34. Geoffrey
34
‘You’d better sit down here,’ River urged, grabbing Geoffrey and pushing him into his favourite seat by the window.
‘I’ll get you a drink,’ said Clara, taking the stopper out of the whisky decanter. ‘You’ve had a shock.’
That was putting it mildly, thought Geoffrey, watching his long-lost stepmother walk around the library, leaning heavily on her stick, as if reacquainting herself with the room.
She stopped in front of the photograph of herself and stared at it. An old face gazing at the young. A ghost studying an imprint of the past.
Geoffrey tried to catch his breath as past and present smashed into each other. His brain couldn’t take in that Audrey was here. He’d watched her walk into the sea. He’d banged on the window and screamed at her to stop. He’d seen his father and locals from the village search the cove in fishing boats and come back empty-handed.
‘Why don’t you sit here, Audrey?’ said River, dragging a chair closer to Geoffrey’s. ‘Then the two of you can talk.’
‘How do you know who she is? Did you know that Audrey was still alive?’ asked Geoffrey, taking the large glass of whisky that Clara was proffering. He noticed her exchange a glance with his son before River knelt down beside him.
‘Clara and I found out that Audrey had survived, but only a few days ago. Clara tracked her down and we went to see her.’
Geoffrey could hardly believe what he was hearing. First, Bartie had deceived him and now his own son was sneaking around behind his back. ‘You should have told me,’ he said gruffly.
‘I’m sorry but?—’
‘It’s my fault,’ Audrey interrupted, waving away the glass of whisky Clara was offering. ‘I made them promise not to tell you but now I can see that was wrong.’
‘Yes, it was.’ Geoffrey took a large swig of his whisky, its warmth offering some comfort as it slid past his throat. ‘But I still don’t understand.’
‘I came across Audrey’s diary from 1957,’ Clara blurted out. ‘It was in my grandmother’s belongings. That’s what she took from Audrey’s bedroom on the night she disappeared, not the diamond necklace.’
‘Why would she take a diary?’
‘The diary contained a coded message, sent to Audrey by my grandmother, which told her where my grandfather would be waiting offshore for her in his rowing boat.’
‘A boat, you say?’
Geoffrey took another large gulp of his drink as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. So it had all been worked out between them. Audrey had planned to go and leave him behind.
He bit down hard on his lower lip, almost overwhelmed by the emotions boiling inside him. You’re not nine years old any more, he told himself. You mustn’t cry. Stiff upper lip. It’s the Brellasham Way.
But he felt like a child again, here in the library, watching the stepmother he loved walking away from him, into the cold sea.
‘Please don’t be cross with River and Clara,’ said Audrey, the soft lilt of her voice familiar even after all these years. ‘I’m sure they didn’t want to upset you by telling you the truth. And I made them promise not to tell.’
‘Yet you’re here now.’
Geoffrey knew his tone was harsh but he couldn’t help it. Everything he thought was true had been turned on its head. It felt as if black was white and up was down. Nothing made sense any more.
A long-forgotten memory suddenly began spooling through his mind: Violet putting her arm around his nine-year-old self and telling him, ‘Please don’t be too sad about your stepmother. I’m sure she’s in a better place.’ And though he’d longed for comfort, he’d felt embarrassed to be embraced by the housekeeper. He’d thought her words were a platitude – the sort of thing the village vicar kept spouting. But it turned out she’d been trying to comfort him with the truth.
‘Yes, Geoffrey, I’m here,’ said Audrey, snapping his mind back to the present. Her hands were clasped in her lap and he noticed that they were shaking. ‘I’m afraid my resolve not to interfere in your life has been stretched to breaking point over the years. And meeting Clara and your son was the final straw that made me want to see you above anything else. So that I can explain and apologise.’
‘Who’s the young man you arrived with?’ asked Geoffrey, trying to deflect the conversation that he knew was coming.
Part of him wanted to know what had happened in 1957, but he felt scared. Something bad must have caused Audrey to risk her life by swimming to a boat that evening. Something bad that was pricking at the edges of his brain, like a memory that he’d locked away.
