9. Nine
NINE
WRENLY
T he following day, I woke up with a pounding headache and a mouth that tasted like a sewer. The events of last night came crashing back in foggy, disjointed flashes. The party, the drinking, Jake pawing at me . . . and Theo. He had burst in like an avenging angel, beating Jake to a pulp. I could still feel Theo’s hard body pressed against my back as we’d sped through the night. He’d been in my bedroom, his green eyes burning into me as he’d ordered me to bed.
I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. What the hell had I been thinking? Shame and anger warred within me. I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face. My reflection in the mirror was a disaster—smeared mascara, wild hair, ghostly pale skin, and a rumpled dress. I looked as wrecked as I felt. Snippets of my heated exchanges with Theo echoed in my throbbing head. Stripping off my dress, I stepped into the shower, hoping the scalding water would wash away my shame.
I scrubbed my skin raw with soap, but even as the grime and glitter circled the drain, I couldn’t shake the feeling of Theo’s hands on my skin, his lips brushing against my ear as he whispered commands. It might be wrong, but my thoughts were consumed by Theo. I wished it had been him, not Jake, who had been kissing me, touching me, making me wet .
I pictured Theo stepping into the shower behind me, his chiseled body glistening with water droplets. His strong hands gripped my hips as he pulled me flush against him, his hard length pressing against my backside.
“You’ve been a bad girl, haven’t you?” he growled, nipping at my earlobe. “Teasing me. Making me crazy with want.”
I whimpered and ground back against him, craving more friction. One hand slid up to cup my breast, rolling the peaked nippled between his fingers. The other hand trailed down my stomach, his touch maddeningly light. I held my breath in anticipation as his fingers dipped between my thighs, finding my slick, aching center.
I pulled the retractable showerhead down and ran the hot stream along my body, pausing when I reached my most sensitive area. The pulsing water sent jolts of pleasure through my core, and I couldn’t help but imagine it was his skilled fingers caressing me. A soft moan escaped my lips as I lost myself in the fantasy, the pulsing water and rising steam caressing my clit. My legs trembled as the tension built, and I steadied myself against the cool tile wall. The contrast of sensations only heightened my arousal.
“Is this what you need, baby? My fingers buried deep inside you, fucking you until you scream my name?”
“Yes, Theo,” I cried as I circled the water stream on my swollen nub, gasping as the intense sensations merged with the fantasy playing out in my mind. The coil of tension in my belly wound tighter and tighter until it finally snapped. I cried out, my inner walls clenching as wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over me. My legs nearly gave out as the last tremors of pleasure wracked my body. I slid down the slick shower wall, my heart racing as the last throes of my climax ebbed away. I stayed there for a moment under the cascading water, eyes closed, catching my breath. The fantasy of Theo faded, replaced by the deep ache of longing in my chest.
What the fuck was I doing?
Masturbating to thoughts of a man who I barely knew, like some foolish schoolgirl with a crush. Shame heated my cheeks.
With shaking hands, I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the shower, wrapping myself in a fluffy towel. The mirror had fogged over, blurring my reflection .
Good.
I didn’t want to face myself right now.
I padded back to my bedroom, water droplets trailing behind me on the hardwood floor. Digging through my dresser, I pulled on a comfy pair of cotton panties and an oversized T-shirt, not bothering with a bra. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and hide under the covers until the humiliation passed. Until I could erase the feeling of Theo’s phantom hands on my body and his deep voice echoing in my head. But instead, all I could focus on was the simmering attraction between us and the undeniable pull I felt toward him. It was more than just physical desire, though that was certainly part of it.
No, it was something deeper. An instinctive sense that he could give me what I craved. Not just pleasure, but surrender.
Dominance.
A chime from my phone snapped me out of my carnal thoughts. I swiped the screen. It was a text from my brother, Gage.
Hey, little sis. Wanna meet up for lunch today?
My fingers hovered over the screen, hesitating. Gage would instantly see right through me. The last thing I needed was my big brother prying into my mess of a love life. Or lack thereof.
But maybe getting out of the house and focusing on something other than my traitorous libido was precisely what I needed right now. Before I could second-guess myself any more, I tapped out a reply.
Sure, I’d love to. Meet you at Sal’s at noon?
The response came immediately.
Sounds good! See you then.
Setting my phone aside, I glanced at the clock. I still had a few hours before I had to go, which was plenty of time to clear my mind and shove any inappropriate thoughts about Theo into a dark corner of my mind where they belonged.
I busied myself with getting ready, taking more time on my hair and makeup than usual, covering the bruise on my face. If I was going to face the world, I needed some armor. The fall weather was in full effect, so I chose a cozy charcoal-gray sweater dress and pulled on a pair of knee-high black leather boots.
