Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
REBECCA
A relatively mild January by southern England’s standards gives way to a bitterly cold February.
Thick snow lies on the ground, and for days now, more has continuously fallen.
Isla and I have settled into life in Oakleigh as though we’ve lived here our entire lives, and since that supportive article about me a few weeks ago, the press intrusion has been relatively quiet.
I’ve only had one alert, and when I checked out the article, it was basically a summary of the one I’d already seen.
Isla’s therapy is going well. Mine is more of a struggle.
It’s hard for me to talk to a stranger, but I’m trying.
According to my therapist, Jane, my reticence is completely normal.
At our last session, she explained that building a relationship and rapport takes time and not to worry, that it will come.
She assured me that I’m progressing, even though it doesn’t feel like it to me.
So far, the La Salles haven’t withdrawn their custody case. Tobias constantly reassures me it’s only a matter of time and although I believe him, I’ll be relieved when I see the evidence for myself in black and white.
Oakleigh is quiet. Most of the family are away on business, including Tobias.
I’ve missed him. He’s become a friend to me and a comforting presence I crave when it’s suddenly taken away.
I didn’t realize how much Marcus’s isolation had made me crave company.
Looking back, though, I now realize how desperately lonely I was.
I don’t know when Tobias is due back, but I hope it’s soon.
For the first couple of weeks, I was content doing nothing, my body and brain glad of the boredom after five years of being on constant alert for danger.
But now I’ve begun to heal, I’m going stir crazy rattling round this enormous house by myself, with only Isla and a few staff members for company, all of whom are too busy to spend much time talking to me.
I need a job and to start building that career and earning the money I put in “The Rules.” When Tobias returns from his trip, I’ll ask for his advice.
The problem is, I’m not qualified to do anything.
There has to be something, though. Perhaps I could learn a skill, except I can’t think of a single thing I want to do.
I envy those people who know from an early age how they want to spend their lives. In my family, ambition wasn’t ever discussed. Only survival. Get a job, any job that pays money, and live your life scraping by, hand to mouth, day by day.
I’m out of my depth and drawn into a world I didn’t even know existed before Marcus dragged me to Tobias’s club under threat of even greater punishment if I didn’t comply.
I’m not sure how the punishment could have been worse than what he did to me the night before the shooting.
The night I decided to take his gun and fire it into his non-existent heart.
But if there was one truth about Marcus, it was his ability to get creative with his punishments.
A raft of goosebumps peppers my arms, and I shiver.
On a logical level, I know he can’t hurt me any longer, but I’ve lived so long in survival mode that my body still reacts to thoughts of him and what he did to me for years.
Years. If it wasn’t for Isla, I’d have found the courage to leave long ago, but Marcus would never have let me go and take her.
He’d have used her as a bargaining chip, just like his parents are doing to me now.
“How about a walk, Isla? We can make a snowman.”
She jumps up and claps her hands, excited. I bundle us up in warm outdoor clothing and jam a hat over her ears. The last thing I need is her getting an ear infection from the biting wind.
As we get to the top of the stairs, Vicky is on her way up, arms full of folders. She drops one and curses.
“Need some help?”
Her head rises. “God, yes. Sorry about the swearing.”
“It’s okay. Stay here, Isla.” I jog down to Vicky and take two folders from her.
“Lifesaver.” We head back upstairs. “Where are you two off to?”
“Just a walk. Something to do, you know?”
She gives me a side-eye but doesn’t say anything as she stops outside a door and uses her elbow to open it, then pushes it wider with her hip.
“You can put them on that table over there.” She jerks her chin.
I set down the files. “We’ll, um, let you get on.”
“Stay for a sec.” She crooks her finger at Isla. “Look who’s fast asleep under my desk.”
Isla shoots over, her face lighting up. It’s Daisy. Has to be.
“Why don’t you play with her for a bit? Mummy and I will be right over there.” She gestures to the opposite corner, where a couple of armchairs bookend a small, round table. I unzip my coat and sit.
“You’ve been here just over a month now. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. It’s a lot, and I’m finding my feet, but, yeah, it’s all good.”
“A lot.” Vicky laughs. “That’s one way of putting it.” She leans forward, forearms on her knees. “I know I’m a stranger to you, but I’d like to be a friend. Imogen and Grace and Saskia would, too. We want you to be happy here. You’ll be our sister-in-law soon, and that means you’re family.”
