Chapter 42 Utterly & Absolutely
Chapter forty-two
Utterly & Absolutely
The sounds of early evening filtered into my room on a cool breeze—the patter of light raindrops, a few notes of faint birdsong, and the soft whoosh of Devil’s wings as he landed on my balcony.
A moment later, his warm hand slid up my back, then over my shoulder, and he laid down behind me on the bed.
When his arm wrapped around my middle, I covered it with mine and leaned back into him, but kept my eyes closed.
“How do you feel today?” he murmured against my neck.
“Better…I think.”
“Are you ready?”
“No.”
“You don’t have to do this, May. We can send someone else. Anyone else.”
“I want to go. I need to go. I’m just…not ready.”
“I understand.” He fell silent and held me tighter.
One week since the caravan robbery, and I had not been spared the memory of men screaming for a single moment.
The sight of the burning wagon still replayed in every dream, every night.
As hard as I had tried to push aside my guilt and horror, to focus on what needed to be done, it had caught up with me.
The last two days, I’d been battling a high fever, and had been ordered to stay in bed by no less than four people.
But now, it was time to face the outside world again.
Meanwhile, Devil and the Hollow’s other residents had worked tirelessly to glamour each and every prisoner just enough for them to return to Nottingham, collect their families and belongings, then flee the city.
Devil told me he had even managed to glamour the horses so they wouldn’t be recognized as belonging to the Prince.
Quince had gone first, carrying a message to Sissi that an ‘anonymous citizen’ wished to help Locksley pay their new taxes.
A similar message had gone to Tuck, but neither had been told exactly who they would be meeting.
Now, I had to prepare myself to face them both—to offer some sort of explanation for my long absence, for the change in my appearance, and for the chest of gold crowns I would be bringing with me.
I rolled to face Devil, pushing stray copper curls away from his face. His eyes closed and he leaned into my touch, then into my soft kiss.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he whispered. “You did the right thing, May. Surely, you must know that?”
“I do…but I also see the cost of doing the right thing every time I close my eyes.”
“Titania would have killed the prisoners too if you had not stayed her hand.”
“I know,” I muttered. “But this is the humanity I was so afraid of losing, Devil. I sacrificed those men to her without even trying to find another way. I was taught mercy. I want to believe that mercy is the right way, but…what if it isn’t? And what if I cannot let go of that part of myself?”
“I know what you want to hear me say,” Devil sighed, “that we will find a way for mercy and justice to coexist peacefully, but…”
“But you are not a creature of mercy,” I murmured. “I remember. So what am I supposed to do? Abandon my humanity? Then I will be just like her…”
“Titania was not born this way,” Devil reminded me.
“She was once a creature of great mercy, like you. Do not forget that. But meting out mercy and justice according to your own instincts does not make you a monster. Is it your instincts that say what you did was wrong? Or is it this narrow definition of humanity you insist on clinging to?”
I could not answer, so I just shook my head slowly, then buried my face in his chest again.
“Oh, May,” he sighed. “I would simply see you leave behind the parts of your past that no longer serve you.”
“Such as my ability to feel guilt?” I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt.
“Yes, perhaps,” Devil laughed. I pulled my face back to glare at him, but he just kissed the tip of my nose, then rolled off the bed. I watched from the pillows as he put my kettle on the stove to make tea.
“Have you and Ceres conjured up an excuse for me to feed Oberon?”
“His Lordship has preoccupied himself lately with the issue of our mysterious cave full of rotten Archer’s Cup. He will hardly miss you for half a day.”
“I hope you’re right,” I muttered. “And Helena? Has she given you anything useful?”
“In between bottles of wine?” said Devil dryly, leaning against the edge of my desk. “No. She seems much more concerned with finding winged men who might be willing to fuck her.”
“She’s been through more than we can possibly imagine,” I admonished, finally sitting up.
Only hours after the caravan robbery, I had gone to the Hollow, ready to use more of my healing gift.
Most of the prisoners bore only minor injuries or scrapes, several dislocated fingers, and one broken nose.
But when Aliena and I had taken Helena up to the falls so she could bathe, we’d discovered just how monstrous her father really was.
Beside the cracked ribs I’d already healed, and being half-starved, her entire back had been whipped raw with what I guessed to be a leather belt.
I’d done everything in my power to heal the wounds, but could do nothing about the ruthless scars left behind.
It was yet another sight, and another cloak of guilt, I would not soon be able to shed.
“I know,” Devil said, “but she is becoming a bit of a menace. I think Jon might actually be afraid of her. We will need to make a decision soon as to her fate.”
I sighed, pushing myself out of the bed and wandering over to my wardrobe. “I won’t return her to her father, but…keeping her here doesn’t feel safe either.”
“Perhaps we should send her to Rykard.”
“What good would that do?”
Devil shrugged. “He is her uncle, and is known for harboring his countrymen as refugees in Messina.” I raised an eyebrow and he cocked his head. “Is he not?”
“When did you become such an expert on human politics?” I asked with a snort, pulling various pieces of clothing out and tossing them on the bed.
“I make it my business to know everything.” He sauntered over and put his arms around me. “And also to hide how much I actually know, so that no one suspects me of anything.”
I giggled as his face dipped down to my neck. “Or maybe you just enjoy feeling mysterious and important, even though you are neither.”
“I am mysterious and important!” he muttered in a tone of false outrage. “Why else would you be so taken with me?”
