23. Two very different phone calls #2
“I have been studying.” She looked Rafael over, deflating a bit. “Everyone talks about his temper, but I have never seen him get so angry.”
I have. “Are you ok? Those guys didn’t hurt you, did they?”
Zainab drew in on herself. “I’m ok. One of them tried to grab my scarf, but Mr. Nazim showed up just in time.”
“Oh Jesus, now I’m extra glad Rafael knocked that asshole out.” I winced at her disapproving brow pinch. “Sorry, I have a potty mouth too.” Would Rafael have reacted so severely if he hadn’t already been upset last night? “He’s very protective.”
Her smile was brittle under the distress brewing in her eyes. “We’re lucky to have him. But don’t tell him I said that. He will never let it go.”
Rafael won the argument for closing the café and walked Zainab and Hasan to their cars.
He was quiet during the elevator ride back to our apartment. I kept my mouth shut, waiting for him to break the silence first. The scowl on his face hadn’t relaxed by the time we walked inside the apartment. He made me a cappuccino and pulled a shot for himself.
Downing the espresso, Rafael finally looked at me. “Shitty start to the morning. Especially after last night.”
“I’m not sure those guys would have left any other way without calling the cops. They’ll sure as hell think twice about confronting you again, though.” I added a raw sugar cube to my cappuccino, trying to stir it in without disrupting the perfect foam. “You really think that tech bro sent them?”
“Or Molly. Would not be the first time she convinced men to do something stupid for her.” He grimaced.
“Fucking cowardly, whoever it was, sending their lackeys to harass the café workers instead of coming for me directly. I am sorry. We just had that big talk about my temper…” He leaned against the island and rubbed his temple.
“But this time you were actually defending a woman. I’m not upset with you for that. I don’t mean to be condescending, but do you understand the difference between my reaction to last night and this morning?”
Rafael exhaled through his nose. “I do. But I also recognize that I have not given you much reassurance that I can be trusted.”
“How are you feeling now?”
“Angry. Tired. Afraid you will leave me.”
I held my arms out. He slid gratefully into them, sighing against my hair.
“You’re not in imminent danger of being dumped, I promise. I think you controlled yourself pretty well down there, all things considered. Did you sleep at all last night?”
He made a negative sound. “Will you lie down with me?”
I followed him into the bedroom, where Rafael shed his clothes and bid me to do the same. He climbed into bed and pulled me in after him, holding me tightly and tugging the blue duvet over us. I smashed myself against him, safe in the cave of the covers and his body. He buried his face in my hair.
I drifted, startling awake when he pushed the duvet off.
Worming up face-to-face, I ran a soft finger over the peaked outline of his lips. “Did you at least nap a little?”
“I am too keyed up to rest.” He propped himself up on an elbow, stroking my cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“A little horny, if I’m being honest.” I bit the inside of my mouth. Was that insensitive?
“Good, then I have a request. Will you allow me to attempt penetration?”
I blinked. Didn’t see that coming. “I’m down with whatever you want, but is that a good idea right now? You’ve had back-to-back stressful situations, and I don’t want to trigger you.”
He kissed my forehead. “That is why I want to try. I am tired of being a prisoner in my own fucked up brain.”
“Are you sure that’s safe for me? I don’t want to make you feel bad, but what if you get triggered and I can’t get away from you?”
His brow creased. “I understand your concern. Maybe if you are under me, it will be easier for me to remove myself if I start to feel overwhelmed. If you do not feel comfortable, I will not press.”
The request clicked into place—he wanted to prove he was trustworthy by making himself as vulnerable as he knew how. I smoothed his brow with my thumb, tucking his hair behind his pointed ear. This was the real Rafael; the lover beneath the fighter’s ferocious exterior.
He drew back, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “I am accustomed to being quite good at the things I set out to do. This, however…I do not know that you will enjoy it, or if I will. But will you have me?”
I loved him so much my chest hurt. “Everything you want to give. What do you need me to do?”
His eyes softened with relief. “Just lie back and let me touch you, but do not touch me in return. If you see me become unfocused, stiffen your fingers and stab them into my broken ribs.” He demonstrated. “The pain will bring me back.”
I cringed. “I don’t want to do that. What if I actually hurt you?” Deandra’s horror stories of rib fractures puncturing lungs danced in my head.