I blow out a steady stream of air. “It’s overwhelming.”
“I’m not surprised you feel that way. I knew this family before I married Nicholas, and it was overwhelming to me. Still is some days.” She chuckles. “We’re all here for you. If you ever want to talk or just sit and be around people, we’re your people.”
I give a small, polite smile. She’s lovely. They all are, but it’s so hard to trust and open up around strangers. Marcus destroyed my belief in myself. I got him so wrong and paid a price that will haunt me until my last breath.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
Vicky studies me, her expression thoughtful. “This family will protect you, Rebecca. We rally around our own.”
I force a swallow, my throat tight. I don’t know what to say to that. I’ve never had anyone stand up for or stand with me before. Not my mother or my brother, and certainly not Marcus and his family.
Then I met Tobias, and everything changed.
I open my mouth, then close it again.
“You’re good here, I promise you. We’re all standing shoulder to shoulder with you and Isla.”
To my horror, my eyes fill with tears. Don’t cry. Do. Not. Cry.
“Oh, love.”
Yep. I’m crying.
Vicky moves to crouch beside my chair. Gently, she squeezes my forearm in silent solidarity. After a few seconds, she gets up and brings me a tissue. I blow my nose and wipe my eyes, then sniff. “I’m so sorry.”
Vicky’s hands come up. “No. Nope. We are not doing that. No apologies. You can cry any damn time you like. You can scream and yell or curl into your shell and speak to no one. You can do whatever the hell you want, no questions asked, no answers expected.”
“You’re all so nice,” I whisper. “I don’t know what I did to deserve such kindness.”
Vicky’s eyes close, and she keeps them closed for a few seconds before she opens them. She blinks, looks away, blinks again, then returns her gaze to mine. “You’re breaking my heart, Rebecca.”
My smile wavers. I force it to hold. “I’m okay.” I shake my head. “That’s not true. I’m not okay, but I will be.”
It’s only when I say the words aloud that I realize they’re the truth.
Every day, I feel my strength returning.
I don’t jump at the slightest noise or check everything I want to say before I say it.
I’m not constantly on edge waiting for the next blow to land.
Maybe Jane has a point; I am making progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Only one problem lingers: Felicity and her custody suit. If… no, not if, when. When the judge throws her request out of court, I can finally look to the future. A future married to a man who tells me he wants nothing from me other than the words “I do” at the right time.
If that is, in fact, the truth.
It is. It has to be. But what if it isn’t. What if I’m making a horrible decision for a second time?
“Can I ask you something?”
Vicky nods. “You can ask me anything.”
“Is Tobias a good man?”
“The best.” She smiles, then returns to her seat on the other side of the table.
“Before I married Nicholas, I thought the De Vils were well named.” She grins.
“As in wicked devils. But even then, I always thought of Tobias as the best of a bad bunch. Once I became a part of this family, I saw things differently. Beyond the walls of Oakleigh, the De Vils have a fearsome reputation. But when it comes to family, no one takes them on and wins, as that ex mother-in-law of yours will soon find out.” She winks.
My shoulders relax, and the smile that comes is natural. “I hope you’re right.”
“Hope has nothing to do with it. The law might move at a glacial pace, but it’ll happen. Guaranteed.”
“Thank you, Vicky. Sorry to have kept you from your work, and sorry for crying all over you.”
“I have two shoulders, and they’re both yours whenever you need. Like I said, no apologies. I’m the one who should be sorry for interrupting your walk. Hey, want to take Daisy with you? I’ve only had time to let her out to do her business so far today. She’d love it.”
“Not as much as Isla.” At hearing her name, my daughter pops up from behind Vicky’s desk. “Pumpkin, want to take Daisy with us on our walk?”
She nods, beaming. My chest squeezes tight. I love this kid with all my heart, and I pray that the damage done to her by Marcus can be reversed with enough time and the professional help Tobias is funding.
“I’ll fetch her lead.” Vicky disappears, returning a couple of minutes later to clip Daisy’s lead onto her collar and hand it to Isla, who proudly takes it.
“Ready, kiddo?”
More nodding, and she’s out the door before I can blink.
“Thank you, Vicky. We’ll take good care of her.”
“I know you will. Have fun. If I didn’t have a ton of work to do, I’d beg to come with you.” She groans. “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.”