JUNIPER
As I got ready for the day, I continued to think about what had happened the night before. The knowledge that I was Levi’s mate flooded my mind with feelings that were difficult to describe. Happiness, excitement, fear, confusion, and a dozen others. I could hardly think straight.
Levi and I had agreed it would be best to go on as usual until he could tell the pack I was his mate.
He wanted it to be public, rather than letting it trickle out among the people.
It had made sense to me when I left his cabin before the sun came up, but now I realized how difficult it would be for me to keep it to myself.
I was so overjoyed, I wanted to tell everyone.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Linnea said from my door.
I snapped my head up, as if I’d been caught doing something wrong, then smiled tentatively when I saw she was holding a tray.
“Oh, you scared me,” I said, taking a breath and straightening.
She stepped in and put the tray down. “Thought you’d want some food,” she said. “Figured you’d need to regain your strength.” From the look on her face, I knew what she was insinuating.
“You know I stayed at Levi’s last night?” I asked, lowering my voice in case someone in one of the other rooms overheard.
She shrugged and sat down beside me on the bed.
“I wouldn’t have, but you weren’t at dinner last night.
I decided to sneak a piece of chocolate cake out and bring it to you.
You weren’t here, and since Hidden Grove isn’t exactly a hub of nighttime activities, I had a hunch.
” She poked my shoulder. “A hunch you just confirmed, by the way.”
Fuck. I guess that was true. I outed myself in less than thirty seconds.
Great job, June.
“You can’t tell anyone,” I said. The last thing I wanted was to mess up Levi’s plan to tell the pack in person.
“Your secret is safe with me. Eat. We’ve got an awful day ahead.”
“Awful?” I frowned, as I picked up the ham, egg, and cheese sandwich.
“Plucking chickens. It’s gross,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Trust me, after this, you’ll never look at chicken nuggets the same way again.”
“Ew.” The food no longer looked palatable, but I ate regardless, as I was starving.
“Oh, I ate your piece of chocolate cake, in case you were wondering. It was great, but not as great as getting my brains fucked out. I guess you win on that account.”
I nearly choked on my food. After a coughing fit, I managed to swallow. “Crude.”
Linnea burst out laughing, holding her stomach. “Crude, but true. Come on, let’s go.”
Plucking chickens was nowhere near as bad as Linnea had let on, but it was tedious and boring.
The monotony of the task meant there was ample time for conversation, which was not a good thing, since I was bursting to talk about Levi.
But I forced myself to stay quiet, even when the other three women working with us brought him up.
I was like a lovesick teenager, yearning to talk about her new boyfriend.
One of the women, an older lady named Carrie, finally addressed me directly as she pulled pin feathers out of a chicken with tweezers.
“How are you, dear? We heard about what happened with you and Eugenia the other day.”
I ignored the others’ speculative glancing up; I found everyone else eyeing me speculatively as well.
“Uh, I’m fine. It’s no big deal,” I said, trying to act nonchalant. “She doesn’t like me, and that’s okay. I don’t have to be everyone’s friend.”
“I like the way you think,” Carrie said, nudging the woman beside her. “You hear that? We could all take a page from that book.”
The other woman, Janet, nodded reluctantly. “I supposed. Eugenia can be…intense. She’s become sort of intimidating, especially the last year or so.”
Carrie cleared her throat and glanced around before speaking again, ensuring we wouldn’t be overheard.
“She’s being an asshole. Didn’t used to be that way.
She only started a couple years back. Everyone knows she’s got her eye on Levi.
Wants to be his mate, and come hell or high water, she’s gonna have it.
You mark my words,” she said, pointing a finger at us all.
Linnea sent me a sidelong glance, worry in her eyes. I gave an almost imperceptible shake of my head.
“True,” Janet agreed. “She’s annoying, but that little group she pals around with makes it worse. I talked to Rainier about it a few months ago, told him he and Levi needed to do something about it, but he said there’s nothing they could do until that clique actually did something wrong.”
