Chapter 27
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN
ELLERY
The door to the backroom at Peeper’s Alley opens, and my stomach drops, because without looking behind me, I know Cooper is there. I can feel him.
“Elle?” he says.
Bryce’s hand squeezes mine, and she lets me go. “Who are your guests, Cooper?”
I turn around to face him. Bryce is my savior for giving me time to process everything I just told her.
“This is Rowan Landry and Tweetie Sorenson,” he answers.
“I was kidding. I know who Rowan and Tweetie are. I’m the sports reporter, remember?” Bryce acts offended, and I’m not sure if she’s doing it because she really is or if she’s still helping me by stalling.
“You reported on the Tundra, not the Falcons.” Cooper appears pissed since he’s talking to Bryce, but his eyes haven’t left mine yet.
“I’m aware, but now I report on the Grizzlies, and I feel like maybe an unflattering article about their quarterback is due.” She juts out her hip and stares him down.
“Can we talk at your place?” I ask him.
He sighs. “Rowan, this is Miles Cavanaugh’s wife, Bryce. She’s a reporter, so be careful. I’ll be in touch about move-in dates.” All three men shake hands, and Cooper wheels my suitcase out the other door into the back hall, where we can get to his apartment without having to go to the street.
He doesn’t say anything, asks me no questions on the way to his apartment, and once we’re behind the closed door, he wheels my suitcase to the side and goes into the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”
“Water would be great.”
He meets me by the couch and hands me the water.
“You’re back early,” he says.
If he’s offended that I didn’t call him to pick me up from the airport, he doesn’t mention it, but I had to talk to someone who wasn’t him. As much as he was the first person I wanted to call after the news, I needed to run it by someone else first.
“Yeah, it didn’t take as long as I thought, and I was able to fly standby on an earlier flight.”
“And how did it go?”
“It went really well.” I force a smile.
He puts on a smile himself, but I’m not stupid, it isn’t his genuine one. “That’s great. They give you everything you want?”
“They took me on a tour of the hospital, and although their emergency room is a tad smaller than Mercy’s and can’t handle the same triage we can there, it’s busy.
The other doctors were nice and knew who I was, that I was the daughter of the new chief.
I mean, they could have been being fake, but no one said anything.
The salary is more than I make now, a lot more.
And the hours are a little better. I’d be responsible for a lot of things, not just patients. ”
“So…” He seems to hold his breath while he waits for me to answer.
“I accepted the job.” Now I hold mine.
“Oh.”
“My dad was pressing me for a decision, and he took me to the airport and was telling me how great it is to take this step so young. How I’ll beat his milestones by ten years if I take this job. And…”
I don’t want to tell him why I wanted to talk to Bryce. I don’t want him to think my dad isn’t behind us, although I got the gist today that maybe he’s not. I want us to keep this relationship going, I know we’re strong enough.
“Why did you call Bryce before me?” Hurt is all over his face—in the downturned angle of his lips, in the crease between his brows, and in the glisten of his eyes.
I stand, unable to sit any longer. “I just needed another opinion, one that wasn’t yours, and I say that out of my love for you. This is coming at a horrible time for us, and I don’t expect you to be happy about it.”
“But I am.” He stays seated on the chair. “I’m on your side here, Elle.”
“My dad thinks we should take a break.” I spit out what he told me right before I got out of the car at the airport.
“What?” He stands but doesn’t come over to me. Doesn’t reassure me, instead, he goes to the cabinet and grabs some whiskey, pouring himself a shot before downing it. I’ve never known Cooper to drink like that. “And what did you say? ‘Okay, Daddy?’”
His words slice through me like an arrow.
He pours another shot and slams it back.
“Cooper…”
“What? I just think that you listen to him a lot more than you do yourself. Or maybe it’s me who isn’t listening to what you’ve been saying.”
I shake my head, wondering how this has all gotten away from us. Days ago, he was telling me that he was on board, that we’d survive this.
He crosses his arms over his chest. “Can I ask you a question?”
“What?”
“On your dad’s little ‘timeline,’ did he leave any room for you to get married?” He puts timeline in air quotes.
“It’s not my timeline, it’s his.”
