15. Juniper
JUNIPER
As Levi and I got dressed, we kept shooting glances at one another, grinning like teenagers.
When I was fully dressed, I shifted nervously from foot to foot. “Uh, that was…Uh—”
“Fucking amazing,” Levi said as he tied his boots. “It’s okay. You can say it.”
I blushed again, but the smile on my face betrayed my feelings.
“It really was,” I agreed.
He smiled back at me, then something strange came over his face. It was almost like he’d realized something, some thought that suddenly made him sad. A shadow leeched away the happiness that had been there a moment before.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I need to get some fresh air,” he said.
“Oh.” My heart sank. I’d never had any grand assumptions about sex, but I hadn’t expected the aftermath of something that felt so wonderful to be so awkward. I gestured to the door behind me. “I guess I should go.”
“Sure,” he said, that shadow of sadness still in his eyes. “That’s fine.”
“Do you go on runs a lot?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation going and get his spirits back up. Had I done something to cause this sudden shift in emotion? Was it not as good for him as he’d said?
Levi shrugged and looked sheepish—at least as sheepish as a massive alpha could look, which wasn’t much in reality. “I tend to stay in my wolf form a lot. It’s…comfortable.”
That was how he’d managed to stay so young even after all these years.
As badly as I wanted to shift and get to know my inner wolf, the thought of being in that form for decades sounded a bit like torture.
It was part of him, yes, but sleeping was also a part of every person’s life—a pleasurable and relaxing part—but if you remained in bed for years, your body would atrophy.
Too much of a good thing tended to always end up going badly.
I didn’t want to argue about it, though, because my mind was still reeling from what he’d done to me—from what we’d done to each other.
“I’ll let you get to it,” I said, taking a step toward the door.
Levi grabbed my hand. The look on his face was hard to read. There was kindness there but regret as well, hope along with lingering lust, and that sadness too.
“I really enjoyed this, June. I hope you know that. It, uh, well, it wasn’t exactly how I anticipated the night going, but I hope you liked it.”
That’s putting it mildly.
“I did,” I said, suddenly embarrassed. “I think…” I smiled self-consciously. “I think I learned a lot.”
“Good,” he said, looking pleased. “I’m glad.”
“Have a good run,” I said. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be here.”
He walked me out, and I headed to the dining cabin. I was starving. I forced myself not to turn and look back at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. As I walked, I replayed everything: the words, the touching, the way his mouth pressed into mine, what it felt like when he thrust into—
“June? Come on, you’re late.”
Flinching, I glanced up, my mind ripped away from the mental image of what Levi had done to me. Linnea stood on the porch of the dining cabin, the largest building in Hidden Grove.
“Uh, sorry,” I said. “I was a little caught up with, er, Levi.”
“How did it go? Make any progress?” she asked as we stepped inside.
“Oh, you could say that,” I said.
“It must have been a pretty tough lesson,” Linnea said, giving me a curious look. “I can smell him all over you.”
I swallowed hard. “Oh, uh, yeah. Lots of close quarters work,” I mumbled.
“Uh huh,” Linnea said, but I couldn’t tell if she believed it had been completely innocent. Thankfully, she didn’t pry any further.
Inside, the dull hum of conversation greeted us.
Most of the pack was here. Seeing everyone in one place always shocked me.
Hidden Grove wasn’t big, but a surprising number of people lived here.
Levi had been saving rejected mates for a long time, giving them a place to live.
I wondered if I could have done the same thing in his position.
It was a lot of work and took a massive force of will to create all this out of nothing.
Linnea led me to a table in the corner, where the food was laid out. Tonight’s fare was chili, cornbread, and pickled vegetables.
“Spill,” Linnea said as she ladled chili into a bowl for me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She gave me a knowing look and ushered me to the closest table to sit. “You know what I mean. I saw it out there.” She pointed at the door. “You had that look on your face.”
“What look?” I shrank into my chair, feeling like I was being interrogated.
Linnea leaned forward and lowered her voice. “The freshly fucked look.”
I bit my lip as a mischievous twinkle entered her eyes. I was prey stuck under the gaze of a predator—at least that’s how my guilty conscience made it seem.
“Seriously. Did you and Levi… you know, do something?”
The tone of her voice, playful and free of judgment, eased my mind a bit.
I didn’t want to kiss and tell, but I was desperate to talk to someone about it.
I’d had sex with the hottest man I’d ever met.
I had experienced an intense orgasm that wasn’t from my own hand.
My body had become clay in his hands, bending to his will, and I’d loved every fucking minute of it.
With Beatrice back home, Linnea was the best friend I had at the moment, and if I didn’t get it out, I felt like my skull might explode.
“We did,” I finally said. “We had sex.”
“Oh my god,” Linnea said, putting a hand to her mouth in shock. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I dunked a cornbread muffin into the bowl of chili and started chopping it up with my spoon.
She stared at me expectantly for several seconds before leaning even closer. “And?”
I let out a low, humorless chuckle even as heat crept into my cheeks. “It was really good. Like, fantastic.”
She shook her head in awe. “That’s huge, June.”
“What do you mean?” I said, looking up from my food. “Why?”
“From what I hear, even after all these years, Levi has never once taken a woman to bed. You’re the first, as far as I know.”
Confused, I frowned. After a century of rescuing young, unmated women and men, Levi had never once ended up with someone in his bed? Could that really be possible? Everyone had needs. Surely, he’d have explored those at some point.
“As far as you know?” a voice behind us said.
Linnea and I both snapped our heads around to see Eugenia at the table opposite us, a haughty look on her face. We’d kept our voices low, but shifters had enhanced hearing, and it appeared we’d not been quiet enough. Several of her group of friends sat with her, eyeing me with animosity.
Eugenia chuckled lightly at the looks of surprise on mine and Linnea’s face.
“Not everyone knows the kind of man Levi is,” she said.
“I, for one, know exactly what he likes and doesn’t like.
It’s okay, June. You don’t have to be ashamed of being the flavor of the week.
Enjoy it while it lasts. Come on, ladies.
I’ve lost my appetite,” she added, glancing at her friends.
The small group stood and departed.
Linnea shook her head when the door closed. “I don’t think she knows what she’s talking about. I’ve never heard anything like that. I think Eugenia is jealous. That’s all. Don’t worry about what she said.”
Her words meant little to me, because Eugenia’s statement fell in line with the same thoughts I’d been having a moment before she spoke.
Maybe Levi did like to swoop in and seduce some of the new ladies?
If that was the case, though, wouldn’t more people know about it?
Linnea seemed to be on friendly terms with nearly everyone here.
If she’d never heard of it, then surely Eugenia was lying.
Even then, it still made me uneasy. Was I being too trusting with Levi?
Could I really be nothing more than a new toy to play with and then discard?
That thought didn’t ring true, but my own insecurities made it hard to cast aside fully.
We ate in silence after that. As I finished dinner, my mind flicked back and forth between the amazing time I’d had with Levi to imagined situations he’d had with other women.
I pictured him, decade after decade, seducing and making love to women.
I had no reason to judge him if he did, it was his personal life, after all—and I had been the one to ask for lessons in seduction; I had consented to everything that had happened—but it still stung.
Something about the way he’d looked at me and touched me, had made me feel special.
He made me forget all my troubles and problems.
As I drifted off to sleep later that night, it was with Levi, rather than Anders, on my mind.