Chapter 18
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
ADELINE
Ihave to be honest, I hate driving into the city. I should have let Damon hire me a car like he offered. Clover was awesome on the drive down here though, since I tried to schedule it around her nap time.
Damon got home from training camp last night and is waiting for us to arrive at “The Den.” I wasn’t sure what it would be like to be here again. I park in the garage Damon instructed me to, and it’s clear the attendant was already expecting us.
After getting Clover and her car carrier and the diaper bag, I go across the street. Thank goodness there isn’t a Colts game today. That would be weird.
When I ring the buzzer, Damon answers, and I tell him it’s us.
Butterflies flutter in my stomach when the gate clicks open because it’s been three and a half weeks since I’ve seen him face-to-face.
Three and a half weeks since our private bubble was pried open by a crowbar with the responsibilities of the real world.
I climb the stairs, Clover making sounds that make me think she somehow knows we’re about to see her daddy.
I slow my movements, taking my time, trying to come to terms with the fact that I missed him.
The worst thing I could do is catapult myself onto Damon when he opens the door.
It’s Clover he wants to see, not me. I’m just the tagalong, and I’m best to remember that.
I reach his landing, relieved to set down Clover’s carrier.
I face her toward the door and ring the bell, but I hear two sets of voices from down the stairs the minute I do.
They grow nearer, then a shadow casts down over us.
I turn to look over my shoulder and see Miles Cavanagh staring at me with astonishment.
A dark-haired woman I recognize from TV as his fiancée runs into his back, almost falling down the concrete steps, but she grabs the railing. “Shit, you’re lucky I didn’t fall and somersault down these stairs.”
I briefly met Damon’s friends, except for Miles, the day we hooked up, but it was just in passing.
“Hi,” Miles says.
“Hi,” I say in return as Damon opens the door.
“Hi, guys,” he says.
“Hi,” they say in unison, obviously feeling uncomfortable and probably waiting for an introduction. I wouldn’t mind one either.
“Come on in,” Damon says to me.
I pick up the carrier, and Damon takes Clover from me, opening the door a little wider to let us in. I walk into his apartment, and he shuts the door. Miles laughs on the other side, but I have no idea why. Does he know something I don’t? Why didn’t Damon introduce us?
I follow him into his sitting area. The black leather sofas still make me laugh. He puts Clover’s carrier on the coffee table and unbuckles her, lifts her out, and cradles her to his chest.
Damon leans his head down and inhales a deep breath against her hair. “Damn, I missed you.”
My heart pitter-patters in my chest. Jeez, I cannot be jealous of my daughter, that would be pathetic.
“She’s so big. How much has she grown?” he asks, holding her out in front of him. “And she’s holding her head up.” He sits on the couch, sulking.
“She hasn’t grown that much. It’s only been three and a half weeks, Damon.” I sit in the chair, crossing my legs.
He’s wearing a pair of shorts and a Grizzlies T-shirt, his skin more tanned from his outdoor practices than when he was at my house.
“How was training camp?” I ask.
“Lonely,” he says without missing a beat.
I laugh. “Should I have called your cell phone at two in the morning? You could’ve done the night feedings with me.”
He doesn’t laugh. In fact, he frowns. “I’m sorry.”
“Damon! Stop it. I’m only kidding. What’s wrong with you? It’s your job, you have to go to training camp. How are you ever going to get through the season?”
I don’t know much about professional football schedules, but I have to think they’re demanding. For sure he’ll be out of town for half his games, and although he doesn’t play on Thanksgiving this year, he plays on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. His only week off is the first week of December.
It’s ridiculous that I know his schedule better than he probably does.
He looks at Clover again, and God, the love in his eyes is so intense. I’m not sure I ever would’ve imagined Damon Siska could love so hard.
“I don’t know how I’m gonna do it. It was hard being away from you guys. Maybe I should’ve asked you to bring her down, but that’s a long drive, and I felt bad.”
“I would have. My mom and dad could’ve come.
” In truth, I figured he wanted to do his own thing.
Wanted to be free of the handcuffs our lifestyle put on him.
Not that I thought he was out partying and sleeping with people—and even if he did, I have no say in that—but I’m surprised to hear how much being away from us has affected him.
He put on a brave face whenever he called us from training camp.
“Yeah,” he says, sounding lost somewhere in his mind.
“Talk to me. We’re in this together,” I say.
“First, I think she needs changing.” He moves his head to the side to breathe.
“Yeah, for such a little thing, she sure can make a poop.” I grab the diaper bag, but he places his hand over mine.
“There’s something I want to show you.” He stands and leads me to a room I wasn’t in the night I was here. His bedroom and kitchen counter were the main spots I remember from that night.
“What is it?”
When we reach the door, he turns to face me. “I wanted to wait until later, but I can’t. I’m just not the type of guy who can sit on something for days and hide it to make it some big thing.”
I’m so confused, but I follow him into the room. He flicks on the light, and there’s a queen-sized bed in one corner and a crib in the other with a changing table.
“This is beautiful,” I say, my heart cracking. It only makes it more real that Clover won’t spend all of her time with me. She’s going to go back and forth between us at some point.
“I had Mom’s designer do it while I was at camp. I figured Clover needed to have a place here too.”