“Can’t blame him,” Carrie said. “You can’t tell people they can’t hang out with each other. What can Levi do until they act like shitheads, the way Eugenia did with June the other day?”
My face went red as they spoke. That morning, things had happened fast, and I’d been so angry about it all that I hadn’t even realized everyone was watching us.
It was probably another reason Levi wanted to keep our secret for a couple days.
If Eugenia had been trying to get with him and become his mate, there would be a lot of blowback, because she had a significant following.
“Enough about that,” Linnea said. “What’s the plan for these chickens anyway? Anyone know the menu for tonight?”
I breathed a sigh of relief as the women started discussing dinner. The less said about mates, the better. I could keep a secret, but eventually, my discomfort would become evident.
When we were done with the chickens, Linnea and I went to forage in the forest. Levi’s command to stay close to Hidden Grove ensured we never strayed farther than a hundred yards from the village limits.
My terror of the Red Maw wolves was still fresh in my mind, and when Linnea suggested we go deeper into the woods to find pine nuts, I persuaded her to follow the rules.
The last thing I needed was to find myself being hunted down by those psychos.
As we returned with our baskets full of acorns to boil and then pulverize into flour, Levi approached us with a big grin on his face.
“Hey there,” he called.
“Hi,” I said, my smile matching his. That tug, that pull, I’d felt the night before stirred in my mind, my heart, and my soul.
“Linnea, would you mind if I stole June away? Dinner is in a couple hours, and I wanted to talk to her.”
Linnea stifled a goofy grin. “No problem at all. We’ve already gathered what we can. I can get it over to the supply house.” She took my basket and hurried off, throwing a knowing wink over her shoulder as she went. Levi didn’t see it, but I did, and I couldn’t stop myself from blushing.
When she was gone, Levi looked around furtively, then took a step forward. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I sank into him, a small whimper leaving me as his lips pressed into mine.
“I missed you,” he said.
“Yeah? I missed you too.”
“I wanted to take you somewhere special before dinner. Are you up for a trip?”
“Special?” That was an interesting thing to ask, and impossible to say no to. “Sure. I’m game.”
“Great,” he said. “On the way, I want to try a few more things to bring your wolf out. Are you down for that?”
“I’m not eating dead animals again, am I?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.
“No. It’s nothing gross like that, but it may seem a little silly. You’ll need to bear with me.”
“Give me what you’ve got.” It was beginning to feel like learning to shift was a lost cause, but I’d try anything.
“I want you to follow me, but on all fours. Run like a wolf even though you’re still in your human form.”
“Are you serious?”
Levi nodded. “It works for younger kids sometimes when they’re having trouble their first time. I thought it might work for an adult too.”
I opened my mouth to protest, then stopped. I’d done everything else, so why not this?
“Okay,” I said, hunkering down on my hands and feet. “Go ahead. We’ll see what happens.”
“Same as before,” Levi said, stepping out ahead of me. “Do your best to clear your mind and try to call out to your wolf.”
“Sure. Yeah. Let’s get to it before someone sees me,” I said.
Levi shifted and trotted off into the woods. I followed, awkwardly galloping on my hands and feet like a handicapped monkey who’d fallen out of a tree. We went on like that for over a hundred yards until I was breathing heavily and my hands were scraped raw.
Back aching and dripping with sweat, I straightened. “It’s not working, Levi. I tried, but it’s no good.”
He shifted and jogged back to me. “Sorry. It was a long shot, but I thought we should try.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry it didn’t work. I know you’re trying everything to help me. Thank you, anyway,” I said, wiping dirt from my palms.
“Hop on my back,” he said. “What I want to show you should get you in a better mood.”
“Sure,” I said.
He shifted and moved up until he was right beside me.
Once I was on his back, Levi took off, running at breakneck speed.
I giggled in glee as he bounded through the woods.
It was like riding on a rollercoaster, somehow both terrifying and exciting at once.
The cold air was invigorating, and the warmth of his fur pushed back the chill enough to keep me comfortable.
At one point, I lay flat against his back and buried my nose in his fur, breathing in his animal scent.
