Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
L ater that morning, when we’d come down from the high and reality reared its ugly head, Kingston had to go prepare for everyone’s early arrival.
He dressed quietly while I watched from the bed, still sprawled across Landon’s chest. He kissed me goodbye, and with one last indecipherable glance at Landon, he left the room.
As Landon watched him go, I wanted to hear more about their friendship from him. What he remembered of it, at least. “You don’t remember meeting him?”
A dip formed in his brow, his expression solemn and almost sad. “No.”
“That makes me so sad for both of you.”
He stretched his arm up, bracing his head and forcing a smile as he met my gaze.
“He’s the first person I remember seeing when I…came to. Woke up from whatever caused my memory loss. Kingston was there, and even though I didn’t recognize him, I knew him.” He huffed a quiet laugh. “I’m not sure that even makes sense, but that’s just how it was.”
I touched a spot over his heart. “You remembered him here.”
“Yeah.”
His smile was sad as I recalled our talk from the first challenge. The night he shared about his memory loss for the first time, and I opened up about my dad.
Landon and I both knew that some things never left us.
For him, Kingston was one of them.
“Do you remember how you felt when you saw him there?”
“Safe,” he said automatically before clearing his throat. “I felt safe. Even though I had no reason to do so, I trusted him. And as I learned who I was and my role within the Camelot Society, I understood it. What I was meant to be for him. But even before they told me, somehow, I knew.”
Emotions played over his features so quickly, I couldn’t read them, as if they were as jumbled as his memory.
“What happened? Or at least, what did they say happened that took your memory away?”
The furrow in his brow deepened, and he winced but clenched his teeth to fight through it. “They didn’t tell me anything. They just said it was an accident. A horrible accident that was better left in the past. My sister?—”
My eyebrows jumped, and he laughed.
“Yes, I have a sister. Nancy. She cried for weeks after I woke up. It felt like someone had died when I first got home, but I didn’t remember who. It took me a few days to realize my mother wasn’t there, and she wasn’t coming back.”
He winced sharply, his hand flying to his temple.
“What happened?”
“Every time the memories come, I get this sharp pain.” His nostrils flared as he drew in breaths, his teeth gritted. “It’s like my mind is trying to force the memories away.”
“My therapist said our minds can block things out to protect us.” I rubbed his temple to ease the ache.
“But I didn’t know it could hurt like that.
For me, it’s like I put them in a box hidden from sight.
And whenever they come out, it hurts, but it’s never been like yours.
It just hurts here.” I touched my heart, leaving a hand over his and mine. “I wonder why it hurts you like that.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the injury? Whatever caused my memory loss. Maybe my body remembers that pain?”
I searched him as if I might find a wound I’d missed, wanting to heal it. “I wish I could help you through this.”
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You do help. Just by being here, you help me through it.”
“Good thing you’re stuck with me, then.” I smiled, but it faded quickly as I thought about everything to come.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. What might happen once the other Knights and Ladies arrived. What they’d think of Elaine’s threat, if they’d even know about it. And what would happen if she went through with it.
Kingston would need to marry her , and I would’ve ruined my chances of being with all of them without knowing it. Now that I’d found out they were open to it, the thought of that future being ripped away before we could fully explore it…
Well, it sucked.
As if he was reading my mind, Landon whispered into my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
I did my best to find an optimistic outlook and consider all the possibilities before assuming the worst would happen.
Growth.
“Hey, we don’t know that this means anything bad yet. We don’t know what’s going to happen. Someone else might come forward. And Kingston…maybe he has a choice? Maybe we can walk away from this. Live a normal life where you guys argue over who didn’t pay their portion of the rent or whatever.”
But a different thought struck me.
“Unless you don’t think he, or you, would consider that?”
Landon cupped my face and kissed me. “I’d give all of this up in an instant if that was the only way to keep you. I told you, Quinn. I’m not leaving you again. Or choosing anyone if that’s what that choice means.”
My heart melted at his words, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut telling me it wasn’t that simple. “But…”
“Kingston might not be able to make that choice.”
“Do you think that’s why he wants to change things?”
“Maybe.” Landon’s gaze fixated on a spot in front of him. “I do know if he can’t change things, the Camelot Society responds to traitors and deserters the same way. They’d get rid of us before they let us walk away scot-free. Or they’d teach us a lesson and go after you.”
My jaw dropped. “I’m sorry, what?”
He frowned, pain etched in his features, before he brought a hand up to his eyes. After the pain passed, he stared at me. Confusion over my horrified expression colored his. “What?”
“Um…what? You just dropped a bomb on me. The Camelot Society would come after me to make you and Kingston pay if you tried to walk away? I thought they just had it out for me because I’m poor. But what the fuck?”
“I-I don’t know why I said that.” Landon shook his head. “I don’t—I can’t remember how I know that.”
“But you think it’s true?”
He shook his head, trying to clear it. “I don’t know, honestly. I can’t separate what’s really a memory and what’s just a dream. Or nightmare. We need to talk to Kingston and ask him.”
Horrified by the thought, the position I’d put myself in became clear. If I didn’t win The Quest, if Kingston couldn’t change things—whatever his plan was exactly aside—and if we failed, it was all over.
I couldn’t go there. My mind refused to consider it, so I resigned myself to a life on the run as an excellent and familiar form of deflection. “Eh. It’s not like I wasn’t built for it.”
