Chapter 1
Vivian
I can do this. I’m doing the right thing.
Why didn’t I think of bringing a bouquet? I take a step forward to walk up the aisle alone.
My heart leaps up into my throat. My fingers tremble. I lock them together in front of me and take a deep breath. Then another. The organist strikes up the opening chords of "Here Comes the Bride."
There. That takes the decision out of my hands.
I take a step forward, then another, fixing my sightless eyes straight ahead.
The crowd hushes. I walk down the aisle.
Sweat trails down my back. My knees tremble, but I manage to stay upright.
Keep moving. Don’t stop. You want to marry him.
You do. Why am I trying to convince myself?
A little too late to turn back, isn’t it? A shiver runs up my spine.
The fine hairs on the nape of my neck tighten. Beneath the scent of incense in the church are notes of woodsmoke and pine, and something evocative that reminds me of a forest I visited once when I was a young girl. I look to the side, and I meet the gaze of a man I’ve never seen before.
Those blue eyes are like sheets of ice. Thick, jet-black hair cut in a military style crew cut shows the shape of his skull and lends him a severe appearance. Threads of silver at his temples only add to his distinguished look. His jaw is square, his cheekbones sharp enough to cut diamonds.
That beautiful throat is corded with tendons, while his shoulders are broad enough to fill my line of sight.
Then there’s his hooked nose, and that thin upper lip, which adds to the impression of his spartan nature… As for that plush lower lip—I swallow— it would be perfect to bite down on.
Whoa, what am I thinking?
His lips firm, thinning out that upper lip further. I drag my gaze back to his; to find he’s scowling at me. The expression on his face is angry and confused, and yet, there's so much naked need. My nipples tighten, and my toes curl. My steps slow. It feels like I’m walking through quicksand.
What is this fluttering sensation in my belly? This shivering that grips me. This hesitation which churns my belly. Who is this guy? Why have I never felt like this before? Why is this stranger having such an impact on me?
Fighting my instincts, I walk past him.
As I pass my father, he wipes a tear from his face. My own threaten, but I don’t give in. I stifle the ball of emotion that clogs my throat.
Keep moving.
I force myself to look forward and come to a halt opposite the priest who’s going to marry us. Only problem?
What does it say about me that I didn’t notice my bridegroom was missing until I reached the altar? I was too focused on gathering my wits, then on putting one foot in front of the other. And when I saw that scowling guy, all other thoughts flew out of my head.
I turn to the groomsman, who I recognize as my bridegroom’s friend, Stan. "Where’s Felix?" I ask.
"Err…" Stan’s Adam’s apple bobs. "Err... I… He…" He shakes his head, sweat beading his upper lip. Why does he look like he’s going to puke?
Behind me, murmurs arise from the crowd. Then my father calls out, “Is everything all right, Vivi?”
I hold up my hand, and the conversations quiet down. I narrow my gaze on Stan. "What’s wrong? Is Felix okay? Did something happen to him?"
"Err… He… Uh…He sent me this message." Stan thrusts his phone under my nose.
Felix: Tell Vivian I’m sorry. I can’t go through with it
He dumped me. What the—! My bridegroom didn’t have the courtesy to tell me to my face that he was breaking up with me?
Heat flushes my cheeks. Embarrassment squeezes my chest, and I hunch my shoulders. Yet, my heart… My heart stays steady. And my brain whispers… Thank God.
A giddy sense of relief infiltrates my blood stream.
My bridegroom stood me up, and while I am upset and angry, I also feel like I managed to avoid the gallows.
What does that say about me? Was I about to commit the biggest mistake of my life?
And did my bridegroom save me by not turning up for our wedding?
He did me a solid. Except, he dumped me in front of a church full of people, including my father.
That sense of mortification tightens into a lump in my throat and spreads to my chest. My stomach heaves.
Bile boils up my throat. I swallow down the acidic taste coating my tongue and draw in a breath, then another.
Someone in the crowd loudly asks, “Is the wedding off?”
He's greeted by a chorus of shushing and admonishments and what seems to be a thousand voices raised in conversation.
The dress, which had once felt so right, seems too tight for my body. I should sidle away so I'm no longer in the center of this shit show; only, my legs refuse to obey me.
“I am so sorry, Vivian,” Stan whispers.