“But he’s telling you to leave me so that you can be ten years ahead of him. Is that what you want?”
I open my mouth and shut it. “I don’t know.”
He nods, pouring another shot and downing it.
“Funny, you don’t know that, but you do know that you aren’t interested in marrying me or having children any time soon.
Nor do you want to live together. What you do want is to dictate how many times I see you in a week.
You’re pretty fucking clear on where we stand, but not your career.
The career you’re traveling miles away from everything and everyone you know for. ”
“You told me if I took this job, it wouldn’t affect us. That we’ll be fine.” Hurt wars with anger in my chest.
“Yes, but I also think maybe you’re taking this job, using it as an out.
Ever since we got together, something is keeping you one foot out, and I don’t know what it is.
I love you, and I’ve loved you for a decade, but maybe your feelings for me aren’t the same, aren’t as strong.
” He downs another shot and pushes it all away, going back to his chair and staring down at the floor.
“I love you. I am in this.” My voice is growing louder.
“With stipulations of how much I’m allowed to love you.”
I’m growing madder the more he talks as if I’m not in this.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I’ve been in this one hundred percent from the start.
Yes, did I want to date you? I did because I wanted to know what it was like.
And I’m not ready for marriage and kids.
We’ve literally been dating for like two months. ”
“And we’ve known each other for over ten years!” he shouts.
I sit down on the couch. “I’m not sure what you want from me.”
“Nothing.” He raises his head, and he looks at me. “That’s the thing, I never wanted one thing from you. Actually, no, strike that. All I ever wanted was your love. That’s it.”
“You have it, Cooper. I love you.”
“So much so that you can’t wait to get away from me.”
“You told me to take it!” I shout in frustration.
“The minute your dad brought it up, I saw it in your eyes. The excitement. The wanting to please him. Never once did you think how it might interfere with us. It’s not that I think I should be the basis for your decision, but it would be nice to think that maybe I factored in even a little.”
He’s implying something without actually saying it, and if we’re going to move forward, I want to hear it.
“Spit it out, Coop.”
He throws his hands up in front of him. “I don’t think you feel the same for me as I do for you.
I think you got caught up in it all, and after we got together, you got scared.
That’s why you suddenly wanted to put some rules down.
But I’m a big boy, Elle. I can handle someone not loving me the way I love them.
Ten years ago, when you asked to just be my friend because you always wanted me in your life, I wish you would’ve just told me the truth—that you didn’t feel the same way I did. ”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my voice low because I don’t understand what he’s doing. He’s taking a wrecking ball and aiming it right at our relationship, but I don’t understand why.
“I’m talking about the sacrifices I would make for you. Anything, Elle, I’d do anything as long as you were in my life. Quit football. Done.”
“I’d never ask that of you.”
“Just like I’m not asking you to quit, I’m asking you to include me in your life and your life decisions.
You’re my entire future. I see no one else, but to you, I feel like a fresh relationship.
I want you to have everything you want, Elle, but your actions don’t say that you’re one hundred percent on board with us.
Not to mention, all you do is complain about all the shit you have to take at work because of your dad, and now you’re following him when this could be your time to get out from under him. ”
I blow out a breath and stare at him. “So what then? Where do we go from here?”
He sits up in the chair, resting his forearms on his legs, and stares at the floor. “I think we take a break.”
My heart stills in my chest. “Seriously?”
He lifts his head, and he stares at me for a moment.
“You need time to think about what you want, especially from this relationship. You can’t control my feelings.
I want marriage and kids with you. I want you to have it all, the career and the family and anything else you want in this life.
But I’m not sure it’s what you want, and even if you do, whether I’m the one you want it with. ”
He stands. “Go to New York. We waited ten years. What’s a little more time?”
“Cooper,” I say, walking toward him, but he puts his hand up in the air.
“I can’t do it, Elle. I can’t come second. Not when I’d put you first every damn second of my life. I want to share my life with someone, not feel like I’m dragging them along for the ride.” He turns to leave.
“I never meant…”
He opens up his apartment door and shuts it quietly. He might as well have slammed it shut because it feels like the finality of our relationship.