Chapter Sixty-Eight Ella
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Ella
Overnight, we dock in Halifax. It’s the end of my sea journey.
While I’m glad my work in the kitchen has ended, I’m apprehensive about leaving the ship and the relative predictability of my life on board.
Now, I’m stepping into the unknown all over again. I can’t say I’m a fan of that.
Claudette reassured me last night again that in the end all would work out, but she couldn’t tell me when that would be or how it would look.
She and I have spent countless hours together since I found out I’m pregnant. We’ve talked for hours or just sat quietly enjoying the stars on the upper deck.
Surprisingly, her presence has been calming, even inspiring a sense that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
God, my life in Dublin seems like another lifetime, like a distant memory or a story someone tells about a stranger.
In my tiny bathroom, I’m applying the makeup that turns me into Ash… or at least trying to.
My hands are trembling, and it takes me five attempts to get the eyeliner right. It’s become a habit, but I still don’t like the time and effort it takes, especially today.
It needs to be perfect. I need to fool any cameras that might get a glimpse of my face.
The thought of giving Tiero or anybody else looking for me a clue of where I am makes all my anxiety return, and I want to hurl. The bottle of water I just drank is like a bubbling mass of acid in my stomach.
I step out of the bathroom and pace my room. It takes all of two seconds.
Putting my two bags onto the bed, I triple-check the drawers and cupboard and under the bed, making sure I’ve not left a trace.
A knock on the door makes me jump.
Whoa, Ella. Calm the heck down.
This is just Claudette picking me up for our goodbye breakfast.
Sure enough, when I swing the door open, she greets me with a blinding smile. It falters when she takes in my face.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, drawing her eyebrows together.
I shake out my hands, finding it suddenly hard to breathe.
“Argh… I’m freaking out a little,” I reply, trying to take a deep breath in.
“A little?” she mutters, taking my hand and pulling me into the corridor. She takes out her key and opens her cabin, motioning for me to sit on her sofa. “We’ve got more room in here,” she says.
“Right, darling. Talk to me.” Claudette sits down cross-legged on the floor, never taking her warm gaze off me.
I look at her, but I’m too wired to sit. I jump up and pace. At least I’ve got double the room here.
“I’m really worried about everything. I’m starting a new life in a new country… hell, a whole new continent, far away from everyone and everything I know. I can never tell the father of my baby that he exists, and things seem to get more and more complicated instead of easier.
“You said early on that this won’t be a walk in the park. But over the last week I felt positive about this new start. But now we’re in Halifax and I’m about to disembark, the magnitude of this move really strikes me. I don’t know if I can do this.”
I keep walking up and down, the nervous energy in my body not dissipating. When I next pass Claudette, she grabs my hand and pulls me down to the floor to sit with her.
“You can do this, Ash.” She squeezes my hand reassuringly. “Really, you have no other choice. Going back isn’t an option.”
How does she know that? Can she really see everything about me?
“There’s something we can do to alleviate your fears and make you step off this ship with more confidence. Remember, everything will work out in the end, and you will find happiness.”
It didn’t escape my notice that just like before she said, ‘in the end’.
Does that mean there’s hardship in between? I’m tired of challenges.
I sigh, resigned. “What did you have in mind?”
“A meditation.”
I widen my eyes at her. A meditation, really?
Of course, Claudette ignores my skepticism.
She chuckles. “Give it a try. You’ve got nothing to lose. This is a sort of future peeking, a Look into the Crystal Ball type meditation.”
Okayyy.
But she’s right. What do I have to lose? Other than my anxiety?
She fiddles with her phone, and soothing meditation music starts playing.
“Close your eyes, darling. Take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Take a moment to find the most comfortable position. If you like, lie down flat.”
I do just that, picking up a cushion from the sofa for my head.
“Your palms should face up. Take another deep breath and slowly let it out… Good.”
Claudette’s voice has dropped and is now as soothing as honey on a sore throat.
“Make any adjustments so you’re as comfortable as possible. Tune your attention to the sound and sensation of your breath.
“Inhale, slow and deep, and as you exhale, let go of everything that bothers you. Breathe it out into the ether… let it go.
“Lovely… just like that. One more time. Take a slow, deep breath in, and as you let your breath out, release and relax. If any thoughts or concerns enter your mind, put them into a bubble and let them float away. Watch them disappear into the heavens until you can no longer see them.
“Allow your attention to center on the soothing motion of your breath as it gently anchors your awareness into your body. Observe the subtle rise and fall of your chest and belly. With each breath in, all your muscles are relaxing…”
Claudette’s voice is sounding softer and softer as my body sinks deeper into this exercise. Perhaps this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
As I focus on each inhale and exhale, my tension melts away, my mind floating in a warm, comforting haze.
“Turn your attention to the space in front of your eyes. Watch that bright space.
“You may notice different colors or shapes. Don’t try to make them out. Just let them float past. If you see nothing, that’s fine too. All is as it should be.”
I’m engulfed in warm, golden light. It’s like a womb and I soak up the protection and comfort.
“Just gaze into the space and allow your mind’s eye to witness whatever is in front of you.”
There are no visions, no thoughts. It’s wonderfully quiet. I want to stay here forever.
My eyelids grow heavy, lulling me even more into this floaty space. All I want to do is sleep.
Rest… rest.
Somewhere nearby, a low horn sounds, long and deep, vibrating through the ship.
An announcement crackles faintly over the intercom, distorted and muffled by the walls, words blending together.
Suddenly, a burst of heat rushes into every one of my cells, searing every nerve ending.
Tingles spread through my body as my heart rate picks up. Adrenaline rushes into my veins.
All relaxation is gone in a nanosecond.
No!
The hair on my body stands on end, and goosebumps cover every inch of my skin.
I know what this means.
My entire body is trembling.
But Tiero shouldn’t know I’m here. Has Lex’s plan failed?
Shit, shit, shit.
Now what?
The night is at its darkest... but the dawn is coming.
Ella has fled the shadows of Sicily, choosing her freedom over the dangerous world of the De Marcos.
But Tiero isn't ready to let her go and the storm she ran from is already closing in.
Find out if they find their way back to each other in the epic conclusion, A Second Dawn.