Chapter 11
Kendyll
(Present Day)
AVOIDING XANDER WAS LIKE AVOIDING the plague while someone coughed right into my wide open mouth.
The demon always had a knack for following me when I didn’t want him to, and that trait clearly hadn’t dwindled.
He followed me now as my ever present shadow as I walked the entirety of Mountview Psychiatric Hospital.
He was quiet at first with only his burning gaze and its silent meaning, yet as we reached the third floor, he’d shed the pensive shroud in favor of his typical self. He hummed happily and chatted away about random topics, even while I ignored him.
“I still can’t believe it,” Xander lamented at the end of one of his many stories.
“I mean, who would’ve guessed that Zagan, Perseus, and Dante would fall in love?
It’s been fun seeing them get all swept away by their humans and even more fun teasing them about it.
I’ll introduce you to the girls at some point.
You’d like them.” He sighed dreamily. “Four of the five band members have relationships now. Poor Coldin. That scary guy will be forever alone.”
I glared over my shoulder. “You and I aren’t in a relationship.”
Xander smiled wide at me, and I realized my reaction was exactly what he’d wanted. He knew I wouldn’t be able to resist snapping back at that, which meant I’d finally acknowledge him.
Growling, I faced forward and stomped into the abandoned children’s ward. “You are so annoying.”
“Keep insulting me, and you’ll just turn me on.”
Focus, Kendyll. Focus.
I barely managed to refrain from lashing out at the demon.
It would, after all, actually turn him on.
Conceding to his presence would’ve been like holding up a bright neon sign that invited him to join me on this three month long investigation, so I went back to my original plan of ignoring him.
I could acquaint myself with the building and any potential spirits here while pretending the manifestation of Hell wasn’t here. No problem.
“The children’s ward, hmm?” Xander pondered as we walked into the common room.
The space was an exact copy of every other ward, save for the incorporation of actual color.
Unlike the other floors that used white for everything, these walls were painted sky blue, and the padded chairs in the common area were a mix of teal and lime green.
Cubbies with stuffed animals were pressed against the wall, and another shelf with children’s books neighbored it.
Xander poked around the stuffed animals, all of which had seen better days.
I couldn’t imagine all they’d been through as toys for patients with varying mental impairments.
The tall demon dressed all in black froze for a moment, and his carefree grin cracked with a hint of aching longing.
He reached into the hoard of fluff to grab a stuffed bat plushie and stared at it with a wistful smile.
I swallowed hard at the sight but refused to acknowledge the feelings that wanted to sweep me away down the stream of nostalgia alongside him.
Instead of replacing the bat, he carried it tenderly with him and asked, “Is this the area you started in when you first came to Mountview?”
I glanced at the small plushie in his hand one more time before looking away to venture down the hall. “Well, considering eleven is a child, yeah. This is where I started out.”
“One would argue that seventeen is an adolescent, yet you were in the adult ward when I found you,” Xander pointed out.
“Thank overpopulation for that,” I said. “It’s one of the reasons this place was shut down. Mountview is old, and the facilities just weren’t good enough to meet the standard of practice today.”
“Which room in this ward was yours?”
“312,” I answered, gesturing to a door down the long hallway.
The hallway had seen better days. The place hadn’t been empty of people for too long, yet dust particles floated in the streams of sunlight that came from the room’s windows.
The paint that was once sky blue now had a grayish tint to it.
In the middle of the abandoned hallway sat a wheelchair with a gray blanket crumpled over the arm and back, pooling on the floor.
It was as though a nurse had been in the middle of rolling a patient to the common room or to a doctor’s office for a visit when they’d gotten the notice to leave.
I wandered over to move the chair and blanket to the side of the hall, but when I grabbed the knitted blanket and lifted it, I froze.
Hiding beneath the fabric and right beside the wheel of the chair was a small child.
She wore a plain pair of pants and sweatshirt that I recognized as the standard outfit here at Mountview.
Her dark hair hung messily around her shoulders, and she stared up at me with wide brown eyes.
Her tiny arms were wrapped around her bent knees, and she wore a gray sock on one foot, which sat nervously on top of her other bare toes.
I overcame my surprise quickly and offered her a small smile. “Hi, there.”
The little ghost gasped before quickly fading and disappearing.
I frowned and looked around, even while knowing I wouldn’t find her.
She most likely vanished and reappeared elsewhere within the hospital, or maybe I’d frightened her with my abrupt appearance and essentially knocked her limited energy right out of her.
If that was the case, she wouldn’t be able to manifest again until she stored up more.
“It’s okay,” Xander said, seemingly reading my mind. “She’s still here. I can faintly feel her energy within the building. She’s probably just not used to being seen or spoken to, so she got scared. I’m sure she’ll come back.”
I nodded slowly. “Hopefully, you’re right.”
I didn’t spot any more ghosts on my exploration of the building.
The faint trace of spiritual energy diminished the higher up we went, and it completely vanished once we reached the rooftop.
The crisp air carried a promise of rain, and I inhaled deeply while scanning the endless treetops and distant town.
