Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
IMOGEN
Gradually, I awaken, cocooned in Alexander’s embrace, with the warmth from the morning sun on my face. I snuggle closer, knowing that as soon as I’m fully conscious, the events of yesterday will take over, and fear of what might have happened will choke me.
While I had good reasons for what I did, I want to slap myself over the stupidity of it all. During those terrifying moments when Will's grip tightened on my hair, thwarting my escape attempt, a chilling realization struck: the chance of returning to Alexander could be lost forever. My husband has already suffered one terrible loss through abduction, and there I was, gallivanting around London, without a thought for my safety or his peace of mind.
I didn't hear him come to bed last night, but his presence fills me with joy. Waking up alone would have made me fear he was angry, and while he'd have every right to be, I'm relieved he chose to sleep beside me. His decision not to use distance as punishment brings immense comfort .
He nuzzles my ear, drawing me closer to his body. “Good morning, wife.”
I roll over, meeting his amber gaze. I try to read his emotions, but he’s a closed book. “How did you sleep?”
“Fitfully.” He runs his nose down mine. “You, on the other hand, had no trouble sleeping.”
“Yeah, I don’t remember a thing after the bath.” I cup his cheek. “I am sorry, Alexander. I don’t know what I was thinking other than I knew I had to fight for you. I couldn’t let you destroy our marriage over… well, whatever you were destroying it over.”
I wait for him to tell me, but he doesn’t. I don’t want to push, but equally, I’m not letting him run from this conversation any longer.
“Why couldn’t you sleep? Was it your insomnia?”
An incredulous expression sweeps over his face. “Are you kidding? I almost lost you yesterday, Imogen, and while you behaved recklessly and without thinking about your own safety, I caused that. I made you go to Lilian looking for answers because I didn’t give them to you. I am equally, if not more to blame for that bastard snatching you.”
His mention of Will opens the door for me, and I walk through it. “What happened to him? Did you kill him?”
“I didn’t kill him, no.”
Was that an emphasis on I ? “Is he still here at Oakleigh?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
“Where is he?”
“I have no idea.”
It doesn’t matter how much I glare at Alexander, it won’t make a difference. That’s the most I’m going to get, and I know him well enough by now to realize that digging for more information will only end up in me being exhausted, crabby, and still in the dark. He’ll only ever tell me what he wants me to know, and somewhere along the way, I’ve made my peace with it.
I’m sure Will is dead, though. Maybe not at Alexander’s hands, but I’ve learned enough about this family and my husband over the last several weeks to know that crossing them is a bad idea. They’re powerful and, at times, vengeful. It wouldn’t surprise me if he got that mafia guy from the ball to do it. Tobias said they used his services from time to time.
I’m feeling a mixture of emotions, ranging from sorrow to relief. I witnessed the extent of Will’s desire for revenge from the little interaction I had with him in that house, and I’d never feel totally safe with him around. I wouldn’t put it past him to try to snatch me again at some point in the future.
“You can tell me in your own time. I know what I said, but it doesn’t have to be today.”
His eyes glaze over as though he’s concentrating on a memory, and his smile, when it comes, is wry and tinged with sadness. He captures a lock of my hair and twists it around his forefinger.
“Ask me what you want to know.”
Question number one is easy. “How did you find me so quickly?”
He rubs his lips together. “I guessed you might start with that one.” His cheek protrudes as he stabs it with his tongue. “Remember the day after the ball when I brought in the doctor to give you vaccinations?”
I nod.
“Those weren’t vaccinations.”
I furrow my brow, trying to make sense of his answer. “They weren’t? ”
“No.”
A nervous energy courses through me, and anxiety curdles my gut. “What were they?”
“One… was birth control.”
The shock crashes into me, the trust that had gradually grown between us crumbling under the weight of his deception. Birth control ? Why? The entire reason for our marriage is for me to provide him with at least two children, yet Alexander gave me contraception without my knowledge. In these circumstances, the only reason to put me on birth control is to stop me falling pregnant.
“I… I don’t understand.”
He runs the back of his hand over my cheek. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve known what my future holds. As the eldest son, my role will eventually be to take over as head of the family, making me the De Vil representative on The Consortium. It will be my role to head up our various business interests. With that role comes an expectation to continue the line. To have children. When I was younger, it was something I relished, and Annabel and I would talk about it often. We’d plan to have our kids as close together as possible so they could grow up as close as we had.”
His eyes glaze over as though he’s calling upon a memory and watching it play out like a movie. A flash of pain deepens the lines around his eyes, and I know it’s Annabel he’s thinking of.
I half reach up to touch his face, to comfort him, then I remember he injected drugs into me without my knowledge. In that respect, he’s no different from Will.