Glancing at my phone, I realized I needed to leave now if I was going to make it to the restaurant on time. I grabbed my black wool peacoat and burgundy scarf, looping it around my neck as I hurried out the door into the crisp autumn air. Multicolored leaves crunched under my boots as I walked the few blocks to Sal’s, a quaint Italian bistro that Gage and I had been coming to since we’d been kids. The familiar scent of garlic and herbs enveloped me as I stepped inside, instantly transporting me back to happier, simpler times when my parents had still been here and I hadn’t yet carried the scars from the fire that had burned them alive.
I spotted my brother already seated in our usual corner booth by the window, his dark head bent over his phone. He glanced up as I approached, a warm smile spreading across his handsome face. Gage was a few years older than me, and with his chiseled jaw, deep blue eyes, and athletic build, he had always been a hot commodity among my friends. But to me, he was just my goofy, overprotective big brother.
“Hey, Jellybean. Glad you could make it,” he said, using the silly nickname he’d given me when we’d been kids.
I slid into the booth across from him. “Hey yourself. I’m surprised you’re not sick of this place by now.”
He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a creature of habit.” He signaled the waitress and ordered us both coffee before turning his attention back to me. “So, how’ve you been?
I shrugged, fiddling with the napkin in front of me. “Oh, you know. Same old, same old.”
His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied me. “Really? Because I heard through the grapevine that you and Connor broke up.”
I froze, my fingers tightening around the steaming mug the waitress had placed in front of me. Damn it. News traveled fast in this town.
I took a sip of coffee, buying myself a moment to compose my thoughts. “Yeah, we did. A couple of days ago. It just . . . wasn’t working out.”
Gage leaned back, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “And by ‘wasn’t working out,’ you mean he was a selfish prick who didn’t appreciate what he had?”
A surprised laugh bubbled out of me. Leave it to my brother to cut straight to the point. “Something like that,” I admitted, taking another sip of coffee to hide my smile.
His blue eyes softened with concern. “You deserve better, Jellybean. I hope you know that. I never liked the fucker anyway.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I know. You made your opinion abundantly clear every chance you got.”
He had the grace to look slightly abashed. “I’m your big brother. It’s my job to look after you.” His expression turned serious. “I just want you to be with someone who treats you right. Someone who puts you first and makes you happy.”
My mind flashed unbidden to the pair of intense green eyes and strong hands gripping my hips. I quickly pushed the image away, my cheeks heating. “I know. And I appreciate it, really. But I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop with the overprotective big brother routine. For now.” He grinned crookedly. “But if any guy messes with you, I reserve the right to kick his ass.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t suppress my smile. “Duly noted.”
The waitress returned to take our orders. I got my usual chicken parmesan, while Gage opted for the lasagna. As she walked away, I asked, “So, what’s new with you? How’s the whole saving gangsters’ lives thing going for you?”
He chuckled and ran a hand through his short, dark hair. “Oh, you know, just another day at the office. Patching up bullet holes, setting broken bones. The usual.” His light tone belied the gravity of his work as a mafia doctor .
“I don’t know how you do it,” I mused, stirring cream into my coffee.
He shrugged. “Someone has to. It might as well be me. Besides, saving the lives of the Elite has its perks.”
“The Elite? You mean criminals? Scumbags? Lowlifes?”
Gage sighed. “It’s not that simple, Wren. The world isn’t black and white. There’s a lot of gray area between. You know that better than most.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Fifty shades of gray?”
He shot me an exasperated look. “Very funny. You know what I mean. These guys, they’re not all bad. They’ve taken care of me—of us since mom and dad died. They respected our father. They have a code, twisted as it may be. Loyalty, respect, honor. It’s just . . . directed in an unconventional way.”
I snorted. “You mean illegal?”
His jaw tightened at my remark. “I’m not saying I agree with everything they do. But it’s not as simple as good versus evil. Most people can’t understand the layers and complexities of this life.”
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Complexities. Right. Like murder, racketeering, and god knows what else?”
He leaned forward. “Wren, you know I would never be involved with anything that goes against my oath as a doctor. I’m not out there pulling triggers or breaking kneecaps. I took a vow to save lives, and that’s what I do, regardless of who the patient is or what they may have done. The less you know, the better off you are.”
I sighed, realizing that this was an argument neither of us would win. It wasn’t like I could judge him for how he’d chosen to move on after our parents had died. I knew our father had worked closely with several criminal organizations and families; I didn’t know the specifics, and my brother had always been vague when I’d asked.
I took a deep breath, deciding to drop the subject for now. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply anything. I know you’re a good man, Gage. I . . . worry about you sometimes.”
His expression softened. “I know you do, Jellybean. And I appreciate it. But you don’t need to.” He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah? I don’t want to argue with my favorite sister.”
I snorted. “I’m your only sister, doofus.”
He grinned. “Exactly. So you’re my favorite by default.”
