Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
VICKY
My first Christmas as a married woman, and I wake to an empty bed and a ball of anxiety in my stomach. It took me ages to drop off last night, and when I finally did, I slept fitfully. My brain simply wouldn’t let me rest, too busy running things over and over until I considered popping a sleeping pill, which would’ve been a good idea if I had any, except I don’t.
The thing is, I know what I need to do, and I’m scared out of my wits. As much as Beth’s subterfuge and, yes, cruelty has hurt me deeply, I could not live with myself if I had the power to give my sister a second chance at life and I didn’t help her.
Worse is yet to come, though. I have to tell Nicholas. He didn’t need to utter a single word for me to know what he was thinking. It was written all over his face. He doesn’t want me to do it. Part of me is overjoyed. It proves he cares for me more than I ever dared to hope he would. But all it means is I’ll have a battle on my hands convincing him it’s the right thing to do, and I’m already in a battle with myself. There’s no energy left to fight him, too.
The door to the bathroom opens, and Nicholas emerges with damp hair, beads of water on his firm chest, and a towel slung around his waist, that tantalizing V on display. I lick my lips and swallow, and his mouth turns up at the corners.
“Merry Christmas, Half-pint.”
Despite the chaos whizzing around my mind, I smile at the pet name, recalling how confused I was when he first used it. Now I see it for what it is: a way of him showing his affection toward me. Right from the start, my husband surprised me with his compassion and, more recently, his vehement defense of me. First with the guy from the bar, the one who punched me, then with Matthew, and now with my parents. He may not love me, but he makes me feel loved, and isn’t that what truly counts in the end?
“Merry Christmas to you.” I reach into my bedside drawer and take out the gift I bought for him a few days before Beth reappeared in our lives and blew my world apart. It’s only a small gift, but I hope he likes it. Buying a present for someone who wants for nothing isn’t easy.
“What’s this?” he asks when I hand it over.
“Um… it’s Christmas, so I’m going to take a punt on a Christmas gift.”
“You didn’t have to do this.” His smile is wide, though, and he unwraps it with the enthusiasm of a child. “We normally exchange gifts after dinner.”
“Oh, well, in that case.” I reach for it, but he snaps his arm back.
“Too late.” He tosses the wrapping paper on the bed and turns over the box, then gives it a little shake. I’m glad now that I added extra protective packaging to the inside. Peeling off the sellotape, he peers inside. First, he frowns, and then his eyes flare wide as he reaches in and pulls out the model of a yacht. It’s not quite a replica of either of his, but it’s as close as I could find.
“I love it.”
“You do? For real?”
He plants a hard kiss on my lips. “Absolutely. I’ll keep it in my office. It will remind me of sailing days with you.”
My heart flip flops. When he says things like that, I want to fling my arms around his neck and tell him how much I love him, how I’ve always loved him, and how glad I am that fate stepped in to give us this chance at happiness. But I can’t get the words out. My gut tells me it’ll be a mistake, that he’ll withdraw if he knows how deep my feelings for him run.
He examines the yacht from every angle. “The workmanship on this is incredible. Where did you find it?”
“An independent store online. I think they have a physical shop, but I’m not sure.”
“It’s the perfect gift.” He sets it on his bedside table and leans forward to kiss me again. “How did you sleep?”
“Not great.” Better to rip off the plaster. I take a deep breath and go for it. “I’m going to donate a kidney to Beth.”
I brace for an explosion, for him to tell me she doesn’t deserve me putting myself at risk. Instead, he folds his arms around me and holds me. Minutes pass where we say nothing, just hug one another. I wish I could stay wrapped in his arms forever.
“Whatever you need, I’ll be there every step of the way.”
I gulp past a lump in my throat, my chest cramping. His unwavering support is more than I could have ever hoped for. “Thank you.”
“Feel like going for a walk before breakfast? It’s cold, but we can wrap up.” He winks. “And if you’re still cold, I have ways of keeping you warm.”
He always seems to know the right thing to say to lift my spirits. “I’d love to.”