“Then slap me in the face. Does that work?”
I nodded and rolled onto my back. He arranged me to his liking in the pillows.
Rafael stroked his palms down my body with slow, deliberate motions.
“You are exquisite, my windup girl.” He hefted my breasts, gently squeezing.
“I beg your forgiveness for not being ready for you sooner.” He cupped my hips, running his thumbs over the scars on my upper thighs.
“I would not turn back the clock, but I wish we had those extra years together. So much time spent running, fighting, destroying myself, instead of becoming the person you needed me to be. If I could go back, I would give you my body as a shield against every hurt.”
I dug my fingers into the sheets to keep from grabbing his face and kissing him. “I love you so much sometimes it feels like my heart’s going to stop. It flutters and skips beats.”
The corners of his eyes crinkled. “That is from all the Turkish coffee. Maybe you should switch to cay, eh?”
I giggled. “If it means that’s you flowing in my veins instead of blood, I’ll take it.”
He bent, lips featherlight on mine. I opened to him, and he returned the kiss in kind. Our breath synchronized. God, being in harmony with him again felt like coming home. His hands parted my thighs, and I moaned into his mouth. He moved over me, resting his hardening cock between my legs.
My body writhed of its own accord, hips tilting and legs spreading. So slow I barely perceived it, Rafael rocked against me, gliding his cock over my awakened cunt. A moan worked its way out of his throat, and my mind turned to jelly.
“I love you,” he said. Then, more forcefully, “I love you!”
“I love you, too.”
Angling himself, the thick tip of his cock nudged my labia.
I spread myself open, careful not to touch him.
His chest heaved, abs clenching and relaxing in a mesmerizing pattern as his body moved.
He pushed himself into me. The sudden stretch around his massive cock forced the air out of my lungs.
I looked down; the head wasn’t even all the way in. Goddamn.
He rumbled, “Are you ok? Do you need lube?”
“I’m fine.” God, I wanted to kiss his chest so badly. “Keep going.” Surely if I could take his fist, I could take his cock. But his fingers had stretched me first…
“You are so warm.” Rafael curled in on himself to press his lips to my forehead.
I undulated my hips against him, moaning. He eased himself out of me and gradually pushed back in. Each iota of extra stretch forced me to what I thought was my limits—until the next thrust. I whimpered, desperate for more.
Without warning, he shoved the head of his cock fully inside me. I cried out in pain. He froze.
“Rafael?” I touched his chest.
No response. Fuck.
“Hey, look at me.” I tapped the side of his face.
Nothing but rapid, shallow breathing.
I slapped his cheek. He let out a ragged breath, and a shudder rippled down his body. I slapped him again, harder.
All at once, he propelled himself backwards, yanking his cock out of me with a burst of pain. Wild-eyed, Rafael pressed his back against the far wall, pulling his knees to his chest and the covers around him.
I sat up. “Talk to me. Are you all right? Rafael, say something, please.” Slowly, slowly, I edged toward the door in case I needed to get away.
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, sending cascades of dark red hair down his shoulders, and sighed like the world was caving in. “Forgive me. I thought I could—I thought I had finally overcome that limitation. I know you want a man who is whole.”
Oh, my heart. “Rafael, I want a man who is you! Whatever form that takes.”
He peered at me over his knees.
“It’s ok! You did really damn well, especially considering we’ve never tried that and you’ve had a shitty time lately. I love you, and I promise I’m not disappointed or upset.”
“I am,” he said forlornly. “I want to make you happy.”
“You already make me happy! Oh, my love, you don’t need to push yourself to your breaking point for me.
I’m not remotely unsatisfied. How could I be?
I’ve never had a lover as generous as you.
Nowhere close!” If only I could crawl inside the forest of his mind and prune that harmful, invasive thought away. “What would help you now?”
Rafael propped his chin on his forearm. “If I lay my head in your lap, will you sing to me?”
“Of course. I don’t exactly have a great singing voice, but I’ll do my best.”
“Nonsense. I hear you belting out songs in the shower all the time.” He crawled over, resting his head on my thigh and curling around me. “You have a smooth alto like a little mourning dove; you just need to learn breath control.”
My face heated to match his hair.