Chapter 42
Bex was in a bit of a pickle.
By all accounts, Sophie had spent the rest of the weekend camped on her sofa, mopping her up on a regular basis, making sure she was dressed, trying to get her to eat a few morsels of food, brushing her hair.
It was like having another child, she said.
Felicity had never heard her friend sound so worried.
On the Monday, Felicity took her turn. Bex had done it for her, after all, all those years ago.
As she let herself into Bex’s flat with the key from Sophie, the first thing that struck her was the smell.
It was the smell of eco-cleaner which seemed to permeate the whole place.
Eucalyptus and rhubarb or something like that. It was overpowering.
She found Bex curled up under a duvet on the sofa.
‘What is that smell?’
No response.
‘Bex. Are you under there? What’s that awful smell?’
She shook Bex’s shoulder, or at least, where she thought her shoulder should be under all those feathers, and felt a stab of fear go through her when there was no movement.
And then, very slowly, Bex pulled down the duvet just far enough that she could turn her head and look at Felicity.
Her eyes were red and swollen and her skin was blotchy.
Felicity couldn’t remember ever having seen her without make-up before, let alone looking like this.
‘Sophie’s been cleaning,’ she said quietly, and her voice was rough as if she hadn’t spoken for a while. Which, according to Sophie, she hadn’t.
‘You’re not kidding,’ said Felicity, attempting a laugh. ‘It smells like she’s cleaned the whole place with a stick of rhubarb. I do hate rhubarb.’
She was hoping for a small chuckle with that one, but there was nothing. Felicity perched on the edge of the sofa and put a hand on the duvet pile.
‘How are you?’ she said gently.
‘Why are you here, Felicity?’ said Bex then, her voice sharp.
‘I had to see you, to see if you’re okay.’
‘What do you think?’
‘If I had to guess I’d say… you’re not?’
The body under the duvet snorted with disdain. ‘Funny that.’
‘Do you want me to get you some lunch?’
‘Not hungry.’
‘Okay. Is there anything else you need?’
At this, Bex threw the covers back completely and Felicity stood up and moved to the opposite sofa to give her some room. Bex sat up and rubbed her hands across her face but she didn’t reply.
‘Bex, I’m so, so sorry. Can I do anything?’ said Felicity, attempting to sound patient and understanding.
Her friend looked across at her, her expression blank.
‘Can you turn back time? Can you send me to a desert island where no one can ever find me? Can you take away my memories? Any one of those would do me.’
Felicity sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Bex. I can’t do any of those things.’ Then she brightened. ‘But we are having an open day at the centre on Saturday. Why don’t you come? It might do you good? You could come see the cats and dogs. We’ve got the most adorable puppies.’
‘So you want me to turn into Crazy Animal Lady now, do you?’ Bex practically spat.
‘No, not at all. I just thought…’
‘I appreciate it,’ said Bex, with a sarcastic smile. ‘But I’ll pass.’
Felicity stood up. ‘Look, it’s obvious I’m not being much help. I’ll just get you some lunch and then I’ll get out of your hair.’
‘I said I don’t want any lunch.’
‘Fine, then I’ll just go.’
‘Fine.’
Felicity was almost at the door when she turned back.
‘Bex?’ she said. Bex was crawling back under her duvet and didn’t even turn at her name.
‘What?’
‘I did try to warn you.’
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew they were a mistake. What a cruel thing to say. She felt sick.
‘I know you did,’ said Bex, with a bitter laugh. ‘And I thought you were trying to break us up so you could have him. When all along he’d found someone else anyway. Two people maybe. He can’t keep it in his pants long enough to make it through a wedding without someone wanting him, apparently.’
‘He never deserved you,’ said Felicity quietly.
Bex sat up again. ‘You’re right, he didn’t. Why are you here, Fliss?’
Her words were sharp and they cut Felicity almost physically.
‘I’m your friend,’ she said, her voice catching.
Bex scoffed. ‘Some friend I’ve been to you.’
‘It’s okay,’ said Felicity.
‘It’s not okay. I’m a terrible person and now I’ve got what I deserved, haven’t I?’ Again, that bitter laugh.
Felicity took a step towards her, then stopped. ‘No one could deserve what he’s put you through,’ she said.
‘Please don’t mention it. I can’t even think about Saturday, I’m so embarrassed.’
‘No, of course not, sorry.’
‘Do you think he ever even cared about me at all?’
Felicity shifted from foot to foot. ‘Honestly? I don’t know, my lovely. He’s your classic narcissist. I don’t know if Adam is capable of loving anyone but himself, and he doesn’t even do that very well.’
‘I wondered if he was a sex addict, you know, like that actor.’
‘That was never proven, was it?’
‘Still.’
Felicity considered this for a moment. ‘I mean, I suppose that could be true. He probably ought to be better at it though,’ she ventured, then grinned at Bex and to her delight, Bex answered with a giggle. There was the friend she knew.
‘It’s good to see you smile.’
Bex shrugged. ‘Can’t let the bastards get us down, can we?’
‘That’s my girl.’
On her way down the stairs, Felicity’s phone buzzed in her pocket.
Sophie: How’s the patient?
She stopped on a landing and tapped out a reply.
Felicity: You know, I think she’s gonna be ok.
Sophie: I really hope so.
Felicity: What do we do about Adam?
Sophie: Shall we burn his house down?
Felicity: I mean, I was thinking more like talking to him, but ok, let’s go straight to arson. In fact, I know a guy who can probably do that for us.
Sophie: Why don’t you get Penguin Man to talk to him?
Felicity: Are you mad?
Sophie: I’m serious. He’s a spy, he’s got all those negotiation skills and whatnot.
Felicity: He’s not going to waterboard him if that’s what you mean. And for the hundredth time, my boyfriend is not a spy. He just works for the government.
Sophie: Same thing. And surely just a tiny bit of waterboarding would be fine.
Felicity: Do you even know what waterboarding is?
Sophie: Not really. Is it like surfing?
Felicity: Love you.
Sophie: Love you. Thanks for going today. That must have been hard.
Felicity: It was.
And it had been. So hard to see Bex in such a state and also really hard to take the brunt of her simmering hatred when in reality, Felicity had been “this close” to never even being at the wedding. How part of her wished she’d been brave enough to stay home and watch Jane Austen in her pyjamas.
And then it hit her. Would it have all played out the same if she hadn’t been there? Had her presence actually stirred up the hornets’ nest instead of making things better? There was no way to know.
Felicity: I’m so glad you were there.
Sophie: Me too.