Chapter 14 #2
Our dance stopped, but we didn’t move to release our grips. Our gazes were unbreakable, mine, no doubt, swimming with regret over asking such an absurd question while his remained friendly.
“How could I?” he replied. “You didn’t tell me where you were going.”
I knew the question was childish on my part. I was the one who left. Why should he be expected to find me? If I wanted him to come after me, what was the point in leaving? Despite knowing all of this, I couldn’t get my mouth to cooperate with my rational brain.
“You could’ve found me the same way you did at the mental hospital.”
Again, I knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. I knew I was the one to blame for our lack of communication over the years. But … I just wanted to know that he’d seen some sort of value in our dynamic as much as I had. Knowing that he cared, even a little, would’ve been enough for me.
But he never came.
“That was an accident,” he explained carefully.
The calm that had previously bracketed the lines of his face tightened from the truth he begrudgingly admitted.
“I didn’t know you were at Mountview when I found you there.
I may be a demon, but I’m a Mischief demon.
My kind can’t find or pop over to people like other demons can.
I can appear in places or if I control any spirits, I can go to wherever they are. But not people.”
I frowned before I could stop myself. A deep pang gripped my chest. All this time, I’d thought he’d purposely come to Mountview Psychiatric Hospital to take me away as promised.
But … he’d never meant to come back for me.
His surprise upon seeing me that day, his reluctance in wanting me to go with him, his deep sighs as I followed him through his apartment—they were all signs of a man who didn’t want the nuisance that clung to him.
I swallowed hard and lowered my eyes. “I see. That makes sense.”
“Did you want me to look for you?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Instead, I looked up at him again. He apparently didn’t need my verbal response. He read me like an open book.
The carefree smile he’d worn flattened slightly, and he asked quietly, “Then why did you leave like that?”
“I was always going to leave, remember? I just did it earlier than expected.”
“Right,” he murmured under his breath. He raised our joined hands and twirled me around. By the time I faced him again, the easygoing smirk was back on his face while he sighed dramatically. “It’s just so sad. I didn’t get to flush my pet fish down the toilet properly.”
Despite myself, I laughed. How could I forget that he thought of me that way?
Silence fell between us. We continued an idle sway to the soft lull of the piano piece coming through my phone. His palm was warm against mine, and the longer I stood in his arms, the more I wanted to let go of everything I feared and ran from to just fall into them.
Instead, I noted, “It’s cool that you ended up forming a band with your friends like you mentioned back then.”
“Have you been keeping tabs on me?” he teased.
I scoffed. “Please. Everyone knows about Sinners Do It Better these days. You guys are the hottest thing in the headlines, which is why Bethelma is desperate to have one of you on the show.”
“And I was the lucky pick, huh? Be honest. You picked me, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know the other members,” I pointed out defensively. “You were the default option.” Snickering, I added, “If I could actually choose anyone, I’d pick your drummer. He’s my favorite in the group.”
Xander’s smile remained in place, but his grip on me tightened. “Maybe I should pass the message along to him. Though, I have to warn you. He’ll be an extremely boring guest. Coldin doesn’t exactly have the people skills of yours truly.”
“He’s mysterious, though. People like mysteries.”
“He’s one mystery better left as such.”
Xander twirled me once more before pulling me back against him.
I wanted to ignore how nice his firm torso felt against mine.
I wanted to pretend the tingles rushing along my palm from the feel of his bicep was just my imagination.
I wanted to dismiss the idea that I liked having the demon hold me close.
But I’d always been a horrible liar.
I’d left for a reason. I’d put the distance between us because that was best for both of us.
Being here—my hand in his, my body perfectly aligned against him, eyes entangled in a silent dance of their own—I couldn’t remember those reasons.
I couldn’t think clearly past the need to enjoy this time with my old acquaintance.
I glanced at the party happening on the other side of the window. I loathed crowds, especially when full of arrogant, fake pricks like those here tonight.
“I’m tired of this party,” I announced. Pursing my lips, I casually revealed, “I’m staying here for the night. Do you … want to come up to my room? We can keep catching up.”
His dark eyes drank me in from head to toe, and his smile widened. “Lead the way.”
I couldn’t seem to swallow or breathe with him looking at me like that.
My body was taught with excited apprehension, yet weighed down by nervous hesitation.
Were we going to talk, or were we going to do more?
Was I going to cross the line I’d intended to defend, or was I going to take a hammer to that barrier he made as fragile as glass?
We reached my hotel room, and I immediately excused myself to the bathroom.
The reprieve from his presence gave my racing heart time to calm down.
I changed into my purple pajama set before washing my face and exchanging my contacts for my glasses.
My long black hair hung around my shoulders.
I studied my pale reflection and hugged my arms around myself, finally calming down.
There was no need to worry about expectations or what could happen.
It was just Xander, and he’d always been safe for me.
I returned to the bedroom. Xander stood by the bed, flipping through the book I had on the nightstand—a horror novel I’d picked up at the airport on my way to this event.
He must’ve conjured some of his own clothes to change into, because all he wore now was a pair of black sweatpants.
They hung low on his hips, and with his back to me, I was able to see the corded muscles beneath his skin.
That wasn’t what drew my eye, though. On his back was a gorgeous tattoo of a Chinese dragon looming above a mountain and plum blossoms, drawn in the style of ancient inkwash paintings.
“Wow,” I whispered breathlessly.
He looked over his shoulder while I drew closer to study the detailed ink on his back. My fingertips lightly traced the lines of the dragon.