Chapter 41
Kendyll
(One Year Ago)
“YOU’RE ABOUT TO GO ON?” I asked Xander, staring at the shut curtains in my hotel room from where I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Yeah,” he answered on the other end of the phone. “The schedule is still on time, so I should get there about twenty minutes before the ceremony like planned. Don’t leave your room until I get there, okay? I’ll be there soon, Qīn’ài de.”
I swallowed the mess of nerves tangling up my throat. A tremble shook my hands and shoulders lightly. Somewhere in this five-star hotel, wedding guests were arriving. Somewhere among them was him. I was in the same building as that man. I was soon to be in the same room.
But I wouldn’t be alone.
The loving reassurance in which Xander spoke ebbed some of the tension lining my muscles. I exhaled slowly.
“Okay,” I finally said. “See you soon, and good luck with the show.”
I hung up with Xander and continued to stare at the closed curtains.
With the beige drapes pulled over the view of the outside world, I felt cocooned in my own little box, tucked away from everything else.
I was momentarily separated from everyone, momentarily safe from the creature of my nightmares.
But today wasn’t about safety or running away. There were only two things I cared about today—being there for my brother and taking ownership of my life for the first time ever.
If I was going to exist in the same space as him, I would do it with my head held high. I would walk with the confidence and strength of someone he tried but failed to break. I’d make him see that he couldn’t hurt me anymore.
After today, I could move forward instead of back.
I could step into the light from where I’d been hiding in the shadows away from my truth.
After today, I’d be able to lean into Xander fully and accept that I could be happy.
I could embrace him and stop running in the name of guarding, self-preservation, and fear.
Today, I’d be free.
Catsper meowed from where he hovered near my head. I met his one-eyed gaze and took a deep breath. He curled and slinked his ethereal form across my cheek as though to wish me strength.
“Let’s do this,” I told myself.
Getting to my feet, I moved between the ensuite and bedroom to get ready.
My outfit and appearance was my armor—a put-together gorgeous warrior.
I’d curled my glossy black hair and applied a subtle smokey make-up style to my eyes, where I’d also traded my glasses for contacts.
I painted my lips a deep red, the color of the blood I’d often fantasized about spilling from every orifice of the man who stole my childhood from me.
A satin forest green dress hugged my curves with a corset bodice and thin straps.
Gold shoes with a heel that felt more like a dagger than something to walk on wound around my feet.
“Do I look like an unbothered badass bitch?” I asked Catsper, turning each way for him to appraise.
He purred from where he stretched out on the hotel bed.
“I’m going to pretend that means ‘yes.’”
Just as nerves started to build inside of me with nothing left to do, I looked down at the tattoo on my forearm.
I traced the ink depicting the ghost surrounded by shadows.
For as long as I could remember, I’d associated Xander with shadows.
Shadows were where he’d appeared from and left through.
Shadows meant Xander, and Xander meant safety.
The demon didn’t know it, but he’d been with me much longer than he thought.
He was inked on my very skin as the shadows surrounding the ghost—surrounding me—as my shield, my weapon, my calm, my peace, my home.
I placed my hand over the tattoo and squeezed it as though absorbing strength from the permanent image.
We’ll write a new story after tomorrow, and it’ll have a happy ending.
“A happy ending,” I whispered into the quiet of the room.
I checked the time. There were about forty-five minutes until it was time for people to start heading to the ballroom where the ceremony was to take place.
If I had to guess, Terrance and his bride were probably in the middle of taking photos with their respective bridal and groom parties.
I could only imagine how happy Terrance must’ve looked at that moment.
I also wondered where I’d fit into the day if things had been different.
Would I have been watching my brother pose with his best friends, each dressed to the nines and smiling vibrantly?
Would I have been a part of the bridesmaids, having formed my own friendship with Becca as we welcomed her into the family?
One thing I was sure of was that I wouldn’t be sitting in a quiet hotel room, alone with only a ghost cat for company.
A knock came at my door. My heart lurched in alarm, even as I told myself that no one but Xander and Terrance knew my room number.
