37. Clara
37
Geoffrey was going to sell the fabulous lost diamonds that Audrey had dropped into his palm yesterday afternoon. Clara could hardly believe her ears. She’d assumed that the necklace would go into a safe somewhere and never be seen again. But she hadn’t banked on Geoffrey’s practicality and lack of sentimentality.
‘How much do you think they’re worth?’ she asked, dipping her toes into the stream that cut through the manor grounds.
River had suggested they come here, and now the two of them were sitting on its banks, hidden from the manor by willow trees whose branches trailed in the fast-flowing water.
‘We’re not sure yet. I’m arranging to have them properly valued.’
‘The necklace is stunning and if the story of Queen Victoria giving it as a gift to the Brellashams is true, it could be worth a small fortune.’
‘I suspect the necklace will fetch a fair bit – enough for my father to get repairs done and live on at the manor for another couple of years or so. Sadly, it’s not a long-term answer to his dilemma.’
‘Maybe not, but your dad will love having more time here, and we’ll have more time to come up with a better option than selling this place.’
‘If there is one.’
‘Yeah, if there is one,’ Clara agreed, picturing the joy on her mother’s face when she was told that her home and job were safe for a while longer, thanks to the diamonds.
River swished his feet in the cool, clear stream and winced when water splashed up Clara’s leg. ‘Sorry.’
Clara laughed. ‘You’re forgiven. What did your dad say about Audrey? I felt so sorry for him, being taken by surprise like that. He must have felt as if he’d stepped into some alternate universe.’
‘I was worried he was about to keel over when she walked towards him across the ballroom, like a ghost.’
‘Me too. I thought he took it remarkably well, considering. Has he forgiven us for keeping Audrey’s miraculous resurrection a secret?’
‘I think so. Maybe we should have told him about her from the start, but we’d promised Audrey.’
‘We were in a very difficult position,’ Clara agreed, ‘and we weren’t to know that she’d turn up out of the blue like that.’ She batted away a fly that was buzzing round her face. Clouds had covered the sun and the weather had turned hot and muggy. ‘Do you think your dad will see her again?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe, once he’s got over the shock of it.’
Clara turned her face to River. ‘I hope he will. It must have taken a lot of courage for Audrey to step inside the manor again, after all that went on in the house and the memories it must hold for her.’
‘Mmm,’ said River, sounding distracted. He swished his feet back and forth in the stream.
‘What is it?’ Clara asked. ‘It sounds as though things are going pretty well, in the circumstances.’
Once, she would have nudged her arm against his, in a show of friendly solidarity, but today she kept her distance.
Years ago, they’d shared their first and only kiss in this very place. That had been quite a moment. The kiss was fumbling and awkward and lovely – and Clara had wondered at the time if she might actually be in proper love with him. However, she’d decided that she was mistaken and, actually, she hated him after he’d left Heaven’s Cove and cut off all contact – adolescent feelings being so black and white.
Time plus maturity meant that hatred had faded to indifference by the time River returned but now…The closer River got to going back to Australia, the more she wanted him to stay.
But soon he would be gone again and she had to protect her heart – especially in this special place that held so much meaning for her. River had obviously forgotten the kiss completely or he’d never have brought her back here.
River cleared his throat. ‘My father told me this morning that he loved me. Well, not exactly,’ he added, seeing Clara’s jaw drop. ‘I’ve always thought he was disappointed in me, but he said that wasn’t true and he was only disappointed in himself for not being a good parent.’
‘Wow.’ Clara sat quietly for a moment, letting the enormity of Geoffrey’s words sink in. ‘It sounds like your dad is finally getting in touch with his feelings.’
‘Maybe.’ River gave a wry grin. ‘Better late than never, I suppose.’
‘Definitely.’
It was sad that it was so late. Clara knew how much it would have boosted River’s confidence as a teenager to hear those words from his father. But at least what he needed to hear had finally been said.
‘He also said that he wouldn’t rather have Bartie as his son and heir than me.’
‘Of course he wouldn’t.’ Clara looked into River’s eyes. ‘Is that what you think? That your dad prefers Bartie to you?’
‘It’s what I’ve always thought.’
‘Yet you never told me. I thought you told me everything, but you never told me that.’
River held her gaze. ‘I knew how much you liked Bartie, even back when we were kids. He was bold and brash and exciting, and I suppose I was afraid that if I said he’d make a better son and heir than me, you’d agree.’
‘I would never have agreed with that.’
‘I should have trusted you and confided how I was feeling.’ He thought for a moment and then, staring at the water tumbling past, asked: ‘Are you terribly upset about Bartie?’
‘What, that bold, brash, exciting Bartie turned out to be a bit of a rat? I’m glad that I know the truth about him.’
‘I am sorry he upset you, though.’
Clara felt a rush of warmth towards the kind, gentle man sitting beside her. ‘You are, aren’t you? Even though I completely ignored your warning about him and let myself be taken in.’
‘My father was taken in too, for a while.’
‘But you never were. Not really.’
‘Only because I was screamingly jealous of him when we were kids and it rather coloured my view of him.’ River wrinkled his nose.
‘You really didn’t need to be jealous.’ This time, Clara allowed her arm to nudge against his.
