FAMILY VALUES
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a rap guy.”
He glanced at me. “I listen to all genres to keep my perspective broad and catch new innovations. Never the same thing twice in the car.”
Interesting. “Are there any you hate, and do you listen to those too?”
“Butt rock, and there was no escaping it for awhile.” Rafael grimaced. “The mainstream, post-grunge era of stations playing ‘nothing but rock’. If you tell me you love Nickelback and Creed, I will throw you out of this car.”
I snorted. “Ok, fair.”
By the time we reached Mountain View and pulled into the driveway, I had to peel myself off the floorboards. Probably had a few extra grey hairs, too.
The living room lights were still on in the little blue duplex. Hopefully, Deandra had just fallen asleep on the couch again. She did that a lot after a tiring shift or a double. Rafael opened the passenger door for me.
I slid out of the SUV onto wobbly legs. “Thank you for driving me. Please never do that again. In fact, let me drive you back.”
He scoffed. “Stop whining. You lived.”
“Shh, my housemates are probably asleep. I’m going to sneak in and get my stuff, then we can go.”
The front door flew open, and Annie descended on me like Tinkerbell’s brunette twin. Complete with her pink marabou feather-trimmed robe fluttering out behind her like a pair of diaphanous fairy wings.
“Where have you been, young lady? It is two o’clock in the morning, and you said you’d be back by—” Her eyes popped wide, fluffy pink slippers skidding to a halt on the pavement. “Holy shit, is that him? He is so tall! Why didn’t you say how tall he is?”
Rafael glared over from where he leaned against the Escalade.
“Annie, hush! He hates that. I’ll introduce you in a minute; I just need to grab my stuff. Did you not see my text?”
“What do you mean, ‘grab your stuff’?” Great, Deandra was awake too.
She darted past me, running barefoot out onto the sidewalk in her oversized Looney Tunes T-shirt and matching pajama pants.
Straightening her green silk bonnet, fearless, she glared up at Rafael.
“Are you the axe murderer who kidnapped my best friend?”
The composer maintained his composure, and I congratulated myself on my cleverness. “Yes. I am now unkidnapping her so she can get her sexy nightguard and save her teeth. I want them for a necklace.”
Smartass! I bit my lip to hold back my laughter, but both housemates stopped dead at his voice. Annie shrieked and clapped with glee. Deandra whirled theatrically back to look at me with huge eyes.
“Rafael, not another word from you. Dee, go back inside. Annie, please shut the fuck up. You’re giving me a headache.”
Deandra waggled a finger at me. “Nope. Hell no.” She spun back. “Mr. Music Man, your big ass is coming in here for a ‘getting to know you’ chat while Runaway Bride gets herself cleaned up. Come on. I’ll make some tea.”
I raised my hands for silence. “Deandra Lee, Anita Martin—she goes by ‘Annie’—meet Rafael Nazim.” I disappeared into my bedroom before they could argue, to the sound of Dee and Annie ushering my new…lover—Date? What the fuck was he, exactly—into the house.
“Elaine, show me your room,” Rafael called through the door.
I glanced around at the haphazard formations of books, rock piles of clothes, leaf litter of random papers, and hillocks of mismatched shoes I’d kicked off from the unmade bed.
“Absolutely not! I wasn’t expecting company, and I need to clean it first.”
He rapped at the door. “I want to see the uncensored version of you.”
“No!” I turned the lock. “Next time!”
Deandra fussed him into leaving me alone. As I stuffed clothes into a bag, Annie peppered Rafael with questions too rapid-fire to answer.
“Is that your real hair color? How tall are you? What instruments do you play? Is one like, your favorite? Have you written anything I would know?”
From the increasing sharpness of Rafael’s tone as she rambled right over his answers, she was steadily annoying the fuck out of him. And me. And probably Dee as well. I packed faster.
Once upon a time, I’d feared Deandra’s temper the most, but Rafael had already freely warned me he’d hit a woman if she pushed him far enough. I didn’t want to test those limits tonight.
The shower drowned out some of their conversation. Hot water woke me up and focused me.
“Annie,” Deandra barked. Yep, there it was. “Let the man breathe, damn. Where are you from, Rafael?”
“Türkiye, but I am an American citizen now. I have lived in California for the last 20-odd years, mostly in the city.” Good, good, getting ahead of some of the pointless questions.
“I knew I detected an accent!” Annie crowed. Her chair scraped the floor.
Jesus. I scrubbed my ass as fast as humanly possible.
“English is my fourth language.” Ok good. Rafael didn’t sound offended.
Both women made impressed noises.
Annie piped up again. “Wait, how are you a redhead if you’re a Turk?”
Oh my fucking god.
