Chapter 3 #5
‘That’s what I love about you, Kate,’ Brian said through fits of mirth, ‘you’re so basic. I’m here pouring my heart out, and you’re talking about pizza!’
Kate smiled weakly. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I don’t share pizzas. I’m a big girl, and I can handle a twelve-inch all on my own. How do you think I came to be a big girl?’
‘You’re not such a big girl any more.’
‘I was beginning to think you hadn’t noticed.’ She had felt a bit irked that everyone else was telling her how fantastic she looked but Brian had remained silent.
‘Of course I did,’ he said. ‘You look great. But to me you always did.’
Kate felt chastened. In fairness, Brian had loved her when she was fat and had made her feel beautiful and desirable. He had never once suggested she ought to lose weight.
‘Why didn’t you say something before,’ he asked, ‘about the pizza thing?’
‘I didn’t want to scare you off,’ Kate said meekly. She had misjudged him.
‘So if I agree to separate pizzas, do you think we should get married?’
‘What?’ Kate asked, confused now. ‘What are you talking about?’ If this was a joke, it wasn’t very funny.
‘Well, I suggested we get married, and when I asked how you felt about it you said you’d have to have your own pizza.
So I take it that’s the only bar to our union, as you see it.
Maybe we could draw up a pre-nup,’ he joked, ‘though I doubt there’s a standard clause guaranteeing the woman her own pizza. ’
‘You suggested we get married?’ Kate felt as if she had strayed into the twilight zone.
‘Didn’t you hear anything I said?’ Brian was regarding her as though he feared for her sanity.
‘Sorry.’ Kate shook her head. ‘I was in a bit of a daze. Tell me what you said. I promise I’m listening this time.’
‘Well, I said that I’m ready to make a commitment, and as you’re the person I care about most, I want to commit to you.’
‘Oh!’ Kate regretted asking him to repeat himself – she had imagined something much more romantic.
He made it sound like she was this week’s lucky winner in some sort of lottery.
She appreciated that Brian was quite a cerebral person and tried to cultivate detachment, but sometimes he could be so lukewarm.
‘You’re the person I want to share my life with,’ he continued. ‘I was hoping you felt the same way.’
Hardly an impassioned declaration of undying love, Kate thought. Nevertheless, Brian wanted to get married and he had been the one to suggest it. She hadn’t even had to issue her ultimatum.
‘Oh, I do,’ she assured him, smiling now. ‘I really do. It’s exactly what I want.’
‘Good.’
‘You really want to get married?’ Kate checked.
‘Yes, I really do.’
In fact, Brian had only come to this conclusion the previous night when he had gone to meet Kate at the wedding.
It was true he had missed her while she was away and he had decided he wanted to make some sort of commitment to her, but he had been thinking more along the lines of moving in together.
However, seeing Kate in her own milieu, he had realised she was quite a conventional person at heart and had come to the conclusion that only marriage would do.
He’d have to go the whole hog if he didn’t want to lose her.
Last night, for the first time, he had felt unsure of her, and it had given him a jolt.
Everyone was knocked out by how much weight she had lost and how fantastic she was looking.
If he was honest, he had liked Kate being overweight.
Paradoxically, it seemed that the bigger a woman was, the less people noticed her, and he had never had to feel jealous with Kate.
But he had been aware of the admiring glances and flirtatious smiles she had been getting last night and he had begun to feel quite proprietorial.
But what had really shaken him was the way her face had lit up like a Christmas tree when she had first looked at him. Her eyes had sparkled and she had positively glowed – which would have been great, he thought huffily, if it hadn’t been that she’d expected to see someone else.
‘Oh, it’s you!’ she had said, smiling at him sleepily, surprise evident in her voice.
It wasn’t that she had seemed disappointed when she’d realised it was him, just that she’d looked like that because she’d thought he was someone else – and that someone else was bloody Will Sargent.
To make matters worse, he had discovered tonight that Will had come into her life in rather romantic circumstances when she was at an impressionable age.
He was a good-looking guy, and it was almost inevitable that Kate would have had a crush on him at some stage.
And then she had become almost tearful when he had suggested Will might still be suffering from the effects of his disrupted childhood.
Bastard, Brian thought, feeling uncharacteristically jealous.
He loved the fact that Kate was such a soft-hearted, affectionate person – but he wanted all that affection focused on himself.
He had had several flings while they had been together, and a few more while she was away (last night counted as one of those, he told himself, because their relationship was only officially back on tonight), but most of the girls he had been with were so hard and selfish, so oblivious to his needs.
Kate could give him all the love he required.
He also felt she’d be the perfect partner in the retreat centre he planned to open.
She’d make a great cook and house-mother.
‘So… we’re engaged, then?’ Kate asked incredulously.
‘Well, it doesn’t have to be a formal engagement, does it?’
In other words, no ring, Kate thought glumly. Still, she was getting what she wanted, she reminded herself. She mustn’t be greedy. ‘No, of course not,’ she said brightly.
‘There’s no reason why a simple decision to make a commitment to each other has to turn into a circus, is there?’
‘When are we going to do it?’ Kate asked excitedly.
‘There’s no rush, is there?’ Now that it was settled, Brian was beginning to feel there was no need for the wedding. He didn’t want to marry Kate so much as to secure her. ‘You wouldn’t want a big bash like your sister’s, would you?’
‘God, no!’ Kate was genuinely with him on that one. ‘But nothing too outlandish either,’ she added hastily, suddenly envisaging them being married by a druid or new-age shaman in a fairy fort.
‘No, your family would never approve.’ Brian laughed.
Cripes, the family! In her excitement, Kate had forgotten she’d have to tell them – and they wouldn’t exactly be overjoyed at the prospect of Brian as an in-law. ‘The thing is, once I tell my family it’ll be hard to rein them in and stop them taking over.’
‘Well, I’m pretty busy all summer. Why don’t we keep it to ourselves for the moment and spring it on them nearer the time?’ Brian was feeling claustrophobic now with all this talk of weddings. He needed breathing space.
‘Good idea,’ Kate agreed. She was relieved at not having to break the news to her family straight away. They’d have time to get to know Brian better and warm to him.
‘Well, we should celebrate, shouldn’t we? They don’t do champagne here, but we could have another pizza – start as we mean to go on.’
Kate grinned. ‘I’ll have pepperoni on mine.’