Chapter 18
Phin
“It’s alright if you don’t want to go with me today.” I’d practiced those words at least a dozen times since getting dressed. I had summoned up all my courage to finally voice them as I scooped several halved starberries onto my spoon.
Merry not only had sent another basket of the little golden fruits with Seir but had also promised them weekly as long as they kept producing. I was enjoying every single one while they lasted.
Tap froze, his eyes wide as he looked up from his plate of eggs and toast. “Do … do you not want me to accompany you?”
“No, no, that’s not it at all. It’s more that I worry I’m taking you away from something more important. I just need a tincture, and I’m not even sure they can help me.”
In truth, I absolutely did want Tap with me to meet even more members of his family, but Hailon would be there too, so it wasn’t like I was going into a room full of only strangers.
Unless she didn’t come, of course. Anxiety crept over my skin like a hot, unwelcome blanket and I did my best to push it down.
Tap set his fork down and slid his plate forward, lacing his long, graceful fingers together as he stared right through me. “You trust us all that well?”
My breakfast sat mostly uneaten thanks to the massive storm of butterflies swirling around in my stomach. “I suppose I do. Should I not?”
“We’re plenty trustworthy, in my estimation. Naturally, I have a bit of a bias about it, though.”
“Jacks told me I could trust you, so did Ramsey. And once I got past the first couple of weeks and you continued to behave the same way you had at the start, I couldn’t help but believe you were as kind as you seemed.”
Tap’s face brightened. “I’m flattered, and very pleasantly surprised that you feel confident enough to go alone.
It hasn’t been that long since you came to stay here, after all.
And you were right to have hesitations then.
” He shrugged and pulled his plate back in front of him, finishing off the last of his meal quickly.
“It will be a lot like our visit to the glade in many ways, but with more people. Are you prepared for that?”
I swallowed. “As much as I can be, yes.”
He nodded, wiping his mouth on a napkin. “Can I be honest with you, Phin?”
“Of course.”
“I feel a bit foolish.”
I set my spoon down roughly at his admission. “Why?”
He sighed, and one corner of his mouth tilted up.
His expression changes were often minute, but even a tiny bit of joy changed his normally serious demeanor.
“When I was making the argument that you’d be safer here, it honestly didn’t occur to me that there were places just as protected. Not at the time, anyway.”
“Like where Seir lives?”
“Yes, and like d’Arcan. Venturing out into the city of Revalia proper will have its risks, but Rylan is a mage.
Between the various talented members of my family and attendees at the school, surely there’s a token or trinket or spell that could help to disguise you.
” My nose wrinkled. Tap chuckled, the sound low and raspy.
“No hair colorant or oversize secondhand clothing required.”
I brightened but was hesitant to get my hopes too far up. “What exactly did you have in mind?” Tap got to his feet. I waved him off as he reached for my dishes.
“Seems only logical you’d need to do some shopping. Surely the wardrobe you brought with you could be improved upon? More items would mean you didn’t have to wash every few days.”
I barely contained my excitement at his words.
Nearly everything I owned was worn to bare threads and chosen specifically to conceal my shape.
The thought of some new shirts, a coat that fit properly and even a dress or skirts was almost too much for me.
It had been many years since clothing was something I could choose based on my own desires and taste.
“Yes. So much,” I managed, breathless at the prospect.
Tap’s smile widened. “Good. It’s a large city, I’m sure you can find anything you need.
Bathroom goods, foods you like. I’m guessing any number of my sisters-in-law would take great joy in showing you the best parts of the markets.
Once we get a method of concealing you arranged, of course.
” He stepped toward the doorway. “I’m going to make sure Seir is settled in.
Just let me know when you’re ready and we can leave. ”
I picked up my bowl of fruit with renewed appetite, more excited than I’d been in a very long time.
It wasn’t until I was putting on the terrible coat I couldn’t wait to be rid of that I realized it wouldn’t matter where we went, or what I wanted to buy. I didn’t have anything to trade, nor any coin.
Tap picked up on my mood change as I approached the hall.
“Everything alright?” he asked.
“Fine.”
His brow wrinkled, and I glanced up to find Seir watching me, his head tilted to the side.
“I heard you may venture into Revalia with the ladies today?”
“Perhaps.” I forced a tight smile, but Seir was not buying it, and narrowed his eyes.
“Nervous?”
“A little.”
He crossed his arms. “No need to be. Hailon knows all the best places, and if there’s something she can’t find for you, Grace or Calla will know exactly where to go.”
I nodded again, tears prickling. “That’s okay, I don’t need to go shopping.”
Tap frowned at me, confusion evident. “I thought—”
“It’s not necessary to do all that today. I just want to see if someone can help make my tincture. That’s the most important thing.”
“I have confidence that Greta will have a solution for you, but what we discussed earlier—”
“It’s fine, really. I don’t need anything.”
“Phin? I’m confused. Earlier you seemed so excited.”
Before I could open my mouth again, Seir interrupted us both. “Tap?”
