CHAPTER 52 - I Want To Forget
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The steam from the bath curled around us, making everything feel hazy and surreal. His lips traced a reverent path up my collarbone, my neck, my jaw... Like he was saying a prayer. And despite the storm in my heart, I closed my eyes and let him.
His hands moved with care, one over my chest, the other dipping down into the water... Meanwhile his teeth grazed my ear, his breath sending shivers down to my toes. When his fingers brushed up against a particularly sensitive area, I whimpered without meaning to.
Sylvos stilled instantly.
Then, before I could even think to say anything, He scooped me up, the water sloshing as he carried me out the bath and put me down on my feet.
"You should sleep," he said, grabbing a towel the servants left and drying me off.
"Wait. I... need something first," I said.
His brow furrowed.
"What is it?"
My eyes darted away for a second.
"When the Nightshades came to the tent, they played with my daggers... That's how Isolde got cut by Raincatcher. But my second dagger, Windcleaver, is still with Princess Griveen. I don't think going to them now is wise... Could you fetch it for me?"
Sylvos exhaled slowly like he was waiting for those words.
"So that's what happened..." he murmured. "Very well. I must have a word with the Nightshades regardless. Stay here. I'll be back shortly."
He kissed the top of my head before stepping back.
As he reached for his clothes, I darted forward to help, handing him his tunic.
He shot me a teasing smirk, and I realized with a flush that I was still very much bare to the world.
I snatched my nightgown from the chair and slipped it on hastily, earning a low chuckle from him.
Then he was gone.
The moment the tent flap closed behind him, I pulled the key I had stolen from the cord of his tunic. My heart drummed at the risk of it all.
But there was no time to have any doubts.
Shrugging on a cloak, I pulled the hood up and slipped out through the back of the tent.
The camp around me was alive with celebration — soldiers laughing, shouting, and singing around roaring fires.
The chaos worked to my advantage. Keeping low, I slipped through the shadows, each step careful, until the prison wagon loomed before me.
Cavriel was slumped against the bars, his head bowed, his body bruised and bloodied. At the sound of my approach, he stirred weakly, green eyes fluttering open.
"Raine... what are you doing?"
My hands trembled as I slid the key into the lock.
"There isn't time. You have to run fast. They'll look for you in the morning."
Horror flickered across his face.
"No. Raine, if they find out, they'll execute you."
"I owe you this," I hissed, forcing the key to turn. "You were only forced into this position because I had ruined the Flynmoore attack for you..."
Cavriel dragged himself upright, his voice rough.
"No... It was my own mistake. I should have told you my plan. But I didn't... Because I was afraid of how close you had gotten to the emperor..."
It hurt a little to know he doubted me. But I suppose he had good reason.
"It doesn't matter now," I said.
The lock clicked, and the door creaked open. Cavriel stepped out, swaying as if the earth beneath him shifted, his eyes burning with conflict.
"This is twice now that I owe you my life..." he said quietly.
"Then don't throw your life away so easily," I whispered back. "You only have one..."
He hesitated, then nodded, his jaw set.
"When Thornmont reaches Cape Saltmourne, I'll help you escape. I swear it," he promised.
I smiled up at him. He'd been such a pain the first time we met.
People really do change...
"Don't worry about me," I told him. "Now, go."
With one last look, Cavriel slipped into the night, vanishing into the shadows without a single sound to be heard.
I stood there for only a moment, before rushing back to the tent, my heart pounding so loudly it drowned out the sounds of celebration.
Slipping through the back flap, I ducked into the warmth of the room, unnoticed.
My hands trembled as I placed the stolen key near foot of the tub, letting it rest there as if it had been discarded without thought.
"You'll get caught," a voice said softly.
I spun toward the sound.
Ryn's voice had come from Raincatcher, lying innocently on the table. I picked the dagger up and spotted the elf across the room. He stood by the brazier's fire, his hands buried in his pockets, his green eyes glinting in the flames.
"It'll be suspicious, true," I whispered, clutching the dagger close, "but Sylvos believes me now. If I stay here, asleep, maybe he won't suspect a thing."
A soft, humorless laugh escaped Ryn.
"I almost feel bad for the tyrant," he remarked. "Getting deceived so easily..."
"This is the last time I'm deceiving him," I declared, standing taller.
Ryn went utterly still.
For a few, bated breaths, there was only the crackle of fire and my heartbeat.
Then the elf asked, low and careful, "What do you mean by that?"
I swallowed hard, forcing the words out.
"I plan to tell Sylvos the truth. All of it. And then I'll ask him to stop his conquest. To start over with me. If he agrees... I'll forgive him."
The air around us seemed to crackle, the shadows growing darker.
Then Ryn let out a manic laugh that didn't belong to this world, his sharp teeth flashing.
"You cannot be that stupid in every life!" he mocked, dragging a clawed hand through his hair like he might tear it out. "How many times must I watch you die before you understand?"
