Epilogue
Istood hesitantly in front of the sign-in desk, bouncing on heels as I reached up to my hair. It was shorter now, like hers was in the end. I couldn’t have kept the long locks and I was struggling to keep the hair I had with the chemo.
“May I help you?” The desk clerk asked and I cleared my throat. My fingers latched onto the broken lighter next to my sunflower pendant.
“Yes, I am here to visit someone I met here once,” I politely stood there then quickly added, “Oh his name’s Tommy. I don’t know his last name.”
The clerk typed something on her computer and then glanced up at me. “He's with family right now but you can go on back.”
The loud buzzer made me flinch as I pushed through the mental ward’s doors. There was something so familiar about it all. The disinfectant hit my nostrils and my mind danced to last year.
The white door opened on creaking hinges, I looked up from my knee to see her.
Blonde, green eyes and wildly traumatized. I’d laugh if I wasn’t still holding the lighter in my mouth, my last little fuck you to Dad for sending me here.
“Hi,” she squeaked as the door closed behind her.
I didn’t reply, just watched and waited.
Counting to sixty before I even started breathing again.
The small lighter slid off my tongue a moment later.
“What’s your name?” I asked spinning the striker to see if it would spark.
“Lilly, and you?”
“Annabelle but most people call me Anna,” I replied as the flame ignited.
“Are you supposed to have that here?”
I shook my head, my eyes never leaving the orange flickering light. Then I reached behind me to the pack of cigarettes and held my hand out offering her the pack.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she whispered.
I shrugged, pulling one free anyways.
Holding it between my fingers I offered her it again.
The truth was I didn’t smoke. I could never understand the nicotine addiction. These just happened to go with the lighter, the one that the new guy had and I was thinking it would be a shame to waste them.
She nodded, taking the cigarette and pushing it between her lips.
I smiled, and she leaned over towards the flame.
I brought it to her lips, lighting the end of the cigarette and watching with fascinating detail as the filter sparked and burned as she inhaled.
She pulled back and blew out the smoke curling around her hair.
“Fuck, I needed this. Thanks,” she laughed softly. It was a bitter laugh but I nodded. Extinguished the flame and slid the lighter into my waistband. Pockets be damned and all.
“So Anna,” she spoke as she puffed on the nicotine.
“Fire?”
I nodded sitting back against the bedroom wall.
“One night only or extended stay?” I watched her, well watched her move forward without any difficulty. The ragged sucking of the cigarette as she clung to whatever nightmare was plaguing her.
“Knowing my luck, extended stay.“ she laughed again shaking her head.
“Well welcome to paradise, the pills are for losers and if Tommy asks you for a hug tell him he has to ask nurse Hazel first,” I laughed.
“You’re what, seventeen or eighteen?” She asked curiosity drawing her hand to pass through her hair,
“Yeah, eighteen last April,” I smiled thinking of the bowling alley, my friends. Dad. The flames. The smile died when I glanced at the white walls.
“Same, the 29th and yours?” She flicked some ash on the floor and I watched the grey smolder as the small embers left them.
“Same day, same age, same hair, same height. Different eyes.” I thought it was peculiar.
“Small world,” she laughed, extinguishing the small bud of the cigarette. “You’re not from Coldwater?”
“PineRidge,” I nodded.
“Ah, you guys have a hella good football team,” she smiled for a moment.
“Too bad we lost to some fucking wild card jock in the final game last season, our town was so pissed the whole bus was quiet on the ride home. ” I laughed remembering Jake’s face so red that some dude came out of nowhere with that end zone dash.
“Yeah, Lee Callahan,” she said with such awe I’d almost thought her eyes were going to fall out.
“Sounds like a douche,” I rolled my eyes.
“Oh yeah,“ a burst of giggles fell from her lips.
“So why are you here Lilly?” I asked poised on the edge of the bed now.
“My dad,” she muttered.
“Same,” I sighed.
“He’s dead,” she swallowed.
“Did you want him to die?”
She was quiet for a really long time after that, like it was a question stuck in that pretty little brain of hers.
“No, he was my dad.”
“I understand, I wouldn’t want my dad dead either.”
She laughed then, a soft laugh that danced in my brain like a soft tune. I liked Lilly. She was cool.
The smell came back first as the memories faded, my hand firm against the handle. The rec room door swung open on a silent hinge. The place looked the same, everything was still in the same place. I didn’t care for much of this area, but Tommy loved it.
As if catching my thought he looked up from the book in his lap. I smiled softly.
“Hey Tommy, it’s been awhile.”
“Hello Anna. I didn’t know you were the blonde my brother talked so much about.” Mike spoke, turning his head in my direction, a soft palpable smile across his face.
“Yeah, Tommy was my little thief.” I smiled at him.
He pointed towards the picture book, the tree in a giving tree. I had avoided asking about the tree for a while. I wasn’t sure I’d have the courage to ask right out.
“What about the cabin?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Funny enough, Lee willed it to me. Something about paying a debt.”
I watched Tommy trace the tree in the book, eyes fixed on it.
“The tree?” I croaked the words out.
“I buried them under the tree. They should all be together.” Mike said.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“I’m having the cabin repaired but I don’t think it’ll ever truly be mine.” he looked at Tommy with a soft smile across his face.
“What happened to Mr. Callahan?”
“Suicide.”
“Oh.”
“Couldn’t bear to see his kids die, but what parent ever could?”
“Good point.”
We sat in a comfortable silence for what seemed like an eternity.
Tommy squeezed my hand as Mike closed the book.
I smiled then turned toward the door.
Some girls are easier to love after they die.