Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
TOBIAS
Two months later…
The door to my office flies open, and Rebecca bursts inside, panting and waving something in the air. Amused, I close my laptop and swivel my chair, standing to greet her.
“Where’s the fire?”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but you have to see this. Oh, and I have something to tell you, but first this.”
“Never be sorry for interrupting me. You’re the best kind of interruption. And what is ‘this’?”
“It’s from the solicitor,” she says, brandishing the object, which I now realize is an envelope. “It just came. God, I’m panicking. What if it’s bad news? I can’t bear the thought.”
It won’t be bad news. There isn’t a judge in the country who would deny an adoption by a De Vil.
I haven’t enjoyed the last two months of waiting, but I never doubted the outcome.
Wren has, often, but that’s because she’s still finding her way in this family.
She hasn’t yet processed what it truly means to be a De Vil.
She will, eventually. It’ll take time, that’s all.
“Open it,” I urge.
“No, you do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m too nervous.”
I take the envelope from her and run my thumb underneath the seal. Wren bounces on the spot while biting her nails, and I remove the wad of papers.
“What does it say?”
I look up at her. “Give me a second.”
“Okay. Sorry. Okay. Just hurry.”
I suppress a laugh and return my attention to the letter. The first sheet is all legalese. I flip to the second sheet, and there it is, in black ink. I take a second to process it, and when I look up at Wren, she’s all blurry.
“It’s official,” I say, my voice hitching. “Isla’s legally a De Vil.”
Wren throws herself at me. I drop the papers and wrap my arms around her.
For so long, I hid my pain behind a quip or a joke, known in this family as the funny one, the one who never took things seriously.
Little did they, or I, know the trauma buried deep within me.
Trauma that Wren helped reveal so I could heal.
It's in her arms, with the adoption papers lying at my feet, that I make a decision—one I wish I’d made earlier but hadn’t been capable of until now.
I pull away, wiping her tears with my thumbs while my own fall. “I want to tell my brothers and Saskia.”
“Absolutely. And your dad. This is a cause for celebration. And I have—”
“No. I mean tell them what happened to me as a kid.”
“Oh, I see.” Her arms come around me again, and she squeezes me tightly. “For what it’s worth, I think this is absolutely the right call.”
“I should have done it before now.”
“No, you shouldn’t. You’re doing it now because you feel ready. You weren’t ready before. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’ve decided to tell them now, or why you didn’t tell them earlier.”
I gently clasp her hips. “Will you come with me?”
“Wherever you go, I’m by your side. Always.”
Bending, I rest my forehead against hers. “First, though, let’s go and tell Isla.”
Unsurprisingly, Isla doesn’t grasp the momentousness of the piece of paper I show her, but when I tell her that it means I’m officially her daddy and no one can ever separate us—not that they could anyway, but it’s important to explain that no one can take her from me—she climbs onto my lap and snuggles against my chest.
My throat closes. I swallow past the lump, kiss the top of her head, and hold her. My eyes find Rebecca’s.
This is it. She’s mine. Both of them are. Nothing and no one will ever come between us.
It takes a while to gather my siblings in one place. I enter the communal living room I share with Saskia and Christian, with my heart lodged in my throat and beating so fast. I may pass out were it not for the feel of Rebecca’s hand on my lower back, steadying me.
Despite what Dad said, my greatest fear is that they’ll all look at me differently. I couldn’t bear that. I hope Dad was right when he said that wouldn’t happen. Guess we’re about to find out.
“Hey, so, thanks for coming.” I sit on a loveseat, tugging Rebecca next to me. It’s a bit of a squish, but I want her close. I need her close.
Saskia peers at me. “Your voice is shaking. What’s the matter?” She’s always been astute.
“Sis, you’ve always been able to see right through me, which I find charming and terrifying in equal measure. I hope Luis is prepared for what he’s signed up for.” I laugh.
She doesn’t. Instead, she tilts her head to one side and says, “Tobias.”
I blow out a breath. “I’ve got a couple of things to tell you. First, the good news.” I reach into my pocket and pull out the adoption confirmation, waving it in the air. “This came earlier today. Isla is officially a De Vil.”
For a beat, the room goes silent. Then everyone speaks at once.
“Oh, my God.”
“Finally!”
“We’re so happy for you.”