‘That’s Charlie, who works at the residential home in Surrey where I’m seeing out my days. He’s a very caring young man and he offered to bring me here when I told him my story…well, a version of my story.’
‘And you decided to arrive during an open day when half the village are present.’
Geoffrey racked his brains. Had he seen Belinda this afternoon? If she was here, rumours about his mysterious visitor would be all round Heaven’s Cove by the day’s end.
‘I know that arriving when we did wasn’t ideal and I apologise for that too.’ Audrey started fiddling with the buttons on the cuff of her sleeve. ‘Charlie and I arrived in Heaven’s Cove at lunchtime and are staying overnight at Driftwood House, up on the cliff. Rosie, the owner – you probably know her: a lovely woman, heavily pregnant – mentioned that she was coming here to the fete, not knowing my link to you and the manor.
‘I didn’t tell her anything about us, of course, but after she left, I couldn’t wait any longer, knowing that you were so near. I was planning to try to see you this evening or tomorrow morning, but I persuaded Charlie to bring me here this afternoon instead.’
She raised her head and looked him directly in the eye. ‘I’m so sorry, Geoffrey. This must all be very hard for you to take in.’
Do you think? Geoffrey drained his whisky and motioned for Clara to get him another.
He rarely drank before his evening meal and certainly never had two whiskies in the afternoon, but normal rules didn’t apply today. That was obvious by the fact that his dead stepmother was sitting in front of him, telling him she was sorry.
After Clara had thrust another drink into his hands, River got to his feet. ‘Would you like us to leave you both alone?’
Whisky slopped from Geoffrey’s glass when he shook his head. He was devastated that River and Clara had kept such a huge secret from him, but the two of them provided a familiarity that was anchoring amidst the upset of the afternoon.
Audrey leaned forward. ‘Please may I tell you what happened that September night?’ When Geoffrey nodded, she continued. ‘I didn’t want to leave you behind, Geoffrey. You were so dear to me. But I needed to get away from your father and I knew that he would never let me go.
‘Did you realise that he was having me watched and he forbade me from leaving the estate on my own? He even stopped me talking to the staff in the house, people like Violet, Clara’s grandmother.’
Geoffrey swallowed. ‘My father was a possessive man but no, I didn’t realise that he was doing that.’
‘Why did you think I’d left?’
‘I wasn’t sure.’ He paused, unsure if he should say out loud what he’d always believed. But he was beyond keeping secrets. ‘I thought we weren’t enough for you. That I wasn’t enough for you.’
‘Oh, Geoffrey.’ Audrey reached out and took hold of his hands. ‘You were the reason I stayed for as long as I did. But everything came to a head after the ball. Your father became irrationally jealous about another man I’d danced with and he became—’ She stopped speaking.
‘He became what?’
He didn’t want to know. Not for sure. But he had to hear it from her lips.
Audrey sat up straighter. ‘He became seriously violent and threatening towards me and that was when I knew that I had to leave.’
‘He wasn’t a violent man,’ said Geoffrey, feeling that he, as Edwin’s son, should protect his father’s reputation.
Audrey’s smile was sad and sympathetic. ‘Not towards you, and I was always grateful for that. But he was abusive towards me many times. And I know he was your father but that’s the truth of why I left. You don’t have to believe it.’
Geoffrey thought of his father and realised that he could believe it. Edwin had never laid a hand on his son, but there was a simmering fury beneath the surface that had seen off many of his business rivals and silenced him as a child.
It was a source of great disappointment to Edwin that his son did not have the same talent for business dealings as him. But at least, thought Geoffrey, he had a more equitable temper and didn’t have Edwin’s repressed rage. He had made sure of that by smothering all of his emotions.
‘You could have taken me with you,’ he told Audrey quietly.
His stepmother’s eyes glistened with tears. ‘I thought about it. I truly did. But your father had parental rights to you which I didn’t. And anyway, how could I take you away from everything you had here? My escape was dangerous and I wasn’t sure where I was going. I planned to wait until I was settled somewhere and then write to you, to let you know that I was all right. But then…’
She looked out of the window, across the gardens and the trees to the sea which sparkled under a blue sky.