"This time is different!" I argued, my voice shaking. "He believes me. He never did before. This has to be it. I can feel it... I won't tell him the whole truth right now... But after we get closer... Maybe after we..." I hesitated, my cheeks burning.
Ryn moved suddenly.
Even though he existed only in the dagger's reflection, I felt the pressure of his presence. He was right behind me now, his anger rolling off him like a storm.
"You always think it's different!" he snarled. "And you always die. The only way is to kill him, Raine! You have to kill him!"
"My heart—" I whispered, trembling, "my heart is telling me this is the right way. And if... If I do end up being wrong, then it's fine. The next life will be easier. You can teach me Elvish from the start. We've made so much progress, so if you just tell me what to do, we can get it all back—"
"STOP!" Ryn's shout cut through me.
I froze, the words dying in my throat.
His chest rose and fell with uneven breaths, his green eyes flashing brighter before suddenly shifting to the deepest blue I had ever seen.
Turning away, he staggered to the bed and collapsed onto it, burying his face in his clawed hands.
When he finally spoke, his voice was a broken whisper.
"There is no next life."
The room seemed to tilt around me. My grip on Raincatcher faltered.
"...What?"
Ryn didn't look at me.
His shoulders shook as he repeated the words.
"This is your last life, Rainey..."
My legs went weak and I clutched the dagger so tightly my knuckles burned.
"You're lying," I whispered, my voice trembling. "You're just saying that to scare me..."
But even as the words left me, I heard it... The raw, aching pain in his voice.
"When you died the first time," Ryn said, his voice breaking, "you cursed Sylvos. Curses can be powerful binding spells, Raine. I know... because I cursed my lover too. That's why I'm in this dagger."
My chest tightened, and my breath came in shallow gasps.
"You cursed Sylvos to a thousand lifetimes that day," Ryn continued, his words trembling. "And you..." He swallowed hard. "You've lived through every single one. This life... this is your one thousandth. It's the last one."
The world swayed beneath me. My legs gave out completely, and I collapsed to the floor. The dagger slipped from my grip, clattering beside me.
"H-How... How could I have died a thousand times?"
Ryn's tone wavered, teetering on the edge of tears.
"That's why I told you there's no other way..." he whispered. "You've tried everything, Raine. Every path, every choice... And every time, it ended with your death. The only answer is to kill him. You can't afford to mess this one up too. There are no more second chances..."
I pressed my hands to my face, trembling.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because... in your life before this one, you begged me not to. You said if you knew it would be your last, you'd be too scared to do anything."
My chest burned, then caved.
Tears spilled from my eyes, hot and unstoppable, streaming down my cheeks as I cried into my hands.
"I was so sure this life was different..." I sobbed. "But if this is the last... My thousandth life... how can anything be different?"
I curled in on myself, shaking, the weight of this realization crushing me from all sides.
"I'm terrified, Ryn," I whispered hoarsely. "I'm really, really scared. What can I do? What if I die? It'll be over... It'll truly be over this time..."
My cries filled the tent unrestrained. I couldn't stop. My whole body shook as sobs tore through me, raw and desperate.
Then, suddenly, strong arms wrapped around me.
I gasped, startled, and looked up through my tears.
Sylvos was there, his expression dark with worry, his black eyes searching my face as though he could piece together what was wrong.
"What happened?" he demanded. "Did someone hurt you?"
The question broke me all over again.
I clung to him, my voice cracking.
"I... I had a nightmare."
His features softened instantly, the hard lines of his face easing. Without another word, he scooped me up and carried me swiftly to the bed. He laid me down only to hold me close again, one hand cradling the back of my head.
"It's alright," he murmured against my hair. "I'm here now. You're safe."
But I couldn't stop crying. The words clawed their way out of me, trembling and broken.
"In the n-nightmare... you k-killed me. You killed me a t-thousand times."
Sylvos stiffened above me, his arms tightening around my trembling frame.
"Raine..." His voice was quiet but strained. "I wouldn't."
"You would!" I sobbed, my fists clutching at his tunic. "You would."
He suddenly pinned me gently against the bed, his face hovering over mine, shadowed by the flickering firelight. There was no anger in his expression. Only pain.
"Is that what you think of me?" he asked like it hurt.
Tears blurred my vision.
"I can't help it..." I whispered. "I know you have it in you—"
"I couldn't even kill my worst enemy's child!" he blurted.
I froze beneath him, my sobs quieting into shaky breaths.
"What?"
His gaze dropped, his voice softer now, as though he were confessing a secret he had carried for far too long.
"Maybe these dreams haunt you because you have the wrong idea of me.
.. But I have a softer heart than you believe.
.. I simply have to appear cruel to scare off any potential wolves in my court.
The truth is... When I took the throne, I killed my father.
I killed his mistress. But I did not hurt the child.
