CHAPTER ELEVEN | Penn
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Penn
“Morning, sleepyhead.” I hear seconds before a hand slides across my middle.
I blink once, twice, my bedroom finally coming into focus.
“I didn’t think you were ever going to wake up,” Cat says moments before her lips touch my shoulder blade.
It takes a concerted effort not to pull away from the contact as regret floods through my chest. Cat has never stayed at my place before, and for a very specific reason, I don’t ever want to give her the impression that this is more serious than it is.
I don’t even really remember inviting her over. Then again, I had drunk a significant amount of whiskey, which probably explains why she’s still here. I passed out and she never left. Had I been sober, I would have shown her the door the instant I was done with her, as bad as that sounds.
“What time is it?” My throat feels like I gurgled with glass when I finally speak, the words scraping their way out painfully.
“Almost eight.”
“Eight?” I shoot up so quickly that my head spins and I damn near topple over the side of the bed. “Why didn’t you wake me earlier? You know I have to be at the docks at five.” I stand too quickly, swaying slightly to the left.
“I assumed if you wanted to get up, you would have set an alarm.”
“You need to go. I have to get to work.” I make a beeline toward the ensuite bathroom, ignoring her words of protest as I shut the door behind me, sealing myself inside.
Pressing my back to the door, I run my hands through my hair, groaning as my stomach twists, threatening to expel the whiskey that feels like it might have burnt a hole through my intestines.
I don’t know what compelled me to drink so much last night. I haven’t been that drunk since... Well, since London left. The thought fills me with so many mixed emotions, I can’t sort out what I’m actually feeling.
I’m angry; that much I know for sure. But I’m also conflicted, confused, hurt, irritated... Jealous, the little voice in the back of my head chimes in.
Visions of Travis and London together flash through my memory. The smile on her face. The way he was looking at her. How her entire expression fell the instant she saw me, like I was the last person she wanted to see.
I remember a time when her entire face would light up at the sight of me. When she would run to me, throw herself into my arms, and kiss me like I was the sun after she had spent too many days shrouded in darkness.
I used to be her whole world and now I’ve been reduced to nothing but the asshole she can barely stand to look at.
“Penn, you okay?” Cat knocks on the door.
“I’m fine. You can head out. I have to get to work.”
“I could make you something to eat.”
“I’m good,” I clip.
Deep breath in, deep breath out, I work to calm my irrational anger toward someone who honestly does not deserve it. Okay, so maybe she kind of deserves it, but am I really the kind of man to treat a woman poorly simply because I can’t get my head on straight?
But isn’t that exactly what you’re doing to London?
I block out that small voice, the one that’s determined to call me out even when I refuse to acknowledge that I’ve done anything wrong.
I’m the good guy here.
The innocent one.
The one trying to make my way through a less-than-desirable situation.
Only, I know that’s not true. And I don’t need some little voice in the back of my head telling me what I already know, because I already know it.
I know that I’m an asshole.
I know that I’ve taken my heartbreak and let it fester.
I know that I’m hiding behind my anger.
Because if I let that go, if I let go of that anger, then all I’m left with is the hurt.
“Okay, well, call me later?” Cat hesitates on the other side of the door.
I want to scream at her to leave. That I don’t want her here. That I don’t even like her. That I’ve been using her from the very beginning. But I say none of those things.
“Yep. Will do,” I respond through gritted teeth.
“Okay, see you later, Penn.”
“Yep. Later.”
“I love you.”
Shit...
I don’t say a word.
Instead, I quickly lurch toward the shower and turn it on, hoping that she’ll deduce that I didn’t hear her over the water.
I don’t know why she would say that to me. I’ve not given her any indication that I feel anything real for her. I rack my brain for something, anything that I might have said last night that would warrant her to say those three words to me.
And then it hits me.
Last night. Just before I passed out. I was picturing London, daydreaming that she was the one lying next to me. And I said it. I said I love you. In my drunken state, I just said it, only I didn’t mean it for Cat.
Shit...
Feeling suddenly so dirty I want to peel out of my own skin, I shuck my boxers and jump into the too hot shower.
I spend the next ten minutes practically scrubbing myself raw.
Whether to cleanse myself of my mistake, or to punish myself for it, I’m not sure.