“Oh, is that what you think I am? Taken with you?” He pulled me in to run his fangs along my neck, and I let out a soft half-moan before quickly pulling away from him.
“I am not sure how else to interpret that sound you just made,” Devil laughed, flopping onto the bed while I pulled the silk wrap from around my hair.
I tossed it across his eyes, and he remained completely still until I pulled my nightgown off, bundled it up, and hit him in the stomach with it.
When he pulled the silk from his eyes and saw me standing there, completely naked, his breath stopped.
“Mayhem,” he growled, pushing up onto his elbow. “What do you think you are doing?”
“Punishing you,” I said, flipping my hair back so he could truly see every inch of me.
He licked his lips and began to crawl across the bed.
I tried to back away, but he was faster than I’d bargained for and he seized me around the waist. His tongue and teeth found my breasts and I threaded my fingers through his hair, trying to hold back my whimper.
“Gods above,” he groaned as his mouth moved over the front of my body, and his hands moved over the back. “How can you be so fucking perfect, and so fucking beautiful, and still be mine?”
I tried to scoff, but it came out as a gasp before I managed to ask, “Who ever said I was yours?”
A devious smile split his face as he shifted onto his knees and drew me in so our bodies were pressed together. He slowly dragged his fingers all the way around to my inner thigh, then leaned in to whisper against my temple.
“I said it, because I intend to make you mine. I am going to make you fall so utterly and absolutely in love with me that the Arden herself has no choice but to knit our souls together.”
“That sounds like quite the undertaking,” I replied coolly, “especially since I plan to be ‘utterly and absolutely’ uncooperative with this plan.” I was immediately forced to eat my words when he slid two fingers inside me and I melted in his arms.
“Don’t lie to me, princess,” he said in a ragged whisper. “Especially not when I can feel your…cooperation.”
He went deeper, but I wanted more. I planted my right foot beside him on the edge of the mattress, letting him hold me up with one arm while the other worked until I had to muffle my cries in his shoulder.
The feeling became so torturous that I pulled the fabric of his shirt into my teeth, biting down hard.
My nails dug into his back and my mouth moved toward his ear, letting him both hear and feel me.
As I expected, he shuddered and groaned, so I slid my free hand down to the buckle of his belt.
“May…” he warned. “Do not start something you’ve no intention of finishing.”
I laughed softly. “Oh, I have every intention of us both finishing this time.”
My words pushed him into some kind of frenzy.
Only a minute later, his shirt was clamped between my teeth again, absorbing every profane sound his fingers forced from me.
Even when my body went taut in his arms and my foot lifted off the ground, he held onto me and did not stop.
But I regained my composure and dropped to my knees in front of him before even catching my breath.
He sat back on his heels, gazing down at me with wide eyes while I made short work of his belt and buttons.
As I hooked my fingers into the top of his trousers, however, he caught my jaw in his hand and forced me to look up at him.
“Only if you want to…”
I returned the devious smile he’d given me before and murmured, “I want to watch you come apart,” as I began to touch him.
Gods, I loved having him at my mercy this way—guard down, cocky smirk finally wiped off his face.
Knowing I was in control, knowing he would beg if I wanted him to, sent a desperate rush of heat to my core, and I ran my tongue down his full length, sending an even more intense shudder through every muscle of his body.
We locked eyes again as I dropped my mouth open, letting him push slowly past my lips.
When he let out a loud groan, I shook my head and pulled back.
“Come apart silently,” I said, before using my tongue on him again.
He flung out one hand to brace himself on the bedpost and panted, “I’ll make no promises when you feel this fucking good.”
Since I couldn’t speak, I merely raised my hand and sent a stream of shadows out.
They covered his mouth, wrapped around his neck, and solidified into a thick gag.
He frowned and tugged on it for a moment, but I managed to pull his attention back by digging my fingernails into his thigh, then using my hand and mouth in tandem.
Watching him unravel was just as satisfying as I imagined it would be.
He clutched the bedpost so tightly I heard the wood crack, but did not seem to know what to do with his other hand until I gently guided it into my hair.
When his grip tightened, I let out a faint, muffled moan, and his shallow thrusts slowed.
“Don’t stop,” I managed to gasp. Even through the gag, I heard the sound he made—somewhere between a growl and a moan—before pushing all the way to the back of my throat, again and again.
It didn’t take long for his body to seize and his eyes to roll.
The way he held onto my hair, and ran a thumb along my cheek, was intimate and almost desperate, as if he were afraid I’d be gone when he opened his eyes.
I held on until he relaxed and slumped back, then stood and poured a cup of scalding water from the kettle to clear my mouth.
As I stood there in front of the stove, Devil pulled me into a warm, tight embrace from behind.
I let my head fall back onto his chest before realizing that I’d forgotten to remove the shadow gag.
It dissipated with a wave of my hand, and he immediately planted a string of soft kisses along the side of my neck.
“Did I do something in particular to deserve that?” he finally asked. The sweetness in his voice and touch softened me, but then I remembered my oath to be uncooperative, and turned to face him with a smirk.
“It was to preemptively ensure that you are on your best behavior when we go to Locksley.”
“Oh,” he laughed, “do you think I cannot behave unless I’ve had my—”
I quickly silenced him with a kiss, and he put his arms around me again, letting his fingers drift across every inch of my naked body.
“Just promise you won’t cause any trouble,” I whispered, “no matter what they might say.”
He searched my face and his thumb brushed over my lower lip before he simply answered, “I promise, Mayhem.”