Chapter 3 #2
He was patient during their questioning, and afterwards finished off several plates of thyme-roasted chicken, baked corn cobs dusted with crumbled goat cheese, thick brown-ale bread, and fresh strawberries topped with sugar-cream.
Sitting across the table, I merely picked at my own food, and even a cup of the Abbey’s famous black currant wine could not extinguish my burning nerves.
By the time supper was over, I had chewed a bloody hole in the side of my own thumb.
When the Sisters began to clear their dishes and make their way to the kitchens, Tuck stood and did the same, but then returned for me.
He approached slowly, removing the brown half-cloak and round felt cap that marked him as a traveling friar and placing them on my head and shoulders.
I was hardly cold, but knew he was only doing it to make me smile.
It had been my favorite thing as a child, to dress up and pretend I was going out on the road with him, seeing new places and helping new people.
“What troubles you tonight, sweet girl?” he asked, sitting on the bench beside me.
“Everything,” I told him with a tired smile, “and nothing, I suppose. Nothing to compare with the things that trouble others. My concerns seem so petty when you talk of what the rest of the kingdom endures. People are hurting everywhere, aren’t they?
” Tuck patted my hand, then used the edge of his own sleeve to wipe drops of blood from my thumb.
His fingers brushed over Will’s silver band, but he offered no comment.
“The state of things outside this Abbey might be dismal,” he told me, “but it does not diminish what happens within the only world you have ever known. No one’s suffering is completely insignificant. Now, tell me.”
“It’s…the Iron Fist,” I sighed. “Johar has given it over to Osric Scarlett, and he came here tonight, asking us to…report people.”
Tuck let out a soft hiss. “That is an unfortunate turn of events.”
“Sissi promised she wouldn’t let him investigate the Abbey, but if she refuses, our taxes will be doubled. I’m not sure what will happen.”
“But if they do investigate…”
“They will look to me first,” I sighed. “Everyone always does.”
“Strange girl with strange green eyes and a strange gift,” Tuck teased gently. “You carry a holy miracle, May. Never let anyone forget it, including yourself. Inside these walls or out, you are a blessing, not a curse.”
“Outside the walls…” I said slowly, twisting the silver ring around my finger, “perhaps I could put aside my gift and…be a blessing in other ways.”
“You haven’t frightened young Will off yet, then?” he asked with a wicked smile.
“Astoundingly, no, but I am…uncertain what the future might hold for us.”
I had always felt far more comfortable being honest with Tuck than with any of the Sisters, especially about Will.
Of course, I could never tell him the full truth, but I could, at least, share the strength of my feelings.
It was something most of the Sisters could never understand, having taken vows of chastity at the tender age of fourteen.
Tuck had joined the Holy Order as an adult, after losing his beloved wife, and so had a better understanding of my circumstances.
“If you are unsure about his feelings for you, then that should be answer enough.”
“I believe that he loves me,” I said. “I know he does. But his father has other plans for him, and I think…his fear might be stronger than his love.”
“Ah, well…Osric Scarlett is nothing if not a man to be feared, and Will may not have the bravest of hearts, even if he does love you. Whatever happens, May, you will make peace with it. Therein lies your strength. Another of your many gifts.”
“Making peace with a life that doesn’t seem to have any consideration for me?” I snorted softly.
“No, creating your own peace in a life where peace can be hard-won,” Tuck answered, patient as always. “You have never been one to simply suffer the life others create for you. I have every confidence that you will continue to make your own path, and your own peace.”
His kind words only deepened the miserable ache in my chest. “Perhaps I should just take the vows and join the Sisterhood,” I muttered. “That would leave Will free to decide his own future, and it would protect the Abbey. Sissi would be happy too.”
“What would make you happy?” Tuck asked, putting a finger over my heart.
“I hardly know anymore.” Tears pricked my eyes, but I quickly sniffed them away and stood up. “But my petty worries are keeping you past your bedtime.”
Tuck rose beside me and plucked the cap from my head.
“An old man does need his sleep if he is to attend the Prince’s Tournament.
” He helped me clear the last of the dishes from the table and take them to the kitchen, then I walked with him out to the visitors’ quarters, where travelers, pilgrims, and other friars were housed temporarily.
It was separate from the main Abbey, and from the boatmen’s inn, built up against the western wall near the front gate, so it could be accessed from the outside.
A few late summer fireflies accompanied us as we walked the gravel path between buildings.
“I see your oldest friends have not yet forsaken you,” Tuck said with a smile.
I tried to smile back, but ever since that night in the Arden, the fireflies just reminded me of him—the Devil.
The sight of them turned my stomach sour with fear, like he was somehow using their tiny lights to surveil me with his mismatched eyes.
“They are relentless companions,” I said with a forced laugh, brushing one of the bugs away when it landed on my arm.
Outside the door to the visitors’ quarters, Tuck and I agreed to meet by the Abbey’s front gate in the morning, then I walked back across the grounds with the fireflies forming a train of sparks behind me.
Back in my room, which was still thick with Will’s scent, I locked the door and collapsed backwards onto my bed, closing my eyes.
A tiny tickle on my thumb forced me to open them a moment later.
One of the green moths that usually occupied the Abbey gardens had fluttered through the window and perched on my hand.
I brought the creature up to my face and smiled. “What shall I do, little friend? Do you have any secret, arcane knowledge of the future you might share with me?”
The moth took flight, bobbing across away until it landed on the worn, leather satchel hanging behind my bedroom door.
Typically, I only used it when I went into the city to deliver spare medical supplies to patients, or shop for new supplies.
But the moth gave me a sudden, ludicrous idea.
I sat up, heart marching in my chest as I considered the absolute foolishness of it.
Tuck’s words echoed in my head. You have never been one to simply suffer the life others create for you. I have every confidence that you will continue to make your own path, and your own peace.
Maybe there was still a chance for Will and I to create our own path, and our own peace. It would create peace for the Abbey too, removing the target that Osric Scarlett had so clearly pinned onto my back. I stood up and walked over to the satchel, running my fingers along the strap and buckles.
“I don’t suppose you could carry a message to Will for me, could you?” I asked the moth, my face splitting into a broad grin.
Optimism and joy bubbled up in my chest as I packed.
I did not need much, and did not own much anyway, so it only took ten minutes.
The last thing I took out was my purse. It was a paltry amount, mostly copper pennies mixed in with five silver shillings and a single Queen’s crown—all slipped into my apron pockets by grateful patients.
The Abbey provided everything I could need, so each year, I saved the precious coins to buy a Yule gift for Will, who was always bringing me pretty things from town when he could afford it.
As I dropped the purse into my satchel, I prayed it would at least be enough to see us all the way to the coast, and onto a ship.
Where we went after that would be up to the gods, I supposed, but at least we would be together.