Chapter 8 #4
‘Wait! You can’t put it straight in – we need to grind it up first.’ She lifted the lid of the food processor.
‘How much do you think we need?’ Owen asked, tipping in a generous quantity of the buds.
‘I don’t know. They don’t teach you hash cake in cooking school.’
‘Hmmm. I don’t suppose Delia has a recipe for it either. Still, you seem to know what you’re doing.’
‘Not really. I’ve only made hash cakes once in my life, and I had a recipe.’
Kate had ground the buds to fine powder, which she blended now into some melted butter. They both gazed into the pan dubiously, wondering about the amount. Kate knew the principles of hash cooking, but had no idea of the required quantity.
‘Stir it in and we’ll see how it looks,’ Owen instructed. He stood beside her as she did so, watching the process carefully.
‘Maybe we should do a bit more, just to be on the safe side,’ he said, tipping another large amount into the food processor.
When all the cannabis had dissolved into the butter, she folded the mixture into the chocolate. There probably wasn’t much chance of the cake rising now, she thought, as she poured the batter into a tin and put it into the oven – but it would be jolly nice anyway.
‘How long will it take?’ Owen asked, rubbing his hands eagerly.
‘About forty-five minutes.’
‘Can’t wait.’
* * *
That evening, Phoenix, Georgie, Owen and Rory rallied around Kate.
They insisted on going ahead with Will’s party in his absence.
Owen and Georgie blew up the balloons and decorated the table, and they all went out of their way to entertain her.
Phoenix was more talkative than she’d ever known him, making her laugh with wildly indiscreet stories about famous fellow musicians and backstage shenanigans.
Everyone was so kind and solicitous that Kate suspected Owen had told them how cut up she had been about Will not turning up for dinner.
By now they probably knew about her crush on their manager, but suddenly she found she didn’t mind.
They were so lovely and sympathetic, making it clear they were on her side and enthusing extravagantly about the food. Even Georgie had second helpings.
‘Poor Will,’ Rory said. ‘He doesn’t know what he’s missing.’ The way he smiled at her made her think he didn’t just mean the food.
‘Yeah,’ Owen said. ‘Right now he’s probably watching Tina tucking into a salad leaf that cost twenty euro.’
‘I bet he wishes he was with us,’ Georgie said. ‘Tina’s such a pain in the arse.’
‘She used to be all right,’ Phoenix said, ‘but she’s changed.’
‘Too much blow, that’s her problem,’ Owen said. ‘And we all know how Will feels about that.’
Everyone enjoyed Will’s birthday dinner, but the hash cake was the hit of the evening. Kate pushed all the candles into it and lit them, almost setting fire to her hair twice. The top of the cake was covered with them and more stuck out at jaunty angles from the sides.
‘Jaysus!’ Owen exclaimed, when Kate produced it. ‘How the fuck old is Will?’
‘I just thought I might as well use all the candles.’
‘We could just sit back and inhale the cake.’ Phoenix laughed. They sang a drunken chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ to the absent Will, and all joined in blowing out the candles.
‘Dynamite cake, Kate,’ Phoenix said, taking a huge bite.
‘Well, I can’t take all the credit – Owen helped.’
‘Wow! It tastes pretty strong,’ Rory said, through a mouthful.
Owen fed cake to Kate, breaking pieces off and pushing them into her mouth, his fingers lingering on her lips, gathering crumbs from around her mouth and licking them off.
God, he’s sexy, Kate thought.
‘Put her down, Owen,’ Rory said wearily.
After about an hour, the cake kicked in, which coincided with the evening’s episode of Celebrity Cell Block.
Never had it seemed so hilarious. They booed and hissed when Vanessa King appeared, throwing things at the screen, and screamed with laughter when Tessa turned up in the video-diary room, washed out and haggard after another night on lesbian alert, hissing that she was ready to go home and begging to be voted off the show.
At recreation, Vanessa entertained her fellow inmates by performing fellatio on a bottle of water, deliberately making a show of drinking the water at the end.
‘You swallow!’ a man exclaimed admiringly.
‘Always.’ She smiled seductively.
‘Does Tessa swallow?’ Owen asked Rory.
‘No. She doesn’t know how many calories there are in it.’
Owen laughed.
‘Or whether it counts as protein or carbs,’ Rory added.
It was eviction night. As usual, Tessa was up for ‘release’ and, as usual, she won a reprieve, to the obvious dismay of the presenter.
In fact, she didn’t stand a chance. Owen’s ‘texting for Tessa’ campaign had continued apace all week.
