Chapter 4
I knew I’d made a mistake as soon as Jonah closed Lyra in the makeshift grave.
That was rare for me. Caring about mistakes, that was.
My emotions didn’t filter through me the same way as others.
I learned this early on as a child, and even more when I was sent to live in a hospital and tested daily like a lab rat.
I was a monster.
Love didn’t fill me with joy, and it didn’t make me soft. It choked and pricked me with thorns. A beautiful rose, designed to scar. Rage, righteousness, and jealousy had consumed me.
Lyra had been meeting with Connall, and her explanation didn’t make sense.
She kept secrets.
But worse than all of that, and the thing I couldn’t swallow.
She confessed her love to someone other than me.
Everything inside me built up like tar until all my plans for the future altered.
I’d been playing the long game with Ray and Jonah.
Pretending I could accept their presence when all I wanted was Lyra for myself.
Didn’t they understand how much more I needed her?
They could find another woman to love, but there was only Lyra for me.
She had my heart, always and forever.
And I punished her for it.
My knuckles burned as I clenched my fist. I lingered on the edge of the grave while Ray and Jonah pulled off the covering.
For every minute I spent in Ray’s safe room, I drowned in regret.
It was a new emotion for me. I could taste the bitterness at the back of my nostrils.
Hot and wrong. I wanted to wring it out of my veins.
Even the split flesh on my hands didn’t lessen the feeling.
“W-where is she?” I sank to my knees at the edge.
The soil was damp and sank through my black pants. My ears roared, and as Ray swung the flashlight, I followed the erratic light. As if Lyra might appear from the trees that surrounded us. But there was nothing but the rustle of leaves and the faraway echo of an owl.
The grave was empty but for a sheet of white paper.
If my stomach could have fallen out of my body and splattered on the ground, it would have. I leaned over on all fours and gripped the crumbling edge.
“Get me that,” Adelaide pointed at the paper.
Jonah, ever the loyal guard, lowered himself in with a grunt. The paper trembled as he clenched it in his grip, but his expression was blank. He’d fallen into a sullen silence after we piled into the car, unable to convince Adelaide about Lyra’s lies.
Until she’d said Lyra, and revealed that she knew more than any of us realized.
“What does it say?” Ray ran his hand through his hair, sobering up in an instant.
Both Ray and Jonah reeked of alcohol, and I knew what they’d been seeking before Adelaide interrupted them. Oblivion. I wished I could escape from the sharp sensation that stabbed my stomach as well.
Was this guilt?
It burned like acid in my stomach and my skin being peeled off from the inside. This roiling, unsteady sensation made a home in me. But Lyra was the only home I’d ever needed.
“Where is she?” I staggered to my feet.
“She couldn’t have lifted that,” Jonah muttered to himself.
They didn’t understand. None of them did. What Lyra and I had was different, deeper. I made her into a weapon, just like I’d been molded into one, and we were deadly together. I only wanted her to wake up and realize there couldn’t be anyone else who would love her like I would.
She belonged with me.
“You’re all fucking idiots. Blind, stupid morons.” Adelaide tore open the paper. “Is that my curse? Am I doomed to be surrounded by idiot men?”
“Hey,” Jesse protested, crossing his arms. “We earned our forgiveness.”
Adelaide’s men leaned against the car. She wiped her arm across her nose and stifled a sound that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle.
“True.” She fixed Ray, Jonah, and me with a sharp glare. “I guess it’s their turn.”
Forgiveness?
I tipped my head back and breathed through a wave of nausea.
Was that something Lyra would grant me? She’d been angry with me before, and I’d still wormed my way back into her heart.
That was what Lyra never understood when she kept chasing me all those years ago.
I knew if I ever let go, it would be her ruin.
I’d destroyed her, and myself, because my heart thumped too hard for her.
“What does the note say?” Ray asked again after helping Jonah out of the grave.
The big guy had said barely five words since getting out of the car, and while he was normally taciturn, this was extreme. Was it guilt or rage that sealed his lips shut? A little bit of both? Selfishly, because I was still selfish, I wanted it to be the latter.
Forget Lyra. Forget her and let her be mine.
I licked my cracked lips in a silent prayer. I didn’t believe in God, but I would beg, steal, and kill to have Lyra by my side again.