“Just a minute—”
“No, brother, this is important.” He stood in front of Tap, making sure his full attention was on him before speaking. “When was the last time your librarian received her wages?” He raised his eyebrows in emphasis, hands lightly gripping along Tap’s upper arms.
Tap froze and stared straight ahead, looking through Seir and into the vague dark shape of the wall far behind him. After a long moment he released a tight breath and strode off in the direction of the bedrooms.
“Wages?” I asked.
Seir clucked his tongue. “Saints. You’ll have to excuse him, sometimes his brain is going too many directions at once. All these doors, all these jobs … important details get missed.” He narrowed his eyes. “Have the groceries I’ve been bringing gotten used or are they being thrown out?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Has he been remembering to eat? Every day, maybe even more than once?” Seir’s eyes rounded, the concern for Tap in them on full display.
“Oh. Yes, he hasn’t missed a meal since I got here. In fact, he insists on doing nearly all the cooking. I’ve managed to get him to allow me to make a meal or clean up sometimes, but it took some work.”
“And linens and things, they’re changed regularly?”
“Yes, as far as I know.”
“He’s dressed and bathed daily?”
I nodded, confused by his questions. “What do those things have to do with anything?”
“Just one more, if you’ll humor me. Is he sleeping?”
“I … don’t really know. I never hear him go in or out of the room he said was his, but that doesn’t mean anything. Once I found him in the recliner when I got up in the middle of the night for a drink of water.”
He tutted, nodding enthusiastically. “As I expected. His focus is just elsewhere. Sorry Phin, that’s not your fault. I’ll talk to him.”
“About what?”
I never got an answer, because just then Tap came back, carrying something in his hand.
His cheeks were pink. “Forgive me.” He held an envelope out to me, one that was as thick as my thumb.
“Foolish seems to be the word of the day. I thought for sure we’d already spoken about this.
Unfortunately, I must have only practiced the conversation in my head.
I apologize in advance for next time, should there be one.
” He blushed a slightly darker shade, and it made him seem very young.
“Your wages, starting from the day you arrived. I calculated weekly, so you’re due more very soon.
Unless of course you need the funds advanced to purchase something in Revalia, in which case I’m happy to do that.
Or I could buy it for you myself, I’m not averse to that either.
If it’s for your room, that should be my responsibility. In fact—”
“Tap,” Seir said gently, and Tap paused, inhaling deeply. It was fascinating, the way they balanced one another. Just the other day it had been Tap telling Seir to slow down.
“Anyhow. I’m sorry. I won’t be offended if you remind me should I forget something so important in the future.”
“Please take him to task when he needs it,” Seir added helpfully, earning a chagrined scowl from his brother.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t even aware I’d be getting wages. I thought the agreement was just that you allowed me to live here and kept me hidden in exchange for my work in the library.” I glanced inside and sucked in a breath. “Oh. This is too much.” I nearly choked as I counted the paper notes.
Seir chuckled. “Merry said that once too. But she was wrong then, and you’re wrong now. Say thank you and enjoy your hard-earned coin.”
Tap agreed as he anxiously turned his earrings. “Your time is valuable, no matter what circumstances brought you here. You’ve done a lot of work since you arrived. More than I managed in several decades, in fact.”
The lump in my throat expanded and the tears became very difficult to hold back. “I’ve barely started. This seems unbalanced.”
“You made her cry, brother. Well done,” Seir teased.
Panic crossed the kind demon’s face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
I waved my hand. “No, no, I’m okay. I promise.
I just went from excited, to sad, to happy.
I’m a mess lately, my emotions are all over the place.
” I blotted at my face with the tails of my shirt and tucked the envelope into one of the pockets over my chest on the inside of my coat.
“But I’m okay. Thank you. Is it safe to walk around with such a large amount? I’ve never had money like this before.”
“I’m sure someone will have a spare pouch or belt you can borrow until you can purchase the one you like. I’m happy to hold some if you like.” Tap frowned. “You’ve never had pocket money?”
“Sure, but not like this. I was rarely allowed to go into town on my own on Earth, and there’s a very different order to things in Heaven.
Both places, my father usually took care of everything.
” They both bobbed their heads in understanding.
“Then when I went to stay at the church, I relied on Father Morton. I wasn’t allowed to hold a job outside the church, and he didn’t have spare coin to give me. ”
“Well,” Seir clapped his hands, something I noticed he did when he’d decided a topic was settled.
“No time like the present for you to experience the Revalia markets! I look forward to seeing what you bring back with you. Have a wonderful time!” He gently pushed his brother and me toward a doorway.
This one had a telescope symbol on it, whereas the one we’d taken to visit Seir’s glade showed the outline of a tree.
“I promise to figure out a better way to remind myself of the important things, Phin. It seems as though …” He scowled, staring off into the distance again.
I understood him fine. “Right as you get a handle on one thing another slips away?”
His lips parted and he blinked at me. “Yes. Quite.” The soft lift of his lips made my chest ache. “May I?” he asked, arm lifted so I could tuck mine underneath.
The corner of his mouth twitched up as we stepped forward together, his silver eyes locked to mine as the portal swallowed us up.