I soak up their happiness, and there’s a moment where I doubt the timing of what I have to tell them next.
To sully a happy moment with my trauma feels both selfish and unnecessary, but if I don’t tell them now, there’s a very real chance I won’t pluck up the courage to ever tell them. It’s now or never.
Rebecca’s hand grazes my knee. “I’ve got you. Tell them. It’s time.”
It’s as though she’s read my mind and sifted through the doubts, then said the exact words I needed to hear.
“Unfortunately, the other thing I have to tell you isn’t so happy.”
The words tangle as soon as I start. My mouth goes dry, my palms sweaty. I wipe them on my trousers without thinking. I can’t seem to look at my siblings, fixing my gaze somewhere between the wall and the floor instead.
I get it out anyway. Not cleanly, not in order, but enough, and through it all, there’s Rebecca, quietly supporting me, pressing herself closer as if she’s trying to absorb some of my pain when she’s got so much of her own to deal with.
When I finish, it’s as though I’m finally free.
I’m lighter, grounded, a survivor of terrible abuse that my mind kept locked away for years to protect me, yet the trauma guided my every decision, every action.
Now, I’m free to be me. Different. No longer the joker in the pack who hides pain behind humor, but a stronger, better version of myself.
Alexander is the first to act. He gets up from his chair and comes over to me, his arms outstretched. I stand, and we hug. No words, just solid support from my eldest brother.
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” he says gruffly. “None of this was your fault. Not a single part of it.” His grip tightens for a moment, then he releases me. “I love you, brother.”
One by one, every person in the room comes forward until I’m surrounded by my siblings and their partners. Their hugs and kisses and solidarity mean the world. And in the midst of it all is the touch I crave the most: Rebecca’s.
“I have one more request,” I say when we break apart. “I don’t want this to change a thing. I’m still the funniest by far, so if anyone has a thought of swooping in and taking my crown, forget it.”
“Thank God,” Nicholas says. “Imagine Xan trying to tell a joke. His face would crack and he’d fuck up the punchline.”
“Hey, I can be funny,” Xan says, faking outrage. “Imogen will tell you.”
“Hmm.” Imogen strokes his arm. “You have other strengths. I’m not sure comedy is your forte.”
“Great.” He throws his hands in the air. “Even my wife is ganging up against me.”
The Xan pile on continues, and as I join in, I realize Dad was right. Nothing will change. I’m still me, and they’re still them, and we always will be.
Everyone goes their separate ways until only Rebecca and I remain. I sag onto the sofa, relief a palpable force running through my veins.
Rebecca sits beside me and rests her head on my shoulder. “How do you feel?”
I run the back of my hand over her cheek and kiss the top of her head. “Free.”
She wraps an arm across my abdomen. “Now we’re alone, I have something to tell you.”
“Oh.” I straighten, giving her my full attention.
“I planned to tell you right after the adoption, but then you decided to tell your family about what happened to you, and that was much more important.”
“I disagree. Nothing is more important than you and what you have to tell me.”
“Perhaps necessary is a better word.” She shifts her weight and reaches behind her into the back pocket of her jeans. “I have a present for you.”
She hands me a long, thin, giftwrapped box, tied with a pink and blue striped bow. I tug on the ribbon and open the box. Inside is a white stick. There’s a window in the middle and the word “Pregnant” is written in blue.
My jaw falls open. I look at her, then the stick, then back at my wife.
“Oh, my God, is this real?”
She nods. “Yep. I suspected a few days ago, but I wanted to be sure before I told you. Since it’s impossible to sneak off anywhere in this family without an army of bodyguards, I ordered a bunch of pregnancy tests online. They arrived right before Isla’s adoption papers. It’s good news, right?”
“Wren.” I take my wife’s face in my hands and kiss her.
“It’s the best news.” I kiss her again and again.
“You’ve given me everything. A life I never thought I’d have, a daughter whom I love with all my heart, and now a brother or sister for Isla.
You made me a husband, a family man, a father, and a lover. I love you so much.”
“You gave me everything, too. Safety, security, the father my daughter deserved all along, and the kind of love that dreams are made of. I love you, and I can’t wait to spend my life with you.”
I press my hand to her stomach. Inside there is my baby. Our baby. It’s equal parts thrilling and utterly terrifying.
Once, we were both broken, yet we found each other and survived. Now, together, we get to build something new.