Chapter 43
Xander
(Present Day)
I WISHED I WAS MORE like what a demon should’ve been, what we were typically portrayed as in various media. Uncaring. Unfeeling. Selfish down to the very core. If I was, I wouldn’t be bent over in my chair with my head on the table, staring down at the ink on my pinky.
Maybe it would’ve been better to have never met Kendyll. Maybe it would’ve been better to have never kept the truth of that day from her. Maybe it would’ve been better to have never fallen in love with her.
I let out a mirthless laugh and shook my head slowly against the table. “You know you don’t mean that, stupid bastard.”
I swallowed hard and rubbed at my pinky. I thought I was doing the right thing. That was what I’d told myself at the time, but I realized that moment was when I’d been the most in touch with my true nature as a demon. It was my most selfish moment. I’d hidden behind my own wants long enough.
A hand landed on my shoulder. I didn’t need to lift my head to see who the heavily ringed fingers belonged to.
“Are you okay?” Perseus asked.
I pressed my lips together hard. Only after really digging to find my voice did I manage to answer, “Not really.”
I sat up and slumped in my chair. My table at Hell’s Gate went from a party of one to a party of too fucking many as the guys and their partners filled it. All eyes were trained on me while I refused to meet any of theirs.
“Where’s Kendyll?” Zagan asked.
“Resting,” I answered hollowly.
“The job at Mountview is done, right?” Dante hedged. “With the demon and the ghosts, I mean.”
I nodded. “Yep.”
The table was silent, a heavy and uneasy cloud hanging over it, which felt out of place compared to the rest of the vibrant life of the club around us. I knew what they were all waiting for. I knew they were waiting to hear the verdict.
Continue to lie or tell the truth.
Keep hiding behind selfishness disguised as love or be honest in the name of real love.
I swallowed hard before throwing my head back on a broken laugh. I fixed my burning eyes on the ceiling above. “I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell her.”
Perseus shifted closer. “What if she—”
“She won’t,” I cut him off, already knowing what he wanted to ask, because I’d had the same worry at first. I knew now how foolish it was to think she’d react that way. Not my special, amazing, gifted girl. I fisted my shirt at my chest and finished, “I know her better than anyone. She won’t.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Zagan said quietly.
I ground my teeth to keep the rising emotion smothered.
“I do. I love her so goddamn much, and I-I don’t want to keep making her suffer.
The memories and the feelings that come with them.
The nightmares. The threat of other Mischief demons coveting her.
Taking away her choice. I did that. I fucking did that, and she deserves …
” I closed my eyes and draped my arms over them.
“She deserves her happy ending, even if it’s not with me. ”
A new hand landed on my other shoulder. I dropped my arm and found Harper standing next to me with a concerned frown. “Do you want us there with you?”
“So that you aren’t alone?” Serenity added from where she sat by Dante.
I let my gaze roam around the table of demons and humans. My knee-jerk reaction was to reject the offer, to dismiss them with a, “I’ll be fine.” But I wasn’t fine, and I didn’t know how I would ever be again. While I wasn’t okay, I also wasn’t alone.
So with a nod, I roughly answered, “Yeah. Yeah, that would be great.”
I CARRIED THE SILVER URN and bundle of balloons in one arm while holding Kendyll’s hand in the other.
We walked through a field of knee-high black-eyed susan flowers.
The golden petals and black center created a lively and beautiful resting place for Maria’s ashes.
Catsper clearly agreed, because the black feline ducked under the flowers only to pop up in a new spot, playing happily in the field.
“Do you think here’s okay?” I asked Kendyll.
She nodded while looking around at all the flowers. “I think it’s perfect.”
The two of us stood in all black, the only mourners at the funeral for a person long forgotten.
I took the lid off the urn and gave Kendyll a comforting smile. “Would you like to say anything?”
Kendyll looked at the urn before running her fingertips over the tops of the flowers surrounding us.
She was pensive for a beat. “Your childhood was stolen from you. Your adolescence was robbed. Your life was taken, and just when you thought it was finally over, your afterlife was taken, too. But now, every choice is yours, Maria. You can go where cats, balloons, and flowers are plentiful. You can be free and never feel any of that pain again. I hope you can finally be happy, Maria. Rest easy.”
A breeze blew past us, and I tipped the urn into the wind.
The ashes danced jovially in the gale, finding a home within the golden petals.
The balloons followed, buoyantly soaring into the air as free as Maria’s spirit.
Kendyll squeezed my hand as we stood in silence, watching the ashes disappear in the field while Catsper continued popping up through the petals in the distance.
“She went through a lot,” Kendyll said quietly.
I stared at her hand clutched in mine. “She did.”
“But now she’s finally free of it all.”
My eyes lifted to meet Kendyll’s. She smiled warmly at me, the setting sun framing her silhouette against the backdrop of wild flowers. Her long black hair gently stirred in the wind, and those green eyes flooded with a warmth that I knew would remain branded in my mind forever.
“I love you,” I told her softly. “No matter where you go. No matter what you choose. No matter what happens. I’ll always love you, Kendyll Grace Ruan.”
The smile she wore cracked, and I felt my heart do the same. She stared at me for a long time, her face falling with each second until her brow was furrowed. “Why does that sound like a goodbye instead of a confession?”
Without looking away from her, I wrapped us in shadows.
When they cleared, we no longer stood in a sun-soaked field.
The sky had gone gray and cloudy with the hint of rain in the damp, chilly air.
Somewhere in the distance stood my friends, though I’d asked them to stay out of sight.
They’d know when to come over. Hundreds of stones surrounded us, but I didn’t focus on any of them.
I kept my attention fixed on Kendyll as she looked around in confusion before turning toward the large stone we stood by.
Her whole body went rigid, and she paled to an unnatural shade of white. I didn’t need to look for myself to see what was engraved on the polished stone. After all, I’d made sure Terrance had the correct name placed on the tombstone.
Kendyll Grace Ruan
October 12, 2001—August 25, 2025