Chapter 10 #2
“He has three kids and grills every weekend.” He points out.
“Exactly. Stability.” I laugh. “He’s the best though, his wife makes the best chocolate chip cookies. I look forward to the break room.”
“See, I don’t get stable vibes from you.” His eyes flick over me teasingly. “You seem more like a let’s ruin our lives for character development type.”
I laugh. “That’s fair.”
Charlie sighs dreamily beside him. “Keep talking.”
He points at his dimples. “These are a burden.”
“I volunteer to help carry it,” Charlie adds. “I’ve heard heavy petting does the trick, keeps them in check, keeps you semi-satisfied.”
I groan. “Wow you two really are perfect together. Try not to jump each other on the first date.” But they’re already leaning in like they’re about to kiss while I’m still dateless.
Sounds about right. I drum my fingertips against the table.
“Look how the universe works things out despite the world crashing down around us.” Lucky. Them, not me.
“Thank you,” they say in total unison. Wow.
I laugh again, shaking my head as warmth from the alcohol finally starts loosening the knot in my chest.
Maybe tonight won’t be so terrible. Maybe they’ll also get knocked up at the table by the end of the night as well especially with how things are progressing, at least I can survive one date without spiraling into--
“Oh, thank the dating Gods.” Charlie whispers looking over my head. “I was already trying to mathematize my time between you two,” She side eyes me. “You were losing by at least twenty percent of my time, no offense.”
“None taken, I would have thought forty so we’re good.” I nod nervous to turn around and see my date for the night.
The boss suddenly looks past me toward the entrance. “Looks like he finally made it.”
The first thing I smell is cedar, the second is mint, the third is a sudden heaviness that begins in my stomach and spreads out to my limbs.
My stomach drops instantly.
No.
Please, no.
“He?” Charlie asks excitedly. “Does he have a name?”
“My best friend also my cousin so I have no choice but to keep him.” He rolls his eyes. “Takes him forty years to cross a room because apparently every living organism wants his attention.”
Something cold slides down my spine because that sounds exactly like Jude, smells exactly like him, feels exactly like him.
“He can’t help it,” he continues. “Good genetics and too much money. Tragic really.”
Slowly—
Too slowly?—
I turn around.
And there he is.
Jude. Mere feet away from me.
The object of my fear.
The object of my guilt.
And one of the most attractive human beings I’ve ever seen in real life, walking slowly toward us, eyes only for me.
Seduction the note said.
Him?
He wouldn’t write that.
Someone else had to.
So, someone else wants to use me to get to him.
Again.
I won’t fall for it twice though but if I don’t then does that mean my name appears on the list? Do I risk letting history repeat itself to keep my new identity safe? My new life? Or do I break him again the way he’s promising to break me? Do I hurt him first out of fear?
Tit for tat?
If it’s not love. It’s war. It has to be.
So, for the first time since seeing him, I manage to conjure up a smile as he finally makes it to our table, stares down at me and says. “I’m going to marry you someday.”
And just like that my stomach plummets.
Because more than seven years ago, it was the exact same thing he said to me in front of his mom.
And the first time I fell in love with him.
“Isn’t that what I said last time? When I saw you? Or maybe it was just every time I saw your face until suddenly I didn’t.” He holds out his hand like we haven’t already met. “It’s been a while.”
“Wow,” Charlie claps her hands. “You’re right about this one, better be careful, Lilah he’s dangerous.”
“De-lilah.” Jude corrects still not taking his eyes off of me. “I like the full version better, maybe it’s the dark side of me that hopes when I fall asleep you’ll steal all my strength…in exchange for the hottest sex of my life one can only hope.”
Old Jude would never have said that to me. He would have never taunted or teased me to make me uncomfortable, he always knew that it was a no-fly zone because it was playing with my feelings, just like he was right now. In front of people.
Old Jude was my friend and my first love. This Jude was my enemy. And my shame.
“Wait, you two know each other?” He points between the two of us. “For real?”
“I should have known,” Jude pulls out a chair.
“My Cousin, Axel here only loves the crazy ones, no offense roommate,” He winks at her then brings his full attention back to me.
“And of course I know Lilah, she’s the only girl in high school who wouldn’t let me kiss her, the only girl who slept next to me but not with me, and the love of my life until she crushed my heart and ran away nearly killing me in the process.
Completely heartless, this one. Imagine wanting someone so badly and not realizing the entire time you wanted, they waited with a knife to stab you with. But hey, water under the bridge.”
Charlie’s mouth drops open.
I can’t elbow her, but I do flick her with her straw. She’s unfazed as it lands in front of her, and my heart is pounding so hard I swear Jude can hear it as well as everyone else in the club.
“I uh—” I shove my chair back. “Need to use the restroom, I’ll be right back.”
I bolt in a flurry of confusion toward the restrooms and try to gain my composure when I look at my flushed cheeks in the mirror.
Not true.
He’s lying.
He’s using me.
He’s taunting me.
He hates me.
Don’t let him get in. He’s dangerous.
Shaking, I tuck my hair behind my hears, wash my hands for literally no reason other than I need the cold water to shake me out of my own head, grab a paper towel, and toss it in the trash before jerking open the door and nearly colliding with the guy from earlier.
“Whoaaaa.” He steadies himself with me and blinks up in a blur of drunkenness. “Knew you’d be back for more.” He shoves me hard against the wall. “Hmmm, wanna come inside the bathroom? Nobody’s in there.” His hands move to my hips and slide down to my ass. I shove him away. He keeps me pinned.
He’s clearly stronger.
“Let me go,” I hiss not wanting to resort to hurting him or making him angry. “I’ll scream.”
“Like anyone could hear you in the club.” He laughs and leans his face in and tries to kiss me. I turn away only to have him grab me by the neck and hold me steady as his soured whiskey breath exhales on me. His mouth descends and then he’s gone, jerked away from me so fast I choke out a breath.
“Asshole!” Jude yells. “You like touching things hmm?” He slams him back against the wall and punches him across the face, then pulls him to his feet and knocks him into the men’s restroom. ‘Be back.” He calls over his shoulder.
And then he’s gone. All I hear is screaming “stop, stop, stop,” and then banging.
It’s maybe two minutes before Jude is back. He looks calm, too calm, and from the open crack of the door I see two feet on the ground.
Jude cracks his neck and rubs his bloodied right hand. “You okay?”
I gape. “Are y-you okay?” Why? Why did he help me? Why didn’t he just let the guy attack me? I’m so confused I want to cry. My emotions can’t take it. They’re all over the place. One tear spills over followed by another.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Jude grabs my hand and pulls me against him. He smells so good. He smells familiar and if I try really hard I can forget the trauma attached to him for one second and remember his pretty handwriting, his pretty words, and his safe hugs.
God I missed it.
I cling to him longer than I should.
I’m angry. I’m confused. I’m scared.
I’m so lost.
I was gone for years.
It took him days to break down my defenses by simply existing. Was his hold that strong? Yes. Yes it was. It is.
“It doesn’t matter how much I hate you for what you did, hate is never an excuse to physically harm a girl or make her feel unsafe.
I’ll watch you from afar, I’ll get in your head,” He holds me tighter.
“I will never lay a hand on you. That’s the difference.
I’d rather torment your mind; your body is and will always be yours.
” He pulls away and wipes at my cheeks. “Let’s get you a drink. ”
“And him?”
He shrugs. “He’ll have a headache in the morning and a fucking hard ass time finding his tooth.”
“Huh? What? Why?”
He tugs my hand harder and presses a kiss across my wrist where the guy grabbed me. “Because I flushed it down the toilet.”