Adelaide opened the dirt-stained paper, and her furrowed brow told me nothing. She was so good at masking her emotions. She turned away from Ray when he tried to peer over her shoulder.
“Don’t pretend you care now. You’re the reason Lyra’s in trouble.”
Ray rocked back, and hurt pinched his expression. All my muscles ached, and my head felt stuffed with cotton wool.
“Why do you call her that?” I said.
She flicked me a look, and it went through my rib cage to my heart. Like I didn’t deserve the answer. Darkness surged in my stomach, and I clenched my teeth to hold the retort on my tongue.
Everything about Lyra was mine, even her hatred.
“I’ve always known Lyra isn’t who she says she is.
At first, I invited her into my circle because I sensed she was hiding something.
Keep your friends close, enemies closer.
No one has ever maintained a facade around me and not cracked.
Except for her, and you, I guess, but you were arrogant.
” Adelaide waved a dismissive hand in my direction.
She wasn’t wrong. I’d been egotistical with Lyra’s heart and my mission. Dropping the bumbling police chief disguise the second I had her in my arms again. Everything blinded me, and I thought I could control her. Like I’d done when she was under my tutelage.
I wasn’t a gambling man. Better to stake the odds in your favor before ever taking a risk. Loving Lyra had always been my biggest gamble, and I’d bet wrong this time. My bones were heavy as iron.
I thought I could cleave Ray and Jonah from her side with just enough pressure. But as I stared into the empty grave, I wondered if I’d severed myself from her as well.
“You’re fucking with me.” Ray arched an eyebrow.
“I should run you over with a car. Maybe it might kick-start some brainwaves. I started looking deeper when Beck showed up hand in hand with Lyra. You were too familiar to be a new thing. I found enough to satisfy my curiosity, and I let it go.”
“The fuck?” Jonah spluttered this time.
He took a step toward Adelaide, but her guys lurched forward with a growl.
“Watch your tone,” Logan warned.
Jonah tossed his muscular arms in the air. “I could crush you.”
“Touch him and die,” Adelaide snapped.
“What do you mean you knew who she was and did nothing?”
“She’s my best friend, Jonah. I knew she’d tell me in her own time.”
Jonah stumbled back into Ray with a soft noise.
All the righteous anger he’d been lit up with faded.
I swallowed a groan as a stab of pain went through me.
Lyra was the only part of my soul that wasn’t twisted and broken, but I hadn’t stood by her.
I condemned her to the darkness where I lived twenty-four seven.
“What does the note say?” I pressed, wanting to be put out of my misery.
Adelaide flicked me a look that bowed my shoulders. “Ellington has her. He wants to organize a trade. Also, he says he’s a big fan.”
Adelaide held the paper out, and Ray snatched it from her and ran his feverish gaze over it.
“A handwritten note? What is this, high school? I’m surprised he didn’t write, ‘check yes if you want to kill me, check no if we can be allies.’
Questo è brutto.”
Jonah pried the paper from his hand and pulled it close to his face. Like the words might be written wrong. A bubble of laughter swelled in my throat. This was worse than I thought.
Adelaide blocked me. The moon shards made her anger look like she was lined with silver steel. She was short, soft, and I knew she’d tear my throat out if I ever said those words out loud. Her men followed, but she waved them off.
“What makes Ellington so dangerous?”
“He was a field agent, like Lyra. Our teachings are divided into four quadrants: tech, seduction, warfare, and stealth. Most students pick one to major in, but Ellington excelled in all four. Ellington is a chameleon, a shadow, and a force to be reckoned with. He went to a city very much like Greenich Bay to investigate the gang leader there. He blinded her with affection, stole her entire fortune, and left the city half an inferno. The Unseen believe he’s trying to duplicate his process here. ”
Adelaide chewed on her bottom lip as she digested my words.
I knew how it sounded, but Ellington wasn’t a man to be underestimated.
Ray and Jonah crept in, trying to appear nonchalant.
But the deep lines in their faces said otherwise.
I knew their hearts were conflicted in a way I could never experience.
“And they sent Lyra here to locate him.”
“To kill him,” I amended. “We came close. Remember that photograph you showed me, Ray? Lyra wasn’t on a date. She was rendezvousing with another agent of The Unseen, who was being blackmailed into assisting Ellington.”