Naturally, the soap clung to me for dear life, no matter how I rinsed. Damned soft water!
“Annie!” Dee sounded exhausted. “That’s like saying Black people can’t be redheads. The fuck?”
“Well, I didn’t know!”
Annie meant well, but she had zero filter and no concept of when she was being offensive.
I was trying to help her overcome her religious trauma and strictly conservative upbringing like I had.
It was a messy process. Annie tried to do better once she learned better, but she often got a little too creative in learning the hard way.
She was also so adorably flirty that most people instantly forgave her social blunders.
Rafael, however, was not swayed. “Keep pushing. I can read you for filth in seven languages. Nine, if conversational fluency counts.” The sheer diva in his deep voice curled my hair.
“Wow, that was really sassy.” A pause, then Annie blurted, “Are you gay?”
I burst into the Millennial-grey dining room to see Rafael seated, pushed back from the table, and grinning like a shark. My two housemates sat across from him. Between them, a frog-shaped teapot and four cups remained untouched. Deandra really had made tea.
Rafael folded his hands behind his head, winging out his impressive lats. “Half-gay, on my mother’s side.”
Deandra snort-laughed. “Ok, I like you.”
Annie tilted her head like a confused dog.
Dee elbowed her in the side. “He’s saying he’s bisexual, Annie. Keep up.” To Rafael, she said, “Cheers, queer. I’m omni, or pan, or whatever label you like better. Don’t much matter to me.”
Annie’s eyes widened with the realization. “Oh, Elaine will like that. She says she hates straight men. I could never, though. What if you left me for another man? I’d never get over it.”
I made a horrified noise. And here I thought I’d eaten a lot of foot lately, holy shit.
Rafael’s voice dripped venom. “Good thing I have zero desire to fuck you.”
Aghast, Annie’s hand flew to her throat. “That is so rude!”
Dee swatted her on the back of the head. To Rafael, she said, “Ignore Miss Motormouth. She only dates Boomers, and you know how they are. Clearly, she’s been spending too much time around them.”
Rafael nodded sagely. “Ah, daddy issues. You know a lot of Boomer men are DL, right? Closeted, but still sucking dick in secret?”
Annie squeaked in outrage. He was right, but I wouldn’t add fuel to this fire, no matter how much she’d brought it on herself. Deandra was all too ready to egg him on.
I scooted over to Rafael’s side and threaded my arm through his, tugging ineffectually. “Oookay, that will be quite enough of that. This is definitely not how I envisioned this introduction going.”
Rafael refused to budge, and I certainly couldn’t budge him.
“Oh no. You said I do not know enough about you. How could I relinquish this opportunity?” He gestured to my friends.
“Tell me all her dark secrets. Which boyfriend of hers did you like the most and why? Who was the worst? What is her type? What is her most obnoxious habit? Is she a spendthrift or a saver? Is she allergic to cats? Does she have any children or criminal history I need to know about?” He grinned at me. “Where was she on January 6th?”
Dee let out a bark of laughter, and Annie giggled nervously.
“We watched Jan 6 together on TV. You’re all clear.” Deandra wiped her eyes. “Whew, where did you say you found him?”
I smacked Rafael’s shoulder. “You’re a dick.” But I let him drag me onto his lap. “Come on now. I’m white, but I’m not that white.”
“I told you when we met I am a bastard.” He kissed me on the cheek. “And I am just protecting myself. You white chicks are dangerous. I usually avoid your kind, but you bewitched me with your little dance. Or my ego ensnared me. Either way, here we are.”
I stuck my bottom lip out. He chuckled under his breath and pushed my lip back in.
“So far, I like you the most out of all her feral strays,” Deandra volunteered. “You’re quick, and I haven’t seen her this flustered in…damn…never, really. Not even in college. Are you two official already?”
“Elaine is my soulmate.” He stared longingly into my eyes. How much of this was him messing with me, and how much was serious? “She does not know it yet, but she is.”
Annie thawed. “That is so romantic, oh my god.” Trust her to fall for the worst lines. Even if they did secretly make me twitterpated.
“For an axe murderer, that’s pretty fucking cute,” Dee agreed.
“Why is it always axes? So gauche. And look how cruel Elaine is. Refuses to even elope with me.” Rafael nuzzled my hair. “I am teasing you,” he whispered in my ear. “I will stop if you are truly uncomfortable.”
“I’m fine,” I whispered back. Mostly.
Deandra’s long nails clicked on the table. “Elaine’s type is ‘funny asshole who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else’, so I’d say you have that nailed. God save her if you’re also a sad boy. It’s like her catnip. You musicians do tend to run angsty.”
I pinched him under the table, and he breathed a voiceless laugh into my hair.