All I know is that when I finally exit the shower, my skin is so red and tender that I feel like I’ve been dipped in acid.
This is all London’s fault. As if her returning wasn’t bad enough, she had the gall to show up at my company to work.
In just a short amount of time, she’s wormed her way into my brother’s good graces.
She’s got most of the guys who work for me eating out of the palm of her hand.
And now, apparently, she’s hanging out with Travis Baker of all people.
Don’t get me wrong, Trav is a good guy and all, but when it comes to women, he’s not exactly what I would call boyfriend material. If him bragging about his conquests to anyone who will listen is any indication, he’s only after one thing and I’ll be damned if I let that happen.
“What are you going to do about it?” I ask my reflection in the mirror as I squirt toothpaste on my toothbrush.
What am I going to do about it?
What can I do about it?
London is a big girl. She can take care of herself.
Besides, maybe a good dose of reality is exactly what she needs.
Even as I think it, I can’t let go of the irrational possessiveness I feel over her. Maybe because deep down I refuse to believe that London will ever be anything but mine. Even if she’s the furthest thing from mine a person can be.
I didn’t think I could be any more messed up over this situation than I already was, but once again, London Voss has proven me wrong. At this point, I’m pretty convinced that woman will be the death of me.
She already killed me once. Tore my heart out and crushed it in her unforgiving hands. What’s the worst she could do to me now?
Though even as I think the question, I already know the answer.
A hell of a lot worse, if the way I’m feeling right now is any indication...
“DON’T YOU LOOK LIKE death.” Alec greets me with his normal pleasantries.
“Doesn’t compare in the least to how I feel.” It seems impossible, but somehow, instead of getting better, my hangover seems to be getting worse, almost as if my body is revolting against me to remind me that this is why I never drink to excess.
“I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you had a little too much to drink last night.” He smirks, clearly enjoying my obvious misery.
“That’s putting it mildly,” I grumble, crossing the deck of his ship. A ship that is weirdly empty, now that I think about it. “Where is everyone?”
“I don’t think you want to know.” He gives me an apologetic look.
“Oh, I think I do,” I disagree.
“You were late today.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know.”
“You didn’t stop by the office?”
“Trying to avoid it at the moment, if you must know.”
“Well, had you been on time, you would have noticed a certain someone who was here a full hour early. And had you stopped by the office, you would have noticed the spread of donuts that someone brought for everyone.”
“She didn’t?”
“Oh, she did. She brought so many, I’m fairly certain she spent a week’s wages on them. And get this, she told everyone that you bought them as a thank you for all their hard work.”
“Why the hell would she do that?”
“Beats the shit out of me.”
“Aren’t you two besties or something?” I can’t keep the disdain from my voice.
“Besties?” He barks out a laugh. “What are we, teenage girls?”
“Shut the hell up. You know what I mean.”
“We’re friends, yes. But I didn’t ask why she did it. Who knows why women do what they do?” He shrugs. “I will say this, though, they were some good donuts. Did you know they opened a donut shop on the corner of Main and Vine?”
“She bought donuts from Brew and Glaze?” I blow out a frustrated breath.
“That’s it. Brew and Glaze. Best donuts I’ve ever had.”
“They also cost like forty bucks a dozen. How many did you say she bought again?”
“A lot.”
“What the hell is she playing at?” I wonder aloud. It’s not that she bought donuts for everyone, it’s that she did so and then said they were from me.
“No idea. Perhaps you should go up there and find out. But do me a favor and make sure my crew is clear of the building before you detonate.”
“I’m not a bomb, Alec.”
“Tell that to anyone who stands too close to you when you’re pissed.” He snorts out a laugh.
“I’m not pissed.”
“Sure you’re not. You just look like steam is about to come out of your ears for no reason.”
“I’m going to walk away now before you really do piss me off, brother.”
“Too late, brother.” I can feel him grinning behind my back as I turn to walk away.
This has to have something to do with me threatening to fire her for being late.
Why else would she show up an hour early and start handing out a small fortune in donuts to my crew, let alone say they were from me.
Unless, of course, she’s trying to get into my good graces.
Though I can’t see why she’d put in the effort after everything.
Unless she’s just being a smartass, though the London I knew didn’t have a vindictive bone in her body. Though I think it’s time I finally accept that the London I knew is long gone.