Kingston
I t was the first time I’d uttered those words aloud to anyone but him. A confession I had only made once in my life.
A secret I never thought I’d be free to release again.
I’d done a lot of things I wasn’t proud of during my time at Camelot Court.
I had my fair share of regrets.
I’d made mistakes.
But Quinn Everly? Choosing her folder from that pile, selecting her as The King’s Maiden, and everything that brought forth?
It could never be one of them.
It would never be.
Because she was exactly who I’d thought she was. Everything I thought she could be.
And so much more.
Now, I simply had to hope. Pray to whatever higher power might watch over me, that she could find it in her heart to forgive me. For taking a risk that hurt her. For failing to find a way around my father that hadn’t led to so much pain.
And for the mistakes I’d made long before I ever met her, that haunted me to this day.
She’d been right.
That day on the lawn, she’d been right about me asking for what I struggled to give.
But I hoped, now, she saw why it wasn’t easy for me to trust. Trust her with my plans. Trust him with the past. And, on a deeper level, trust myself to make the right decisions…
Eleven sons.
Each time, I let them in. Each time, I wanted to believe I wouldn’t be fighting alone.
And when Landon finally stood by my side, it filled me with so much hope I thought everything had fallen into place.
That had been my first mistake.
One I paid for every day, as I worked tirelessly to end the antiquated ways of the Camelot Society, and to free us from our families’ expectations.
So we could all love without this kind of fear.
All without ever knowing if the person I was holding onto would be there at the end. If, without the past binding us together, we’d be able to find each other in a new light.
I’d caused so much pain, trying to hold onto the past.
It had been time to let go.
Time to fight for a different future than the one I’d imagined nearly ten years ago. Time to step out of the darkness where I’d carried these secrets for so long. Alone.
And step into the light.
It wouldn’t be easy. It would take more courage than I thought I possessed. But…
Somehow, with her small hand in mine, it felt possible.
She exhaled shakily, her hand trembling in my grip. “I walked up to this cemetery unsure if there’d be an explanation that justified it. Whatever you were going to tell me about the attack, I couldn’t see how…But I understand, Kingston.
Her voice was steady, calm and strong.
“I mean it. I do. As much as I really can, I understand what you were afraid of. What you still fear. A monster who can and will take everything you love.”
She gestured at the cemetery, her eyes still slightly widened with disbelief because, as she’d said, it was so totally fucked .
“Clearly, that fear is warranted. And navigating how to love and protect two people at the same time, I don’t know what that’s like. Not yet. Hopefully, not ever. But I imagine it wasn’t easy…” She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly. “And I forgive you.”
A small piece of the weight on my chest lifted.
I brushed my lips over the top of her head, closing my eyes and appreciating the feel of her body tucked against mine. I never wanted it to end, but I’d meant what I said about not knowing what we faced and not being able to guarantee that I wouldn’t have to make hard choices again.
Pulling back, I stroked her cheek.
“Quinn, ultimately, I hurt you because I didn’t think of everything.
I can’t promise that won’t happen again.
No matter how much I wish I could. I will share with you what I can, whenever I’m able to do so.
But, even with that, I have to be careful.
I don’t want you to give up on the end before we reach it, and I don’t want to face this alone anymore.
I’m not sure I can, either. Beating him alone, doing what I set out to do, every day it feels like something comes to remind me I’m no match for him. ”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Everything he’s done to you—I hate him.”
At her growl, I choked out a laugh. “I know. But I should be apologizing to you. Showing you this, when I may have failed anyway because he’s always two steps ahead?
I can’t do it alone, but…Quinn, sharing it all?
Hearing it out loud? I also can’t deny a part of me feels you need to walk away from this. ”
“No, Kingston.” Her firm tone pulled my gaze back to her face. “You were right to show me. Your father? He’s cutting you off from anyone who could help you through this. He’s isolating you, so he can keep abusing and controlling you. I…”
She took my face in her hands, her soft, warm palms gentle as she stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaning into her touch and her next words, as if pulled by gravity.
“There are ways to fight back against what he’s doing that won’t put you, me, or anyone else in more danger.
And one of those ways is by supporting you with whatever you need to get out.
If that means being the picture of a perfect Lady, keeping my head down, and not scratching his eyes out the minute I see him, then so be it.
If that’s all I can do, I’ll do it. I won’t do anything that makes it harder, but I will fight for you.
By not letting him isolate you. By not letting him make you believe that you’re alone. ”
Her eyes were fierce when I opened mine.
“You’re not alone, Kingston. Not anymore. I’m with you, and I’ll stand by your side, through whatever it takes, to get us all to the end.”
She pressed our foreheads together, and our connection hummed through my whole body. I nodded, unable to tear my eyes from hers.
“Okay.” I echoed her words, taking up a new oath and pledging my trust to her with a vow as indomitable as her spirit. “I’m with you, and I’ll stand by your side, through whatever it takes.”
Her smile gripped my heart, its hold unbreakable.
“To get us all to the end.”