Landon’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged, feigning bravado. “Life on the run.”
At my matter-of-fact, oh-so-casual tone, Landon shot me a look. One that told me he knew damn well what I was doing. “Well, we’d do everything possible before asking you to consider going on the lamb. Even if you’re ready to pack your bags.”
Laughing it off, I shook my head. “It was just a joke. Mostly because I didn’t grow up with a huge circle of friends or a big family.
I only had my mom and dad until I met Gia at my first dance camp and latched onto her like a giant squid.
Even after we moved away, my dad had to figure out a way for us to stay in touch.
Even then, our friendship was mostly virtual until… ”
I didn’t have to say it. Landon already knew I’d moved to Mosaic Falls to live with Gia after my dad died.
So I wouldn’t be completely alone.
“I guess I’m just saying…I’m able to be happy with the people I care about. I don’t need all this.” Gesturing around the room, as if to encompass all of Camelot Court, I released a heavy breath. “But I guess that’s not the same as running because people are after you.”
“No. And in that scenario, staying in contact with people would only put them at risk. I wouldn’t be able to ask you to leave with us knowing you’d have to leave Gia.”
“Oof.” I grimaced, teasing him to ward off the big, scary feelings that brought up. “Yeah, I’m not going to lie if it came down to her or you guys…”
But he didn’t take the bait and responded seriously. “None of us would fault you for choosing her, Quinn.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Reality settled over me, a heavy cloak of sadness pressing in at the thought of losing any of them.
He ran his thumbs over my cheeks when a few slipped free. “Hopefully, it never comes to that. For any of us.”
I nodded, fighting back the emotion building in my chest. “We’re spiraling a little, right? All this—it’s not really something we’d ever have to think about, is it?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so.” But the worry on his face had me squeezing his hand, prodding for the rest. “But we might have to accept that all of us couldn’t be with you.”
My heart plummeted.
“Have I mentioned I hate it here?”
With a sad smile, he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. “I hated it here, too. Until you walked through those doors. And I trust Kingston to find a way out of this. For all of us. I have to believe he considered every possible scenario for how this might play out.”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that wasn’t completely true. But I trusted Kingston, too. Even if he hadn’t thought of everything. I trusted him to find a way forward.
I had faith in his plan, even if I didn’t know all of it.
“I need to find Max and figure out where his head is at with all this. I don’t know what he knows yet, but I don’t want him on the outside.”
“Do you want me to try talking to him?”
My eyebrows rose. “If by that you mean, settle your differences so we can cuddle together before everyone gets here, sure. But I take it you’re not quite there yet?”
Landon frowned. “Kingston says he’ll come around, but I don’t know how to heal something when I’m not sure what caused the injury in the first place.”
I cupped his cheek, extending my neck to kiss him.
“I don’t think that’s true, Buns. I think it’s part of you.
Seeing who people are and finding a way to help them let go of pain.
The difference this time is that what hurts Max…
also hurt you. And I know you said you can’t share much with me about what happened last year, but I’m here. If you want to talk about it.”
He cupped my face. “Have I told you I love you today?”
I pursed my lips. “Not this morning.”
“Well, I do. Thank you for being so understanding about all this. I know it’s a lot to take in.”
“It is, but…I’m just glad you guys are being honest with me and talking to me about these things. That’s what I wanted.”
He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “Yes, and about that honesty, don’t think I forgot what led to everything with Max the other morning.
I’ll always help settle you when you wake up like that, but after the way everything came out about your dad, I’d like for that honesty to go both ways, so I can be there for you and you don’t bottle it up… If you’re ready to talk about it.”
“Ugh. I guess that’s reasonable.”
I rolled over, flopping onto my back in a way that made my tits bounce. Hoping he’d get distracted. And while his eyes darted to my chest and took a minute to unglue, he shook himself out of it.
Damn that replenishing supply of self-control he had.
“The other morning, I had a nightmare.” Releasing a heavy breath, I flipped over onto my belly and turned my head to face him. “It wasn’t like the other bad dreams with things that had already happened.”
He stroked my hair back from my face, then rubbed my back. Drawing patterns on my skin like he always did. I traced along with him in my head.
“It wasn’t even clear, just a lot of nameless faces pulling you all into the dark.
I won The Quest but ended up with some old guy.
So, that was creepy as fuck. But, I guess, given this new information about the inner workings of high society, it makes sense.
” I sighed, dropping my eyes to the comforter.
“But I couldn’t do anything about it. I hated feeling that way. So…powerless. Helpless.”
His sympathetic smile amplified my need to deflect.
I scoffed airily and lifted my chin.
“You probably haven’t noticed this about me, but I prefer not to be a damsel in distress.”
He humored me, feigning shock at my announcement. “You don’t say? Yes, that is brand new information.”
“I hide it well. Some might also say I’m not stubborn at all.”
That made him snort.
“Alright, don’t push it, Lady.” He kissed my forehead before he responded with a more serious tone. “No one is pulling me away from you, and I know Kingston…and I have to believe Max”—he wrinkled his nose but playfully—“will fight with everything in their power to keep you, too.”
He wrapped his arms around me, and I breathed easier. “I’ll fight with everything in my power to keep you guys, too.”