We headed higher into the mountains surrounding the valley that held both Hidden Grove and Idlewild. Finally, we emerged into a spot in the forest where the trees were a bit thinner. When he stopped, I climbed off, and he shifted back.
“Where are we?” My breath puffed out in a cloud. It was cooler up here, and I rubbed my arms to stave off the chill.
Levi took my hand and led me forward.
“It’s one of my favorite places in the whole world,” he said. “You’ll see.”
The trees grew even sparser, replaced by thin vegetation that were mostly bare from winter.
Soon, everything cleared out to reveal a hard stone outcropping that jutted out over the valley below.
I gasped at the sight of it. Hundreds of feet below, I could see the faint outline of the Hidden Grove tucked into the forest. A good distance beyond, the forest ended, replaced by the gridwork of streets in Idlewild.
Down there, the two seemed far apart, but at this vantage point, the two looked remarkably close.
“Uh, this place means a lot to me,” Levi said.
“Really?” I turned to look at him, taken aback by the strange expression on his face. It was almost…expectant.
“Yes.” He lowered his head and absently kicked a rock. “I used to bring Naphele up here.”
“Oh.” I felt a sudden, inexplicable surge of jealousy.
If Levi noticed the change in my tone, he didn’t show it. Instead, he led me out to the middle of the rock outcropping and helped me sit down.
“She loved coming here. She used to say looking down on the world like this helped her think clearly,” Levi explained.
“Is that why you brought me up here?” I said, unable to tamp down my irritation. “To talk about her?”
I cursed myself for asking the question, but there was no getting away from it. I worried that he was comparing me to her.
“What? No, that’s not… I didn’t mean it that way—”
“It’s really beautiful,” I interrupted, not wanting to make it even more awkward. “A little scary, though. I’m not a huge fan of heights.”
“You’re scared of…” he trailed off, disappointment flashing across his face. “You don’t like it up here?”
I got the impression he’d been hoping for a different response. It was breathtaking, but I kept glancing at the edges of the outcropping, imagining myself making a wrong move and tumbling out into space, until my body shattered on the ground below.
“It’s a nice spot, but it’s not a place where I’d hang out. But I would love to come back and get some pictures.”
Levi looked like I’d told him his dog had died. He looked from me out over the valley below, then back again, looking even more confused than before.
“Uh…I’m sorry, I guess. I should have asked. I didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”
“It’s not a phobia,” I said quickly. “I don’t mind flying in a plane or anything, but this makes me a bit nervous.”
“Sure, I get it.” He glanced out across the valley, running his tongue over his lower lip. “We should head back. The sun’s setting, and dinner is gonna start soon.”
He stood abruptly and held out his hand.
I stared at his palm for a few seconds, again feeling like I’d done something wrong.
I wanted to say more, to ask why he seemed so despondent, but instead I took his hand and let him help me up.
He shifted again, and I climbed onto his back.
The trip back down the mountain was much more subdued than the trip up.
I spent the entire time trying to figure out what I’d done wrong.
Or had I simply disappointed Levi because of how I’d reacted to one of his favorite places?
Either way, I was sinking into a bit of a depressive mood.
“I’m sorry,” I said after he’d shifted back at the edge of the woods near Hidden Grove.
“It’s okay,” he said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my own issues. I have a lot to deal with right now. Really, I should apologize for cutting things short.”
His words sounded sincere, but I wasn’t sure I truly believed them, not based on the look in his eyes.
“All right,” I said, leaning forward to kiss him.
For half a second, I worried that he’d turn aside and prevent me from kissing him, but to my relief, he didn’t. When his lips met mine, there was passion in it, desire, but also hesitation. And it made me feel worse. I was sure I’d upset him or disappointed him in some way I didn’t understand.
“I guess I’ll go get ready for dinner,” I said.
He gave me a wan smile. “Sounds good.”
Turning, I departed, trying to figure out why things had gotten weird fast. Was this what a relationship was like? If so, it was way more exhausting than I ever expected.