, I’m so sorry.”
She looks like she’s going to hug me, and I put my hands up. It is bad enough that, somehow, my closest confidant has become Ruby’s wife. But now I have to figure out why Ruby hates me.
“Have you told her yet? About the divorce?”
She looks behind her to the door. “Not yet. I don’t know .
. . I know she’s only been here for a day, but she’s not had a single drink, and the kids are so happy to see her.
Bear literally climbs her like a tree, and she’ll wrestle with him till he tires out, which I simply can’t do, and .
. .” She looks at me helplessly. “I want an intact family.”
What can I say? Of course she does. And I want her and Poppy and Bear to be part of an intact family. I’m not so far gone that I want others to be as miserable as me. I nod and give an attempt at a smile.
“Sal?”
I’m going to have to tell her to call me Salma or MissCh because I can’t handle her calling me Asma’s nickname for me. I look at her with forced patience.
“I asked Ruby,” she says.
My entire body locks up. Is that why Ruby was so hostile?
“We’ve fought about that diary for such a long time, and I don’t know, I was trying to figure out if I tell her about the divorce first or ask about the diaries first. And honestly, the diaries felt easier.
I hate that your sister still has such a hold on her.
Sorry. No offense. I said that now she knows you exist and you’re Asma’s family that she should give them to you. ”
I put my hands to my mouth.
“Don’t,” Marlene says, a warning in her voice. “Don’t get your hopes up. Ruby told me she threw them all away. In some garbage can at an Amoco station between here and Chicago.”
After she leaves, I fold in on myself in the middle of the red rug. I am alone. In a school. At night. No Mamoo. No family. A sad spinster, waiting for something, hoping a remnant from the past might complete me.
My despair knows no bounds. Once again, Asma does not speak to me.