Seeing as how Xander would just come in via shadows rather than knock, there was only one other person who could be on the other side of that door.
A peek through the peephole confirmed my suspicion.
Grinning, I opened the door. Terrance practically glowed in his black suit with a forrest green bowtie and breast pocket handkerchief. His dirty blond hair had been combed and gelled so that he looked every bit a handsome gentleman.
“Happy wedding day, old man,” I greeted.
He pulled me in for a hug, and even as my body tensed under the sudden squeeze, I swallowed down the repulsion to hug him back. Just once. I could stomach a hug for him today.
“Sorry,” he apologized as he released me to wipe away his happy tears. “I should’ve asked before—”
“It’s okay,” I cut him off with a reassuring smile. “I’m glad you’re here. Are you excited?”
“So excited,” he laughed before placing both hands over his chest and not-so-successfully schooling the glee from his face. “But also so nervous.”
“Don’t be nervous. You’re going to do great, and I know Becca is just as excited to walk down that aisle to you.”
Terrance’s smile softened in the same way I often caught Xander’s when he looked at me. “I love her so much, Kendyll. I didn’t think I could be this happy. I didn’t think I deserved it.”
That sentiment was one we both apparently shared.
Knowing he felt the same way, even if for different reasons, made emotion squeeze my throat.
I knew Terrance carried some sort of self-imposed guilt for not “protecting” me better when we were little.
Though, he thought my issues were in making up imaginary friends and claims about his dad that were steeped in lies and a mental illness.
I didn’t blame him for believing those things.
He was also young back then, only two years older than me.
All the adults told him I was sick, and my stay at Mountview would’ve only confirmed that.
But that didn’t matter. His guilt was misplaced. There was nothing he could’ve done back then to stop what was happening to me or to stop my being taken away. I hoped the weight he’d been shouldering all this time would ease today just as mine hopefully would.
“You deserve to be happy,” I told him earnestly. “And today is the start of what will be the happiest days of your life.”
His grin stretched wide again. “Thanks, sis.” He looked around the room from where we still stood in the entryway. “Where’s Xander?”
“He had some work to do, so he’ll be getting here a little before time to start seating.”
“So you aren’t doing anything right now?”
The hopeful way in which he spoke, paired with the jovial shine in his eyes, nearly made me hesitate. Lying in wait among that hope and happiness pouring out of him was a follow-up question. Needles pricked my insides with dread.
“N-No,” I managed to answer.
“Great. I came because I’ve been doing pictures, and I … I wanted some with you. I asked the photographer to wait while I grabbed you.”
My entire body locked up.
He saw it the minute I tensed, because he rushed to explain, “It’s just you and me.
No one else is in the room. I already took pictures with Mom and Dad, and I …
I mean, I’d love a family photo with all four of us.
But I get if that’s too much for you. I sent everyone to the lounge on the first floor to get a drink so that you and I could take some photos alone together. ”
My heart raced at the idea of leaving this room and venturing into a space where my nightmare in human form dwelled.
The fear manifested as a grime popping up along my hands, making my fingers twitch and rub together with the need to scrub them clean.
I tucked my trembling hands behind my back and tried to focus on Terrance’s reassuring words.
The man best suited for Hell wasn’t there.
He had been sent away for my sake. Terrance’s sacrifice wasn’t lost on me.
He was willing to give up a family photo of those he loved most on his special day for my sake.
He didn’t even understand or believe in my reasoning for wanting nothing to do with his parents, yet he still chose protecting my boundaries as opposed to doing what he wanted.
All so he could have a picture with me.
Swallowing the panic, I croaked, “No one else will be there?”
He shook his head excitedly. “No. It’s just the two of us and the photographer. It won’t take long.”
I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Xander should get here soon. I wouldn’t be alone long, and in the meantime, Terrance would be there. No one would bother me. I’d take photos with my brother and return to my room before anyone could make it back to his suite.
Clearing my throat, I steeled myself and met his eyes. Slowly, I nodded. “Okay.”