“Then she was murdered, and I vowed I’d never father a child. I couldn’t run the risk of them being taken because of who I am. Of who this family is. ”
“Then, why marry me at all?”
“Because my father expected me to, and to refuse him would show weakness to The Consortium. If my father can’t manage his own children then what use is he?” He shrugs. “Only one family has ever been disbarred from the council, and it didn’t work out well for them. Plus, it’s always on my mind that it’s my fault Annabel and my mother aren’t here. It’s my fault he lost his eldest daughter and a wife he adored and had cherished for eighteen years. At the very least, I owe him obedience.”
Despite how angry and betrayed I feel, a terrible sadness seeps into my bones. It doesn’t matter how much therapy Alexander puts himself through, he will never shake the guilt of his supposed contribution to his sister’s death and, by extension, his mother’s suicide. He can’t see that he isn’t responsible for the actions of others.
“He doesn’t know what I did. None of my family do. He’d be dreadfully disappointed in me, but this is the one hill I will die on.”
I sit up, needing to put a little distance between us, and the face-to-face position feels too intimate. I’m struggling to process what he’s told me, and it doesn’t explain how he found me yesterday, nor has he explained when I asked, diverting onto this path instead. But before I can ask again, he continues.
“Last Wednesday, when we had our date…” A faint smile touches his lips—one I don’t mirror. “I saw you with that child, the one who scuffed her knee, and it hit me like a meteor. By keeping you married to me, I was depriving you of the chance to have a family of your own, and while I’d known that, of course, I hadn’t thought about it. Watching you tend to her so lovingly made up my mind for me. I had to set you free.”
Now I understand. “Hence the divorce papers.”
“Yes. And I had to rip off the plaster fast, too, before I changed my mind and begged you to forgive me, to stay with me. I’m a selfish man, Imogen, and I have a lot of questionable traits, but putting you first became my sole mission. Making sure you were happy and lived a fulfilling life—one that included children—became my only concern.”
I nibble on a thumbnail, taking my time to think over what he’s said. It’s not that I don’t understand his point of view, but more that I disagree with him so fervently, I want to throttle him. Not so long ago, I would have leaped at the chance to escape this marriage. If Alexander had freely offered the one thing I’d been plotting for since I arrived, I would have taken him up on it and joyfully skipped back to California.
Now… my feelings are so tied up with him, I’m not sure I can. I’m furious that he injected me with contraceptive without my knowledge, but is that a deal breaker? I’m not sure. Do I want children, or do I want Alexander? Because it’s clear I can’t have both.
“That doesn’t explain how you found me.”
He rubs his lips together and takes a deep breath. “No.”
“Well, then?” I prompt.
“The other injection was a tracker.”
If I thought his confession about the contraceptive had flattened me, it’s nothing compared to this. I feel as though an eighteen-wheeler has run over me, the gasp of air I draw in almost painful.
“You…” I glance at my arm, at the place where the needle entered. “A tracker? ”
“Yes.” There isn’t a hint of an apology in his tone, or on his face, unlike when he told me about the contraceptive. “It’s connected to an app on my phone. I know where you are to within… a meter or so.”
I blink, trying to absorb such shocking news. “But… why?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I gave you a phone and told you it had tracking software built in. I explained the software was to help me keep you safe, yet you kept leaving your phone behind whenever you went out. You gave me no choice.”
As though a stick of dynamite explodes beneath me, I leap out of bed. “Oh, no! Don’t you dare gaslight me. This isn’t about me. It’s about you and your need for control. You didn’t even fucking like me when you had this thing implanted into me.” I poke at my arm. “I want it out.”
“No.”
I widen my eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me well enough. I don’t intend to repeat myself.” He lounges on the bed as though he hasn’t a care in the world, his head propped on the heel of his hand.
“I mean it, Alexander. I want this tracker out of my arm, and I want an antidote or whatever to this contraception you forced on me.”
I’m aware there’s no such thing as an antidote to contraception. It’ll run its course. And the truth is, I’m not even that mad about it, especially because, when he had me injected, my plan was to force him into divorcing me, anyway. A child would only have complicated things, tying me to him for life. I’ll get over the contraception issue, even if he did it without my permission, but the tracker… for him to have the ability to know where I am every minute of every day… it’s too much. Too invasive .
“Antidote?” His eyebrow flickers, one corner of his mouth twitching. He’s laughing at me. This entire shit show is amusing to him.
It’s the final straw.
My temper erupts. “I want it gone, even if I have to take a razor blade to my skin and dig it out of my arm myself.”
“You will do no such thing. Have you any idea of the nerve damage you could do? It’s possible you could lose the use of your arm.”
“Then, I’ll go to a doctor and have them do it.”