For some reason, the sympathy in his voice is my undoing. Tears squeeze out of the corners of my eyes, and I brush at my cheeks. Why am I crying? This is so stupid. Why do I feel like I’ve really been ditched at the altar? Because you were ditched at the altar?
Only, I didn’t love Felix, and I’m grateful he didn’t turn up. So why do I feel so wretched? I should get out of here and hide my face; pretend I wasn’t subjected to the single most mortifying moment in my life, but… Nope, my feet seem to be cemented to the ground.
I lower my chin and stare at the floor, when someone steps up to stand in front of me.
Someone who has big feet, going by the size of the polished black formal shoes he’s wearing, and who can afford a tailor, as evidenced by the pants that cling to his powerful thighs.
Also, that bulge between those thighs which hints that he’s not lacking in that department at all.
Huh? I have no business noticing a stranger’s junk, when I’ve just been dumped by my bridegroom—who you didn’t want to marry.
One who left me stranded in front of this crowd.
That’s when I realize, the murmuring and shuffling around me has faded away.
Silence surrounds me. My heart rate spikes.
The hair on the back of my neck rises, and when I draw in a breath, I smell woodsmoke, pine and wild open spaces.
I know it’s him, even before I raise my gaze to his chest and realize it’s so wide, it blocks out the sight of everything else.
I know it’s the man I saw in the pews as I walked up the aisle before I tilt my head back, then further back, until I meet those silver-blue eyes.
I’m almost not surprised it’s him; not at all.
When our gazes met earlier, I knew I was going to see him again… There was this connection that almost stopped me in my tracks. But I pushed it aside and, feeling a sense of obligation, I continued forward toward my non-existent bridegroom.
Of course, it would have to be like this. A sense of destiny settles around my shoulders. And when the stranger leans in and lifts up my veil, I don’t flinch or protest. A gasp runs through the crowd, but I ignore it. My gaze is caught and held by this enigmatic man who something in me recognizes.
It’s him. Him. Him. My blood sings in my veins. Electricity fires up my nerve-endings. He’s the reason it felt wrong with Felix. He’s the reason I knew marrying Felix was wrong. But I never thought I’d meet him; not in this lifetime. It’s why I almost married Felix. Thank God, he pulled out.
Some of my thoughts must be reflected on my features, for there’s an answering flash in his eyes. His jaw firms. He seems to come to a decision because he lowers his hand to his side, then drops to one knee.
My gaze widens. My pulse rate spikes. What’s he doing? He can’t be. No. No. Way. He looks up again and locks his gaze on mine.
I see the question in his eyes and know what my answer is before he growls, "Marry me."
Another gasp runs through the crowd. It fades away, and then there’s silence.
The blood pounds at my temples. My heart seems to swell until I’m one thump from exploding into a ball of smoke—poof—I’ll be gone.
No one will know I’m here. No one will pass judgement on me.
No one need know I almost agreed to marry him in church when he proposed because I'm so attracted to him.
I open my mouth to whisper my assent but what comes out is, "It’s often impossible to hum while holding your nose."
The man blinks slowly.
"Also, most people find it impossible to lick their own elbow." I nod, then wince. This is when he stares at me like I’m crazy, like so many others have when I begin to spout weird facts in a bid to cover up my nervousness.
I begin to turn away, when that stern mouth of his twitches. "Is that right?"
Did he smile? He almost smiled. What if I could make him smile for real?
"It’s physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky." I peer at him from under my eyelashes.
One side of his lip lifts. His eyes light up with amusement. Yes! I resist the urge to fist pump.
"And you must be aware, I can’t say yes to you…
" no matter how much I am tempted. Spouting that inane trivia bought me a little time, and I realize now, even contemplating marrying him is insane. I don’t know him.
And he’s much older than me. Nope, it’s wishful thinking that he’s my knight in shining armor come to rescue me from this horrible situation.
"Why?" His gaze grows intense. “Why can’t you say yes?” The silver in his eyes flares. Everything else around me fades. My senses light up as my vision focuses on him. All I can see is his features. Him.
Also, that’s a good question. Why can’t I marry you, even though every cell in my body insists I should? And my instincts scream I should do the right thing, ignore how it seems to the world, and follow what feels right for me.
I clear my throat. "Firstly, there’s the fact that I don’t know you.”
"That can be rectified." His voice is confident.
I gape at him, then begin to laugh. “You can’t be serious,” I say between gasping breaths.