Chapter 7
“The best disguise is not a mask. It is becoming what they fear. Then smiling when they invite you in..” The Count of Monte Cristo
LILAH
“Hey…” Charlie stretches her hands over her head. “Thought you went to bed, why are you walking in the apartment,” She pauses. “Are you crying?”
“No.” I lie, my voice is weak from both screaming and from the kind of fear that makes you throw up and sob all at the same time.
“I got caught in the rain, had to walk, long story, I’m going to bed though, had to work.
” My voice is coming out shaky not at all like I want it to, God I can’t even sell the lie anymore as I shuffle toward my room and quietly shut the door.
I hate that I can hear my own breathing and that it’s this loud and uncontrolled.
My throat burns, I squeeze my eyes shut but I still see the lights flickering at us, warning us, saying my time is almost up or it’s about to be, could have been tonight if Jude made one wrong move.
His mom is dead. With shaky hands I text the number I have, someone texts back right away, sorry wrong number. I quickly flip open my laptop and type in her name and sure enough, clear as day.
Her obituary.
December fifth.
Why did my dad make me believe he died?
“There’s been an accident.” The text, and then when I saw my dad walk in the door.
“I’m so sorry sweetie.” Dad sighed. The problem?
When had he ever called me sweetie? When I was five?
“The trials over soon, they already have your statement and he’s gone.
Jude is gone.” He hung his head. “I finally got a job offer at Brighton, I think it’s best we put all this behind us.
It’s closed casket and family only anyways, besides the worst thing would be for the girl who testified to be there.
” I collapsed onto the ground in gut wrenching sobs.
I didn’t move from that spot all night, I ran to Jude’s house and screamed at his window begging him to come out knowing he was gone.
And then I ran home in the rain and cried some more.
I felt catatonic, moving through life but not feeling anything.
My parents were so concerned we left that same weekend, my mom started her new job making it so we could afford the move, they paid for everything.
Ten grand flashes in my mind.
No. My dad would never. He was desperate to make money but he never take a bribe especially knowing there were strings attached, there are always strings.
Jude was wrong about that. He had to be, but what reason would he have to lie?
I typed in his dad’s name, Edward Hale and felt physically sick when I saw his smiling picture.
I never saw him on campus but for being such a massive donor it was weird, really weird that he wasn’t ever really mentioned.
If Evans wasn’t a psychopath I could ask him, but he’d just see it as an invitation for a booty call and the last thing I needed after these two days was to fight off a booty call.
Maybe it was all a test from Jude to see where I stood? No, his reaction had been too real. I wish I had his number. Maybe it’s the same as before? Should I try?
One thing for sure.
His mom’s death made him go completely insane and insane people don’t care about the rules, they only care about vengeance and if he’s been watching he knows my every move. I quickly rush over to my blinds and close them just in time to see the lights to his car flick on.
He was waiting, but not for me to get in safely to my apartment.
No that would be something a boyfriend would do, something a friend would do, a college might even, but right now Jude wasn’t any of those things to me.
Tonight was proof of that. There was no part of old Jude that existed, only bitterness and anger, and all directed toward me.
It almost felt like he was waiting for me to look out the window like I used to. Only this time I don’t do it out of habit; I do it out of fear.
“Always wave goodbye.” He whispered.
“Always say hello.” I said back.
“Never leave me without saying it, Lilah.”
“I won’t.” I ruffled his hair. “I promise.”
I’m a coward.
I’m a liar.
I deserve to burn.
I told a lie and I destroyed his life. I don’t blame him one bit for hating me. I just need him to hear me out and pray he doesn’t wreck my life the way I wrecked his.
I take in a few deep breaths and walk over to my bed and sit. My phone goes off in my hand I forgot I was even still holding it.
Charlie
“Remember! Date tomorrow night with hot guy I just met and his best friend! Live a little!”
Hah, very funny Charlie, considering I almost died tonight.
I text back right away. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”
There’s safety in numbers.
Maybe the best friend likes to lift weights, never skips leg day and owns creatine supply company? One can only hope and pray.
A knock sounds at my door. “You texted back, you still up?”
“Yeah.” I call. “Sorry, I just…I’m tired, kind of out of it.”
The light under the door creaks through.
Maybe if I focus on it hard enough I won’t be so afraid of the dark.
I’m afraid if I turn on the lights Jude will see.
The dark, while scary, is safer I think, at least for now, at least I can hide in it and he won’t see the fear in my eyes.
It’s too exhausting pretending I’m indifferent to his looks, his touch, everything about him. So the lights are staying off. For now.
“Alright, early class tomorrow, think about our date not that asshole Evans.” She sighs. “The TikToks alone tonight about our campus have been brutal, thank your lucky stars people aren’t speculating you were sleeping with him.”
Yeah. Lucky. Mouth dry I suddenly can’t find words. I nod like she can see me. Shit, what if someone finds out?
Worse, what if Jude tells?
Would he be that predictable?
I collapse onto my bed and close my eyes. I hope not, because graduating is the only way I get a job and get out of here, graduating means a piece of paper that says I belong and I’m worth hiring.
Plus, I’d be the first in my family to do so.
It’s important.
The only shitty fact is, he’s well aware that my dream was to be the first person in my family to graduate college and now that he’s here all I can think of are all of the ways he’s going to make it my last.