Lila #2
"No." He surveyed the scattered pieces on the floor. "You're just loud."
"I wasn't making any noise."
"You were sighing."
I had been sighing. I handed him the instruction sheet and he looked at it for approximately three seconds and set it down and started assembling the shelf from memory or intuition or five centuries of knowing how things fit together, and I sat cross-legged on the floor and started organizing the books into piles by size because that felt productive.
The quiet between us was comfortable in a way that I kept noticing and then trying not to notice, the particular ease of being in a space with someone where nothing needs to be performed or explained.
I had not had that with very many people in my life.
I was not sure what to do with the fact that I had it with him.
"You've been fixing things a lot,” I said, after a while.
He nodded slowly. “Yes."
"The porch. The mailbox. And even the step."
“I have…and I patched the pavement by your car,” he shrugged.
"You didn't ask."
He fitted a shelf bracket into place. "No."
I continued to watch him work. "Why?"
He was quiet for long enough that I thought he wasn't going to answer.
"Because they needed doing," he said finally, which was not really an answer and also, somehow, was entirely one.
We were shelving books when it happened. I reached for the top shelf to slide a row of paperbacks into place and felt a curl slip free from my braid and fall across my cheek. I pushed it back with the back of my hand and kept reaching.
Azrael stepped closer and his fingers brushed my cheek, gently tucking the curl back behind my ear. His hand lingered for just a moment, warm against my face, and then he stepped back.
I lowered my arm slowly.
"You really like my hair," I said.
His voice was almost absent, like the thought had come out before he decided to let it. "Very much."
I smiled despite myself, looking at the shelf instead of him. "Good."
Neither of us moved for a moment that lasted slightly longer than it should have. Then I stepped away to get the next stack of books before I did something impractical, like the thing I had been thinking about doing for the better part of a week.
He left just before the evening started, and I spent an hour putting away laundry with the specific restless energy of someone who was trying very hard not to think about a particular thing and thinking about nothing else.
I was folding a sweater by the bedroom window when I noticed the light in the backyard had changed.
I found myself looking down to see Azrael stood inside the stone circle, the one he had grabbed my wrist to keep me from touching, the one I had filed under decorative landscaping and then quietly stopped believing that explanation for.
The black stones had begun to glow, deep crimson light tracing the carved symbols on each one, pulsing slowly like something breathing.
I couldn’t fucking move.
And I couldn’t believe my eyes…
The air around him shimmered in a way that had nothing to do with heat.
The wind, which had been moving the pine branches at the back of the property all evening, simply stopped.
Every sound went with it. The yard went absolutely silent in a way that the yard had never been silent, not even at three in the morning, and I stood at my window with a half-folded sweater in my hands and could not look away.
He raised one hand, and something moved through him that I did not have a word for.
A current that started somewhere beneath the earth and rose through the stones and through him like light through stained glass, and the markings I had been telling myself were tattoos spread across his neck and up along his jaw in patterns that shifted and deepened as I watched.
His bronze skin darkened, slowly and completely, into a rich deep crimson.
Two long dark horns curved back from his temples with the unhurried certainty of something that had always been there and was simply no longer choosing to be invisible.
Behind his head, a halo of fire ignited, living and slow, not violent but vast. His eyes, when he tilted his face upward, were not amber anymore.
They were black from edge to edge, depthless, the particular darkness of something that had been watching the world for a very long time.
He wasn’t monstrous.
He wasn’t frightening.
He was ancient and enormous and entirely himself, and something about seeing it, seeing all of it at once, made the last several weeks rearrange themselves in my mind into a shape that was suddenly, completely legible.
This mother…this motherfucker…this motherfucker isn’t human…my thoughts were humming all over the place.
The displaced stone at the edge of the circle slid back into place on its own. The ward sealed itself and I understood, somehow, that that was what I was watching, though I could not have explained how I knew.
The fire faded slowly. The horns receded. His skin returned to bronze. The markings settled back into the pattern I had memorized and called tattoos for two weeks because it was easier than the alternative.
Then he lifted his head and looked directly at my window and our eyes met.
He knew that I’d just seen everything.
The laundry basket slipped out of my hands.
I heard it hit the floor and the clothes scatter across the hardwood and I did not look down.
I couldn’t look away from him. He stood in the backyard in the fading evening light and looked back at me and his expression was the quietest and most unguarded I had ever seen on his face, like a man who had been carrying something carefully for a very long time and had just felt it shift.
"Oh my God," I whispered.
Across the yard, he closed his eyes. Just once, very briefly and I knew he’d probably been wondering if this might ever happen.
I stepped back from the window.
My heart was doing something loud and complicated and my brain was running about four conversations simultaneously, none of them reaching a conclusion.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at the clothes on the floor and thought about the cabinet swinging open on the first night, and the stones in the circle, and the way he had looked at the tree line like he was waiting for something to come through it, and the way the whole town looked at him like he was something they trusted without needing to understand.
The impossible had not been hiding in the woods.
It had been living across the street the entire time, watering my flowers and fixing my porch rail and carrying my groceries and tucking my hair back behind my ear like it was the most natural thing in the world.
I looked at the window.
I looked at the floor.
I picked up a sweater and held it and tried to decide what a reasonable person should do about finding out the neighbor they had slept with was a demon.
Maybe I needed like an exorcism?