At his smirk, my hands form fists. “There isn’t a doctor in Europe who will treat you.”
I return his smirk. “I bet there are plenty in California.”
“You are not going to California.”
Lava bubbles inside my veins, my anger reaching entirely new levels of indignation. “You can’t stop me.”
“I can. I have your passport.”
The bastard. I school my expression and change tactic. Tapping my finger against my bottom lip, I say, “Oh, that’s right. You do. Hmm, we have ourselves a conundrum. What to do? What to do?” I beam at him. “I know. I’ll go see your father and tell him what you did to me, and why you did it, then see if he can help me locate my passport.”
My threat is the catalyst for him to react. He jumps out of bed. “Don’t test me, Imogen.”
“It’s not a test. It’s facts. I’m leaving you.” I march into the walk-in closet and yank down a bag from the top shelf. Alexander is on me in seconds. He snatches it out of my hand and tosses it aside.
“You can’t leave me. Your father signed a deal.”
“A deal predicated on trust , on his daughter not being controlled, tracked, and forced into taking contraception against her will. Whatever deal my father signed is moot.” I’ve never been privy to the details of that deal, but I don’t care about them anymore. Dad will have to fix his own problems. I’m done being his pawn. Alexander’s pawn.
I’m nobody’s fucking pawn.
He grabs my wrist as I reach into the closet. “Wrong.”
“Let me go, or I swear, I will scream at the top of my lungs, and whoever comes running will get the full, unabridged tale of what a control freak you are.”
His shoulders sag, and he releases me. “What I did, I did for the right reasons. I started having feelings for you. I wanted you so badly, and I was terrified of something happening to you. I admit, the contraception was to benefit me, but the tracker…” He twists his hands together. “The tracker was to protect you, not control you.”
I think he believes what he’s saying, but that doesn’t negate the fact he put things into my body I did not consent to. He doesn’t get a free pass from that. My heart hurts at the idea of leaving him, even for a short time, but I can’t let this slide. My inaction would only serve to validate his behavior.
“That may be, and if you’d talked to me first, then perhaps I would have agreed—especially if you’d told me about Annabel far sooner. I’d have understood your reasoning. But you didn’t do any of that. You made a decision—no two decisions—that affected my body and my life without discussing them with me first. You’re so used to doing whatever you like, it didn’t occur to you to gain consent.”
“If you recall, you hated me at the time of the ball. How was I supposed to tell you about Annabel when you despised the air I breathed?”
“I hated you because you were vile to me. ”
“You were vile to me, too, Imogen. You are not blameless here.”
I plant my hands on my hips. “I never said I was, but I would never do to you what you did to me without talking to you first. That’s the difference between us.” I hold out my hand. “Passport, Alexander.”
He pivots, and the door to our suite slams shut. Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away as I pack a bag. I’m not leaving forever—at least I don’t think I am—but I need space from the intense, frustrating man that is my husband. I need to feel my parents’ embrace, see Emma and my college friends, smell the Pacific Ocean, and walk along the sand on Hermosa Beach. If I’m here, Alexander won’t do the work he needs to do to recognize that what he did was wrong. As much as I’d hate to, I will tell his father what he did if he doesn’t let me go.
I’m zipping up the holdall when he returns and hands over my passport.
“Don’t leave me. Please.”
He looks so lost and alone that I almost change my mind. Almost. From somewhere, I find the strength to pick up my holdall and slot my passport into the side pocket.
“I need some space. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.”
His face brightens a touch. “So, there’s still a chance for us?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.” I rise up on tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “You’re in the wrong, Alexander, and until you acknowledge that, I’m not sure where we go from here.”
Slinging my holdall over my shoulder, I make my way down the stairs to the large entrance hall. I’m in the middle of searching Google for local cab firms when Saskia appears. She takes one look at my face, glances at my bag, then returns her gaze to me.
“Where are you going?”
“To California. For a while, at least.” It doesn’t escape my notice that I don’t say ‘home.’
“Why? Is this because of what happened yesterday? I wanted to come and see you, but Alexander banned us, and when my brother is that insistent on something, it’s best to listen.”
“It’s not about yesterday.” Not directly, at least, although Will taking me, and Alexander finding me so fast were the catalysts to everything that came afterward. Despite my threats, though, I’ve no intention of sharing my marital woes with her or any members of Alexander’s family. Our problems are for us to deal with. Alone.
She clasps my upper arms, giving me a comforting squeeze. “Is there anything I can do?”
I grimace. “I don’t suppose you could give me a ride to the airport?”
“I’ll do better than that.” She plucks her cell out of her pocket and puts it to her ear. “It’s Saskia. Ready the jet. We’ll be there in an hour.”