‘Of course I did,’ snorted River. ‘I was a geek at fifteen, with spots and an inferiority complex, and he was this eighteen-year-old Greek god.’
‘Granted, you were a bit geeky at fifteen. But I wasn’t exactly a stunning extrovert. Do you remember my terrible plaits and how I used to blush all the time? But we’ve both grown up and improved. Well, I hope I’ve improved, apart from the blushing, that is. You’ve turned into this bronzed Australian Adonis who threatens to fight dragons to protect damsels in distress.’
She grinned, but this time River didn’t smile back. He swallowed, his breathing ragged.
‘You’ve grown into a beautiful, brilliant, feisty woman. But I always thought you were perfect, Clo.’
As he leaned towards her, Clara’s eyes opened wide. Was he going to kiss her? She realised that she really hoped so. She wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around her, and yet…
When she moved her head away, River immediately drew back.
‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I thought…’ He rubbed a hand across his face.
‘You thought what? That we’d have a kiss and then you’d fly off to Australia and I’d never hear from you again?’
Clara pushed herself to her feet, slipped her wet feet into her sandals and wiped grass from the backs of her thighs. Her heart was hammering as she started walking away. How had she let this happen again?
‘Hey, Clara!’ River moved past and stood in front of her. ‘Stop.’
‘No.’
Clara went around him but he walked past her and blocked the path again.
‘Please stop and talk to me. This isn’t about what happened here sixteen years ago. We can both move on from that.’
So he did remember their first kiss. Clara took a shuddering breath. ‘Can we move on? You kissed me and left for Australia the next day, and that was that. All I got was a postcard that said: Probably best not to keep in touch now I’ve moved on. I really hope you have a good life. R.’
‘Oh God.’ River closed his eyes briefly. ‘Did I really send you such an idiotic, thoughtless goodbye?’
‘Yes, you did.’
‘It was so bad, you memorised it.’
‘It’s not the kind of message you’re likely to forget,’ said Clara, wanting to cry.
She still remembered her excitement when the Sydney postcard plopped onto the doormat of their cottage. He’d written, at last! Followed by a searing sense of loss, disappointment and grief as she’d read his words.
River ran a hand across his jaw. ‘I really was an arse back then, wasn’t I?’
Clara nodded, staring at her feet rather than look him in the eye.
‘You kissed me and then left for the other side of the world, and you cut off all contact. How do you think that made me feel?’
‘Horrible?’
‘Yes, really horrible.’ She lifted her head and glared at him. ‘For ages I thought the kiss was so bad, so wrong, you didn’t want anything more to do with me. I didn’t kiss anyone else for ages. I had a total complex about it.’
River ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. ‘But you didn’t come to say goodbye the next morning when Mum was dragging me off to Australia. I thought you were furious with me for kissing you.’
‘I didn’t know you were leaving.’
‘I sent you a text when my mum told me what she’d planned and said we’d be going at eight o’clock, but you weren’t there.’
‘I didn’t receive any text. This place was like a black hole back then for a phone signal. The first I knew about you leaving was when my mum told me that you and your mum had gone for good.’
River’s shoulders slumped. ‘The truth is, our first kiss was amazing, Clo. It was everything I’d dreamed of. But when you didn’t bother coming to say goodbye, I thought you didn’t really want me. You’d never really wanted me because it was Bartie you were keen on.’
‘I thought Bartie was cool but I wouldn’t have kissed you if it was him I really wanted,’ said Clara crossly, although she wasn’t cross with River.
She was cross with stupid patchy phone signals and hasty assumptions that had pushed the two of them apart. She was filled with sadness about the time they’d lost.
River shook his head. ‘I assumed you only went along with the kiss because you felt sorry for me, because you knew what life was like for me at home. The parental arguments. My dad being distant. I told you almost everything, except how I really felt about you.’
‘You assumed a lot,’ said Clara as River’s final words hit home: how I really felt about you.
‘I was so far away,’ River continued, ‘and I wanted you to be happy, so I was clearing a path for you to be with Bartie, as I saw it.’ He shrugged. ‘Though it wasn’t all about me being self-sacrificing. The truth was I was heartbroken to be thousands of miles from you and I thought a clean break was the only way to stay sane. Why torture myself by staying in contact and hearing all about your boyfriends, when I felt I was never going to see you again?’
‘Boyfriends, now, is it? Not just Bartie?’
‘Of course, boyfriends plural. You were amazing, Clo. You are amazing, and I knew that any man would be honoured to be your boyfriend.’
‘You’d be surprised,’ murmured Clara, still trying to take in what River was saying as he stood, barefoot, his hair lit by sunlight dappling through the trees. He was still the boy she’d loved, and now he was the man who made her heart beat faster whenever she saw him.
‘Anyway, that postcard I sent was completely out of order and I totally understand why me trying to kiss you just now freaked you out. I mean, in many ways we’re strangers, and I live a long way away and?—’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, shut up!’ said Clara, flinging her arms around his neck. ‘If you’re not going to be an arse about it this time, just kiss me, will you?’
River looked down at her, the surprise on his face quickly replaced with amusement.
‘Well, seeing as you asked me so nicely.’
His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her closer to him. And then he bent his head and kissed her, and this time it wasn’t tentative or awkward. It was passionate and practised and loving. This kiss was just right.