The waitress arrived with our food, providing a welcome distraction. We ate in companionable silence for a few minutes, the only sounds the clink of silverware on plates and the low murmur of conversation from nearby tables.
“School going okay for you?” Gage asked, breaking the silence.
I nodded, swallowing a bite of chicken parmesan. “Yeah, it’s going well. Midterms are coming up, so I’ve been studying my ass off. But I’m feeling pretty good about them.”
“You’ve always been the smart one in the family,” he said sincerely.
I rolled my eyes. “Says the hotshot doctor.”
He chuckled. “Everyone knows nurses are the ones who really do all the work.”
I playfully threw my napkin at him. “Damn straight.”
We settled into easy conversation as we finished our meal, catching up on the mundane details of our lives. Except I didn’t tell him about Theo. He told me about this new Indian restaurant that had opened up downtown while I filled him in on my recent shifts at work and how Dr. Michaels, his mentor, had been teaching me different types of sutures. It felt good to fall back into our familiar banter and be siblings for a while. No talk of the dark underworld he was involved in, no reminders of the broken mess my love life had become. Just two siblings sharing a meal and catching up.
As we stepped out of the restaurant and into the crisp autumn air, Gage pulled me into a tight hug. “Love you, Jellybean.”
I squeezed him back fiercely. “Love you too, nerd.”
As we pulled apart, a black SUV with tinted windows rolled to a stop at the curb. The passenger’s window lowered, revealing a stony-faced man wearing dark sunglasses. He gave Gage a curt nod.
My brother’s expression tightened almost imperceptibly. To anyone else, it probably would have gone unnoticed, but I knew him too well. Tension radiated off his muscular frame .
“Duty calls?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light despite the uneasy feeling pooling in my stomach.
He sighed. “Yeah, looks like it. I’m sorry to cut this short.”
I waved an apology. “It’s fine. I understand. Go do your thing, Doc.”
He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead. “Stay out of trouble, okay? I’ll call you later.”
I forced a smile. “You know me. I’m the queen of staying out of trouble.”
He snorted. “Since when?” With a final squeeze of my shoulder, he strode over to the waiting vehicle. As the door opened and Gage climbed in, I saw a man in the back seat with dark hair, staring at me with an eerie smile.
A shiver ran down my spine as the man’s cold gaze locked onto mine. There was something sinister and predatory in his eyes that made my skin crawl. I quickly looked away, wrapping my arms around myself as if to ward off an invisible chill.
The SUV pulled away from the curb and merged into traffic, disappearing from view. But the unsettling feeling remained, coiling in the pit of my stomach like a snake ready to strike.
With a sigh, I turned and started walking back toward my house, my boots crunching on the fallen leaves littering the sidewalk. The sun had dipped behind the clouds, casting long shadows across the street. A gust of wind whipped my hair around my face, carrying with it the scent of impending rain and the faint aroma of wood smoke from someone’s chimney.
Lost in thought, I didn’t notice the figure leaning against the lamp post up ahead until I was nearly on top of him. My steps faltered as I recognized the tall, muscular frame and chiseled features. He looked like sin incarnate in a black leather jacket and dark jeans that hugged his powerful thighs.
Theo.
“Raven,” he said as he pushed off and closed the distance between us. “Fancy running into you here.”
I swallowed hard, trying to ignore how my body reacted to his presence. “What are you doing here?”
A ghost of a smile played at the corner of his sensual mouth. “I was in the neighborhood. Thought I’d take a walk to clear my head.” His gaze raked over me, taking in my sweater dress and boots.
Heat flooded my cheeks. “I just had lunch with my brother,” I said inanely, as if that explained my sudden appearance on the street.
He took a step closer, crowding into my personal space. His scent—leather, spice, and something uniquely masculine—filled my senses. “Did you now?” he murmured, brushing a stray lock of hair from my face. His fingers lingered on my cheek, his touch searing my skin.
I jerked back as if he had burned me. I couldn’t think straight when he was this close. His presence overwhelmed my senses and short-circuited my brain.
“What do you want, Theo?” I demanded, hating the breathless quality of my voice.
“I figured I’d check on you after last night.” His eyes searched mine.
I looked away. “I’m fine,” I said curtly. “You didn’t need to check up on me.”
His jaw clenched. “Walk with me,” he said, his deep voice leaving no room for argument.
It wasn’t a request.
He turned and began strolling down the leaf-strewn sidewalk, clearly expecting me to follow. I hesitated, warring with myself. The smart thing would be to make up an excuse and get the hell out of there, away from his overwhelming presence that made it hard to think clearly.
But I found myself falling into step beside him, my traitorous feet carrying me forward. We walked silently for a block, the only sound the crunch of leaves beneath our boots. I could feel the heat of his body radiating next to me, the subtle brush of his leather jacket against my arm sending tingles across my skin.