* * *
De Vil family Christmases are an entirely different beast to the ones I experienced growing up. Ours were a quiet affair, with just the four of us, and right after dinner, Beth and I would usually excuse ourselves and go to our rooms, either separately or together. But the noise that greets us as we walk into the living space in Charles’s area of the house is deafening.
In the corner is a tree big enough to rival the one in Trafalgar Square, and there are dozens of presents piled beneath it. The entire De Vil family is sitting around the roaring fire, with several conversations all happening at once. How they can hear one another over the din astounds me. I guess they must be used to it.
Everyone turns as we enter. George immediately gets up to make space for me by the fire as though I’m already post-op and need the added warmth. I appreciate the sentiment, though.
“Merry Christmas.” I smile and sit, take a deep breath, and blurt out my news. “I’ve decided I’m going to donate a kidney to my sister.” Nicholas sits beside me and takes my hand, resting it on his thigh. A muscle quivers in his jaw. This is perhaps harder on him than it is on me. “But can you all do me a favor? Can we not make today about that? I’d love to enjoy the festivities before I go to see my parents and Beth later and let them know the news.”
Charles is the closest. He reaches forward and squeezes my free hand. “We’re all here for you and for Nicholas. You’re our family, and we take care of our own.”
“Damn right we do,” George says.
“And that’s all we’ll say about it.” Charles gives me a pat, then leans back in his chair. “Now, how about a glass of champagne?”
“That sounds lovely.”
True to his word, no one mentions Beth, my parents, or the colossal decision I’ve made. Christmas lunch is a lavish affair, and afterward, gifts are exchanged. I’m touched that every one of Nicholas’s siblings, as well as his father and his uncle and aunt has bought me a gift, and I’m more than relieved that Nicholas signed his gifts to them from both of us. I wouldn’t have had a clue what to buy for them, anyway.
My presents from Nicholas include a soft leather planner portfolio monogrammed with Montague Interior Design on the front, a pair of Cartier diamond earrings, and a book on retro design. I squeal at that one, especially as Anthony Davidson’s wife chose the retro design out of the three sets of plans I gave her a couple of weeks ago. Nicholas giving me a book on that very subject shows he’s listened and paid attention.
It’s one more sign that he cares.
As piles of wrapping paper is cleared away, Nicholas leans closer to me. Knitting our fingers together, he murmurs, “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
No one notices us leave, or if they do, they don’t ask where we’re going. As we enter the hallway, Nicholas shares a look with Alan, who’s hovering on the periphery in case he’s needed. Alan dips his chin. Just the once, but it looks like a confirmation of sorts. Curiosity nibbles at me. I side-eye Nicholas.
“What are you up to?”
He taps the side of his nose. “You’ll see.”
I’m almost bouncing on the balls of my feet when he leads me back upstairs to our apartment. Before we enter, he takes both my hands in his and gazes at me earnestly.
“I got you another gift, but I couldn’t wrap this one.”
“Oh? What is it?”
Letting me go, he gestures to the door. “Go inside and find out.”
My heart is in my mouth as I press down on the handle and push the door open. At first, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. Then I hear it. A faint yap.
My hand flies to my mouth as my eyes land on a cage tucked in the corner of the room, with a white ball of fluff pawing at the bars.
“A puppy? You got me a puppy?” I squeal and fling myself at him, my legs hooking around his waist. “Oh, Nicholas. It’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”
He pecks my lips. “Well, then, go give her a cuddle.”
Her. I always wanted a girl pup. I slide down his body and fall to my knees in front of the cage. “Hello, pretty girl. What’s your name?”
“That’s up to you,” Nicholas says.
I open the latch and scoop her up. She licks my hand and snuggles into my chest, and I instantly fall in love.
“Penny. Her name’s Penny.” Penny sounds similar to peony, and I do love peonies. It seems fitting somehow. I look up at him, and if he can’t see how much I love him, he must be blind. “What breed is she?”
“A Bichon Frisé.”
“She’s beautiful, Nicholas. I absolutely love her.”
He shifts from foot to foot, then toes the floor. He’s uncomfortable, and it’s adorable. “After you told me the story of your tenth birthday, I made some enquiries. I got lucky and found a breeder only a couple of hours from here. I went to pick her up a few days ago. Alan’s been taking care of her ever since. I asked him to bring her up here about fifteen minutes ago, so she’d be waiting for you.”