‘But then people thought you were dead and it was easier to keep it that way,’ said Geoffrey dully.
Audrey nodded. ‘I realised that Edwin would never come looking for me if he thought I’d drowned that night.’
‘But I saw you,’ said Geoffrey plaintively, now more nine years old than seventy-six. ‘Did you know that I saw you walking into the water?’
‘No, not at the time. I wasn’t sure if Edwin assumed I’d walked into the sea or if someone had seen me doing so. But I never thought for one minute that it would be you. I timed my escape so that you and your father would be eating in the dining room, on the other side of the house.’
‘I wasn’t well and wasn’t hungry.’
‘I know that now. Your son and Clara told me. I’m so sorry, Geoffrey. I’ve thought of you constantly over the years and have often longed to be in touch.’
‘You could have contacted me after my father died.’
Geoffrey’s voice still sounded plaintive, pleading even, but he didn’t care.
‘Perhaps I should have, but you were an adult by then and I thought you were better off without me. I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to know me. And I was afraid because…’ – she stopped and swallowed – ‘I was afraid because I’m a thief.’
Geoffrey stared at her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘When I left, I took something with me, to fund my new life. I figured I was owed it because I would never have a proper divorce settlement. But then I realised that what I’d done could be viewed as theft.’
‘What did you take?’ Geoffrey asked, although he knew.
Audrey pushed her hand into the navy handbag still slung over her shoulder.
‘This,’ she said, thrusting out her hand. A muddle of gold and glinting diamonds nestled in the palm of her hand.
There was an audible gasp from the corner of the room and Clara stepped forward, out of the shadows.
‘Is that the necklace that you told me fell off into the sea?’
‘Yes. I’m sorry that I lied to you, Clara. But it was just one of many lies I’ve told over the decades as I became a different person to escape my past. At first I was frightened to sell the diamonds, in case they led Edwin to me, and then I felt too guilty to let them go because they weren’t truly mine to part with.’
She turned back to Geoffrey, whose eyes hadn’t left the sparkling jewels. ‘Here,’ she said, thrusting them into his hand. ‘They’re yours. They’ve always been yours.’
Geoffrey brushed his fingers across the diamonds that glinted like ice. The necklace was heavy in his palm.
‘I’ve said what I came here to say and have done what I needed to do,’ said Audrey, slowly pushing herself to her feet. ‘But I have one final thing to ask. Have you had a good life, Geoffrey?’
The question took him by surprise and he paused. How could he sum up his whole life? Audrey waited, her eyes pleading with him to say yes.
Geoffrey nodded. ‘I have. My father was distant but he provided well for me. I married late and had River but my wife and I divorced. She was much younger than me.’
He could see it clearly now: he’d been following in his father’s footsteps. Young woman, older man. And although he’d never laid a finger on his wife in anger or prevented her from living her own life, he’d been cold, just as his father had been.
If only he could step through time and change the kind of man he was back then. Perhaps he wouldn’t be the kind of man he was now.
‘Anyway.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Since then, I’ve lived a comfortable life here at Brellasham Manor. Though I’ll soon be leaving.’
‘So I heard,’ said Audrey, leaning on her walking stick. ‘Which was another reason for seeing you and returning the necklace. I gave you nothing useful as a child, Geoffrey, but perhaps the diamonds will be useful now. Goodbye, my boy. Please take care of yourself.’
She turned and began walking slowly towards the door.
‘Will I see you again?’ Geoffrey asked.
She turned back and smiled. ‘I do hope so, but that’s entirely your decision to make.’
River and Clara went out into the hall with Audrey and the door banged shut behind them. Geoffrey was alone. He stared out of the window, hardly registering the children running towards the cove who were trampling over his prized petunias.
There was so much for him to process. So many assumptions to rewrite in his head. But all he could think about was Audrey being wrong when she’d said that she’d given him nothing as a child. In fact she’d given him so much that was precious: comfort, support and love. Which was why her disappearance had hurt so much. But he could understand why she’d had to flee.
Geoffrey looked down at the diamonds nestling in his palm. Today had focused on the past. But tomorrow, knowing what he knew now, perhaps he could focus on the future.