I let him grow up in peace... Would a true tyrant do that?
Would tyrant leave behind a child that could one day threaten his claim? "
I stared at him, my tears slowing, my heart pounding in disbelief.
He looked so pained, so fragile in that moment.
"So... please," he whispered, his forehead pressing to mine, "stop thinking of me like this. It truly hurts me."
My chest rose and fell with uneven breaths.
I was so lost... So painfully torn.
This was my last life. And this was the man who had ended me a thousand times. Yet he was also the only one who could take away my nightmares.
Desperate, I sat up to kiss him.
His eyes widened and he pulled back slightly. But I insisted, pulling him closer and kissing him again. Harder. The tears still wet on my cheeks.
He gently pulled back once more, his voice hoarse.
"I can't kiss you if you're crying, Raine."
"I just want to forget..." I whispered, my voice trembling but firm. "Please... hold me tonight."
Sylvos went still, his breath catching. His gaze searched mine, as though he was trying to read the truth of what I wanted.
"Do you know what you're asking of me?" he asked quietly.
I nodded, my hand gripping his arm.
"I want to forget."
His throat bobbed.
"I don't want to hurt you..."
"It hurts already," I breathed. "Please... Ease this pain."
For a long moment, he simply looked at me, his expression caught between agony and longing. Then, with a shuddering breath, his mouth laid claim to mine.
And I surrendered fully.
Our kiss deepened, the world around us melting away. There was only the firelight flickered over us, wrapping the tent in a golden glow.
When his lips left mine to trail along my jaw, down my neck, I let out a trembling breath. My fingers shook as I reached up, loosening the ties of his tunic, sliding it from his shoulders. In turn, his hands found the ties of my nightgown, unfastening them slowly, as if every motion were a vow.
The fabric slipped from me, pooling at my waist, and his eyes turned hungry when he looked at me.
For once, I didn't think about my death. I didn't think about the thousand lives that had burned away before this one. I only thought about this moment... And about being alive in it.
When he laid me back against the furs, the heat of the fire and the heat of his body became one, wrapping me in something that pushed away the dark.
His kisses traveled down my skin, and with every one, I felt a life being pulled away from me.
Piece by piece. Until there was nothing inside me at all. ..
Then he thrust forward, filling me anew.
I gasped, clinging to him, nails digging into his shoulders. He stilled instantly, his forehead pressed to mine, silver hair brushing my brow.
"Raine, you're..." his voice strained. "Breathe... Just breathe. I've got you."
And he did.
He kissed away the sting, his hands soothing me, his words soft against my ear. Little by little, the pain faded, replaced by a familiar warmth that spread through me until it was all I knew. His movements were slow, careful. As if he knew I was broken. And wanted to fix me.
I let myself drown in it. In him. In the feeling of being alive, truly alive, for the first time since I'd died. The weight of a thousand lifetimes slipped from my shoulders as I clung to him, letting the sensations consume me over and over.
Until finally, I fell asleep in his arms.
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I woke to the faint glow of dawn spilling through the seams of the tent. For a moment, I lay still, tangled in the furs, the warmth of the night before lingering like a dream. But when I reached for Sylvos, the space beside me was cold and empty.
Sitting up, I looked around.
The tent was quiet — unnaturally so.
My gaze drifted downward, and heat rushed to my cheeks at the faint marks scattered across my skin, each one a reminder of what had happened. Quickly, I pulled on my nightgown and rose to my feet, trying to steady the wild thrum of my heart.
On the table sat a tray of fruit and a pitcher of water. Parched, I poured myself a cup and drank deeply. That was when I noticed Raincatcher resting where I'd left it.
My chest tightened.
I didn't want to face the elf after last night... But it won't do me good to avoid him either.
I angled the blade toward myself, calling his name softly.
Nothing.
I frowned and called again, louder this time. But still no response.
Something felt wrong...
Suddenly, the tent flap burst open, and I spun around, my heart lurching into my throat. Ser Bastian stood there, his face a storm of fury.
"Treason!" he spat, his voice like a blade. "You traitorous snake!"
Cold dread swept through me.
But before I could speak, two guards rushed in, seizing Bastian by his arms. He struggled against them, shouting, but they held firm.
Then Sylvos strode into the tent, his black eyes burning with command.
"Stand down, Captain. Any more of this, and I'll strip you of your titles."
Bastian glared past the guards, his voice raw with anger.
"How can you be so blind, Your Majesty? The princess is using you! The prisoner is gone. And the only key to his cell was in this room Open your eyes!"
My blood turned to ice, but Sylvos' expression hardened like stone.
"Know your place," Sylvos snarled, stepping closer. "I was with her last night. I will not have her slandered with baseless accusations."
Bastian's face twisted with rage and disbelief.
"You're no different from your father," he hissed. "A blind fool."
Steel scraped as Sylvos suddenly drew Briarvex from his back.
"Say that again, Captain."
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