Ahhh. That’s what the silent conversation between them was about.
Still cradling the puppy, I get to my feet. Making sure not to squish her, I stand on tiptoes, pull Nicholas’s head down to mine, and kiss him.
“Thank you. I will treasure her.” She’s fallen asleep already, so I carefully put her back in the cage. “I should go to see my parents and Beth. Will you watch her while I’m gone?”
His lips thin. “You’re not doing this alone.”
“I am. Please, I need to. I know you’re not happy about this entire situation, and you’ve hardly hidden your anger at what Beth did. I don’t want any more conflict, Nicholas. I’m tired of it.”
“I can keep my temper under control.”
I cradle his face. “It’s better if I go by myself. Trust me.”
He scissors his jaw from side to side. “As Andrew is on holiday, I’ll have Sol and Barron accompany you.”
“Okay.” I look over at Penny sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. Lucky Penny. “I guess I’d better call and let them know I’m on my way.”
Fifteen minutes later, I’m sitting in the back of an armored car and on my way to my parents’ house. I thought they might have asked me on the phone what I’ve decided to do, but they didn’t. They just said they’d call Beth and ask her to come over.
When I arrive, Beth isn’t there yet. Mum hugs me as soon as I enter the house, and she clings on for far longer than she ever has. It’s uncomfortable, especially as she’s been frugal with her affections for my entire life, but I don’t pull away.
“Merry Christmas, darling. Come inside. It’s bitter out. Nicholas not with you?” She looks relieved when I shake my head.
“I thought it best he didn’t come.”
Barron and Sol step inside, but they remain in the hallway. Normally they’d wait in the car, but they’d either have to leave the engine running (not great for the environment) or freeze, and as I’ve no idea how long this will take, I insist they accompany me into the house.
Dad gets up when I walk into the living room, and he hugs me, too. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to this sudden burst of affection. When you’ve been denied something your entire life, to suddenly be effused with it is kind of weird.
“Merry Christmas, Vicky.” He lets me go and crouches in front of the same imitation Christmas tree we’ve had since we were kids. When he stands, he’s holding out a present. “We weren’t sure what to get you, but we hope you like it.”
Since my parents stopped buying us Christmas gifts when we turned eighteen, I wasn’t expecting anything.
“I didn’t get you a gift. Sorry.”
“You being here is gift enough,” Mum says. “Here, sit. Open it.”
“Is Beth on her way?”
“Yes, she and Joel will be here in about thirty minutes.”
Joel. Right. That’ll be interesting. “Okay.” I pull at the ribbon and unwrap the gift. Inside is a rose gold bangle engraved with: We love you, always . I know they’re trying to make it up to me, and I want to be gracious, but it isn’t easy.
I manage a wavering smile and immediately slip the bracelet over my wrist. “It’s lovely, Mum, Dad. Truly. I’ll treasure it.”
“Vicky.” Mum sits beside me and gathers up my hand. She rubs her thumb over the bracelet. “I want to follow on from our conversation the other day. While we are ecstatic that Beth didn’t die in that bomb blast, what she did was dreadful. To let us all think she’d passed, and in such violent circumstances. Please don’t think we are underplaying that because we aren’t.”
She glances across at Dad, then back at me. “But your father and I take some of the blame for forcing her into such drastic action. If we’d been more open, more understanding, then maybe she could have told us she’d fallen in love with someone else.”
Her chest rises and falls as she sighs. “You didn’t know my parents, but they were… stingy with their affection. My mother never once told me she loved me, and as far as my father was concerned, I was more of an irritation than anything. I learned how to be a parent from them, and, well, let’s face it, they weren’t the best example.” Her smile is wry and fraught with pain. “We’ve made lots of mistakes with both you and Beth, but we love you so much. I’m sorry we made you marry Nicholas to save your father’s firm. It was wrong, and I hope you can forgive us one day.”
My heart aches, and I feel as though I could sleep for a week. She’s trying, therefore, I want to try, too. Maybe we can fix our relationship and move forward a healthier version of ourselves.