Ray and Jonah exchanged a loaded look, and it might have been my eyesight playing tricks, but I swore there was a flash of relief. Adelaide paced, uncaring that her boots gathered muck on the bottom.
“Has she killed before?” Adelaide tilted her head.
I dipped my head. All the secrets were out now, and I needed Adelaide on our side so she would help rescue Lyra. Adelaide clapped her hands together once and pulled out her phone.
“Be quiet, no interrupting.” She snatched the piece of paper out of Ray’s hand and dialed the number written there.
“Put it on speaker, please,” Ray begged.
I held my breath as Adelaide did as he asked. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Each time grated sharp across my nerves. I clamped my tongue between my teeth, knowing that as soon as I heard his voice, I would react.
“Hello?” Ellington answered.
Smug. Assured. The tone dripped with it.
“Is this Ellington?” Adelaide asked.
I crowded her, grunting as she threw an elbow into my gut.
The surrounding pine woods rustled in the light breeze, and I breathed the cool scent deep.
This man had haunted my nights. Not because I was afraid of him, but because I respected him as a worthy opponent.
I knew, just as he did, that he had the upper hand now.
“Oh,” Ellington cooed. “Miss Orazio? It’s a real honor. Love what you’re doing with the city.”
Adelaide pursed her lips. “It’s Mrs. Orazio, and fuck off with your small talk.”
I tried to grab her wrist, to squeeze a silent warning into her. Ellington was unpredictable and a genius. If she gave him too much or insulted him, we wouldn’t ever see Lyra again. Adelaide pierced me with a glare, lip curled, and I let my hand drop.
“That’s right, you have three husbands, don’t you? You must’ve inspired Lyra.”
I ground my teeth. It was my jealousy of those partners that drove us into this situation. This was all my fault.
“Here’s a hint, Ellington. When I ask someone to do something, I expect it done. So, talk.”
Goose bumps sprang on my skin, and a warning clung to my tongue. Ellington was extremely charming, but when pushed, he was a different person altogether.
His tone turned icy. “Is that right? Here, Lyra, remind your best friend what you sound like.”
In the space of a scuffle, my nerves fried at the sound that echoed in the dark clearing.
“A-Adelaide? P-please…”
Two words, slurred, small and frightened. Maximum devastation. Her fear was because my brain was made wrong and I snapped. My lungs burned as I lost the will to fill them.
Ray scrubbed his hand down his face, and Jonah’s jaw tightened. None of us was stone when it came to Lyra.
“Lyra? You’ve got some explaining to do,” Adelaide snapped.
There was a sob, another rustle, and the smug voice of Ellington filtered through again.
“Let’s discuss the terms of release.”
“Why would I care about a traitor?” Adelaide lifted her shoulder in feigned nonchalance.
I reached out for the phone, but she whirled away, shooting me a venomous glare.
“Don’t,” I croaked.
Ellington didn’t like being bested. He didn’t like threats. He was used to being two steps ahead of everyone, and Adelaide wasn’t used to playing his games.
“Suit yourself.” Ellington sighed before he ended the call.
The silence became a roar, and I staggered over to Adelaide and wrapped my fingers around her shoulders.
“What have you done?” I cursed. “Call him back.”
“Let go.”
“Call him back now.”
My insides churned, and I couldn’t handle the red-hot burn.
I was so used to feeling numb that this emotion, this pain, was new.
Jonah grabbed my back, and we scuffled. I gripped Adelaide hard enough for her to yelp.
Her hands slammed into my chest, and I stumbled until my ass skidded into the dirt.
Pain shot up my spine, and I fell back, head spinning.
“You don’t understand what you’ve done.” I picked at the temporary tattoo on my wrist, trying to distract from my ravaged insides.
“Me?” Adelaide gestured at the grave and continued, “we wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you.”
I stared at the sky, pricked with distant stars. She wasn’t wrong, but also, this felt inevitable. Like we’d been fighting against fate the minute we stepped into Greenich Bay.
Better for Lyra that I die right here, where I killed her love for me.
Because how would she ever forgive me after what I’d done?
“Call him back. Let me do the talking.” I knew Ellington would get a kick out of hearing me devastated. I could use that to hook him.
Adelaide looked me up and down, scrunching her nose like she could smell the desperation wafting off my words.
“Over my dead body. This is my show now, Chief. Get in line or fuck off.”