Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Angel
Her words are like another punch in the gut, though I can’t quite tease out why.
I want things from her. But she’s strong enough to resist giving them to me. And her reason about trust…
It’s not sitting right.
That’s what she chose to say to me? After a year of silence, those are the words she chose?
I know my brothers are uneasy about my actions. I’ve always dreamed bigger. Pushed harder. And I do it for them as much as myself. That’s bullshit. I’ve been doing this for me.
And maybe they’re not sure they can trust me to make the right choices either. Being ready to die is one thing. Dying for one brother’s foolish bullshit is another. Am I like Rock? Have I been pushing to destroy myself, just not with drugs?
And when I think about what I did to Vigo. The deal I made with Don. Who was that really for? None of them wanted it. Only me…
I went into the system when I was six. I don’t remember my mother, but I do my father. Strung out, he’d make me promise after promise about how he was going to clean up. Take me to Disneyland, that kind of bullshit.
He overdosed, of course, and I was an angry little fucker for a long time. It’s why I’m a stickler for keeping my word.
But maybe with my brothers, and with Promise, I need to do more than just fulfill promises. Maybe it’s time for me to put their needs first.
And maybe with Don…
I scrub my hands down my face and then kick open the door to my bedroom.
Promise’s stuff is everywhere. Her clothes are in the closet, a pair of shoes tucked under the bed, and her products are lined up on my dresser.
It only takes a second, and then I spin, striding back down the hall. Her door is still open, but I stop at the entrance.
She’s lying on the bed, on her back now, one knee raised up, so I have a little peek of the nude thong she’s got on under the little white dress. I go rock fucking hard.
“Promise,” I grit out, my eyes skimming down her legs to her bare feet. I fucking love her feet. I think I might be developing a fetish. “We need to talk.”
Her chin notches higher in the air.
“Please.” I swallow down a lump. I never ask like this. “There are things I don’t understand, and I have a feeling you might be the one person who can explain them to me.”
Her lips part as she sits up. Then she pulls out her phone. I want to hear her voice. It grounds me somehow, but instead she sends a text.
I’m listening.
I drop down onto my knees, still in the doorway. “My brothers hate my plan. They think it’s too dangerous.”
Which plan?
She tucks her legs under her as she leans her weight on one arm. She looks so perfect, she makes me ache.
Shit. This might have been a bad idea, but I’m in it now. “Making a deal with your father.”
Marrying me?
“They don’t really want a woman in our ranks, but it’s more about me making stupid moves.”
Are you?
I look to the side, considering my answer. “I know you’re right about your father likely planning a double cross, but I have no idea what his game is, and it makes me nervous that they’re right. That my ambition made me leap before I looked.”
Promise’s mouth turns down.
Why are you asking me?
“Because you know him. You know that world. I know you have theories and I know you’ll have methods of winning.”
“He killed my mother,” she says, looking down at her lap, but the sound of her voice jolts through me. “She was beautiful and gentle, and she loved me like he never did.” Her chin lifts up again. “I won’t be on your side if you’re not on mine.”
I slow blink as I process those words, the sound of her voice, hoarse from lack of use, as my chest grows tight. I suspected that Don had killed his wife, the same way he wants me to eliminate his daughter. Which tells me all I need to know about the man. No love. No loyalty. No code.
And she’s right.
I can’t be on my brothers’ side, be on Promise’s side, and be on Don’s side. And even though Don dangles the future I’ve always wanted, I might lose everyone else chasing it.
And just like that, I realize I’m my fucking old man.
And that shit sits like a lead fucking weight.
“Come to bed.” I hold out my hand to her.
She shakes her head.
I sigh, my shoulders curling. “Come to bed with me and I’ll just hold you.” She still hesitates as I stand. “Your toothbrush is in my bathroom.”
That makes her smile a tiny bit before she scoots to the edge of the bed. But I don’t let those bare little feet hit the floor before I step up to her and sweep her into my arms.
Her arms wrap around my neck, soft and pliant, and I bury my nose into her silky hair, breathing her in.
When did I become the man who just likes holding her in my arms?
It’s fucking trouble and I know it, but it’s too late now. I carry her toward my bedroom, knowing that tomorrow, I’ve got some big fucking decisions to make.
But tonight…
I’m going wrap Promise up in my arms, and I’m going to sleep.
In the light of day tomorrow, I know the path forward will be clear.