Chapter Fifty Ella
Chapter Fifty
Ella
“Igave Tiero that second chance so he could be part of Peanut’s life. If it hadn’t been for your boyfriend, his role in her life would have lasted all of thirty-six hours.
“You had your reservations, and you were right.”
Pressure builds behind my sternum as I force myself to continue.
“You said his world was too dark for me, that I wouldn’t survive it. Well… Peanut nearly didn’t.”
I lift my head to look at my best friend. She doesn’t say anything, just offers me a tight, understanding smile.
“I said all of that before I had all the facts,” Rhia replies gently.
“You had already thought through every objection I raised long before we spoke. It was common sense. But this isn’t about common sense, El.
This is about your heart. Despite everything, you chose Tiero because you love him.
Because you want to be a family with him.
You saw a real chance at that, and you took it. ”
I blink at her. “There’s so much turmoil inside me.
I’m questioning everything all over again.
It’s like I’m going in circles and never arriving anywhere useful.
Am I even in the right headspace to make a decision this big?
Most of the time I’m with him, my brain gets hijacked by our chemistry… by how much I want him.”
I reach for the glass of water beside the tub and take a slow sip.
“What would your mother say?” Rhia asks.
I frown at her, caught off guard by the sudden shift.
I huff softly. “No sane mother would tell her daughter to choose a mafioso. I certainly wouldn’t.”
Rhia doesn’t look convinced.
“Not necessarily. Your mom would want you to be happy.” She lowers her voice. “If Tiero truly got out of the mafia, and he made you incredibly happy, your mother would approve.”
Would she?
“You’ve had an upsetting day, El,” Rhia continues gently. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. Anyone would struggle to think clearly after what you went through.”
“I kind of do,” I admit. “Tiero wants to fly back to Italy tomorrow. If I go with him, that means I choose him.”
I stare into the bathwater.
“I need to know it’s really what I want. Otherwise, it might be better to go back to Mountain Breath for the winter. That would give me time to figure out what’s right for me.”
“Do you want me to get Claudette?” Rhia asks. “Maybe she can give us some insight into what your future looks like.”
“As tempting as that sounds, I don’t want to be influenced by her visions,” I say. “They’re not always right anyway. Even she admits she’s only accurate about eighty percent of the time.”
“That’s still a pretty good percentage,” Rhia says.
“You think?” I reply skeptically. “No. This has to be entirely my decision. Otherwise, I’ll always question it.”
“I get that,” she says without hesitation. “Whatever you choose, I’ve got your back. No matter what.”
I smile at her, and she squeezes my hand. She really is the best.
“But El, be honest with yourself. About what you feel and what you need to be happy,” Rhia says gently. “This is the rest of your life we’re talking about. Now is not the time to compromise. Now is the time to reach for your dreams.”
Her expression is serious, her eyes shining with love and concern. She gives my hand one last squeeze before standing.
“Thank you, Rhi. I’m so glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too, El. I love you,” she says softly. “Call me if you need me. Otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning.”
When the door closes behind her, I slide beneath the water, holding my plastered arm straight up.
I stay under for as long as I can, letting the warmth seep into my skin. When I finally surface, I stare at the closed door, water dripping down my face.
Be honest with yourself, Rhia said.
But I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I am.
Since finding out I was pregnant, haven’t I always said that, for Peanut’s safety and well-being, I needed to stay far, far away from Tiero’s world?
I’m responsible for her. Have I already let her down?
But I followed my heart. Being with Tiero felt right.
Does it still?
I close my eyes and sink lower into the tub until only my head and plastered arm remain above the water.
Drawing in a slow breath, I try to quiet my mind enough to hear the guidance Claudette insists I always carry within me.
Despite the wild hormones surging through my body and the anxiety and fear still clinging to me, I do my best to wipe every thought away and focus on breathing in and out, steady and rhythmic.
Time slips away. I have no idea how long I remain like this.
But by the time Tiero steps into the room and gently pulls me from the bath, I feel clearer than I have since before all of this began.
I have my answer.
Now I just need the courage to follow through.