He had got everyone in on the act, and it sounded like a Clangers convention around the pool sometimes, everyone beeping away on their mobiles to keep Tessa incarcerated.
When the result was announced, she made a half-hearted effort at jumping for joy.
‘Poor Tessa,’ Rory said. But Kate had a sneaking suspicion that he had joined in the texting campaign. Or maybe he was just being a supportive boyfriend, trying to help her win, she thought, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
* * *
Will wasn’t enjoying his birthday. What’s the matter with me?
he thought, as he toyed with his langoustines.
Tina had taken him to a Michelin-starred restaurant, one of the most expensive in Florence.
The food was ambrosial, the atmosphere sublime, he was with the most stunning woman in the room, and she had booked a room for them later at one of Florence’s top hotels.
It was most men’s fantasy date. But all he wanted was to be back at the villa eating pizza in the living room with Kate and the others while they laughed themselves silly over Celebrity Cell Block.
He knew he was being an ungrateful sod. Tina was incredibly beautiful and desirable, every inch of her skin polished and luminous, her hair a lustrous curtain of silk.
But he couldn’t help wondering if it was for him or for the paparazzi who would be waiting outside to ambush them.
He wished Tina could take him out for his birthday without turning it into a photo opportunity.
Looking at her now across the table, he tried to remember why they had got together in the first place.
It hadn’t always been like this. There was sexual attraction, of course, but it wasn’t just that – they used to have fun.
He wondered what had happened to the cool girl who was happy to traipse around the world with him and the band, the party girl who would dance until dawn and DJ into the small hours.
He didn’t know when she had changed, but somewhere along the way the carefree, hedonistic rock chick he had known had been replaced by a shrewd, controlling businesswoman who believed her own publicity and took herself way too seriously.
He wondered when they had drifted so far apart and found himself not caring much about the answer. The fact was that they had.
Nowadays, he found her hard-headed, arrogant and aggressive.
Most of the time she simply irritated him – like now, he thought, as she raked her hand through her hair yet again with a jangle of bracelets in a gesture he knew was designed to draw attention to its glossy luxuriance as it tumbled around her shoulders.
She seemed to imagine the racket the bangles made was charming, but it set Will’s teeth on edge and he was fighting the urge to grab her arms and pin them to the table.
‘Is everything okay, Will?’ she asked, taking his hand across the table. ‘You’re very quiet.’
He felt like a heel. He wasn’t being fair to her.
She had surprised him by flying in for his birthday and brought him to this lovely place, and he was being sullen and churlish, acting like a spoilt brat.
He hated to admit it, but he had been annoyed when she’d called out of the blue to tell him that she was in Florence and was taking him out for his birthday.
He had been looking forward to spending the evening with Kate and the others.
Determined to cheer up, he smiled at her.
‘Yes, everything’s great. This place is terrific. And I think I’m in there.’ He nodded at their waiter, who had been flirting outrageously with him all evening. ‘It’s nice to know I can still pull.’
Tina just looked cross. ‘You should report him to the manager,’ she said indignantly. ‘He’s making you feel uncomfortable.’
‘No, he’s not. I was joking,’ Will said.
‘But it’s so rude!’ Tina fumed. ‘He can see you’re with me. It’s not what you expect in a place like this.’
Kate would have laughed, Will thought glumly.
* * *
Back at the villa, everyone had drifted out onto the terrace to sit around drinking and smoking over the remains of the dinner.
‘Is there any more food?’ Rory asked, scraping up the last of the dauphinoise potatoes. ‘I’m starving.’
Not satisfied with the hash cake, Owen and Georgie were sharing a gigantic spliff.
‘How do you think I’d look with dreadlocks?’ Owen mused, exhaling the aromatic smoke.
‘Shite,’ Rory told him.
‘I think you’d look lovely,’ Georgie giggled, passing the spliff back to him.
‘I’m thinking of becoming a Rastafarian.’
‘There’s more to it than growing dreadlocks,’ Phoenix said.
‘I know. There’s also the hat – but I’ve already got that. And smoking ganja,’ he added, in a Jamaican accent, waving his spliff in the air.
‘You can’t just get a hat and be a Rastafarian, you twat!’ Rory scoffed.
‘Why not?’ Owen asked. ‘Phoenix got a haircut and became a Buddhist.’
‘I’m not a Buddhist any more.’ Phoenix popped a cold mushroom into his mouth. ‘I didn’t like their position on sex.’
‘Which position was that, then? Missionary?’
‘Worse! Basically you’re not supposed to have any except to have kids.’
‘Christ! Where does that leave you if you’re shooting blanks?’