“Five stories, plus a basement,” I started blandly. “Hundreds of rooms. One child spirit who runs at the sight of me. This is going to be a long three months.”
“One demon. You forgot one demon,” Xander said much too happily.
Plastering on a biting grin, I jabbed my finger into his chest. “I didn’t forget anything. You’re leaving.”
“Also, I’m fairly certain there are more ghosts here,” Xander continued while effectively ignoring me. “I can sense multiple lingering souls here. They’re just … incredibly faint and distant. Like maybe they’re purposefully hiding.”
I recalled my time here in the past and how the spirits fled and were skittish back then, too. “Hiding from what, though? Me?”
Xander pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Not sure. Guess we have three months to find out.”
“How many times do I have to tell you there is no we?”
Smiling, he leaned down until we were nose to nose, and his voice dropped so that his words wouldn’t even reach the trees around us. “There’s always going to be a we, Qīn’ài de.”
My heart nearly burst with the need to fall into him and the old tender nickname. I feared he could see the impact his words had on me written all over my face, so without a word, I spun on my heel and ventured back inside and down the stairs.
I’ll be there soon, Qīn’ài de.
The air knocked out of me. I blew it out hard and clenched my trembling hands to expel the memory of his voice from my mind. I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t think about that day or that lie and the price paid for it.
A beast’s attack.
A beloved brother lost.
A hope forever gone.
“Stop it,” I hissed to myself while quickening my haste down the steps.
When I was a patient at Mountview, I only got to see so much of the building.
I was only allowed to wander around the ward I resided in, and when I was taken out by the nurses, it was to walk the set path to the dining hall used by high-functioning patients, the doctor’s hall for sessions, or to the outdoor gardens.
Being able to take my time looking through the various rooms and areas I’d never been to before made my skin crawl.
Even though I knew I wasn’t a patient breaking any rules, that didn’t stop the worry that a doctor or nurse would pop out of a dark corner to grab me and drag me back to my room where they’d lock me up for good.
“You okay?”
I looked sideways at Xander who stared at me.
Only then did I realize how I’d wrapped my arms around my middle as though to shield myself from nonexistent restraints.
I slowly dropped my arms and shook them out.
“Fine. Tired.” I looked at my phone, noting how it was nearly eleven.
“It’s been a long day, so I’m going to call it a night. ”
Xander followed me to my make-shift room. “That bed seems a bit small for the two of us. Oh, well. It just means I have to sleep even closer to you.”
I’d never frozen in my tracks quicker than I did then. Cheeks heating, I pressed my hand against his chest to keep him from coming any closer to my bed. “Woah! Absolutely not. Go find your own room if you aren’t leaving.”
“Why are you always trying to get away from me, Ghost?”
“Why are you always trying to follow me, Xander?”
The teasing smirk he wore disappeared in an instant. His brow furrowed as his eyes softened with pained longing. “You know the answer to that.”
I swallowed hard and barely managed to keep the same look off my own face.
I couldn’t let myself get swept away by him or his words.
Not again. The last time I believed him and his promises, the last time I believed I could be happy, life was quick to put me in my place.
A place where I was alone and Xander was better off without me.
After the heavy silence, Xander suddenly smirked again and dissipated the seriousness with, “I’m your Mr. Monster. Obviously, I’m going to follow you.”
For once, I appreciated the joking air Xander often exuded. It gave me something to roll my eyes at, which I promptly did before digging through my suitcase for pajamas to change into.
Xander flopped down on the bed behind me with an aggrieved sigh. “You were so much friendlier when you were a kid.”
“Was I? Too bad. I don’t remember that child at all.”
“No? You gonna say you don’t remember everything that happened after, either?”
I sucked in a sharp breath and looked over my shoulder from where I knelt on the ground.
Xander was stretched out on his side with his head propped up on his fist, and he watched me seriously.
The easygoing and carefree demeanor had vanished.
When he’d shown up today, we’d both done well at not talking too much about our past. It was like neither of us wanted to crack the seal on the mess contained within that tightly wrapped box.
Yet here he was now, slowly tapping on the lid of Pandora’s box.
Clearing my throat, I forced out a haughty laugh and scooped up my clothes. “Oh. You mean, all the times I wasn’t in my right mind?”
“Wow,” he drew the word out with mock surprise. “You lose your mind a lot, then. Tell me. Do you sleep with everyone you lose your mind around?”
I whipped around to glare at him and curled my hands into tight fists. “Fuck off, Xander.”
He clenched his teeth and stood slowly from the bed.
Those dark eyes suddenly glowed as gold pierced through the night of his eyes.
Horns appeared between the black tresses of hair on his head, and when he curled his lip in a rueful smile, fangs had replaced his canine teeth.
“Go ahead. Yell at me. At least that way you’re talking to me. ”
“You infuriate me,” I gritted out.
He chuckled. “I love you, too, Ghost.”
I nearly lost my grip on the clothes in my arms, but I managed to keep hold of them. If only the same could be said of my galloping heart and the memories that refused to stay buried.