“I’m not sorry I married Nicholas, Mum. He’s good to me.” And I love him dearly. “He bought me a puppy for Christmas.”
Her eyes widen. “He didn’t?”
“Yeah. A little Bichon Frisé. She’s cute as a button. You’ll have to come see her. Maybe later this week.”
“Has Nicholas lifted his ban on us visiting Oakfield, then?” Dad asks.
I sit up straight, frowning. “What do you mean?”
Mum grimaces, firing Dad a “What did you say that for?” glare. “Nicholas came to see us a couple of days ago. He was a little… agitated.”
Dad snorts. “Understating it a tad, Laura.”
Mum shoots him another menacing look. “He was upset that we came to see you with Beth, and he told us we weren’t welcome until after you’d made your decision. That he wouldn’t let us pressure you.”
Happiness wells up inside me, filling my chest with light and hope. My defender, my protector, my husband. I feel cossetted, important, and a priority in his life. It’s one more incredible gift in a long line of gifts he’s given me.
“He loves you very much, Vicky. That much is clear.”
I open my mouth to disagree with her, then close it again. Could she be right? The saying “actions speak louder than words,” might be a cliché, but there’s a lot of truth in clichés. That’s why they became clichés in the first place.
Is it possible Nicholas is showing me he loves me in all the ways that matter? Anyone can say the words, but to embody the sentiment in deeds speaks volumes.
Perhaps once all this is over, I’ll pluck up the courage to tell him how I feel and pray I’ve read the situation right and he feels the same way about me.
I don’t get a chance to answer Mum before Beth arrives. She introduces me to Joel with hearts in her eyes, and he looks at her like she’s the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the galaxy rolled into one.
“I’d give my husband a swerve for a while,” I say to Joel. “He doesn’t take kindly to being lied to.”
“That was my fault,” Beth says, plastering herself to his side. “I panicked when I saw Nicholas standing outside our house. I wasn’t ready to?—”
“Return from the dead?”
She flinches, creases developing around her eyes. “Something like that,” she whispers.
“Why don’t we all sit,” Mum says, making room on the couch by moving a few scatter cushions.
I let Beth and Joel have the couch while I take the chair by the window. Four pairs of eyes fixate on me, and I squirm under the attention. There’s no point in prolonging their pain, nor mine.
“I’ve decided I will donate a kidney.”
Beth immediately bursts into tears, clinging to Joel like he’s the only solid thing in a world that’s spinning out of control. Mum’s hand flies to her mouth, and Dad closes his eyes, lips moving, although I can’t hear what he’s saying.
“Thank you, Vicky,” Joel says. “We’re forever grateful.”
Beth gets up and flings herself at me, still sobbing. Automatically, I put my arms around her, and the second I do, the love I’ve always had for her floods back. Then I’m crying too. There’s a long way to go before I can forgive her for what she’s put me through these last few months, but I’m not a vengeful person. Nicholas, on the other hand, is a different prospect all together. I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to look at Beth with anything other than hostility.
“I’ve also asked Nicholas to make sure none of this blows back on you, Joel, and his brother. He agreed.” I shrug at Beth’s wide-eyed stare. “I can’t exactly donate you a kidney then let you rot in jail, now, can I?”
“I love you, Vic.” She hugs me again, and Joel murmurs something about being grateful. I say nothing. I’m not ready yet.
Mum makes tea for us all, and there’s a concerted effort to talk about anything except the upcoming surgery Beth and I are about to face. I’ve no idea how long it’ll take to schedule, but if I’m to manage the stress of this, and Nicholas’s anxiety and anger over the whole situation, it’s best if I go with the flow and try not to micromanage every detail.
I stay for an hour before I make my excuses and leave. There are more tears and hugs, but eventually, I extricate myself and promise Beth we’ll talk soon.
The immense relief I feel when the car door closes and we set off back to Oakleigh doesn’t last long when Eloise sends a Merry Christmas, bishes to our group app.
Ah, hell.
With everything going on these last few days, I still haven’t told them about Beth, nor the life-changing decision I’ve made. I can’t put it off any longer, though.
I start up a video call, and as the faces of my two best friends appear in the little window on my phone, I take a deep breath and plunge into the abyss.