“I shouldn’t have gotten involved last night,” he said abruptly, breaking the heavy silence.
I glanced at him sharply. “Then why did you?”
He chuffed forcefully, his breath misting the cold air. “I don’t know. I saw that prick pawing at you, and I just . . . reacted.”
His admission sent a confusing thrill through me. The thought of him being driven to act out of some primal need to protect me was equal parts unsettling and arousing. I pushed those dangerous thoughts aside.
“I had it handled,” I said stubbornly, lifting my chin. “I didn’t need you swooping in like some white knight to save me . . . again”
He barked out a humorless laugh. “Trust me, I’m no one’s white knight.”
His words hung heavily between us in the crisp autumn air. I studied his profile as we walked, taking in the hard planes and angles of his handsome face. There was a coiled tension in his muscular frame, a quiet, restless energy that hinted at carefully leashed violence.
No, Theo was definitely no white knight. He was something far more dangerous. And that only made him more alluring.
Fuck. What was wrong with me? Why was I so drawn to this man who radiated danger like a pulsing beacon?
“You’re right,” I said quietly. “You’re not. And I don’t expect you to be.” I stopped walking and turned to face him fully. “But that doesn’t explain why you keep inserting yourself into my life. What is this really about, Theo?”
He stared at me, and a muscle ticked in his jaw as he seemed to war with himself. Some internal struggle was playing out behind those fathomless depths. After a charged moment, he exhaled harshly and raked a hand through his dark hair. “I don’t know. I wish I had a neat, tidy answer for you. But the truth is, I don’t.” He stepped closer, his broad shoulders blocking out the weak autumn sunlight. “You’re like a fucking fever I can’t shake.”
I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “Theo, I?—”
“I’m no good for you. I’ll only end up hurting you or getting you tangled up in my fucked-up world.”
His words should have sent me running. They should have been a bucket of ice water dumped over the simmering heat building between us. But instead, they only stoked the flames higher, sending liquid fire rushing through my veins.
“Then why don’t you stay away from me?” I whispered. My voice seemed barely audible over the roaring in my ears.
His eyes flashed with something dark and dangerous. He closed the remaining distance between us, his body crowding mine until my back hit the brick wall of the building behind me. His hands came to rest on either side of my head, caging me in.
“You think I haven’t tried? You think I haven’t lay awake every night since the first time I saw you, trying to talk myself out of wanting you? Out of craving you in a way I’ve never craved anything before?” His hand shot out, wrapping around my neck—firm but not painful, a show of dominance that had my body responding with a sudden flood of heat between my thighs. A gasp escaped my lips as my body betrayed me, arching into him like a moth drawn to a flame. “Because I fucking can’t,” he growled. “God knows I’ve tried. But I can’t get you out of my goddamn head. Tell me you don’t feel this. Tell me you don’t crave this as much as I do.”
“I . . .” My voice came out breathy and strained. I swallowed hard, feeling his fingers flex against my skin. “I don’t know what I feel.”
Lie.
I knew exactly what I felt. The evidence of it was slicking my thighs and beading my nipples into aching peaks. But admitting it out loud, giving voice to the depraved hunger he stirred in me, terrified me more than the man himself.
His eyes bored into mine, stripping me bare and exposing all my darkest desires. “Yes, you do,” he said dangerously. “You’re just too afraid to admit it.”
He was right. I was afraid. Afraid of the intensity of my reaction to him. Afraid of how badly I wanted to submit to the dark promises in his eyes. I’d spent my whole life trying to be the good girl, the perfect daughter, the responsible sister. But something about this man made me want to shed my skin and embrace the wicked temptress lurking beneath the surface.
“Let me go, Theo,” I whispered.
His grip on my neck tightened fractionally as his eyes searched mine. There was a sea of emotions swirling in those green depths. Time seemed to stretch and slow, the rest of the world fading until all that existed was the heat of his body pressing into mine and the pounding of my heart against my ribcage.
After a charged moment, he released me and took a step back, cold air rushing in to replace the warmth of his touch. I felt bereft at the loss of contact, my body screaming at me to pull him back in.
He raked a hand through his hair, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he visibly struggled to rein himself in. Then he turned on his heel and strode away. I sagged back against the brick wall, my legs suddenly unwilling to support my weight. Pressing a trembling hand against my chest, I silently commanded my racing heart to slow its frantic gallop.
What the hell is going on?
One minute, we’d been talking, and the next, he’d had me pinned to the wall, entirely at his mercy.
And I’d liked it. No, I’d more than liked it. I’d craved it with a desperation that shocked me to my core. I didn’t know what game he was playing, but every instinct screamed that he was dangerous, not just to my body, but to my heart and soul. He had the power to unravel me, to shatter the carefully constructed walls I had erected around myself.
And that terrified me more than anything.