Diary Entry 202
Dear Twila Dante,
I know you won’t see this random entry thrown into my diary.
You won’t know about this one message written to you.
On second thought, maybe you will. You’re a demon, so you could be standing behind me at this very moment, watching me write this entry.
I don’t care if you see this or not. I still wanted to make sure I said it, especially after how things ended the last time I saw you on the bridge.
I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I want to make sure I have this written somewhere.
I don’t blame you.
I don’t hold your words or lies against you.
For a time, I thought the hurt would consume me—the realization that you never saw us how I did. I thought I might crumble apart when I realized I was another cruel joke for someone.
But honestly? I’m not upset with you anymore, because for the first time in my life, I got to feel something real. For the first time, I understood what it meant to truly be happy and no longer alone. I know our relationship wasn’t that for you, and that’s okay. It was enough for me.
I want to thank you for letting me have those moments to shine and feel warm. I want to thank you for giving me a sliver of something I’d always longed for. It was the happiest I’d ever been, and that means something.
I hope you’re able to find that something real, too. It’s worth searching for and experiencing. You were my best friend, my partner, my night sky, and I want you to know how grateful I am that I got to call you all of those things. Please don’t blame yourself for whatever happens to me.
You were the only one there in a world of people who had their backs to me.
You were the only one who held my hand where others had shoved it away.
You were exactly what I needed at the time when I needed someone most. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that for you.
Please know I tried. Please know I really did love you.
I still do … even after everything.
I’m not sure what will happen in the future. I’m not sure where I’ll be. But if you ever think of me, if you ever doubt yourself and the heart beating inside your chest, look up to the stars. I’ll be there to offer you my light.
Until then,
Your star, your Serenity