“Definitely.” My voice trembles, and I hope he didn’t hear it.
He takes the baby over to the changing table and undresses her to change her diaper.
I’m not sure if he watched a YouTube video or what, but the man can change her better than me, which irritates me to no end.
I’ll give Damon one thing—as soon as he finds something to be a challenge, he does whatever he has to in order to conquer it.
“So, I was talking to my GM, Ronnie Michaels, and we were chatting about how I won’t be as available to you during the season.”
I sit on the edge of the bed. Here we go. The closet is partially open, and I see that it’s full of clothes for Clover. I rise and walk over. “Yeah.”
There’s no way he’s going to ask for partial custody, right? I didn’t think we were at this point yet, although I guess we should be.
He’s your one-night stand, not your boyfriend. Of course we’re here.
I watch as he picks her up off the changing table. She always looks so much smaller when he holds her against his big body. I turn back to the closet, sliding the clothes carefully hung up on hangers across the bar.
“That’s my mom’s doing.”
He sounds annoyed, but how could he be? Every item in here is probably from an upscale store I could never afford. Clover will be dressed in Target with me and a brand I probably can’t even pronounce when she’s with Damon. I’m sure the press will have something to say about that.
“It’s all really nice,” I say.
“Why would you put a baby in half that shit? I mean, she needs cotton on her skin.” He looks at Clover and morphs into his baby voice. “Right, sweetie? Nice, soft cotton, not some itchy fabric.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “You want her to dress like you?” My eyes float down his body.
His strong chest and narrow waist and thighs that are so muscular they make my mouth water.
It’s so unfair that I have to know exactly what’s under those shorts and how well he knows how to use it. “She’s a girl, Damon.”
“She’s a baby.” He walks out of the room. “Are you hungry?”
“Are you ever going to put her down?” I follow him into the kitchen.
He opens the fridge and pulls out some sushi. “Since you’re not pregnant… at least, I assume you’re not pregnant.”
I tilt my head and huff.
He chuckles. “Just making sure.” He leans in close to me. “And to answer your question, no, I’m never putting her down. Now you eat and relax.”
He sits on the stool across from me, and I open the containers of sushi before grabbing a pair of chopsticks. I haven’t had sushi since before I was pregnant, and after the long drive, I’m eager to eat.
“So, what do you think?” he asks.
I chew my first piece, covering my mouth and giving him a thumbs-up.
“Not about the sushi. The room?”
I swallow and take a sip of the water he gave me. “It’s really nice. I’m sure she’ll love it. How soundproof are the walls? Will Cooper and Miles be bothered by her crying?”
His eyebrows crinkle. “They won’t hear her, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t give a shit where she sleeps, but what about you?”
I place the chopsticks down and wipe my mouth. “What exactly are you asking me, Damon?” I raise my water to take another sip.
“I want you to move in with me.”
I spit the water all over the counter. “Shit, I’m sorry.” I hurry and grab some paper towels. “Sorry. You surprised me.”
He looks a little sheepish. “I probably could’ve set that up better.
It’s just that I won’t have time to drive out to you every day, as much as I want to, and then there’s the games on weekends.
I’m off one day a week, but to see her only that one day…
I know I’m asking a lot. You can say no, and I won’t be upset, but I couldn’t not ask. ”
“Um… I don’t know how that would work…”
“I thought maybe you could move in here during my season. Then, after the season, I’ll find a place out by you.
I know you’ll have to commute to school, and I’ll get you a driver.
That way you can do whatever you have to during the drive.
Hell, you could sleep there and back. But it’s the only solution I can think of.
I can get in late on some nights. Am I asking too much? ”
Clover cries, and I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t have Daddy’s attention or if she needs something.
“Is she hungry?” he asks me, rocking her gently.
“She could be.” I move to stand, but he beats me to it.
“I made her two bottles already.” He opens the fridge, and I want to cry. All these signs that one day we’re going to have her stuff at his place and her stuff at my place. I hate it.
He continues talking as he warms the bottle, going on and on about how he’s probably overstepped and didn’t mean to, it’s just that she’s changing so fast and he’s missing it.
I understand what he’s saying. My mind continues to go to a time in the future when I ring his doorbell with Clover’s hand in mine and he opens the door for her to jump into his arms. Giving her a hug and telling her to have a great weekend.
And then vice versa. Her leaving something at one of our houses and us trying to figure out how to get it to the other.
And what if Damon does find a woman he wants to settle down with one day?
Then I’ll have to share Clover with even more people.
My throat closes up. I’ll do anything to postpone that happening. “I’ll do it.”
He turns around and places the bottle in Clover’s mouth, eyes wide. “Really?”
I nod.
The pure joy in his smile almost makes it worth knowing it’ll hurt like hell when we finally do have to disentangle our lives. “Damn, thanks, Adeline. I really appreciate it. Whatever you need to make it easier, you name it.”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Yeah, we will.” He smiles and walks into the living room with Clover in his arms.
I pick up the chopsticks, thinking I should stab my eyes out with them right now. How stupid can I be? I’ve agreed to live with the man who is my daughter’s father and who I’ve been crushing on for months.
Stupid, Adeline, just stupid. You might as well take your heart out now and stomp all over it.